Chapter 33
THIRTY-THREE
God, I love waking up to him in my bed. I love his place, don’t get me wrong, and we were so tired last night, all we did was cuddle. But damn, if it wasn’t the best night of my life.
Everything feels like it’s in place—well, almost everything. As soon as I’m granted permanent custody—that’s when everything will really feel right in my world, but this is close.
Phillip is starting to stir, and I can’t help leaning over and kissing him awake softly. His hand immediately goes into my hair, and I love the way his eyes flutter open, looking up at me sleepily with his hair all over the place. I pull back just enough to look at him. “Morning.”
“Morning. Do we have to get up?”
I shake my head. “Nope. It’s Saturday.”
A slow smile falls over his beautiful face, and I grab the lube from the side table, not being subtle at all about what’s on my mind. My dick is at full-mast, and I’m dying to be inside him.
“The kids...”
“Are still asleep,” I say, squirting lube on my fingers and sliding my hand down to his crease. Luckily, we both slept naked last night, so I find his tight hole effortlessly, my fingers swirling over the puckered flesh.
His hand grips my forearm, and he tilts his head back when I start to push lube inside him. “Yes,” he whispers.
I pause for a moment, unable to look away from his gorgeous, sharp features. He’s already hard and leaking, his cock thrusting up against mine, making me groan.
“Don’t stop, Kellan.”
I lean down and kiss him as I take my time preparing him, using one finger and then two before he’s begging me quietly to get on with it.
“Need you.”
“I always need you,” I say, removing my fingers and then slicking up my cock, pushing into him slowly and driving us both insane as I slowly thrust into his body. His fingers go to my biceps, digging in as he arches into me.
I find his prostate and don’t let up, pounding into him as we both pant quietly, and I use one hand to stroke his cock in time with each plunge inside him. He starts to cry out when his orgasm takes over his body, and I put my hand over his mouth to muffle the sound, even though I’m dying to hear it.
Wonder how much it costs to fully soundproof a room?
His cum sprays between us, dribbling down my hand. And I have to bite my bottom lip to keep from screaming out my own orgasm as it rises to the surface, and I come deep inside him.
“Goddamn, I love you.” It’s almost overwhelming how much I love him sometimes.
“Never stop telling me that.” I pull out of him and climb off the bed, not wanting to but knowing I have something I have to do this morning.
“Never,” I promise. “You want to shower with me?”
I waggle my eyebrows in his direction, and he’s already pulling the covers up over himself, I guess unbothered by the mess. I’m more than okay with him wearing our cum for longer. “Not a chance. Kids,” he reminds me, and it seems he’s already falling back asleep.
I love having him here. I love everything about him.
But thinking about last night, and how there’s just one more thing that isn’t quite perfect enough, gets me moving. I pull on a pair of sweats, trying to ignore the sticky feeling, and then a t-shirt before going into the bathroom and taking a quick shower. I’m reluctant to wash away the evidence of this morning’s activities, but I’m confident there will be much more in the future.
I get dressed and then kiss Phillip—who’s fully back to sleep now, coupled with an adorable little snore—before I make my way to the boys’ room. The door is open, so I walk inside, seeing all three are still asleep. I walk over to Cason’s bed, lightly shaking him.
He startles, sitting straight up and breathing hard before he sees it’s just me, then his stare turns into a rageful glare. “What the fuck are you doing?” He does seem to care about Braylen and Kieran enough to whisper the question.
“Get dressed. We’re going somewhere.”
“What? No.” He covers his head with his blanket, lying back down, but he’s not getting out of this. Neither am I. It’s time we have this out, once and for all. I rip the comforter off him, ignoring his annoyed look.
“Not asking. Let’s go. I’d wear shorts, a t-shirt, and tennis shoes, if I were you.”
He grumbles the entire time he climbs out of bed, and I go to the kitchen to grab a coffee to go. I’m pouring some into a thermos when he comes out of his room in a hoodie, shorts, and sneakers, so at least he listened.
“Where are we going? It’s the asscrack of dawn.”
I just ignore his question and lead him out to my car, climbing in. I know he doesn’t want to, but he gets into the car and buckles up. I drive the few miles to the gym I looked into last week. It’s fairly priced and has decent equipment.
“What are we doing here?”
I ignore his question again, and I know I’m going to get the brunt of his anger any minute, but he climbs out of my car and slams the door, walking up to the front with me.
“Kellan. A gym? Why?”
