18. Chapter 17 #2
“So, try it. Not different people, but if something is missing, communicate with him. From what you’ve said in the past, inexperienced isn’t the same as unknowledgeable. Kyle used to rock your world, especially when you guys were baby making and going at it like bunnies.”
“Yeah. Sex with Kyle has always been great. I should talk to him.” Phoebe was quiet after that, and Julia could hear the buzz of cicadas in the background. Her friend must have stepped out on the porch.
Julia closed her eyes as she listened to the insects, then sighed.
“The only one who has been making you unhappy is you, Feebs. You’re the one putting unrealistic expectations on yourself since having kids.
Let Kyle help. And if there’s something you want that you don’t have, go for it. You’ve got this.”
“Yeah,” Phoebe murmured. “I think I’ve been letting my jealousy of you take over.”
“You’re jealous?” Julia opened her eyes, rolling to her side. “Of me?”
“Of course I am! Your life always seems so dazzling.”
“It’s a mess. You know that.”
Phoebe made a scoffing noise. “Come on! Hot guys, a kick-ass attitude. You’re so certain of who you are. A part of me has always wanted to be you.”
Julia heard a beep in her ear, and her thoughts turned back to Jinx. “That’d be awkward now that I’ve slept with your brother.”
“Eww, gross! Please don’t remind me about that! He was almost glowing when I saw him on Sunday.” She paused, hesitating. “You know he really likes you, right? I haven’t been joking about that.”
“I like him, too. I forgot how much I used to enjoy hanging out with him.” Julia heard another beep and resisted checking it as she began to smile. “He’s sweet and nice and kind of adorable. Plus, he falls apart spectacularly in bed.”
Phoebe made a gagging noise. “Please, no more details. He already hinted at how good it was when I saw him.”
Satisfaction made her chest lighter. Their time together was pretty vanilla, but it had been memorable. “You usually like to hear the details. It gives you ideas.”
“Not when it’s about my brother, okay?” Phoebe sighed again. “Do you think you’ll keep doing it with him?”
“You know me. I’m one and done.” Julia’s smile fell. “But that’s between him and me, Feebs. Jinx and I have a friendship that I cherish, separate from my friendship with you.”
Her friend clicked her tongue. “That’s another thing I’ve been jealous of. You’d rather spend time with him over me.”
She could almost see her friend pouting, but she tried to ignore the squiggling in her stomach that image caused. “Well, he’s been nicer to me than you have.”
Phoebe sucked in a breath.
Julia waited, not willing to let her friend have a pass this time.
“I told you, I’m sorry about that.”
Julia went through their conversation all over again, frowning as she stared at the back of the couch. “Actually, no, you haven’t said that. All I’ve heard are excuses, not an apology.”
“I—”
Julia braced herself for her friend to argue, but Phoebe cut herself off.
“No, you’re right. I’m sorry, okay?”
Julia didn’t feel any better. “Do you really mean that? Or are you just saying it because I asked you to?”
Phoebe blew out a breath. “I know I’ve been a bitch lately. Things have been hard for me, but that’s no excuse. It’s supposed to be you and me, to the ends of the earth, but I haven’t been a good friend at all.” Her voice grew smaller. “Or a good sister.”
Julia pushed herself up as her chest squeezed. “You mean to Jinx? Is that because of me?”
“I didn’t handle it well when he told me about… well, you know.”
“You can say it, Phoebe. Herpes isn’t a dirty word.”
“I’m not comfortable with it. I kind of wish he’d never told me.”
Julia closed her eyes. “Jesus. Please tell me you didn’t say that to him.”
“No.” Her voice drew the word out, though, like she wasn’t sure. “I don’t know what to say to him.”
“I thought you said Charles gave you a few articles.”
“Well, yeah, but that was because—never mind.”
Julia rubbed at the ache in her chest. She had a feeling Phoebe had said something even worse to Jinx than she could imagine.
“Do you want to support him?”
“Of course I do.” Phoebe’s voice rose, as if she was offended. “He’s my brother.”
