Chapter 32
THIRTY-TWO
I’m nervous as I walk into Margie’s office, but I also feel brave and ready to take anything that’s coming to me. Because when I was talking to Kellan, I realized that I was self-sabotaging. Maybe punishing myself for Pete, or maybe I really thought I didn’t deserve to be happy. I don’t really know, but I saw the love he has for me.
And I know I love him too. That we’re better together. That we’re the perfectly imperfect partnership, and that I wasn’t going to let it go. But I should have done this from the very beginning.
So I’m righting this wrong now, no matter what the consequences.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” Margie asks me with a bright smile on her face as she takes a seat, and I take my own.
“I need you to reassign the Rhodes case.”
“What?” It’s clear she’s startled by my request and rightfully so, since we just had a progress report where everything was fine.
“I, um...” I hold my chin up high and look her in the eyes, not trying to get fired, but I can’t lie anymore. “I have a conflict of interest, and it’s important that we get their case assigned to someone else.”
“Conflict of interest?” Her right eyebrow lifts as she searches for what I’m not saying and what I’m not going to say. I don’t want to lose my job. I love it, and it gives me a sense of purpose, but I’ll lose it if I can’t have Kellan any other way. I can find another job, but I can’t find another him.
“Yes,” I say, but don’t offer any more information. I’m sure she can guess, but I don’t think she wants to.
“Okay. I can do that. Are you sure about this?”
I nod my head. “Please just put them in good hands. They deserve it.”
Her lips purse tightly, and she gives me a quick nod. “I’ll have more cases for you later today.”
“Great,” I say with a smile and head out of the office. I’ll be on probation with her for a while, I have no doubt about that. But I’m pretty sure at the end of the day, she knows I’m good at my job and doesn’t want to lose me.
It makes me feel a little sick, thinking about the Rhodes family in someone else’s hands, but I’ll still be by their side. Now to the really hard part of this whole thing...
Telling all the kids the truth.
* * *
“You ready for this?” I look over at Kellan, like he’s totally insane, and he just chuckles, kissing me on the temple. “It’s going to be fine. You already did the hard part today with your boss.”
I can’t help but laugh at that. “It’s hilarious you think Margie is anywhere near as scary as those four out there.” I nod toward the dining room, where the kids are waiting for dinner.
“Just remember two of them already know.”
“The two who are currently giving us the cold shoulder?” I ask, my brow cocked, but he just laughs and jerks his head toward the other room.
“Let’s do this.”
I grab the pasta I prepared and follow him in. The kids all immediately dig in, but my stomach is far too nervous to even scoop any on my plate.
Kellan doesn’t have that problem, putting plenty on his and then on mine before setting the dish down and clearing his throat. “So we have something we need to tell you all.”
“Wait! I’m here.” Tatum bursts through the front door, and I can’t help but roll my eyes, but I swear it’s with fondness. He’s really grown on me, and Kellan said it would be good to have backup tonight, so he invited his best friend.
Tatum sits on my other side and grabs for the dish, helping himself to a huge portion and grinning far too happily at me. “Go on.”
“What the hell is happening?” Cason says, clearly not amused. “You two get married?”
Braylen’s eyes widen. “Why would they get married?”
Cason doesn’t say anything, and Kellan intercepts the conversation. “We’re not married, but, um...”
“I’m not your caseworker anymore,” I cut in, hoping that leading with this will help ease them into it.
“What?” Braylen looks upset as he gazes over at me. “You don’t want us anymore?”
Okay, so I fucked that up, I realize immediately. “No. That’s not why I can’t be your caseworker. The opposite actually. I want to be in your lives more,” I try again.
Cason scoots back from the table, but he doesn’t get up. When I look over at him, I see his nostrils are flared, and it’s an indication he’s ready for a fight. “You want to get into my brother’s pants more, is what you mean.”
“Why would you want to wear Kellan’s pants?” Braylen asks. The poor kid is super confused now. “They’d be huge on you.”
Tatum laughs, and I shoot him an irritated glare that does nothing to stop his laughter. “I’ll explain that one to you someday, buddy.”
