Chapter 46
HANNAH
H annah was about to go after Ward, but still uncertain as to what was going on, and deeply confused by his reaction to it, she couldn’t help but stay where she was. Her attention was drawn to the heavyset guy in his late fifties heading up to stand beside Sumners, apparently the Panthers’ (and Ward’s) brand-new coach.
After some brief backslapping, and once the applause died down, Jefferson Prince took the microphone from Sumners and boomed, ‘Well, judging from the sound of that welcome, it’s good to know there’s still some real men left in the game.’ More rapturous applause.
Hannah grew uncomfortable at the sudden change of atmosphere; there was now an edge to it that was akin to a political rally.
She stood there, confused. Who was this guy?
‘Thank you, thank you,’ Prince continued, flashing a set of brilliant white teeth. ‘Glad to see that I’m among friends here. When Craig called me up about this job, he said that he remembered a time when being an athlete meant something, signified that you were different, possessed a talent others lacked, and people looked up to because they knew you were different. Faster. Stronger. Better .
‘Then, times changed – the world changed – and they said sport needed to change, too. Suddenly athletes were expected to be caring, compassionate and filled with marshmallow goodness and unicorn-sprinkled tenderness.’
More resounding laughter and applause, and Hannah felt a bit nauseous at the nasty undertone in the guy’s words.
‘Well, I don’t know about you, but I want to go back to the way things were, folks – back to when a man was a man and didn’t wear dresses, back to when nobody but nerds gave a damn about what a friggin’ pronoun was, back to the days when an athlete could live his life on his own terms off the field without having to worry about whether he was going to be “cancelled”.
‘Some of you might not know this, but I was Ward McKenzie’s first coach after he went pro, so I guess you could say I’m the man who turned him into the badass predator we all know and love. And now that power duo is reunited! No doubt about it, by the time I’m done, WildCat McKenzie will be back bigger and better than ever. Back on the ice with the Panthers where he belongs, and back in the world of real men.’
Hannah couldn’t find him in the lobby or anywhere else in the hotel, so she hurried outside and quickly spied Ward across the road pacing on the sidewalk by the park’s south entrance.
The streets were quiet and largely traffic-free at this time of night, so she hurried across with ease, approaching with some hesitation, deeply cognisant of this latest public humiliation.
And doubly annoyed that she (albeit on the instructions of his agent) had played a part in it by encouraging him to attend tonight in the first place, and thus helped set up his participation in that nasty reputational flogging. His instincts had been spot on all the same.
He’d worked so hard to turn himself around and rehabilitate his behaviour on the advice of a coach who understood that it was doing him no favours, only to be returned into the arms of a man who it seems stood for pretty much everything toxic about pro-athlete culture.
As Hannah got closer and got a better look at his face, her heart dropped at his pained expression and the raging maelstrom behind his eyes. She reached out and gently touched his arm. ‘That guy, he was your first coach, the one you talked about before?’
He nodded, the hard set in his jawline brimming with anger, and his hands clenched as if ready to punch through the low sandstone wall.
‘I knew it, I fucking knew it was some kind of set-up. I could never trust Sumners as far as I could throw him, and now I wonder if this whole image rehabilitation thing was a smokescreen all along too.’
‘What? How so?’
‘Sumners never had any intention of dropping me. He just enjoyed me and Bernie dancing to his tune, pretending he gave a crap about my public image, all the while using tonight’s so-called welcome back as the perfect vehicle to bring in Prince after firing Coach Lewis.’
‘No, Coach Lewis was truly concerned about your future – Bernie told me that. They certainly didn’t set you up, Ward, no one who cared about you would do something like that,’ she reassured him, although after what just happened, she knew that wasn’t true in Sumners’ case. The man was successful for a reason, primarily because he was a cut-throat vulture who, unlike Ward, knew how to play many different games. The way things had gone down in there certainly did feel like a public ambush, and she couldn’t blame Ward for being angry.
