Chapter 10
JUNO
Iwas a fucking mess.
And the worst part was, I wasn’t even a hot mess.
Maybe that made me a tragic train wreck everyone watched, knowing what would happen but couldn’t turn away from.
That had to be why West still stood in front of me after I gave him a small peek at the damaged parts of me I was desperately attempting to heal from.
There was no way he would stick around for any reason other than sheer macabre fascination.
Right?
Last night with him and Langston was one of the best nights I’d had since arriving in the tiny town.
Which shocked the hell out of me, making me wonder if it was all just a dream.
Of course, what happened in the supply closet was fantastic, but what came after was just as great.
The three of us ate delicious food and had a few drinks.
The easy conversations and cheek-hurting laughter, mixed with heated looks, made the night one I would never forget.
After they had walked me to my door, staying rooted on the porch until I firmly secured the handle lock and deadbolt—and even then, I swore the handle twisted as if one of them had tested it to make sure I actually did—I literally fell into bed but couldn’t sleep despite the exhaustion and late hour.
I’d lain there for hours, mind racing, contemplating the pros and cons of putting my heart back out there with West. There were so many caveats to consider, such as his best friend, who treated me like the enemy he didn’t trust as far as he could throw me, and potentially ruining my friendship with West. But the chemistry between the two of us—and Langston too, even if I didn’t want to admit it—was seventh-level-of-hell hot.
Of course, then my messed-up brain cut through the lust fog, bringing me back to the reality that it was just me feeling the connection and chemistry, that for them, it was normal, average, mundane.
That was the real reason Langston stepped in.
It had nothing to do with West’s injured hand and everything to do with me not being sexy enough or expressive enough to turn him on.
That rang more true than actually believing they thought last night was as hot as I did.
“Juno.” I jumped at the volume of West’s voice, almost shouting in my face. “What the fuck was that?” he demanded.
I shrank back against the cabinets, wishing like hell I could disappear into them.
With a frustrated groan, West ripped the glasses off his face and rubbed his eye with the heel of his hand.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you like that, but you were just…
” His dark eyes bored into me as if trying to read my thoughts.
“Blank, stuck in your head, I guess, and I didn’t know how to pull you back to me. ”
“No, I’m the one who’s sorry,” I apologized quickly. “I didn’t mean to zone out like some weirdo while we were talking. Sometimes I do that when I’m overthinking something, and I know it’s rude. I’m sorry—”
“Fucking hell,” West grunted under his breath while situating the thick frames back on his too-handsome face. “I swear, if I find the asshole who messed with your head this much, I’ll….” He considered me for a second before smirking. “Tell Langston everything, and he’ll make sure they disappear.”
A soft, disbelieving huff brushed past my lips. “Right,” I scoffed. “He wouldn’t care.”
West’s full lips pressed together as he looked to the ceiling.
“I swear, you two are equally blind and stubborn. But back to you zoning out. You don’t need to apologize for getting lost in your thoughts, sweet cheeks, but I would be honored if you would share those deep thoughts with me so you don’t have to figure out whatever it is alone. ”
My lips curled in a stiff smile as I gave a dismissive wave. “You wouldn’t want to hear all that. It’s just me being me.”
Desperate to avoid his determination to unravel me further, I shifted along the counter to hop down, but West stepped between my spread thighs, sealing his body against the concrete top, pinning me in place.
“And that’s bad?” My lips parted, the word yes ready to slip off my tongue, but I snapped them shut at his disapproving expression.
“Let me set something straight right now so you never have to question when we’re together.
I always want to hear what you’re thinking, Juno. Always. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t.”
“Okay.” That was all I could say, knowing there was no way I would ever feel comfortable verbalizing my circling thoughts.
No man actually wanted to hear what was bothering a woman.
Men only listened with fake interest and connection to lead to the real reason they pretended to care, which, in my experience, was always something sexual.
They listened during date night? Oh, then they should be rewarded with sex.
They stopped by the grocery store to pick up something he wanted? He should totally be rewarded with a blow job.