“No. You won’t,” Kellan cuts in. He turns to Braylen. “Phillip and I are dating.” Braylen cocks his head to the side, figuring it all out, but it’s clear he’s having a little trouble. “He’s my boyfriend.”
“Oh.” Braylen shrugs his little shoulders and pokes at the pasta on his plate. “So you’ll still be around a lot then? And cook for us?”
I smile at his wide eyes and sweet innocence. “Yes. Even more now.”
“Woo hoo,” Cason deadpans, displeased, and I can’t blame him.
I turn my attention to him. “I’m so sorry we lied to you.” My eyes sweep around the table. “All of you. We didn’t mean to hurt anyone. It wasn’t on purpose, but when I was your caseworker, we had to keep it a secret.”
“No, you didn’t. You wanted to keep it a secret, so you wouldn’t get fired.”
“Careful,” Kellan warns, but I place my hand on his bicep. We need to let him feel his anger on this one.
“You’re right. I didn’t want to lose my job or hurt Kellan’s case for guardianship, but I should have stepped away as soon as I realized I had feelings for your brother.”
“Feelings are gross,” Kieran says, his only input in the conversation, and Tatum snickers, bumping fists with Kieran.
“Agreed, little man.”
Kieran looks quite pleased with himself, but Cason is not happy at all. “Whatever. So when does the new caseworker come? And are you going to start fucking him too?”
I see the tension in Kellan’s face, but thankfully, he doesn’t take the bait. “She’ll be here Monday to introduce herself. But we don’t need another drop-by inspection for at least a month. Our case is close to court anyway.”
“Right. So why are you guys telling us this?”
“Because I want you all to know we’re together.” Kellan squeezes my thigh under the table. “And that we’re happy.”
“Well, that’s all that matters, right?” Cason says, his tone dripping with sarcasm before he stands up. “I’m not hungry. I’m going to my room.”
I can tell Kellan is going to argue, but I reach over and give his thigh a small squeeze, asking him to stay put, which he does.
“You all matter to me. If there’s anything you want to talk about, please know you can come to me,” Kellan says, and I hate that he looks defeated. But I know it’s just growing pains.
We’re going to get through this.
We finish up dinner, but Raegan leaves rather quickly, making me a little worried. I go to check on her, knocking gently on her door, and she opens it with some reluctance, letting me in and sitting on her bed.
I sit in the desk chair near her bed. “You want to talk about it? I know you already knew we were together before today, but it’s still a lot all at once.”
She picks at her jeans where it’s fraying on the knee, not looking at me. “Were you ever really here for us? Like actually our friend or did you just want to sleep with Kellan?”
It hurts that she could think that, but I get it. These kids have not had it easy. Not at all. They were bound to have trust issues, and whether I meant to or not, whether I wanted to or not, I broke that trust. “I was your caseworker who truly cared about each and every one of you, and that’s never going to change. I care about you all deeply, not because of Kellan or my attraction to him, but because all of you are incredible kids.”
“What if you break up?”
The thought alone is devastating, but I answer her honestly anyway. “Then I’ll still be here for you, if you want me to be. I’m not going anywhere. I don’t know if you know this about me, but I’m pretty stubborn.”
That finally gets a small smile from her. “Okay. But seriously? Kellan? You could do so much better.”
I snort and shake my head. “Your brother is pretty hot.”
She gags, and I laugh. “I do like that you make him happy.” Her eyes narrow on me. “Don’t ever tell him I said that.”
I hold up my right hand. “I swear.”
I ask her if I can give her a hug, and she agrees, standing up to give me a quick hug before I go back out to help with the dishes. Kellan is finishing up, though, as I walk into the kitchen.
“How did it go?”
“Really well.” I wrap my arms around his neck and lay a quick kiss on his lips. “I think it’s all going to be okay.”
“I know it is.” He holds onto me, and I kiss him again before Braylen and Kieran both come into the kitchen.
“Gross,” Kieran complains, and Braylen makes a disgusted face.
“No kissing.”
“Can’t promise that,” Kellan says, tossing a dish towel at Braylen and making him giggle.
“Who wants ice cream?” I ask, settling into my new role of their brother’s boyfriend instead of their social worker.
I think I’m really going to like this.