Chapter 18
Ava was surprised when Cindy called and suggested they meet for coffee. Her first thought was to wonder if Milton would approve,
but then she reminded herself that Cindy hadn’t been the problem at all. It had been Ava herself who had behaved thoughtlessly
by sharing too much with Shannon and hurting Victoria. She hadn’t meant to injure their daughter—that had been the by-product
of her needing to connect with Shannon, to let the young woman know how much she’d been wanted. And while Ava still wanted
to make sure Shannon knew, she also understood the price of that was too high. She’d been wrong and had behaved badly. She
was determined it wouldn’t happen again.
She pulled into the parking space. It was only when she picked up her bag and started to leave the car that she felt a whisper
of guilt and uncertainty. When she and Shannon had met, Cindy’s daughter had confessed she was secretly engaged. What if she
was still keeping the information from her mother? Ava could argue both sides. Cindy deserved to know her only daughter was
planning on getting married, while Shannon would have her reasons for not sharing the information. The news was hers to tell,
not Ava’s. She didn’t want to be in the middle but couldn’t decide which was the best action, which usually meant keeping
quiet offered the least uncomfortable choice.
“Life is complicated,” she murmured to herself as she got out of the car and walked toward the coffee place.
As it was midmorning, only a handful of customers sat at tables, and the line for service was a mere three people long. She
glanced around and saw that Cindy hadn’t arrived yet. Should she get her drink and find a table, or wait? Before she needed
to decide, the front door opened and Cindy stepped inside. Their eyes met.
Ava felt an unexpected rush of emotion. Regret, of course, but also longing for what had been, and a wave of missing the friendship
that had been so important to her. She instinctively took a step toward Cindy. The other woman moved toward her. Suddenly
they were hanging on to each other, holding tight, as if they would never let go.
“I’m sorry,” Cindy whispered. “About so much. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you, too.”
They stepped back and smiled at each other.
“I know this has been strange and awkward,” Cindy said, “but I’m so glad we ran into each other.”
“Me, too.”
They linked arms in that way they always had and went to the counter to place their order. Cindy insisted on buying, and she
waited for their coffees while Ava claimed a table. When she walked over with the drinks, she handed one to Ava and sat down.
“How are you?” Ava asked.
“Good. Work is busy, which we like. The LA housing market is always crazy. In other parts of the country, housing sales can
slow in the winter when the weather’s bad, but we don’t have that problem here. Every season is busy.”
After decades in the only home she’d ever purchased, Ava didn’t know much about real estate. She loved the house—if only she
could figure out the kitchen remodel.
“How’s the wedding planning?” she asked.
“Slow. Now that we have the venue and the date, I need to get moving. Shannon’s been telling me the dress is the next big
thing. I have an appointment to go looking at a store, but I don’t know.”
“About getting married?” Ava was surprised. Cindy and Luis had seemed so happy together.
“No. We want to be together. It’s the wedding.” She looked around as if making sure no one was listening in on their conversation.
“I’m forty-two. Isn’t that a little old to be having a big white wedding? I know it’s what I want, but sometimes I feel foolish
about the whole thing.”
“Don’t,” Ava told her firmly. “Don’t doubt yourself. You deserve the wedding of your dreams. What does age have to do with
anything? Do what makes you happy.”
Cindy smiled. “You’re saying I should stand up for myself and the hell with what anyone thinks?”
“Exactly that.”
She reached across the table and touched Ava’s arm. “You gave me that exact advice twenty-four years ago, when I came to you
crying because kids were making comments about me being pregnant. I listened then, so I guess I have to listen now.”
Her words warmed Ava’s heart. “It’s good advice,” she murmured.
“It is, and I’m going to pay attention. Shannon’s been telling me the same thing.”
“There you go. The two of us can’t both be wrong.” She paused, thinking about her fight with Milton and how she’d messed up.
“You know Shannon and I had lunch together.”
Cindy nodded.
“Is that all right?”
“Of course. She’d an adult. She can have lunch with anyone she wants.”
Ava waited. Cindy sighed.
“All right, I’ll admit it weirded me out at first, but then I realized that you’d be curious about her. So of course it was
fine.”
Ava hoped that was true. “I just wanted to get to know her a little.”
“I understand.” Cindy smiled. “And to keep things out in the open, I want to make sure you know that Victoria and I hung out
one afternoon.”
