Chapter 30
The walk of shame, except I feel none. -Reina
Reina
The next morning is not filled with regrets, but instead more satisfying sex, and lots and lots of kisses. I stretch languidly under the covers as Brian watches me with complete masculine satisfaction.
“Feeling rather proud of yourself this morning, aren’t you?” I ask in a lazy voice.
“Of course,” he replies smugly. “I mean, it’s not every night I give a princess multiple orgasms. I feel like I’ve finally accomplished something for once in my life.” He leans down to give me a small kiss, which quickly turns into a big kiss, followed by some touching, and then…
I bat his hand away. “Nope, not gonna go there, mister. My mom has been blowing up my phone all night. Even Nani has called this morning. I have to go make this right, and finally tell my mom the truth.”
Brian sends me a sympathetic look. “I can go with you, stand by you. Maybe show your mom that I’m not such a bad guy?” He looks hopeful and for a moment I do think it over. Nah, I know my mother too well.
“No way. You’re the hottie McHottie that caused the drama, in her opinion, even though that’s not even remotely true. She will aim all her ammo at you, and then come back around to me with twice the number of bullets. Not letting that happen.”
He kisses me again. “Have I ever told you that when you talk ammunition it really turns me on?” He kisses the side of my neck and I giggle.
“Stop. Time to rejoin the real world.”
“Shit,” he mutters. “I suppose you’re right.” He lays down with a huff next to me and grabs my hand. “Will you at least come with me to meet my mom? I’ll wait for you. I’d like you to come home with me.”
Well, now my heart is a puddle of goo. “You really want me to?” I turn to my side to look at him.
He turns and faces me too. He traces my nose with a tip of his finger. “Of course, Reina. I’m crazy about you in case you hadn’t already noticed.”
My heart does that crazy butterfly thing in my chest again and I can’t stop my grin. “Okay, I’ll meet up with you after I face the wicked witch of the west.”
He chuckles. “It won’t be that bad, I’m sure.”
I roll my eyes. He has no idea.
Brian drops me off, even though he desperately tries to do that gentleman thing where he walks me to the door. He says maybe it’ll score points with my mom. I don’t mention that he’s a thousand points behind because he’s not even supposed to exist.
I enter the house quietly, looking both ways and tugging on Amit’s sweatshirt nervously. The foyer appears clear. Maybe I can get up to my room and pack before the nuclear fallout begins.
I spoke with Amit this morning. He came out to his parents, his Nani, my mom, and my Nani last night after everyone was gone. I guess he decided it was easier to tell everyone all at once, instead of slowly saying ‘I’m gay’ to each person one by one. He really is ready to move on with his life.
He sounded giddy about it, except when speaking of his dad. His dad abruptly left the room and hasn’t talked to him since. His mom simply hugged him, and his Nani shrugged her shoulders and said that she always knew. Now, her and my Nani are planning a trip to the pride parade in Atlanta next month. They’re even trying to order rainbow saris.
He didn’t tell me what my mom said, but knowing her she said the right thing, all the while wondering what the hell I was going to do about my future. I could do longer depend on Amit as my shield. Mom could no longer dream of us getting together. I was on my own. Even though the idea scared the shit out of me, finally being the genuine me sounded enticing.
“So, you finally decided to come home, daughter? Only about twelve hours later than you should have been?”
My mother appears from the dining room, arms folded and hair still up in a severe bun. She looks tired this morning, and I feel guilty until she opens her mouth again.
“Sleeping with a soldier, uh? Decided to follow in my footsteps after all?” she asks, her voice harsh and condescending.
For a second, I want to hang my head. I want to hide or run out of the house. Instead, Amit’s strength inspires me. Brian’s sweet words imbue me with confidence.
“Yep, I’m not a doctor yet, so I decided to imitate your life by sleeping with an Army man, just because of you mother. Aren’t you proud?” I fold my arms and smirk back at her.
She shakes her head. “I shouldn’t be surprised. I knew that you and Amit were too good to be true.”
I cock my head to the side. Every word hits like a dagger. “What, because you don’t think I’m good enough for him?”
She steps back and studies me. “Is that really what you think? Do you really think that I believe my daughter isn’t good enough?”
“You’ve certainly said things that would lead me to believe that way.” Every failure has been blown up; every success minimized. What else would I think?
She unfolds her arms and casts her gaze downward. Her shoulders slump, and her warrior pose falls. She seems more human. “I don’t want you to get hurt the way I was, Reina. I want you to have security. I want you to realize that love doesn’t last. It always turns out bad for everyone involved. When your heart is on the line, there’s no fall back, Reina. I can’t save you. You’ll suffer.”
My heart stutters in my chest. I think of my mother, of how young she must have been when she fell for my father, younger than I am now. How hard it must have been to find herself pregnant in a foreign country and counting on a man she hadn’t known for that long. Then the despair when she found out he was cheating, and the heartbreak of his death. My mother has always been strong. I think I’m only realizing just now how strong she is.
I approach her warily, still afraid of our natural inclination to verbally strike out at each other.
I lightly touch her arm. “Ama, look at me.”
She finally does, hesitantly.
“All of what you say is true. Except for it always turning out bad. Look at Nani and Nana. They loved each other until Nana died, and beyond, really. Their love created you and ultimately me. And even though, Dad wasn’t a good husband, your love for him brought me into this world.” I sigh. “I may get my heart broken. There’s no guarantee that I won’t. Hell, I might even break Brian’s heart. I can’t tell what the future looks like. But I know I love him, and I know he cares about me. If I don’t try, I’ll never know. I’ll never know what it’s like to love and be loved. And I don’t want to miss out on that experience, even if it means there are tears involved later. And you can’t protect me forever.”
She reaches up and cups my cheek. I’m still surprised at times that I’m slightly taller than her. When I was young, she always seemed so tall and formidable to me.
“Reina, you are my heart. Maybe I don’t say it enough. Hell, I never say it. I should. I should tell you how much I love you more often.” I smile at that. We are not an I love you family. We both don’t say it nearly enough. “You’re smarter than I ever was. I’m scared for you, and I’m trying very hard not to be.” She takes my hands in hers. “Please be careful, and if he hurts you, I’m here. I’m always here.”
Shit, she had to go and say that. My eyes tear up. “I know, Ama. I know you are.”
She pulls me in for a hug and I hold her tightly. This was not how I expected this morning to go, but I’ll take it.
She pulls back and looks up at me with a grin. “You also know, that if he hurts you, your Nani would be happy to hurt him. She mentioned cutting off some very important organs when she found out your dad cheated on me, so you know she’s always got your back.”
I throw my head back and laugh. “I’ll remember that, Ama. I’ll remember that.”