Chapter 5
FIVE
He’s nervous. I mean, anyone would be. This is a lot. This would be a lot for anyone who isn’t in recovery, but for someone who is? I need to make sure he doesn’t relapse. I’m trying my best not to put any unneeded pressure on him.
“Show me the boys’ room?” I ask calmly, but Kellan still looks terrified.
“Um, okay.” He starts down the hall, picking up a bra that was just casually hanging out in the hallway. He flushes, but I try to ignore it and not think too hard about the woman that likely belongs to the bra. It’s really none of my business.
He clears his throat, tucking the red lacy bra in his pocket, opening the door at the end of the hall on the right side. “I think this should work. It’s still, um, empty.” He grips the back of his neck, and I notice the way his bicep flexes. The ink he has there is more noticeable that way, clinging to the well-defined muscle.
Professional, Phillip , I lecture myself and then step into the room that’s completely empty. The older wood floor creaks when I step on it, but it’s not rotten.
“We weren’t really sure what to do with this one yet.” He looks around the room as he walks in. “We didn’t need an office, and even though the plan was eventually to get the kids from my mom, I knew it would take a while.” No doubt. It’s very hard to remove kids from their biological parents and even harder to just transfer guardianship. It doesn’t happen easily. “Anyway, we were going to rent it out or something.” His eyes widen when he looks at me. “Not that we would now at all. Don’t worry.”
I offer him what I hope is a comforting smile. “I understand. That probably would have helped a lot with the mortgage.”
He nods solemnly. “Yeah, but we’ll be fine.” The way he lifts his chin, showing determination and maybe a little bit of defiance—yeah, it does funny things to my insides. I really need to get it together. But I mean, let’s be real. I’m a twenty-six-year-old, single, gay man who spends pretty much his whole life working, and the universe decided to put the most gorgeous guy I’ve ever seen in my life right in front of me and said look, but don’t touch . Probably shouldn’t even look.
So I turn away, pretending to look out the window at the view—which is a pretty rundown-looking backyard. I try to get my libido to calm and clear my throat. “So the boys will be in here?”
I turn to Kellan, but before he can answer me, Cason walks in, his anger instantly apparent. “Boys? As in all three of us? You’re sticking us in one room?”
“For now. Maybe I can get a bigger house or something.” He looks at his brother, like he’s pleading with him to just be cool. But I’m not a stranger to teenage angst. This is pretty much my day most days.
“It’s actually a pretty good-sized room,” I say, looking around at the beige walls, motioning to the left. “Get a bunkbed and put it over there, maybe.” I nod to the other side of the room. “A twin bed will fit perfectly over here. There might even be room for a desk and dresser.”
Kellan looks distressed as he nods his head over and over. “Yeah. Um, I’ll get all that.”
No doubt, he’s overwhelmed by the cost, and I try to help in any way I can. “Facebook Marketplace has a lot of used furniture at good prices. They’re usually in really good condition, and there are thrift stores.”
“Can’t fucking wait to lay on someone else’s dirty-ass mattress,” Cason so helpfully pipes up.
“As if it was any better living with Mom,” Kellan snaps.
That sets Cason off. He storms up to his brother. “How the fuck would you know? You left. You weren’t there. How would you know what kind of place we were living in?”
I can see the hurt in Kellan’s eyes. The anger there. And I silently will him to not take the bait. Fighting with Cason would be giving him exactly what he wants, but I’m silent, and I wait for him to handle it. He’s going to have so much to handle. “I was there,” his deep voice rumbles as he looks into his brother’s eyes. “I can guess.”
His jaw is tense, and I think he’s grinding his teeth, but I think it’s an acceptable answer. “You bailed like the fucking coward you are.”
That stings. I can see it on Kellan’s face. The veins in his neck flex, and he looks like he could strangle his brother any moment now, but he holds back. He takes an actual physical step back from Cason, who’s puffed up and ready for a fight. “I know.”
It’s all he says before he looks over at me. “Raegan’s room?”
I nod in answer to his simple question, and he walks out of the room. I turn to Cason, knowing to tread lightly. “He’s trying. You have to give him a little grace or this will never work.”
“So send my ass back to the group home,” he says grimly, looking out through the window and not at me. “Because we’re never going to get along, and he doesn’t deserve grace.”
I resist the urge to comfort him by placing my hand on his shoulder. We don’t touch. We don’t get to hug these kids and hold them tight. We don’t even really get to give them that much hope. “It’s going to be okay,” I say, but I don’t know that, and I know he knows I don’t.
He ignores me, and I have to force my chin up and shoulders back so I don’t look defeated when I walk out into the hall where Kellan is waiting for me at the door next to this one. He opens it, and I see a full-sized bed with one dresser. Clothes—what I’d guess belong to a man and a woman—or women— just strung all about. “Sorry. This is um... Tatum’s room.”
He walks around, gathering clothes and tossing them into a hamper by the door. He finds a condom packet on the floor and picks it up.
He looks pale as he looks at me. “I’ll pick it up. I promise.”
“It’s okay,” I say, looking around the room. There’s a hot-pink G-string on the bed, and I’m not judging at all. Two bachelors lived here just this morning, and today, it’s a family home. “This is a huge adjustment.”
“Yeah,” he says, still picking up. When he picks up the G-string, he’s very careful with it, picking it up by only the string. I try not to laugh.
“Might want to change the sheets,” I say.
“Or burn them,” Raegan says as she walks into the room, her arms folded as she looks at the bed with disgust.
