23. Taylor
CHAPTER 23
TAYLOR
T aylor sat in her car, staring at the front door of the house, trying to force herself to face the inevitability of going inside.
It would be empty today. Empty for the first time in weeks. No welcoming bark from Toby. No creak in the floorboards as Kane made his way to the kitchen to greet her. No discussion of how their days had each been. Nothing.
A part of her didn’t want to go in at all. Maybe she should go over to Maddie’s and ask to spend the night at her and Bradley’s place. She knew her friend would welcome her with open arms, that she’d want to stay up late talking about everything that had happened between Taylor and Kane. That was all Taylor wanted to do as well.
But she also knew that she needed to face this. It wouldn’t get any easier unless she did. She needed to accept that he wasn’t going to be a part of her life any longer. If she left now, that empty house would loom over her, making it feel impossible to come back to it. If she went in, she could begin to heal.
With a sigh, she got out of her car. She needed a good meal anyway, after all the work she had put in today getting ready for the fundraiser. They were ready to open to the public tomorrow. This should have been an exciting night, not a painful one.
Someday, she thought as she climbed the porch steps, I’ll find a way to be angry with Kane for ruining this, instead of just sad that he’s gone.
She wished she could feel that way today. But she couldn’t.
She opened the front door and went inside.
Immediately, the aroma of garlic hit her. Taylor froze where she stood, trying to process what was going on — had she made garlic bread for breakfast and forgotten about it? No, that wasn’t right, she’d had cold cereal…
“Hey, Taylor.”
There he was, emerging from the shadows — Kane.
He stepped into the light of the kitchen. Taylor couldn’t help staring at him. He had a spatula in his hand, and he was wearing one of her aprons. It didn’t fit him at all. She blinked several times — was this some sort of fantasy?
His dark hair fell into his eyes. He brushed it out of the way. “I was hoping you might be in the mood for spaghetti.”
“I didn’t know you could cook,” she said.
“I can’t. I looked up how to make the sauce online, and anyone can boil pasta — well, I hope they can. I did what it said on the box.” He shrugged. “I hope it’ll be all right.”
“I’m sure the spaghetti is fine. Kane, what are you still doing here?”
“Did you want me to leave?” he asked her quietly. “If you do, I’ll go.”
“I— No, of course I don’t want you to leave.” She put her things down. “I never wanted you to leave. But I thought you’d made up your mind to do it anyway. That was what you told me. You said you were going to be gone by the time I got home today.”
“I was going to,” he said. “That was the plan.”
“What changed, then?”
“It’s a little hard to explain.”
“Try,” she suggested.
“I found a note from my father.”
“He never told me he had left you a note.”
“No. He wanted it to be just for me. Not that you would have read it, but… there was something special about finding it the way I did.” Kane sighed and raked a hand through his hair again. “I don’t quite know how to explain it. It felt like he was reaching out to me from — from beyond, from wherever he is now — and telling me that things were going to be all right.”
“Oh, Kane,” Taylor murmured. She crossed the kitchen and wrapped her arms around him. “I wish you’d known that was there. I wish you had found it ages ago. I think it might have really helped you to have it.”
“It would have,” Kane agreed. “But I also think I found it just when I needed it most. It was almost as if Dad knew what I was going to need and when I was going to need it, and he reached out to give it to me.”
“That’s a nice thought,” Taylor said softly. “Does it help to think of it like that?”
“It helps to know that he wasn’t angry with me,” Kane said. “At the end of his life, he wasn’t upset with me. He forgave me for everything that happened. And he says he wants me to forgive myself.”
“It sounds like a wonderful letter.”
“You can read it,” he said. “If you’d like to.”
She looked up at him, a smile on her face. “That’s generous,” she told him. “But from the sound of it, your dad meant that to be a letter just between the two of you. He wouldn’t have hidden it the way he did if he wanted me to see it. And I want to honor that.”
“That’s very understanding of you.”
She stood back and looked up at him. “So what happens now?” she asked. “You were about to leave town, and then you found this letter, and you’re still here — I don’t know what to make of it. Are you staying?”
“I’d like to,” Kane said. His voice was hoarse, and she could tell he was trying to suppress emotion. “If you’ll still have me. I mean, I’m going to stay in town either way, because I want to be here for the farmers market after all the work we’ve put in. My father wrote that he knows I’m a good man, and that’s the life he’d want to see me live. And I think that means staying here, making amends for the past, and starting fresh with the town of Miller Creek.”
