Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
Dear God, what the hell was I thinking ? I said yes to a date with a client. Saying yes to a date at all with my track record is bad enough, but to a date with Kellan? I think I might have lost my mind.
But when he climbs out of what I’m assuming is an Uber, I actually feel my mouth water. Damn, he looks good. Far too good. He’s wearing a nice pair of jeans and a black button-down shirt that’s rolled up to his elbows, showing off the tattoo he has on his forearm—very pretty, thorny roses on the inside of his arm. The thorns wrapping all the way around. It’s intricate and beautiful.
His dark hair looks like it might have a little bit of gel in it, and he’s cleanly shaved. I walk over to him, and okay, nerves. Mine are at an all-time high right now as I approach.
“Hey.” Okay, his smile is killing me. It’s perfect. Full lips quirked in a smile I know takes a lot to earn. Nice teeth—he’s smiling big enough for me to actually see.
“Hi. Were the kids okay with you leaving?”
He grins. “Yeah, they couldn’t have cared less.” He pushes his hand through his hair and then drops it, probably not wanting to mess it up. As if he could. “Tatum was another story.”
My smile drops at that. “He didn’t want you to go?”
He laughs and then holds his hand out for me. I take it far too excitedly and let him lead me toward the restaurant. “No, it wasn’t that,” he answers. “He was just grilling me about the chick I’m going on a date with.”
“Oh,” I say with a smile and then check in with the hostess with our reservation. “I’m guessing you aren’t ready for that conversation?”
I start to follow the hostess when she goes to seat him, but he stops me, his hand in mine still. “Does that bother you?”
“What?” I can tell the hostess is getting annoyed with us not following her, so I give his hand a little tug. “No, of course not. You’re still figuring that part out. It’s not up to me when or if you have that conversation with anyone,” I say as we’re seated and handed menus.
The hostess takes off, but Kellan’s eyes never leave mine. The guy is intense, and I can’t look away from him either. “I’m not figuring out that I’m attracted to you. I want this date.” It’s like he needs me to know that. And okay, yeah, that’s a little bit of a relief.
It’s not like he’s desperate for a date—he’s the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on. I know he can get laid if he wants to, but for whatever reason, he chose to go out with me.
We order and then go back to the conversation effortlessly when I say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t,” he says easily. “I just need you to know that. I don’t have a lot of free time, and I know you don’t either. I know it’s complicated with us, but I’m all-in. It’s not an experiment or just wanting to get off.”
Phew. My cheeks heat with that because getting off with Kellan kind of melts my brain a little bit. Okay, a lot. I want to touch him so badly, but I take a sip of my water instead and nod my head. “I want to be on this date too.”
His smile is devastating. “And as far as telling Tatum that I’m dating a guy instead of some chick , I’ll get there. I just don’t feel like I need to explain myself.”
“You’ve really never had feelings for a guy before?”
He shakes his head and takes a sip of his water. “I’m not sure I’ve ever had feelings for anyone before, period.” That makes me sad for him, and I think it must show on my face. “Don’t worry. I’m not totally dead inside.”
I roll my eyes. “I know that. I can see how much you love your siblings.”
His lips thin, but he gives a clipped nod. “I do. But I didn’t do so great at showing that.”
“That’s really not true, Kellan. You’re there for them now.”
“I should have been there long before.” I hate the guilt he still holds onto, but I don’t think it’s going anywhere anytime soon. “Great first date conversation, am I right?” He’s mocking himself, but for me, it is.
“I like getting to know the person I’m dating.”
“You said you’ve been hurt before...” I swallow hard. And okay yeah, it’s harder when the tables are turned on me. I’m not really used to talking about myself, if I’m honest.
“Hasn’t everyone?”
He’s studying me closely, probably a little frustrated with my nonanswer. Our food comes, and we start to eat a little, but his question still sits there between us.
I lick my suddenly dry lips and shrug. “I haven’t had the best luck with men. I tend to...” How do I say this without offending him. Kellan already thinks he’s broken, I don’t want to add to that. “I date assholes. Well, most of the time.”