“Uh... yeah. Maybe,” Kellan says, blocking her view from the bed. “I’ll get this all cleaned up. I promise. Maybe we can even paint it. You still like pink?”
The teenager’s nose crinkles, so I’m guessing no. “Ew. No, Kellan.” I notice her black fingernails that are bitten down low. “I’m not a little girl anymore.”
Oh, but she is. Even if she doesn’t want to believe it. Thirteen is young. And thirteen is a tough age. “Okay. We’ll get you some stuff to make it yours,” he promises, but he’s just met with an eye roll before she leaves.
“Tough crowd,” I say when I turn to him and try to lighten the mood.
“Tough kids,” he responds, his voice gravelly. He sits down on the edge of the bed, distraught. “I’m in way over my head.”
“No, you aren’t,” I say so suddenly, it surprises us both. His head snaps to look at me. “I, um...” I take a deep breath and release it, wanting to take a seat next to him—but you know—professional. “I’ve seen a lot of cases.”
He snorts, but it’s not really cruel. “When did you get out of college? Yesterday?”
I frown and resist rolling my eyes. “No. Two years ago, actually. I’ve been a certified caseworker since I was twenty-four, and I’m damn good at my job.”
He studies me, staring so long, I start to squirm a little before is pale pink lips part and then do something so unexpected, I nearly trip over my own feet, just standing there. They quirk into a little tiny half smile. At. Me. “I’m sure you are.”
Well damn . My dick really likes that sultry low voice and the sureness it contains.
Nope. Not good.
He stands up, tossing more laundry into the hamper. “Do you need to see my room?”
“Your room?” I think my brain is shorting out. His room? As in his bedroom? Where a bed is?
His grin is gone now, his dark right eyebrow lifting in concern, like maybe I’m having a stroke or something. “Yeah...”
My mouth is dry, just thinking about him and me in his bedroom, and I shake my head, clearing my throat and trying to remember my training. “No. I don’t.” I clear my throat again, and he still looks a little worried. “I don’t need to see your bed.” My eyes widen, and I blurt out, “Room. Your bedroom. I don’t need to see it.”
Wow. Kill me now.
He’s still watching me carefully, his cologne invading my nostrils and doing nothing to help the stupid words coming from my mouth because God, he smells good.
“Okay,” he says simply, and I make my escape from the room, trying to get my mouth not to open and say more things like that.
“There’s only one bathroom,” he says like I’m going to deduct points for that.
He points to the room across the hall with the door open. I walk into the empty bathroom, just to take a quick look. “That’s fine. You might need to make a shower schedule. Mornings can get hectic.”
He nods, his handsome face looking far too grim.
“It’s going to be okay,” I try to reassure him.
“Sure,” he says and then walks down the hall, where I follow him into the bare living room. Well not totally bare. There’s a sofa and a small television mounted to the wall. All four kids are on the sofa, looking pretty wary.
“Not too shabby, huh?” I try, walking further into the room to stand before them.
Four sets of eyes lock on me, not a single smile. All just as grim as their brother. “Do you even have Wi-Fi?” Raegan asks her brother, who’s moved to stand next to me.
“I’ll... uh... I’ll get it,” he stutters and another eye roll for him.
“There are plenty of ways to entertain yourselves, I’m sure,” I try to help, but all the kids look bored out of their minds.
“I’ll figure it out, guys, okay?” Kellan offers.
“Whatever. Not like this will last very long anyway.” Cason gets up from the couch. “No way you don’t screw this up within a week.”
He leaves, and Braylen looks up at Kellan from the couch. “Do you at least have something to eat?”
He looks pale again as his eyes dart to the kitchen and then back at me. “I’ll go shopping. Okay? I promise. Uh...” He looks panicked. “I didn’t have a chance to do that this morning.”
“It’s okay,” I say for what feels like the hundredth time. “I know that.”
He nods, but he hasn’t relaxed. “I’ll order pizza. How about that?”
Braylen just shrugs his little arms, looking out the glass door that I’m assuming goes to the backyard. “Okay. Can I go outside?”
Kellan nods. “Yeah, just, um, stay in the backyard.”
Kieran snorts, like it’s a ridiculous rule, and I’m sure these kids aren’t really used to those. He follows Braylen into the backyard, and Kellan looks to Raegan.
“What kind of pizza do you like?”
“Gross.” She scrunches her nose up with all the attitude. “Do you know how many calories are in one slice of pizza?”
Kellan looks at her, his brow furrowed. “You’re stick thin. I think you can have a piece of pizza.”
Whoops. Wrong thing to say. She jumps up, one hand on her hip. “What the hell does that mean?”
“What?” Poor guy looks totally lost.
“Are you saying I have a boy body or something? I’m too skinny? Who says that?” Her voice has gone shrill, and Kellan looks horrified.
“I didn’t mean it like that... I just meant you can stand to gain some pounds.”
I wince again, even before the teenage girl turns into a demon and screeches loudly, shredding my ear drums before she hauls ass out of the living room. Kellan’s eyes meet mine, and the poor guy really has no idea what just happened.
I’m not going to be the one to tell him that he’ll likely experience a lot of that. “What. The. Fuck?”
“Teenage girls. Not for the faint of heart.”
We both look down the hallway, where she tore off, and then he shakes his head. “I’m totally fucked.”
“You’re not,” I say with certainty because yes, today was rough, but there’s something about Kellan. Something I can’t really put my finger on.
Something that tells me he’ll be okay. And not only that, he’ll make sure his siblings are okay too.