Chapter 17 #2
“I’m sure you’ll have it with Aaron.” Victoria tried to remember what they’d been talking about. “Oh, my mom helping my dad
in his business. Thanks to her he has the career he always wanted. And the lesson of the day, children, is Don’t get between my mother and one of her plans. You’ll be bulldozed into dust if you try.”
“But she didn’t bulldoze him. She loved him and helped him.”
“The woman is bossy. I still remember her talking to me about one of my friends. She said she wasn’t a good influence and
that I should reconsider the relationship.”
Shannon winced. “Let me guess. That made you want to get even closer to her.”
“Of course. Besides, I was always the ringleader for the trouble we got into. I’m not easily influenced. I learned early that
if I let her, my mom would guide me into doing exactly what she wanted.”
A couple of pages slipped from Shannon’s fingers. “I think she just did that to me.”
“What do you mean?”
“She texted me a couple of days ago and asked me to call.”
Victoria didn’t bother hiding her surprise. “And where is that movie score when you need it?” She moved her fingers as if
she were playing piano. “We need the part that portends doom and destruction. What did she want to talk about?”
“A seminar on cinematography.”
Victoria waited to feel upset or dismayed that Ava had reached out to Shannon, but hearing the reason only left her confused.
“Why?”
Shannon ducked her head. “When I met her for lunch, she asked me about my life and my goals. I’m lost—I get that. I don’t
want to work for my mom forever, but I don’t know what else I want to do. My mom keeps handing me brochures on everything
from beauty school to how to start a dog-walking business.”
“Do you want to walk dogs?”
Shannon grinned. “Not really.”
“Then I would guess that one’s a hard no.”
“I didn’t have an answer when your mom asked about my passions,” Shannon said, picking up the papers she’d dropped and handing
them over to be stapled. “But she kept looking at me, and I started to feel pressure.”
“Oh, I know that one. Let me guess. You made up something.”
“I said I loved photography. I must have been way too enthusiastic because she called about the seminar. She knows the guy
teaching it or his partner is a donor or something. I don’t remember. I was so shocked, and I didn’t know what to say.”
“I hope you told her no,” Victoria said. “You have to be strong with her.”
Shannon’s pained expression said that she’d caved.
“Really?” Victoria shook her head. “You said yes?”
“I had to. She’d gone to so much trouble and was trying to be nice.”
“You didn’t, and you shouldn’t. You’re training her that she can take over your life. The fact that she offered something
doesn’t mean you have to take it. You didn’t ask for help. You don’t owe her anything.”
“But if I say no, I’ll hurt her feelings.”
“That’s on her, not on you.”
Shannon stared at her. “You’re incredibly strong.”
“Years of practice.”
“I guess.” Shannon handed over more pages. “I’m tired of being directionless, and at the same time I don’t seem to want to
do the hard work to figure out what I should focus on. The days go by so fast. Suddenly I’m going to be sixty-five with a
great 401(k) and a job I hate. I don’t want that.” She looked at Victoria. “If you know what’s wrong with me, I’d love you
to tell me.”
“Sorry, I don’t have an answer, but I admire how you’re so brutally honest about your imperfections. I like to hide from all
self-reflection and anything emotional. It’s probably why I’m not interested in being in a romantic relationship. All those
feelings. It’s messy and potentially dangerous.”
“So we’re both flawed,” Shannon said. “That makes me feel better.”
“Plus we can blame our mothers. A little slice of joy in the middle of the day.”
Shannon laughed. “I don’t know if any of this is my mom’s fault.”
“You said she was a helicopter parent.”
“She did monitor me a lot, but maybe that’s on me rather than her. I was always willing to let her be responsible. I didn’t
want to have to keep track of stuff like when a project was due or getting college applications in on time.”
“Before you beat yourself up, have you thought that you never learned those skills because Cindy was always right there, smoothing
the path for you?” She held up a hand. “I’m not dissing her. I like her a lot. I’m just saying you were trained to not stand
on your own and take charge of your own life.”
“Maybe.” Shannon sounded doubtful. “That would be better than it being a character flaw. Learning new things is easier than
fixing the way the brain works. I doubt you’d have let Cindy take over your life.”
“Probably not. According to both my parents, which means it must be true, I was stubborn and difficult from birth.” She pointed
to the scar on her cheek. “She would love me to get this fixed, but I won’t.”
“To annoy her?”
“Mostly. Sometimes I think it’s a badge of honor, but then I wonder where the honor is in living my life in anti-Ava mode.”
“You said you weren’t into self-reflection.”
“I’m not.”
Shannon laughed. “Yet you just explained your character and illustrated your relationship with your mother in five sentences.”
“Any self-knowledge is merely accidental.” She stapled more pages together, and they worked in silence for several minutes.
“I’m writing a screenplay.”
Shannon’s eyes widened. “For real? That’s amazing. Good for you.”
Victoria waved away the words. “Come on, it’s LA.
Everyone’s writing a screenplay.” She paused.
“I’m on my fourth draft. My critique group says it’s much better, so I’m hoping it’s decent.
We’ll see. But my point is there’s no way I’d tell my mother.
Although I did have my dad read the first draft, so he probably told her, but we’re both pretending she doesn’t know.
” She paused. “Wow, that’s twisted even for our relationship. ”
“Is the stunt work about your mom?”
“Of course. I didn’t realize it when I signed up for the school. Mom had been looking at the colleges with the best cheer
programs, but by then I was done with the sport. The stunt work was fun and interesting until it wasn’t.”
Shannon handed over the last of the pages and sank into a chair. “So you live your life to get back at your mom, and I’m totally
enmeshed with mine.” She shrugged. “Aaron pointed out that knowing she was planning to give me up for adoption makes my responsibility
for her happiness bigger than it was, which is probably true but not anything I wanted to hear. I want to be independent,
yet I run to her every time I screw up. She’s the voice in my head.” Shannon stared at her. “I want to hear my own voice,
but I worry the reason I can’t is that I don’t have anything to say.”
Victoria touched her hand. “Hey, it’s okay. Everyone is messed up. Let’s not forget all my issues.”
“You mean the fact that you’re an emotional coward who won’t let yourself feel things and that you hide behind a facade of
bravery and independence when what you secretly want is to connect with people?”
Shannon’s tone was kind and supportive, but the words were like individual slaps to her psyche.
“Sorry,” Shannon said, looking guilty. “That was a little more than I meant to say. I wasn’t being mean.”
“No, it’s fine. I get it.” Sort of. Because she wasn’t secretly interested in connecting with anyone, and she actually was brave and independent. But she would accept the not-feeling-things because that part was true.
Just then her phone buzzed.
“Oh, the pizza’s here. Perfect timing. What do you want to drink? I have water and diet soda. And coffee.”
“Did I hurt your feelings?” Shannon asked as she started loading the stapled flyers back into boxes.
“Never,” Victoria told her with a laugh. “We’re good. Please don’t sweat it.”
“Okay, thanks. Because I wasn’t trying to, you know.”
“I do know, and we’re good.”
Which they were. Words couldn’t touch her. She was too strong for that. She always had been.