“Why?” He looks horrified by that, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“Well, not on purpose.” I laugh lightly and take a sip of my water. “I just seem to go for the type who seem like they need...” I meet his eyes, knowing I need to be honest, but sure I’m going to screw this up. “My help.”
He nods his head knowingly. “Ah. The fixer-upper boyfriends.”
My eyes roll, but I can’t help being slightly amused and relieved that it doesn’t seem to turn him off. “I suppose. The first guy—I was way too young and inexperienced. I thought it was kind of fun sneaking around because he was this big bad jock and wasn’t out yet. But he wasn’t kind to me, ever. He was cruel.”
Kellan’s eyes darken, and I can see his barely contained rage. “Cruel how?”
I shrug, trying to pull it off. “He just you know... liked to joke about slumming it with a skinny geek. And you know, he said I wasn’t very good at umm...”—I look around the crowded restaurant before meeting Kellan’s gaze—“things.”
He knows what I’m trying to say, but his eyes are still clouded with anger. “He’s an idiot.”
I laugh at that and sigh. “We haven’t even gotten to the things part. You don’t know. He could be right.”
He gives me a pointed look that says that’s bullshit, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t thrill me. “Idiot.”
I can’t contain my smile. “Well, I have improved. Practice makes perfect.”
I swear to everything the man just growled, full-on feral, hot-as-hell growled, and it does things to me. Things that make me want to ask for the check and get the hell out of here, but I manage to control myself. “And after the jocky shithead?”
I laugh, but it’s kind of bitter. “Alex, in college.”
“And what kind of a dickhead was Alex?” Does he sound jealous? I think he does, and again, my insides go all gooey.
“The worst kind. He cheated. Allll the time.”
His frown only deepens. “What a dickhead.”
“Wonderful first date conversation, am I right?” I tease, repeating his own line, and it finally gets him to smile. “I’m okay. I just... yeah, I’ve been hurt. I don’t want to get hurt anymore, so after my last boyfriend...” I hold up my hand to silence him from asking about that because I just can’t go there. “I decided it would be best to only concentrate on my career and not date.”
“But you made the exception for me?” He’s not really asking, though the smile he’s giving me right now says he doesn’t have to ask me anything. I’ll just give it to him. Goddamn, it’s beautiful.
“Why? I have no idea.” I tease, but his smile only grows bigger.
“You want to know a secret?” His voice has dropped deadly quiet as he leans forward, and I can barely think as I stare at his devastatingly handsome face.
“What?” I’m barely breathing as I wait for him to answer.
“I really can’t wait to kiss you again.”
And that’s the last of my resolve. Fuck it. I grab the check, and we box up our food before I practically pull him toward my car. I drive to my apartment in record time, and we barely make it through the door of my loft before his lips are on mine again.
It feels like heaven, the way he kisses me. It’s sure and confident, but it’s also... like it’s new to him too. I toss the food containers on the counter as we move back toward my bedroom.
We should probably slow things down, but who knows when the next time I’ll get to see him will be? I can’t seem to make my hand cooperate with the whole slowing down thing because they move to the buttons on Kellan’s shirt.
I undo each one before peeling it off his shoulders and letting it fall to the floor as soon as we make it to my bed on the other side of my apartment. The backs of his knees hit the bed as my eyes rake over his torso.
Of course he’s ripped. I already knew that, but knowing it and actually seeing it with my own eyes are two different things. I reach up, sliding my fingers over his firm pecs, briefly flicking over his hard nipples and making him moan ever so slightly.
He’s breathing hard, and it occurs to me that it’s me who’s making him do that. This tightly wound, heavily controlled human. He’s falling apart—for me, and I’ve barely even touched him yet.
I drag my fingers down the line between his highly defined abs, counting all six of them, toward the prominent V that makes me salivate just looking at it. “You’re far too perfect.”
He shakes his head, his hand gripping my chin and tilting my head up to look into his intense eyes. “Not perfect. Not even close.”
I look back down at his torso and drag my hands over the hard, rippling muscle, quirking my brow in his direction. “Not true.”