Ava hadn’t known that and tried not to show her surprise.
“She didn’t say anything.” Probably because they still weren’t speaking. Ava continued to reach out, but her daughter wasn’t
responding.
“I’m glad you’re getting to know each other,” she added, trying not to feel hurt.
“We are, and she’s great.” Cindy’s voice was full of enthusiasm. “So funny and charming.”
Ava relaxed a little. “I see she was on her best behavior, then. Victoria is both those things. She’s also stubborn and difficult
and very smart.”
“Not to mention strong,” Cindy said. “Characterwise, although probably physically as well, given her job.”
“Did I mention stubborn?” Ava asked dryly. “When she was little, she was always getting into things she shouldn’t. If I told her no, then she wanted
to do it more.”
Cindy laughed. “Most kids are like that, although Shannon wasn’t one to make trouble.”
“She seemed very sweet and kind,” Ava said. “Although she’s not settled on what to do with her life. She mentioned she’d been
working for you for nearly three years, but I got the impression she didn’t want to make a career of it.” She paused. “Am
I speaking out of turn?”
“No. I get what you’re saying.” Cindy shook her head.
“I don’t know what to do with her. I like having her in the office.
She’s hardworking and creative, but I know working for me and Luis isn’t her dream.
She wants something else but has no idea what it is.
I’m forever trying to suggest things. We’ve talked about her going back to college, or maybe to a trade school, but she doesn’t seem interested.
I talked to her about volunteering at different organizations to experience different industries.
I just don’t know where she wants to put her energy or if she does.
She’s drifting, and I can’t seem to help. ”
Ava realized Shannon hadn’t said anything about the cinematography class to her mother, which made things awkward. For a second
she thought about mentioning it herself but wasn’t sure she should. She and Cindy were having a lovely conversation, and she
didn’t want to spoil that. But if she didn’t say something, then she was keeping two secrets from the woman who used to be
like a sister to her.
“Kids are complicated,” she hedged, hoping Cindy would ask what she meant or even press her, but instead she said, “They are.
I never know how far to push things or when I should pull back.”
Cindy circled her coffee mug on the table and sighed. “I hover.”
“Excuse me?”
“When it comes to Shannon, I hover. I’m always there—right next to her, doing all the things. I used to check her upcoming
assignments to make sure we knew what they were and when they were due, then I checked her homework to make sure it was right.”
Ava told herself not to judge. “Shannon always knew you loved her,” she said diplomatically. “Isn’t that what children need
the most? You were always nurturing.”
“Not like you,” Cindy protested. “You go through life, taking care of people. I just . . .” She pressed her lips together.
“In some ways I feel like I shouldn’t say this, but in others it feels like you’re the only person who will understand. I’ve
always tried to be there for Shannon because I feel guilty for all the things she didn’t have because of me.”
“I don’t understand,” Ava began, only to realize she knew what Cindy was saying. “You mean the money. Milton and I had the financial resources to take care of Shannon in ways you couldn’t.”
Cindy flushed slightly as she nodded. “Yes. I knew that if I didn’t give her up, life would be a struggle. Not just for me
but for my father and for Shannon herself. I didn’t know how to raise a baby, and I didn’t have anyone to ask. Every day was
hard. I felt awful for so many things and how it all turned out.”
Ava told herself to stay in her head. That she couldn’t respond viscerally to what Cindy was saying because it would hurt
too much. She had to be the disinterested bystander.
“You led with your heart, Cindy. That’s rarely the wrong decision.”
“I don’t know. I love Shannon, and I can’t imagine life not being her mom, but every day was difficult. For years there wasn’t
enough money. I didn’t have any skills, so I couldn’t get a job that paid anything. My dad’s health was getting worse, and
his disability check only went so far. I was scared and alone.”
But you had your baby. Ava didn’t say the words—why state the obvious? In the end, Cindy had made the hard decision, and while she might question
it, Ava knew she never regretted it.
“You got through it all,” she said gently, knowing that with time and hindsight, she could finally find grace. “Look at the
two of you. You’re so close and have a wonderful relationship. That will never change.”
Cindy ducked her head. “Don’t be nice,” she pleaded quietly. “You should punish me. Please. I deserve it.”
“Not my style,” Ava said lightly. “You’re going to have to live with the guilt.”