“Then it’s on you to figure out how. Research. I’m sure there are a lot of resources.”
“Can’t you just tell me what to say? You always know the right thing.”
In the past, the words would have felt like a compliment. Instead, Julia wondered if this was the real reason Phoebe had called. Her body began to feel heavy again. This day had been too much.
A knock on the door saved her from responding. She pushed to her feet, the effort taking more out of her than it should have.
“You’ll figure it out,” she said to Phoebe. “I’ve got to go. Someone’s at the door.”
“Don’t tell me you’re ditching me for Jinx again.”
Julia looked through the peephole, her chest squeezing as she took in his curls and his blue eyes.
“Bye, Phoebe,” she said, hanging up and jerking the door open to a startled Jinx. “What are you doing here?”
He flushed. “I’m not trying to stay. You said you had a bad day, so I thought…” He held his hands out toward her.
Julia’s eyes dropped from his adorable blush to the offering he’d brought. She recognized the container holding the banana split. It was from the ice cream shop their older brothers took them to all the time as kids. “I haven’t had one of these in years.”
His shoulders drooped. “Sorry.” He cleared his throat, pulling the ice cream toward his chest. “I’ll go.”
She reached out and grabbed his arm, nearly jostling the ice cream to the ground. “No. Stay.” Her chest ached from all the thumping going on inside. She forced a smile, not sure why her eyes felt warm. “But I hope you don’t think I’m going to share.”
His dimples appeared. “This is all for you, Jules. I figured ice cream made anything better.”
“Especially banana splits,” she agreed, pulling him inside the apartment. She closed the door behind him before taking the container. He even had a plastic spoon.
Jinx used his freed hands to push back his hair. “I didn’t mean to force you to invite me in. I’m really okay not staying.” His smile was soft and sweet. “You said you were feeling down, so I wanted to do something, and this was all I could think of.”
“This was perfect. Come watch me eat it.” She led the way to the living room, curling up on the couch and ditching the container top on the coffee table. The first bite was heaven. He’d even remembered her preference for strawberry ice cream.
Jinx settled on the other side of the couch, his eyes on her face as he relaxed into the cushions.
“Don’t be jealous,” she said around her second bite. “You should have gotten one for yourself.”
He shook his head. “I did, but a stroller got away from a mom, and I ended up dropping the bag on the sidewalk. That one looked good, but the other one ended up spilling all over.”
Julia could picture the scenario. The universe had been out to get him like usual, this time taking away ice cream. She filled her spoon with the perfect mix of flavors, leaning closer to him. “Fine, but just one bite.”
His cheeks were a bright shade of pink as he looked past the spoon into her eyes. Then he opened his mouth to accept her offering. She watched his mouth as she hovered, feeling a definite twinge of interest when his tongue teased the trace of whipped cream off his lip.
She pulled away, filling her mouth with another bite so she wouldn’t lunge for him. That was the worst idea. She didn’t want to give him false hope that things between them could be more. “This really is helping. Thanks, Jinx.”
“You’re welcome.” His fingers rubbed along the knee of his jeans. “I’m sorry your day sucked. If you want to vent, I’m here.”
The ice cream seemed to swirl in her stomach when she remembered the way the skeezy doctor had blocked her in.
She wished she could have punched him in the face, but that would have been the worst thing she could do.
The hospital was looking for a reason to ban her.
“It’s not important,” she mumbled. She remembered the phone call with Phoebe.
“Oh, right. Phoebe mentioned you had talked to her. Did that go okay? It sounded like she might have said something to hurt you.”
Jinx remained quiet, and she looked over at him, worried it was even worse than she’d thought. His eyes were soft, though, tracing over her. “It’s okay, Jules. If you don’t want to talk about your day, we don’t have to, but I don’t want you to shore me up tonight. I want to do that for you.”
Her throat tightened. Most of the ice cream was gone already. She leaned forward, putting the container on the coffee table and swallowing the constriction in her throat. “I was just pissed off and nobody wants to be around someone feeling all pissy.”