He shakes his head at me and then kisses me softly, his lips taking over, and I sink into the kiss. I let my hands go to his biceps, feeling every bit of sculpted muscle there too as he kisses the hell out of me.
His hands go to my shirt, his fingers deftly undoing my buttons. There’s no hesitation there. He doesn’t seem to have any qualms about doing this with a male instead of a female like he’s used to.
I try not to get too into my head about that fact. I trust him. If he says he’s okay with this, then I know he is.
I reach for the button on his jeans, flicking it open and carefully lowering his zipper. I can feel how hard he is through the material, and the feeling is very, very mutual. “Are you sure you want this?” I have to ask. I trust him, yes—but I also need to know.
He smiles sweetly against my mouth, one of his hands in my hair. “More than anything.”
My eyes fall closed as I breathe in deeply. He cannot say things like that to me. I hate that I’m already falling for him. I can’t deny that’s what this is, but I feel like I need to protect myself. I nod my head, my nose bumping against his as I kiss him deeply and push his pants down to the ground.
He kicks out of them, and I look down, slightly dizzy at the fact that the head of his hard cock is poking out of the top of his boxer briefs. Jesus. “Perfect,” I breathe, and I feel him smile again.
He grips the back of my head as he kisses me again, and my hand goes into his underwear, wrapping around his thick, hot shaft and stroking slowly. He groans into my mouth, trying to kiss me still but faltering and resting his forehead against mine. “So good.”
It’s my turn to grin. “I haven’t even started yet.”
“You’re killing me.”
“Never.” I kiss him again, and as I move both my hands to the back of his boxer briefs, ready to push them down, the loud sound of a ringtone interrupts us. We both jolt and look around.
“Fuck!” I can’t help snickering as he reaches for his phone in the pocket of his jeans. “It’s Tatum,” he says, worry lacing his voice now.
“It’s okay. Answer it.”
He looks conflicted for all of a second before he answers. “What’s wrong?” I try not to be too nosey, but Kellan pales. “Where? Is he okay?” Okay, so this is not a good call. “Jesus. Fuck. Okay, I’ll be right there.” I pick up his jeans and shirt, handing them to him. “No. It’s okay. I’m coming home.”
He hangs up and takes his clothes from me. “I’m so sorry. Braylen fell out of a tree in the backyard. Cut his eye.”
“Is he okay?”
He nods grimly as he pulls on his jeans and shirt. “Yeah. He’s getting stitches now. Tatum said he’ll be fine, and they’ll be home soon, but I guess Braylen was asking for me.” I kind of want to smile at that. I’m not surprised, but I think Kellan is.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
He eyes me heatedly, his eyes sweeping over my body, and it almost makes me melt right here into the floor. “I do, but it’s probably not the best idea.”
“Right. They didn’t know you were on a date with me. That would be weird.”
He gives me an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry about our date.”
I wave him off. “Still in my top three first dates.” He gives me an unamused look, and I laugh, placing a hand on his chest and leaning into him, brushing my mouth over his. “It was an incredible first date.”
“There will be more, right? Like a lot more?” I could say no. I could keep trying to fight this, but I don’t think there’s any point.
“There will be.”
He kisses me softly, his hand running over my cheek, and I want to weep with how good it feels and how on edge my body is at the moment, but I know he needs to get home to his little brother.
“Soon.”
He nods and grabs his phone to order a car service. I’d take him home, but the kids really can’t find out about us, and we’re on the same page about that. “Is this going in the report?”
He looks worried, and oh yeah... I’m the social worker. “You do need to officially report it to me, but it’s not a big deal. Kids get hurt. He was taken right away to receive help, and I’m sure he’ll be just fine. It was handled well, Kellan.”
“Except I wasn’t there,” he says softly, and my heart aches for him, knowing this is just another thing he’ll beat himself up for.
“So go be there for him.”
He takes a deep, sobering breath and nods his head. He kisses me one last time before leaving my apartment, and I stand with my back to the door after closing it behind him.
Yup, I’ve really gone and done it this time.