Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
I’m nervous. I may be even more nervous now than I was on our first date... The promise of what’s to come as soon as I knock on his apartment door—it’s terrifying.
On the night of our first date, once I saw him, it was almost effortless, and I didn’t think about it. When we kissed, it was like everything clicked, and I stopped worrying for once.
But what if that’s impossible this time? What if we don’t mesh? What if I fuck it all up because I don’t really know what I’m doing? I mean, I know I’m attracted to him—all of him. We managed to squeeze in one more video call this week, and believe me, I loved every inch of him that I got to see. But does that mean I can make him feel good?
I don’t know.
I’m way out of my depth here.
I’m freaking out. I lean my head against the door outside his apartment and try to steady my breathing, using all the tricks I’ve learned for when I’m amped up. But it feels like too much is riding on this.
So far, our relationship has consisted of him watching me screw up with my siblings over and over, one date that was interrupted by my youngest brother getting hurt, dress shopping, and then waiting around with me while my little sister had her first date. A real winner, that’s what I am.
Phillip—he can have anyone. Why would he choose to be stuck with me in my chaos?
Just as I’m about to talk myself out of this date, I get a text message and reach into my pocket to look at it.
Phillip: Hey, you on your way? Just want to make sure you’re safe.
I stare at the message, and an odd sense of calm washes over me. I’ve never had anyone worry about me. Ever. It’s strange but a good kind of strange.
I tuck my phone back into my pocket and knock on his door. He opens it fairly quickly, and goddamn, does he ever have an off day where he doesn’t look so good? I’m guessing not.
“You’re here.” He’s smiling, and I can’t help but pull him to me, wrapping my arms around him and kissing him softly on the lips. I mean to keep it simple, just a hello kiss, but it quickly heats up.
He pulls me into his apartment and kicks the door closed, his tongue sweeping into my mouth and devouring me. His fingers go through my hair, and I don’t have to think anymore.
All the nerves float away as we kiss and make our way back to his bed. He strips my jacket off, and I remove his shirt—which is just a simple long-sleeve jersey tee. It’s soft, I notice absently before I let it fall to the ground.
I take the moment to study his torso. He’s not bulky by any means, but it’s clear he must work out in some type of way. He’s all lean muscle with very little hair. I’ve seen him without a shirt now, but it’s the first time I can really touch him and take my time, so I do. I let my hand drag over the hardened muscle of each firm pec and down his soft skin, trailing over the trail of hair dipping into his jeans.
I take note of his shuddering breath and the way his ab muscles twitch. And he thinks I’m perfect. I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful.
He’s patient when he undoes the buttons of my shirt and then slips it off me, his hands making a similar trail over my body. He seems to really like my arms though, taking a moment to brush over my tattoos with his fingers and down the vein in each bicep.
I move closer to him, bringing my mouth to his neck where I lick and suck—tasting him, afraid we might get interrupted again but not wanting to rush this. Who knows when the next time we’ll be able to be alone like this will be?
His head falls back on a soft sigh, and I’m going to assume that’s because what I’m doing with my mouth feels good. It’s my turn to tremble when I feel his hands between us, dragging over each of my defined abs. When he reaches my jeans, he’s quick to pop the button and lower the zipper, but he doesn’t push them down.
Instead, he teases the head of my hard cock that’s pushing up and out of my boxer briefs. This is about as far as we got last time, and again, I have to remind myself not to rush things.
I want him—in every way I can get him—but I’m more than happy to let him take the lead. He drags his finger through my slit—sticky with precum—and my brain goes offline as he brings his fingers to his mouth and sucks on his finger.
His pupils blow wide, and then I drag his mouth to mine, tasting a hint of myself but mostly just him. “I need you so badly,” I gasp against his mouth.
“You have me,” he says, kissing me with fervor as he pushes my pants and underwear down.
I kick out of my shoes, falling to the bed to take off my socks and the rest of my clothing, watching him as he stands there watching me. I’m fully naked, neediness starting to claw at my insides.
He looks almost shy as his hands move to the top of his pants, and I freeze, my eyes on him, watching and waiting. “Please,” I say softly, pleading with him to continue.
He studies me for a moment before he undoes his pants and lets them fall to the ground. His briefs go next, and finally—he’s naked too. I stay sitting on the edge of his bed, and he remains where he is, seemingly at a standstill.
I don’t want to rush him—but it occurs to me he’s probably thinking the same thing, so with bated breath, I reach for him, pulling him to me using the fleshy cheeks of his ass.
He gasps, but goes willingly, falling onto me as I lie back on the bed, pulling his mouth to mine. We take our time, exploring each other’s mouths, our hands dragging over every inch of bare skin. It’s the most intimate I’ve ever been with someone.
But soon, it’s all too much, and my body is in overdrive as his hard cock slides against mine. We’re both leaking like crazy, and I’ve never been so on edge. “I want you inside me,” he says against my lips, and all I can do is nod dumbly as he pulls back to get my answer. “Are you sure? We don’t have to do this tonight...”
“I want it,” I say instantly, flipping us in a quick movement so his body is beneath mine. “I want it all with you. Everything I can get.”
“Ngh,” he grunts. “You kill me when you say things like that,” he pants against my mouth, but he smiles and then reaches toward the table next to our bed. I watch him feel around, grabbing a condom and lube, then tossing them on the bed next to us before his hand goes to my nape, and he pulls me in for another intense kiss.
“I don’t really know what I’m doing,” I admit nervously, my voice shaking slightly. I want to make this good for him.
