Chapter Twenty-One
I had somehow managed to fall asleep in front of the TV. When I jolted awake, night had fallen and the only illumination in the room was from the TV screen. I felt bleary-eyed and turned off the TV. Despite having napped, I still felt exhausted and figured I would wash up and just go to bed. I picked up my phone next to me and saw the battery had died. I sighed and stood up to stretch. It didn’t matter that my phone was dead. There were few people who ever contacted me.
I was about to make my way upstairs when I heard a noise outside. I froze, sudden fear slicing through me. My mind immediately went to the notes I had received. Was whoever sent them here to make good with their threats?
My heart was in my throat as I crept towards the front door. I was planning on peeking through the peephole when I heard footsteps outside the door. All thoughts of trying to see who was there fled my mind, and I ran to the kitchen as quickly and quietly as possible. I heard blood rushing through my ears as I opened a drawer, fumbling to find my biggest kitchen knife. It was pitch dark in the kitchen, but I didn’t want to turn on the light to alert whoever was outside.
I grasped the handle of my kitchen knife and held it tightly, holding it out in front of me. The sudden sound of the doorbell made me catch my breath. I was confused. If the writer of the letters was here to harm me, would they ring the doorbell and announce their presence? I bit my lip, unsure of what my next move should be. I took the phone out of my pocket that I had shoved it in earlier, and cursed my dead battery. What was the point of a doorbell camera if I couldn’t even use it?
The doorbell rang again, accompanied by knocking. I was frozen in place, unsure of what to do, when I heard Jason’s voice through the door.
“Daphne. Are you in there?”
I wanted to collapse onto the floor in relief. I had let paranoia get the better of me from someone simply being at the front door. I quickly put away the knife and almost ran to the front door. I threw it open and the sight of Jason made relief flood through me. I felt safe in his presence and I had to resist the urge to fling myself at him.
“Jason,” I said breathlessly. “What are you doing here?”
Jason smile faded when he saw me. His expression turned concerned. “Are you okay? You look pale, like you’ve seen a ghost.”
“I’m okay,” I said, even though my pulse was still racing. “I’m just a little tired.”
Jason frowned. “Your phone was off when I tried to call you again. I was worried something had happened.”
“I’m sorry,” I replied. “My battery went dead.” I hesitated, and then stepped back. “Why don’t you come in?”
Jason wasted no time stepping inside, and I quickly turned on some lights since it was dark in the house. I turned around when we reached the living room, and then stumbled back a bit when I ran into Jason. I hadn’t expected him to be so close behind me. Jason immediately reached out, catching me with one arm before I fell back. The heat of his arm around me and the closeness of his face as he leaned towards me turned my insides to mush. I quickly straightened, breaking the circle of his arm, and took a step back.
“Sorry,” I said, laughing nervously. “Blame it on my clumsiness.”
Instead of laughing along with me, Jason studied my face for a few moments. His brow was furrowed and his expression was troubled.
“Daphne, what’s wrong?” he finally asked. He kept on talking before I could answer. “And don’t tell me nothing, or that you’re just tired. I know something’s wrong.”
I had to remember that Jason had known me most of my life, even if I hadn’t seen him for the past three years. It wasn’t easy hiding things from him when he knew me so well. But there was no way I was about to tell him about the letters I received, because that would inevitably lead to having to explain what the letters meant. And that was never going to happen.
I wracked my brain, trying to think of a believable excuse.
“I had a bad dream about—“ I stopped. I couldn’t bring myself to lie about dreaming about the death of my mother. I knew Jason would immediately believe me if I said that, but I felt shame for trying to use her death as an excuse. I lowered my head, fighting the tears welling up in my eyes.
Despite me not saying the words, Jason seemed to instantly understand what I was going to say. He reached down to cup my face, gently lifting my head up. The tears that were filling my eyes escaped, and streamed down my face. Jason’s roughened thumb was gentle as he stroked my cheek.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” Jason’s voice was soft and caressing. The care and tenderness in his voice and his gentle expression broke something inside me. I shook my head, causing more tears to flow down my face. If only Jason knew the truth. If only he knew what I had done, he wouldn't be so gentle with me. He would be disgusted.