“Pissy makes it sound like you’re mad for no reason. I know you, Jules. You only get mad for good reasons.” He rubbed his jeans again. “I never mind being around you when you’re angry. As a kid, it made me feel kind of… safe, I guess. You’re the person I always wanted to be like.”
It was an echo of Phoebe’s words, but he said it so differently. There was no jealousy. It was almost like he was… she wasn’t even sure. Proud of her, maybe? No, that was ridiculous.
“I didn’t stick up for myself the way I wanted to,” she admitted.
“I mean, I would have been professional no matter what, but there’s a part of me that will always want to fix things myself.
I hate when I can’t just fix it.” She frowned down at her silky lounge pants as she curled her legs under her.
“I reported the prick. Sure, he’s sexually harassing me because of my shitty reputation right now, but someone like him probably does it to other women, too. ”
Jinx’s smile fell away, and his brow creased. “This happened at the hospital?”
She leaned toward him, rubbing her thumb over the wrinkles that had formed there. “Don’t look so worried. I can take care of myself.” Her fingers trailed down until she was cupping his face. The lightest rasp tickled her palm.
“You shouldn’t have to,” Jinx said.
She shrugged, pulling back before she gave in and drew him closer. “Stuff like this happens. More now, and he was a real creep, but apparently John has been running his mouth about me.” She really had been an idiot to keep sleeping with that asshole, no matter how good his dick had moved.
She hated feeling like an idiot. Regretting sex was the worst kind of shame she’d experienced.
“That really is shitty,” Jinx murmured. “I wish I could make it better. Maybe if I—”
She laid her finger over his lips to stop the words. “You can’t fix it. Just being here is enough. Besides, Charles stuck up for me. I’m lucky to work for him.” She pulled away again, watching him lick his lips as if trying to capture a taste of her.
“Charles is the best,” he agreed, but his pupils had dilated. She doubted he was thinking about his brother.
It’d be easy to lean into him and kiss him. She could forget about everything by having sex with him. That was the main thing she liked about sex. Done right, her mind emptied and her body relaxed.
“What do you normally do when you’re having a bad night?” Jinx asked.
She laughed, falling back against the couch and wrapping her arms around herself. “Of course you would ask me that.”
He blinked at her, tilting his head in confusion. She wondered what he would do if she jumped him. Probably freak out. She sighed, curling her arms tighter.
“Come on, you had to have something in mind before I showed up. What was it?”
Her ears heated when she thought about what her evening would likely have looked like. “I have a cell phone game I play sometimes. It’s silly.”
“Silly sounds perfect.” Jinx stood from the couch, reaching for the discarded container that used to have ice cream. “You grab your phone. I’ll clean up.”
She watched him head to the kitchen, and her heart felt full. It was a small thing, cleaning up the trash, but it made her feel cared for. Even more than him showing up had. She reached for her phone, pulling up the app. When she looked up, Jinx hovered near the couch.
“I’ll get out of your hair, but I’m curious. Can I see what game you like?” he asked.
She patted the couch. “Come sit.”
He hesitated. “You don’t need to entertain me. I’m fine heading home.”
“Just sit!” She gave the couch a harder pat.
“And take your shoes off.” She shouldn’t have liked that he did what she asked so easily, but she did.
When he had settled on the couch, she leaned back against his chest, holding her phone out a little so he could see.
“I told you, it’s silly. There’s not much strategy, but there’s something so soothing about merging things together. Mindless.”
“The dragons are cute, too,” Jinx said.
“Yeah,” she agreed, staring blindly at her phone as his arms settled around her. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve got a soft spot for cute things sometimes.”
His cheek lowered to rest against her hair. “Your secret is safe with me.” He was wrapped around her now, and her body sank into the feeling.
She forced herself to focus on the game. “If you get bored, tell me.”
His hands barely brushed her sides. “I’m not going to get bored, Jules.”
She didn’t respond, deciding to just enjoy the contentment curling up inside her.