He smiles and takes the lube, while I lean back and grab the condom—that, I at least know how to do. I slide it on over my aching shaft, breathing heavily because that little bit of touch nearly makes me lose it. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to last once I get inside him.
I think he’s going to prepare himself, but he clicks the lube cap and then takes my right hand, squirting some onto my palm and directing my hand to my own cock. I take the hint and lube myself up generously.
He takes my hand again. “Use two fingers to get me ready. I don’t need a ton of prep, but it’s been a while.”
I swallow thickly and nod my head, taking a deep breath and bringing my slick fingers to his tight hole. I start with one finger and watch his facial expressions. It can only be described as euphoric as he leans his head back, all his muscles rigid. I press into him, getting dizzy at the feeling of his tight heat surrounding just one finger and then two.
“That’s it. Just like that.” I push lube into his body and stretch him the best I can before he takes my wrist and pulls me from him. “I’m ready.”
I think I stop breathing when I position my dick at his hole, but I push forward slowly, taking him inch by inch. It’s bliss being inside him, a feeling like none other. I can’t believe he trusts me with his body—but it’s not something I take lightly.
He pulls me down to kiss him as I thrust inside him over and over, letting his heat and the pleasure wash over me. He whispers my name softly against my lips, and I pull back to watch him when he brings his hand between us to stroke himself in time with each plunge I make into him.
I feel that familiar tingle rapidly running from my spine to my balls, and I silently plead for him to come with me just before I explode into the condom, deep inside him.
I’m lost in my orgasm, floating on a high when I hear him cry out. I barely open my eyes in time to catch his cock erupting, cum hitting his abs and chest. It’s an incredible sight. Another one I’ll never forget.
It feels like he comes and comes and comes as I stroke into him, milking every last drop out of both of us until my balls are drained and my body is exhausted. I collapse onto him, and I can feel him smiling into my neck as he places a kiss there and wraps his arms around me.
“That was perfect.” I’m happy I didn’t have to ask him. I was worried, but he instinctively knew I’d be.
We lie in bed like that for a while, and I begin to fear having to leave. I don’t want to leave his bed or his arms—though I know it’s inevitable.
“Take a shower with me,” he whispers against my ear, and I nod absently, reluctantly climbing off him. But he takes my hand as soon as he climbs off the bed and leads me into his bathroom.
It’s almost as big as the rest of the place, with a stand-alone large bathtub and a separate shower. I watch in fascination as he moves gracefully—still totally naked—over to his shower and turns it on. He reaches for me, and I gladly go with him under the warm spray.
His lips find mine as he kisses me sweetly, letting the water run over us both before he lathers his hands and reaches up to wash my hair—another first for me. I return the favor as he soaps up my body, letting his hands drag over my skin and getting me soapy.
I do the same, but soon the touches aren’t meant to wash anything. My cock hardens, and I feel his answering erection against it before I wrap a hand around us both and make love to his mouth as we thrust into my fist.
He’s the first to go over, but I’m seconds behind him, both of us shouting into our kiss. My body lets every bit of tension go when I find the release. We rinse off and then climb out, drying off and just wrapping towels around our waists before going back to his bed.
He lies with his head on my chest, and I stroke his wet hair. “You have to go soon, don’t you?”
It’s not really a guess, but I nod, not making a move to get up. “I have a little while.”
He snuggles into me. “What are you thinking about?”
I smile. “Right now, just this. How good that felt. I don’t know the last time my mind was so quiet.”
“Good.” His fingers draw over my abs, and he sounds content.
But then as I close my eyes, even with him right here and my body totally sated, worries come back. Raegan—I wonder if that kid is going to want to take her out again and what I’ll say. Will Cason ever forgive me? What if Braylen gets really hurt? Is Kieran an actual genius, and if so, how expensive is college? And oh shit—Halloween is next weekend.
“Okay, your thoughts are super loud now. Wanna share?” He rolls so he’s propped up on his elbow, and I nod, rolling to my side and mirroring his position.
“It’s Halloween next weekend.”
He looks perplexed. “It is. Is that a bad thing? You look sick.”
“It’s just... Braylen and Kieran have class parties, and Braylen asked me to go to his, so I thought I’d go to both. But what if I fuck that up somehow?”
He’s smiling now, his finger dragging over my bicep. “You showing up is literally all you have to do. You won’t mess it up.”
“But...”
He places his finger over my lips. “You won’t. I think it’s great Braylen wants you there. That’s a big step.”
I nod my head, the dread still there, but I was happy as hell when he asked. “He also wanted to go trick-or-treating. It’s all so...”—I lock eyes with him—“normal.”
His smile is kind. “Have they ever been?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so. I mean...” I pause because I feel kind of stupid, but I continue when I look into his caring eyes. “When Cason and Rae were really little, I was like thirteen, and Cason asked me to take them. I had never been, but I knew enough. I made them capes out of this ratty blanket we had on our couch and masks out of paper.”
I see the smile tugging at his pretty lips. “They were superheroes.”
I nod. “Yeah. It seemed to take forever to find a place that actually opened the door, let alone had candy. But they were so happy that night, sharing their meager earnings.”
“I bet that’s a wonderful memory for them.”
I scoff. “I bet they don’t even remember it.”
His hand slides over my face, and he leans in to kiss me. “I bet they do. You’re a wonderful big brother, and now you can do the same for Braylen and Kieran.”
God, I hope so. The last thing I want to do is let any of them down.