10. Chapter 9
J esse couldn’t think. He could only feel. Her mouth clung to his, soft and demanding at the same time, encouraging the swimming in his head. She no longer used her teeth, and he missed the sharpness of her small love bites.
The skin of her breasts was soft and silky where he cupped her, but her nipples were the miracle. When he pinched and tugged, she tried to writhe against him, her hips arching into the couch. She liked his touch. The idea intoxicated him.
He tried rolling the tightened nipple between his fingers.
She pressed into him harder, groaning into his mouth.
He’d done that. He was touching Julia’s breasts, and she was enjoying it.
He’d never touched anyone’s breasts before, but it wasn’t just anyone’s.
Julia was half-naked on the couch with him, and she was kissing him like she was starving.
She wanted him. She’d said she did, but seeing her like this, hearing the sounds she made, it was more than he’d ever imagined.
His jeans had gotten too tight with how hard he was. He couldn’t help it. Everything felt so good. He kept his legs angled off the couch so he wouldn’t poke into her. With the way he throbbed, he’d likely embarrass himself if they kept going.
Was he supposed to have brought a condom?
He hadn’t thought of it. He hadn’t thought any of this would happen.
His visit had been to tell her it wasn’t such a good idea, but now here he was, with his tongue inside her mouth and his dick hard.
He was on the cusp of something that made him want to either thank her or vomit, he wasn’t sure which one.
His body wasn’t even his anymore. It had become this writhing, needy mess that wanted to take over. Maybe that was supposed to happen. He didn’t have to think this through anymore. He was with Julia, and she would take care of him.
She wriggled against his hands, making him realize he’d stopped moving, and he renewed the rolling pinch, enjoying the sounds she made in her throat as she arched into him.
Her mouth was a miracle, so giving and soft and insistent all at once. He thrust his tongue into the warmth of her, and she groaned before sucking on it, sending even more sensation to his dick, making his hips lift from the couch to press against nothing.
She kept up the sucking for long moments, making his thoughts leak away, then lifted her head, grinning down at him. “Still good?”
He swallowed. “I feel like I’m going to burst out of my skin.”
“Well,” she said, her gaze leaving his eyes to roam down his body. “I want to make you burst, so that’s good.”
Heat slid through him, from her words and from knowing exactly where her gaze had drifted. The bulge that had grown in his jeans was impossible to miss.
She sat up on the couch. “Why don’t you slip off your sneakers and swing your legs up here?” she offered.
She wanted him to lie next to her fully, not this weird half-body sprawl he’d been doing. He nodded, but it took him three tries to slip off his sneaker. Luckily, the second one came off much quicker. Her couch was longer than it looked. He only had to drag his torso up a little higher to fit.
Her hands rested on his stomach, and he remembered he still wore all his clothes while her shirt was off. Her breasts drew his eyes. He wanted to touch them again. He wanted to feel them pressed against his chest.
Realizing he’d been staring too long, he dropped his gaze, distracted by the ink near the waistband of her black pants. His finger traced the visible edge of the spiderweb tattoo. “When did you get this?” he asked.
She shivered under his gentle caress, her fingers tightening on his shirt. “Last year. You can push my waistband down to see it all.”
Hooking his fingers in the silky material, he tugged it down, revealing the black band of her underwear.
“That, too,” she said.
His finger caught it, shifting her clothing lower on her hip to reveal her tattoo. He couldn’t see anything more than that, but just the knowledge that he’d touched her underwear made him lose his breath. His fingers remained there, the placement intimate in a way he’d never experienced before.
His thumb traced over the heart in the middle of the spiderweb. “It suits you,” he said.
“Thanks. I like it.” Her hands stroked the cotton over his stomach. “Can this come off?”
He swallowed, his eyes tracing up the curve of her hip, over her stomach, and landing on her breasts, so round and sexy. His hand moved to the rose tattoo at her collar, tracing the petals. “It’s only fair since yours is already off.”