Jason sighed softly and pulled me into his arms, holding me close. He rested his head on top of mine, caressing my back in reassuring strokes. I let him hold me, tears silently falling down my face. I couldn’t seem to stop them from coming, and soon the silent tears turned into muffled sobs. I cried into Jason’s shoulders, feeling years of guilt and shame and anguish release inside me. My mother. I missed my mother desperately. For so long, it had just been the two of us. And then I had been so happy for her when she had met Keith. Only for it to end in tragedy. I wanted my mother back. I wanted to see her in the kitchen in the mornings, smiling at me as she got ready for work and asking me what I had planned for the day. Now she was gone and I was a shut-in, afraid of the world. Afraid of myself and what I was capable of.
Sobs wracked my body, and I felt like I would never stop crying. I cried for everything that was and everything that could have been. But mostly, I cried for my mother.
It seemed like ages had passed when the sobs finally quieted. I became intensely aware of how close Jason had me cradled, his arms wrapped around me. I lifted my head and my breath caught at the expression on his face. It wasn’t the concern and sadness I saw in his face that troubled me. It was the clear love in his eyes that I couldn’t deny.
I tried to step back to put some space between us, but his gentle arms were also iron-clad, and he didn’t allow me to move.
I cleared my throat, getting ready to to tell him I was fine and he could release me, but before I could say anything, his soft lips settled on mine. My mind was telling me that this wasn’t a good idea, that it would just complicate things, but my body didn’t want to listen. Couldn’t listen. I melted against him, my head tipping up to deepen the kiss. Deep emotions rushed through me. I had missed him so much, had needed him so much. Life without Jason had been unbearable. It had felt like a part of me was physically missing. But now pure love filled my heart, a tenderness so aching it felt like it was going to burst.
My lips clung to his as his mouth gently caressed mine. This was more than a kiss of passion. It was a kiss of longing, of love long lost, of two souls that were incomplete without the other. I wrapped my arms around Jason’s neck, and he deepened the kiss, his tongue softly caressing mine.
My thoughts were lost in the heat of our kiss when he gently pulled away. My breathing was heavy as I looked up at him, surprised that he had broken the kiss. Jason leaned his forehead against mine, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply. After a few beats, his opened his eyes and straightened, looking into my eyes.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he said, his gaze warm and tender. He lifted his hand to brush back the hair from my face. “I don’t want to scare you with how I feel. I don’t want to put any pressure on you or have any expectations. Let me just be here for you. That’s all I ask.”
I wanted to cry from the sweetness of his words. How could Jason still have feelings for me after all this time? What had I done to deserve someone like him in my life? It hadn’t certainly been with good deeds. He could never know what I was capable of, what I had done. I didn’t think I could survive his look of love and concern turn into disgust and fear.
But I couldn’t deny how badly I wanted his presence in my life. Being in his arms, I felt like I could breathe again for the first time in three years. I couldn’t push him away.
“Having you back in my life has been more than I ever could have asked for,” I admitted. “It’s been a balm for my soul.” I paused before continuing. “But life has been…” I trailed off, searching for the right term. “…difficult for me the past few years. I know you want to help but it’s hard for me to talk about it.”
Jason cupped my face with his hands, his thumb lightly caressing my cheek. “I understand. Everything is on your timeline. No demands from me, I promise. All I ask is that you don’t push me away. I want to be in your life.” He shook his head, correcting himself. “No, I need you in my life. Everything is meaningless without you.”
He lowered his head, his mouth gently brushing against mine. “I need you, Daphne,” he whispered against my lips. “Please let me be here for you. Please let me in. I promise I’ll never leave you again.”
I wanted to sob at the sweetness of his words. I could never refuse Jason. I needed him, too. And I let him know by deepening the kiss, losing myself in the scent and touch of him.