I pull open the front door, and gesture for him to go inside. “Birthday present.”
“My birthday is next week,” he grumbles, walking inside, and I follow. I approach the front desk and let them know I bought a membership online—actually two. One for me and one for Cason.
The woman at the front desk prints cards out for us and asks if we want a tour, but I decline. “Come on.” I bring him to the lockers where he takes off his hoodie, and then we walk around the gym together until I find the punching bag near the back.
“Seriously?” He looks at me, clearly annoyed, but I’m already handing him boxing gloves.
“Yeah. You and me. We’re more alike than you probably want to admit, and I get that. But you can’t hit anyone at school. Or anyone at all. You still need something to get your aggression out. I run. Started that right after I left.”
“Like, on purpose?” I laugh at his question, but he pulls the gloves onto his hands, and I know he’s intrigued.
“Yup. But I also like exercising. We have one of these at the shop actually, but I thought it would be good for you to have a place to go on your own.”
“Could have gotten me a car,” he deadpans, but with the first punch to the heavy bag, I know this is better for him.
“Maybe someday, kid.”
“Not a kid.” He hits the bag hard with natural form. Not really surprised.
“You are. You deserve the chance to be a kid.” I hold onto the bag and take his pummeling, hoping it helps him a little bit and keeping it firmly in place for him. The kid hits hard, built like a man already, but that doesn’t mean he is. “It’s not fair that you had to take on so much at a young age.”
“No one else was going to do it.” The bag shakes when he slams his fist into it.
“I’m sorry I left, Cason.” I want him to look at me, but he doesn’t. Just hits the bag again and again, sweat covering his body as he finally takes out some of his rage. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop,” he says, dropping his hand, panting from exertion. “Just tell me why. But for real. You just couldn’t deal? Because I didn’t want to either.”
I let go of the bag and step a little closer to him. “I fucked up. You guys were everything to me. I know it’s hard to believe, but you were. I wanted to protect you all, and I wanted to get you away from Mom, but I didn’t know how. And then, I did give up. I got hooked on the same shit she did, and I was so ashamed. Horrified that I let that happen.”
“How could you do that?” His shoulders are slumped, and I see just how much I hurt him. Hating myself for it.
“I was weak. I was tired. And I didn’t want to feel anything, but I didn’t leave because I didn’t want to be there for you all. I left because I did. I couldn’t get clean there. I knew I couldn’t. I didn’t expect for it to take so long, but I spent every day worrying and thinking about you guys. I swear it.”
“It’s not enough,” he says, his voice cracking. “I spent every day wondering when you would come back.”
I put my hand on his shoulder, ignoring the sweat, and look into his eyes. “I’m sorry. I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to all of you. But I do love you all, and I promise you I’ll be better.”
“Fucking the social worker was you being better?”
“He makes me better,” I tell him honestly because he needs to know. “I didn’t see that coming at all. I didn’t think I’d ever fall in love, but then here he came, just bursting into my world.”
I know I can’t keep the goofy smile off my face, but to my surprise, Cason actually grins at that. “You’re so whipped.”
I smirk, dropping my hand and playing it cool, but it’s no use. “I am.”
“I didn’t know you were gay.” There’s no judgment there or anything else really. It’s just a statement.
“I’m not.” He quirks his brow curiously, like he’s calling bullshit, and I laugh. “I didn’t think I was anything. Broken is what I thought I was. But it doesn’t matter to me that Phillip is a man—just that he’s mine.”
He seems a little confused by that but more understanding than I had expected. “But you and Tatum... never...”
“God no.” I cringe. “He’s like another brother to me. That would never be a thing.”
He laughs at that but then sobers up with a sigh. “You know I’d never tell anyone about you and Phillip. I was never going to.”
“Yeah. I know,” I say because I do. “This isn’t about that. It’s about you and me. I want your forgiveness, but I know it takes time, and I’m going to have to work at it. I want your trust too, Cason, and more than anything, I want to give you time to be a kid and figure out who you are and who you want to be.”
He gives a clipped nod, not giving anything else away. I wouldn’t expect him to. “I don’t mind Phillip.”
I bark out a laugh and then go back to the bag. “Good. Because he’s going to be around a lot, if I have anything to say about it.”
He moves over and throws a hard punch. “Well, don’t fuck it up.” He’s smirking, and I laugh, shaking my head at him and holding onto the bag as he starts to pummel it again.
Not. A. Chance.