They planned a weekend getaway, so they should totally be rewarded every hour of that trip with sex, and if they weren’t, then they could pout and complain about how mistreated they were.
“You’re killing me, Juno.” It was the desperation in West’s voice that pulled me out of my head. “Please open up to me.”
“I need to go,” I whispered. “Please let me down.”
With a sorrow-filled expression, he stepped back enough for me to hop down and squeeze past him. With the needed cold distance between us, the earlier desire fog that had muddled my thoughts lifted. Inhaling deeply through my nose, I turned to him with a stiff smile.
“Okay, so back to why I’m here so early. You needed help to get dressed, so let’s do that.”
Clearly frustrated with the steel wall I’d erected between us, West ripped the super-soft cotton shirt off his shoulder and held it out for me to take. Rolling the shirt just so, I situated the head hole over his short hair and carefully slipped it down, making sure it didn’t snag his glasses.
“You’re too good at that.”
“Well, I have been dressing myself for a while,” I remarked.
“I meant deflecting, shutting down what you’re thinking or feeling, and shifting the conversation away to something safe.”
Humming a noncommittal response, I helped him thread the shirt sleeve over his injured hand, followed by the other.
“Thank you. Way easier with help.” A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips, popping both adorable dimples on his scruff-covered cheeks.
“Those dimples should come with a warning label,” I grumbled as I situated the shirt so it wasn’t twisted and awkward. My fingers itched to brush against his rippled abs, to dip beneath the thick band of his boxer briefs.
“Ah, yes, I’ve been told that a time or two.”
I huffed out a laugh and rolled my eyes at his cocky tone. “I’m sure you have.” The back of my knuckles skimmed along his skin as I fumbled with fastening his jeans’ button. Peering up through my lashes, I found him gazing down at my hands with a heated look. “Can you do the zipper?”
Fuck, did I want him to say yes or no?
Those dark eyes met mine. “I mean, I can, but…” He lifted his injured hand. “I really shouldn’t.” And as if he wasn’t playing dirty enough with bringing attention to his injury, he stuck his lower lip out in a dramatic pout.
“I hate you.”
Lies. All lies.
“No, you don’t. You just don’t like how you’re feeling.”
“And how is that?” My fingers trembled as I secured the denim in one hand and pinched the zipper with the other, careful not to brush against the very large and obvious bulge.
“Vulnerable, exposed.”
“Whatever,” I whispered and backed up a step, then another and another until I was as far from him as possible without racing out the door.
Back sealed to the far wall, I stood frozen in place as he stalked forward, following me every step for step until he paused inches from me. Pitching forward, he pressed his forearms on either side of my head. Steeling myself, I slowly tilted my head back to meet his gaze.
“You can be both with me, Juno. I’m not afraid of what’s in here.
” The tip of his finger tapped my temple.
“Or here.” That same finger traced down the length of my neck and oh so softly pressed to my sternum, right over my hammering heart.
“And I’m willing to wait for you to understand that I’m telling you the truth.
I’m not going anywhere just because you seem to think you’re not worth fighting for. ”
Warm tears flooded my lower lids and my nose burned as I fought the urge to break down, finally give in to the exhaustion that was my daily life.
“Why?” The word was more of a rasped breath that I somehow got out around the emotions clogging my throat.
“Why would you? You’re really not understanding this, West, how leavable I am.
I’m not fun or outgoing; I’d prefer to stay in most nights reading or playing video games than going out with friends.
And of course, because I’m not lame enough, I don’t like the physical side of relationships.
Sex is a chore, a payment that’s exchanged for a good mood or a job well done on something.
Which is probably why I’m bad at it and—”
He gently sealed his palm over my lips to make me stop.
Dark brown eyes bored into mine. “We’re going to circle back to all that false bullshit in just a second, but first, let’s clear up the answer to your why.
I will fight for you, every piece of you you’re willing to give me, because you’re an amazing woman who deserves to be fought for, Juno.
I don’t know who made you believe differently, but you deserve someone who will actively listen, work to understand what you’re going through, and work every damn day to be there for you.
Not because of what I’ll get out of it, but because I want to, because I care about you. ”