‘Come on, let’s take a walk,’ Hannah suggested, linking her arm in his and guiding him down the stone steps and into the park. Though it was late, the path closest to the streets was well-lit by the overhead lantern lighting, and the trail was illuminated even further by nearby buildings surrounding the space. The trees and glistening light reflections in the dark lake had a natural calming effect, which she hoped might work its magic on Ward.
‘I can’t do this, Hannah,’ he said after a beat, his body still shaking with anger. ‘I can’t work with JP again. He has this way of getting right under your skin, making you feel worthless …’
‘Maybe yes, when you were younger and still figuring out who you were. But you’re a different person now, a grown man. Not some kid that’s so easy to mould into whatever tough-guy messed-up idea he has, or thinks the world has. I heard him talk back there after you left. He’s a relic, Ward. From a bygone age.’
‘Nah, I know the guy. He won’t rest until he breaks me. That’s how he operates. You heard what Sumners said. The wildcat’s been neutered ?’
His jaw clenched so tightly she thought it might explode and she winced inwardly, reminded of the fact that much of her recent efforts in helping him tone down his old ways was responsible. And that Ward himself had expressed concerns that his new and improved nice-guy image might be going too far.
‘He was talking about you as a player, trash-talking like they do before a game to rile players up. That’s what I got from it. Seriously, all they care about is what you do on the ice, and your skill as an athlete has nothing to do with who you are as a person, Ward. Don’t get confused again. Remember that’s why you were so adrift in the first place, unable to step into your own shoes. Off the ice, Prince or Sumner don’t own you. As long as you can perform, that’s all that matters. And you can and you will, I know you will. Back better than ever, isn’t that what you want too?’
‘I don’t know …’ They reached the Gapstow bridge and moved to cross it, arms still linked. Glancing at Ward as they turned in the faint light, Hannah could still see so much uncertainty written on his face.
He paused in the middle of the humped stone bridge, staring down into the inky water, and as she stepped back, she shivered a little, the evening chill now starting to seep into her bones.
Ward noticed and immediately took off his jacket, wrapping it around her. ‘Here.’ His hands rested on her arms for a little longer than was strictly necessary and unable to stop herself, Hannah moved ever so slightly closer to the warmth of his body.
Because of the cold or … something else.
The atmosphere suddenly changed then, emotion still heightened, but in a different, more charged way and she could feel the weight of his gaze on her face.
Afraid to meet it, she looked back at the cityscape, the beautifully illuminated Beaux Arts hotel building like a postcard amid the trees in the near distance. She couldn’t help but imagine how picture-perfect they must look now in silhouette, two figures standing so close in the darkness in the middle of the humped stone bridge, the twinkling Manhattan skyline spread out behind them.
‘The important thing is, you’re on the way back to doing what you love,’ she told him, scrambling to get back onto safer territory. ‘Exactly what you wanted. That was the game plan, remember. It doesn’t matter what they say or do from now on. They can’t change you as a person, and if they try, I’m here now, remember? Those two don’t scare me and I’m certainly not going to stand by and let them undo all our hard work. You haven’t yet seen me when I’m angry.’ She chuckled, trying her utmost to lighten the mood, but Ward’s still-downcast expression suggested that he remained unconvinced. ‘Make no mistake, I’m still here to keep you on the straight and narrow.’ Hannah turned back to him then and stared at his face, now urging him to meet her gaze. ‘I’m right here ,’ she insisted gently.
Then as if by rote, her hand moved to his cheek and she softly caressed his tight jawline. She couldn’t help it. The hopelessness in his eyes was agonising and she needed to do something to take it away.
Ward finally moved his gaze back from the lake to meet hers, his eyes deep green pools still full of emotion. His hand flew up to touch hers and he rested it there for a moment, before pulling her close and into his arms, gently resting his head on her shoulder.
When he turned his face inwards and she could feel his warm breath on her bare neck, Hannah shivered again. But this time she wasn’t shaking from the cold.
‘Come home with me,’ he whispered, pleading. ‘Tonight. I need you.’
