Chapter Seven
I dreaded Monday morning. I didn’t want to run into Jason at school. Chloe luckily had use of the family car that day, so she gave me a ride since my car was still getting fixed. It was therapeutic to tell her everything that had happened on the drive to school. She was appalled and sympathetic in all the right places. Although she did question whether I really just wanted to be friends with Jason, but I assured her that was for the best.
Luckily, I didn’t see Jason at all during Monday, Or the next day. Or the one after that. Soon, my relief became confusion. Was he avoiding me? I told myself that if he was, it was a good thing.
I was soon distracted from the lack of Jason sightings that week by news of my college acceptances. I was happy to find out that I had been accepted into all the schools I had applied to, although I was still set on going to Darrenston College. My mom had urged me to consider all the schools, even the ones further away, but I told her that Darrenston had a really good English program, which I would be majoring in. Chloe had been accepted into Florida State, her dream school. I was excited for her but also sad that we would be so far apart. We promised each other we wouldn’t let the distance affect our friendship.
Friday couldn’t come soon enough, and I was happy when the last bell rang. Chloe had left early for a dentist appointment, and my car was still in the shop. I scanned the school parking left, hoping I would catch a glimpse of Tracy or Monica to give me a ride home, or else I would have to take the bus.
“Hi, Daphne.”
I was startled by how close the voice sounded to me, and I turned around quickly. I swallowed when I saw Jason standing in front of me. I teetered a bit as I backed away, because he was closer than I expected.
“Careful there,” he said, holding my arm steady. I didn’t mean to pull my arm away so fast, but I did it instinctively, almost feeling like his grip was burning into me. His eyes narrowed when I pulled away so suddenly.
“Thanks,” I said, trying to laugh it off. “I guess I’m a bit clumsy.”
“Hmm,” Jason said. I didn’t now what that hmm meant.
“How are you?” I said awkwardly. “TGIF, right?” I immediately felt like an idiot.
Jason cracked a smile. “Yep. TGIF.” He looked amused, but I was just relieved that he didn’t seem to be holding onto any resentment from our conversation this past Sunday. Maybe it had been just a coincidence that I hadn’t seen him all week, and he hadn’t been avoiding me.
“Want a ride home? Your car is still getting fixed, right?”
I wondered how he knew that, but it didn’t matter. The last thing I wanted was to get into a confined space with him. I desperately scanned the parking lot, hoping to see either Monica or Tracy.
Jason followed my line of sight. “Looking for an escape route?”
I laughed a little too loudly. “Of course not.” I didn’t want Jason to think I was trying to avoid him. We were supposed to be friends, right? “A ride would be great. Thanks.”
I followed Jason to his car, trying to quell the cartwheels in my stomach. I quickly reached out to open the passenger side door when I saw Jason’s arm extending out. Of course, he was just being polite trying to open the car door for me, but I didn’t want to give out any mixed signals.
Jason didn’t comment and walked over to the driver’s side. As we pulled out of the school parking lot, I wracked my brain for something to say.
“I can’t believe April is already halfway over,” I said lamely. I might as well have commented on the weather.
Jason nodded, although he didn’t say anything. We drove for a while in silence while I tried to think of another topic.
“Any college updates?” I asked.
“Yeah, I got into the University of Chicago, so I’ve decided to go there.”
“That’s amazing!” I said enthusiastically, genuinely happy for him. “U of Chicago is such a great school. I knew you would get in. Your parents must be so happy.”
Jason’s reaction to my gushing was subdued. “Yeah, they’re happy.” Jason glanced at me before continuing. “What about you?”
“I got into Darrenston College, so I’m going as planned. Looks like everything all worked out for everyone.”
Jason gave a short laugh. “Yeah, it all worked out.”
I didn’t want to dig deeper into what Jason meant by that comment, so I continued to chatter on.
“Chloe got into Florida State, which she’s super excited about. Her grandparents live down there, so it’ll be nice for her to be near family. I’ll miss her a lot with her being so far away, but I’m happy for her.”
Jason didn’t reply, so I let the conversation trail off. I looked out my window, willing us to get to my house faster. I felt uncomfortable and unsure with Jason. He didn’t seem angry. In fact, he seemed emotionless. And that wasn’t like him at all. I didn’t know what to say.
I almost sighed in audible relief when he pulled into my driveway. I grabbed the door handle, ready to thank him for the ride and run into my house, when Jason spoke.
“Will you go to prom with me?” Jason’s voice was quiet. “Just as friends. We’ll be graduating soon and going to colleges far apart.”
My heart twisted. I wanted to say yes. I had missed our rekindled friendship, as brief as it had been. But I had a feeling that going to prom together would complicate things, and bring feelings into play that should be kept dormant.
I turned back to him, true regret in my voice. “I’m sorry, Jason. I just don’t think it’ll be a good idea. We could hang out some other time.”
Jason sighed heavily. “Okay, I give up. I thought I would give it one last shot. You win.” His voice turned sharp. “We can go back to pretending like the other doesn't exist.”
“Jason, that's not what I meant,” I said, wishing he would understand. Although I wasn’t sure I understood myself. “It’s just…I mean, it’s been so much fun hanging out these past weeks, but our friendship was years ago, when we were little kids. That doesn’t mean anything today.”
I wasn’t sure what I was trying to say, but it certainly wasn’t what came out of my mouth. I didn’t mean to imply that our childhood friendship didn’t mean anything. It was the opposite. Jason’s friendship when we were young had meant so much to me, and made it possible for me to get through one of the hardest times of my life.
Jason’s mouth twisted bitterly. “I get it. You dropped me as a friend in middle school, and you’re trying to tell me that you want things to stay status quo.”
“I didn’t drop you as a friend,” I said incredulously. “We just grew apart.”
Jason’s eyebrows drew in sharply together. “We didn’t grow apart. ” Jason practically spat out the last two words. “You cut me out of your life. Every time I tried to spend time with you, you told me you were busy. You never answered my calls. I distinctly remember the last time we hung out together was at Albert’s Diner. My friends were coincidentally there at another table, and they came over to say hi. They tried to sit down with us, but I told them to shove it, and they went back to their table. You proceeded to tell me that I was a dumb jock, and you were tired of being around me and my dumb jock friends.”
I wrinkled my brow, trying to remember. I did remember getting upset with him, but it was because I had felt inferior. Jason may just remember his friends being at the diner, but I remembered the girls that had been with them. They were all perfectly groomed and looked way more grown up than sixth graders. I had felt like a little kid, and I couldn’t ignore the looks they kept shooting over at me and Jason, looking in disbelief that we were together.
Jason was right. My feelings of inferiority had made me lash out, and he was the easiest target. I remembered feeing angry that he was out of my league, even as a friend. And it had been easier to ignore him and our friendship than deal with my feelings of inadequacy.
But that was all so long ago. There was no point in rehashing it now.
“I’m sorry,” I said sincerely. “You’re right. I did push you away. I was feeling insecure and felt like you and I belonged in different crowds. I wish I had been more confident back than to be your friend. But it was so long ago. I can’t change the past, even though I wish I could.”
Jason rubbed his forehead, looking tired. “You’re right. It was long ago. I don’t know why I keep banging my head against a brick wall.” He turned to me, looking defeated. “I’m sorry for bothering you about prom. It won’t happen again.”
I nodded, not knowing what to say. Jason was staring straight ahead, and it seemed like our conversation was over. Not knowing what else to do, I thanked him for the ride and got out of his car.