“That’s what I thought you wanted too,” Taylor said. “That’s why I was so surprised when you told me you were going to leave.”
“I suppose I let myself believe too many painful things,” Kane said. “I thought… well, I thought I was hurting you with my presence here, to be honest.”
“Hurting me ? Of course you weren’t.”
“But my reputation is so tarnished. I know what people think of me. They’re bound to think less of you for spending your time with someone like me.”
Taylor squared her shoulders. “If that’s what they think, they’re welcome to think it,” she said. “It isn’t true. Spending time with you makes me a better person, not a worse one. All the strength you have, all the courage you show me every day in facing up to your past — it’s inspirational, Kane. It makes me want to be more like you. And if people look at you, at all of that, and all they see is negativity, then that’s their problem. It’s not something I feel responsible for, and it’s not something I can do anything about. So let people think what they like. The truth is that having you here has always been a good thing for me.”
“I think there was a long time when I wouldn’t have believed that,” Kane said quietly. “I would have assumed it was a lie.”
“What possible reason could I have to lie about something like that?”
“I don’t know,” Kane admitted. “And it’s not that I think you would. It’s just that… I can’t believe it’s true. It’s too good to possibly be true. That someone like you could feel that way about me…I never would have believed that.”
“I wonder how you’ll feel to hear me say that it’s just the same for me,” Taylor said softly. “I know it’s hard for you to see this, Kane, but I’ve always looked up to you. You had one big mistake in your life, but apart from that, you’ve always been someone I admired. You’re brave, you’re bold, you do big, exciting things. That’s someone I want to spend my time with. I think we balance each other out well.”
“I think my father thought so too,” Kane said. “I think that’s why he left the house to both of us, Taylor. I’ve been thinking, all this time, that he just couldn’t make up his mind who he wanted to give it to, but now I think it’s something more than that. I think he wanted to think of the two of us together. That was an idea he liked.”
“Really?”
“Well, you can see why he’d think you would be good for me,” Kane said with a smile. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then he reached up and caressed her cheek.
Welcoming it, Taylor leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. She couldn’t believe this was really happening — that he was really going to stay here with her.
“He thought of you as someone who would help me be a better person,” Kane said. “And he was right about that. But what really blows my mind is that he also saw me as someone who was good enough for you . I know how much he cared about you. He wouldn’t have said something like that if he didn’t really mean it. He wouldn’t have encouraged me to stay here with you, to be in your life, if he thought it would be harmful to you in any way.”
“Someone said something to you, didn’t they?” Taylor realized. “That’s where all this came from. Someone said something that made you feel like you weren’t good enough for me or something.”
“It doesn’t matter now,” Kane said. “The people who mean the most to me don’t seem to feel that way, so that’s not something I’m going to worry about anymore.”
“Good.” Taylor smiled. “I’m glad. It drives me crazy to think of people telling you that you’re not enough for me. My life is better with you in it than it ever was without you, and I’m so glad you’re staying around, Kane. Next time you get the itch to run, promise me you’ll talk to me about whatever’s going on first.”
“I don’t think that’s something we need to worry about,” Kane said, wrapping his arms around her. “I don’t think there’s anything that would make me leave now.”
“Well, that’s good, because now that I know you know how to cook, I’m going to want you to make dinner a lot more often.”
It broke the tension, and they both laughed. “Let’s eat before the food gets cold,” Kane suggested, moving to the pot on the stove to serve it. “You sit down.”
Taylor grinned and took a seat at the table, and Kane dished up the plates of spaghetti, placing one in front of each of them. He sat opposite her, and Taylor couldn’t help feeling that the grin on his face was the most wholehearted one she had ever seen there.
This was what Kane looked like when he was happy.
It was something she had waited a very long time to see. And she promised herself that she would do whatever she could to make him feel at home in Miller Creek for as long as he was willing to stay.
This wasn’t a long-term answer, she knew. He still had a job and a home in Detroit, and he might well decide to go back to those things. She wouldn’t fault him if he did.
But at least he wasn’t running away this time. And right now, that felt like all the progress anyone could ask for — and reason enough to hold on to the ghost of a hope that maybe, just maybe, he would stay for good.