Her entire body was screaming at her to turn her face to meet his, signifying her assent. There was truly nothing more she wanted right in that moment than to feel Ward’s mouth on hers, wrap her arms around him and allow him to take her anywhere he wanted to go, and everything else beyond.
But …
She broke free from his embrace, quickly standing back. ‘I can’t.’
‘Can’t, or won’t?’ The hunger in his gaze was intoxicating and Hannah knew that if he got closer again she wouldn’t be able to resist it. Her body was humming as he picked up her hand and gently ran a finger along the edge of her wrist. It felt like fire on her skin. She needed to get this under control.
‘You’re … a client.’
‘And what if I wasn’t?’ he countered, emboldened by the palpable energy between them, and the fact that she hadn’t moved away again. He knew the effect he was having on her. Any hesitation or pretence was now long gone. They both knew exactly what was happening; what they both wanted, something that had been building all this time, yet quietly repressed, and that was dangerous.
Somehow, Hannah made herself step back further from the wall and wrapped her arms over her chest, as if to warn herself off.
‘You are . And this is crazy. You’ve had some champagne, and it’s been a weird night …’
‘It’s not that and you know it,’ he argued, and of course he was right.
Hannah wouldn’t look at him though. ‘It’s just, there are boundaries around this, rules. Like I said you’re a client and I’m a professional. Plus …’
‘Plus what?’ He took a step closer again and it took every last ounce of willpower Hannah had not to sink back into his embrace.
‘I’ve been dealing with some stuff … and I’m not ready for … anything. I was hurt by someone, still am,’ she spluttered, shaking her head as if close to tears. She couldn’t think of any other excuse sufficient enough to put a stop to this, and so she purposely played it up, wanting him to believe that she was still getting over her ex.
It worked.
‘Oh. Oh, crap, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean …’ He immediately stepped back, putting the necessary distance between them, much to the relief of her trembling nerve endings. ‘I’m sorry, Hannah. I’m an idiot.’ Embarrassed now, he ran a hand through his hair. ‘I got it all wrong, I should never have … Christ, I’m a fucking idiot, I really thought that you—’
‘It’s OK.’
‘No, no it’s not. I shouldn’t have pushed or insisted.’ He walked back and forth along the bridge, agitated afresh. ‘I’m sorry if you felt pressurised, it’s just yeah, the champagne … and I was upset and my head was all over the place. Christ, what a fucking night …’ Then he dug out his phone. ‘Here, let me call you a taxi. What part of town do you live in, and oh crap I shouldn’t even be asking you something like that after …’
Hannah moved to catch up with Ward as he strode off the bridge and back onto the path out of the park, evidently believing he’d completely overstepped. She wanted to reassure him that wasn’t the case, and it was after all she who’d initially reached for him in that way. But she couldn’t do that, for fear that if he touched her again, this time she wouldn’t be able to help but follow through once and for all. And however much she wanted to, she couldn’t let that happen.
Ward was a client, and after tonight, he needed her more than ever.
It was a line they couldn’t and shouldn’t cross for a reason. As it was, she guessed that he was merely seeking a different form of comfort, a brief roll in the hay to block out what had happened at the event, a meaningless, distracting interlude before he figured out what to do next.
And that would be impossible if they crossed that boundary and went back to his place. Hannah would never be able to work with him again. Despite thinking that the announcement of his return to the Panthers meant this was all over and her job was more or less done, if anything, the work was only just beginning.
She couldn’t leave Ward to deal with the fallout on his own. Not with her insight and deeper understanding of his mindset and vulnerabilities, or the danger of falling back into old patterns if the pressure got too much. She cared about him too much to let that happen.
And so she wouldn’t – for Ward’s sake, and her own too.
She’d had a moment of weakness, sure, but at the end of the day, Hannah wouldn’t be so stupid as to risk everything she’d done to put her past behind her, and all the changes she’d made since starting over after LA.
Only to put herself right back into the same situation.