Her hands slid lower, making his stomach tighten as she came closer to his groin. Under the cotton, her touch warmed his skin, soaking into him in the best way. She pushed his shirt up, and he lifted his arms to help her drag it over his head.
Jesse had never been the bodybuilder type.
His torso was long and lean, his ribs and collarbone poking out more than having any type of six-pack.
He wanted to cross his arms to cover himself, which were toned but not bulking with muscle, but they were caught above him in his shirt, their hands tangled together.
Julia lifted her leg over him and lowered her body on top of his. Her soft breasts pressed into his chest, the skin-on-skin contact making his head spin. She wriggled a little, sliding her nipples against him, and his hands jerked in the cotton of his shirt.
Her legs entwined with his, her silky pants sliding along his jeans until she cupped his hardness between her legs. His dick pressed against her, the warmth of her seeping in through their clothes, and his hips arched, wanting the friction. The spark of sensation was almost too much.
“Oh God,” he mumbled, going still beneath her.
Julia freed his hands, her own slipping into his curly hair. “This okay?” she asked.
His mind spun as his body shook, needing to move against her. “It feels good. Really good. I want—” He broke off, not knowing what he was going to say.
“This?” she asked, her body rocking over his like a wave. Their bare chests brushed and her movement pressed him harder between her legs.
“Yes.” She did it again, making him see stars. “God, yes.”
She laughed, her hands gripping his head to tilt it back. “Touch my spider tattoo again.”
His hands fell along her sides to grip her hips. The tensing of her muscles beneath his hands helped him follow her next movement. The way she rolled against him became a steadily spiking sensation. He arched up into her with the next movement, stars flickering behind his closed eyes.
“That’s it.” Her breath puffed against his lips, drawing his eyes open to see her bright-green gaze right there, staring into him. “Now kiss me again,” she said.
Their lips met softly, a slide of sensation. The kiss deepened with each movement into each other, until her tongue slipped inside, stroking his.
He loved everything. Her hungry mouth taking away his breath. The soft skin of her breasts shifting against his naked chest. The building pleasure in his dick with every push against her. Her body yielded to his hardness, even though their clothes blocked full penetration.
He rocked up into her a little harder, rewarded with her movements speeding up. It was as if they were having sex through their clothes. His dick was hard and aching. He’d never been so close before, not since that one night.
His fingers slid into the waistband of her pants. If he dragged them down, their position was perfect for him to push inside of her. He’d be inside Julia, with her riding his erection, just like that college girl had done that one night.
A spark of alarm slid through him, mixing with all the delicious heat. No, he was okay. This was Julia. He wanted this. They’d agreed. He just needed to ask her about the condom. She said she used them. She had to have one.
Julia made a sexy sound in her throat, sucking on his tongue as she arched against his dick, making the sensation spike. His body loved it while his mind dissolved into a cluster of nerves. If she continued to move against him like that, he was going to come before he even got his dick out.
Of course he was going to come. His body had no problem getting there with this kind of stimulation. It’d proved it the last time a woman had been on top of him.
The nerves twisted and ricocheted inside him. His head fell back, freeing his lips. “I can’t,” he moaned, the pleasure rocketing through him intense but also tearing him apart. “I can’t. I can’t.”
Julia stilled against him, her hands slipping from the back of his head to cup his cheeks. “Hey. You’re okay, Jinx.”
The sound of his nickname quieted the spiraling panic in his head.
Her leg moved, and suddenly she was lying beside him, not over him. “It’s okay. We can stop. We can stop whenever you want.”
Her face moved closer, her forehead pressing against his and her chest brushing against him, but their lower bodies no longer touched. His dick throbbed, bereft without the friction of her moving against it.
His breath shuddered out, relief and shame and disappointment mixing into a sludge of emotion he couldn’t unravel.
“Do you want to stop for tonight?” Julia asked.
Did he? His body definitely didn’t. Precum soaked into his boxers. A few more seconds pressed against Julia and he’d be coming in his pants, but then, anything would make him come. Even if he didn’t want to. He’d learned that once before.
The woman had forced his dick inside her and ridden him until the pleasure had twisted inside his body and he’d orgasmed.
“Jinx?”
He opened his eyes, finding Julia’s. He was with Julia, no one else, but his mind couldn’t seem to push away the shame that had taken over when he’d gotten so close to coming.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“Don’t apologize. Stopping is perfectly fine. I promise.”
“But…” He pulled back, his eyes dropping to her still hard nipples and then flying back up to meet hers. “You wanted to keep going, didn’t you?”
“Hey, that’s not for you to worry about.” She patted his cheek. “If I had said stop instead, would you try to get me to go through with it? Call me a cocktease or complain about blue balls or something?”
“No, of course not.” He swallowed, able to breathe again. She made everything seem so simple, but that was Julia. Right was right to her, and she’d always been an advocate for consent, even when they were teenagers.
The desperate ache he’d been fighting eased its hold on his throat. The air-conditioning cut on, sending a chill down his bare back.
Julia bent over to snag his shirt from the ground. “Here,” she murmured, and he took it from her, dragging it back on.
She put her shirt back on as well, and a pang slid through him at seeing the thin cotton covering her chest. They really weren’t doing this.
He had nothing to do with his hands so he twisted them in his lap.
He owed her some sort of explanation, didn’t he?
Now that the panic and shame were fading, disappointment curled higher in his stomach.
He couldn’t even be with Julia. She was the safest, most straightforward person he knew, and he’d wanted to be with her forever. And still, he couldn’t do it.
His head hung forward, his shoulders curling in. He wished he could disappear.
“Can I hug you?” Julia asked. “Nothing more, I promise.”
He nodded, and then she was there, her body pressing against his, but not in a sexual way. He leaned his head into her, breathing in the strawberry scent that clung to her hair.
Her hand found both of his, curling over them in a squeeze. “I’m going to ask you something, but feel free not to answer, okay?”
“Why did I stop?”
“No. You don’t have to justify that to me.” She squeezed again. “I was wondering what parts you liked. Like, what was your favorite thing?”
He let out a choked sound. “Everything. I mean, I didn’t stop because I wasn’t into it. I figured you noticed that. A few more seconds and I might have—” He cut himself off, heat flooding his face.
“Was that it? Were you embarrassed because you got so close to coming?” She ran her fingers over his hand. “If so, you should know I would have found making you come in your pants pretty damn hot. I mean, that would make me a sex goddess, wouldn’t it?” She bumped his shoulder.
Heat spread through his whole body, chasing the chills away. “You are. I mean, I like everything about you. I couldn’t even think, I was so turned on.”
She hummed in her throat. “I like making you lose your mind. I’ll do that anytime you want.”
“No. I mean, yes. I mean—” Her laugh slid over him, pausing his words.
She wasn’t laughing at him. It was a happy, delighted sound. “You don’t have to decide now.”
He took a breath, trying to find the right words. “I liked it, but it also made me—” He bit the inside of his cheek. What he was about to say couldn’t be right. Something was really wrong with him.
He was scared of his own orgasm.
The sinking in his stomach said it was true. He was such an idiot. He’d never be able to do this.
“Hey, I told you, you don’t owe me an explanation. If you want to, you can tell me—of course you can tell me—but only when you’re ready.” She squeezed him in a one-armed hug, not releasing his hands. “In the meantime, want to watch some Netflix?”
He lifted his head and blinked at her. “What?”
She nudged his shoulder again. “Come on. Not everything is about sex, Jinx. Let’s hang out for a while.” She leaned over him to snag the remote off the side table. “I’ve been on a rewatch kick. You okay if I decide?”
“Yeah. Anything is good.” He didn’t care what she chose.
She leaned over him again to set the remote back, then watched the flickering screen. The actor’s voice was familiar, doing some funny shit-talking, but he couldn’t laugh.
Julia chuckled for him, leaning her head against his shoulder.
His head tilted, resting against hers, and he told himself he’d figure it all out later.
He didn’t want to waste any time spent with the woman he loved, even if it was in a platonic way instead of the mind-numbing excitement from before.