Chapter 24
Shannon drove home with her head spinning. She was still processing everything Victoria had suggested. Going into business
with Aaron made so much sense. They worked well together, and she was enthused about what he did. But before she talked to
him, she wanted to figure out a plan, which meant doing research.
Javiar was out when she got in, so she went right to her room and turned on her laptop. While it was doing its thing, she
dug out the technical college brochure her mother had given her months ago. She scanned it and saw that they had an environmental
horticulture program. She went onto their website and read about the program. If she wanted to get her AAS, she would need
about seven quarters, so nearly two years of full-time college. Or she could get a growing certificate in eight months.
She opened Excel to start a spreadsheet, then logged into her banking app to figure out how much money was still in her college
fund. There were pros and cons to each path. Money was a factor, as was time. And she was going to have to talk to Aaron because
maybe he didn’t want her working so closely with him. It was a lot to think about, but for the first time in forever, she
felt happy about her career future and excited about what tomorrow might bring.
Her good mood lasted well into the next morning.
She woke up excited and got to the office at nine, ready to start her workday.
She figured she would spend her lunch break fleshing out her new and exciting plan.
But when she walked into her office, she found her mother waiting for her, and Cindy didn’t look happy.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, instantly concerned. “Mom, are you okay?”
“No, I’m not.” Her eyes filled with tears. “How could you not tell me? I’m your mother. We’ve always been there for each other.
I thought we were close, but we’re not. Maybe we never have been.” She covered her face with her hands and began to sob. “It’s
like I don’t even know you.”
Shannon went cold as dread swept through her and she thought she might throw up. Part of her wondered who’d spilled the truth,
but part of her knew that whatever happened was only her fault.
“Mom, please,” she whispered, knowing it was too late to apologize. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you.”
“You’re engaged! You have been for weeks. You and Aaron are getting married, and you never said a word.” Her mother came to
her feet, tears still pouring down her cheeks. “We tried on wedding dresses together. Do you know how that makes me feel?
I’m humiliated and ashamed. My own daughter lied to me and betrayed me. You’ve ripped out my heart.”
Shannon’s chest was so tight, she could barely breathe. Shame and regret immobilized her.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated.
“Now,” her mother snapped. “But apparently not before. You kept one of the most important decisions of your life from me.
I don’t understand. What did I do to make you act like that? Why did you think it was all right?”
Shannon hung her head. “I didn’t think it was okay. I kept promising myself I would tell you.”
“But you didn’t. That’s what I don’t get. Why didn’t you run into my office the second he asked? Why keep it a secret?” She wiped her face. “Everything is different now. Are we even important to each other?”
Shannon gave in to her own tears. “Don’t say that. I love you, Mom. I’m sorry. I just wanted to have a little space between
your engagement and mine.”
“What does that mean? Did you think I’d take over and make it all about me? I’m not like that.”
“No, I’m not saying that. You were so happy with Luis, and I thought it should just be about that. I didn’t want to get in
the way or steal your spotlight.” Which was partially true. No way she was going to mention the double wedding thing now.
“Then the longer I went without telling you, the more I didn’t know what to say.”
“But you told Ava! You told her and not me. Who else knows? I assume everyone but your own mother.” Cindy wiped her face again.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. You hurt me in a way I hadn’t thought was possible. I’m devastated, Shannon. I didn’t
deserve any of this.”
Her mother turned and walked out. Shannon sank onto her chair and covered her face with her hands. As the tears flowed, she
knew it was going to be a very long time until her world righted itself. Assuming it ever did.
Ava stared at the mural in the baby’s room. Even after all these years the colors were bright and vibrant, the animal expressions
kind and welcoming. The artist had worked so hard to make it all perfect.
Victoria had loved it. When she was four, she’d decided to name all the animals. She’d just been learning to read and write,
and Ava had helped her make a list of the names. There had been four Penelopes. Ava had tried to talk her out of that, but of course Victoria had insisted that every cadre of forest creatures would have four Penelopes.
Still smiling at the memory, she carefully moved the roller back and forth in the pan, then pressed it against the wall. The
bright white primer instantly covered the artwork.
It took less than an hour to paint the wall. She was cutting in the edges when Milton walked in.
“There you are. I’ve been—” His breath caught. “Are you sure?”
She carefully went down the stepladder and smiled at him. “It’s a little too late to be asking that now, don’t you think?”
“I’m surprised.”
“In a good way, I hope.” She looked at the bright white wall. “It was past time. I should have done it years ago. I should
have done a lot of things.”
Milton pulled her close and kissed her. “I love you.”
“And I love you.” She stepped back. “Let me clean up the roller and the brushes, then I’ll meet you in the kitchen and you
can tell me about your day.”
A few minutes later, she walked into the kitchen where she found her beloved husband making them old-fashioneds, using the
rye she liked rather than bourbon. Because he was always thoughtful that way.
She took the drink he offered. “Thank you for forgiving me for what I did to Victoria. You didn’t have to.”
“Yes, I did. You’re my wife.”
“And she’s your daughter.” She shook her head. “Isn’t it strange how one chance meeting changed so much, and yet nothing is
different? It’s confusing.”
They walked into the family room and took their usual seats.
“I reached out to Cindy today,” she said. “I still don’t know if I did the right thing.”
“She had the right to know about the engagement.”
“I agree, but still, I hurt her.”
“You didn’t. Shannon did that. She was going to find out eventually.”
“The look on her face. She was devastated. I feel awful about that, and there’s a very good chance I was wrong to mention
it.” She sipped her drink. “Nothing turned out how I expected. I knew Cindy would struggle with having a baby on her own,
but I never thought she wouldn’t marry and have more children. Of course, I thought Victoria and I would be close and we’re
not.”
Once again she wondered how much of that was on her. She was the mother, after all. She’d loved and cared for her child, and
yet she’d failed her in so many ways.
“Part of the problem is you’re too alike.”
She stared at Milton. “We’re nothing alike. She’s always going and doing. The gymnastics, the cheering. She’s a stuntperson.
I would never do any of those things.”
“You’re both strong and independent.” He offered her a teasing smile. “A little prickly.”
“Catch me on the right day and I can be a lot prickly.” She sighed. “I wish I’d had more time before we adopted her. I wish
I could have been further along in the grieving process. But losing Shannon devastated me.”
“Part of it was the shock,” Milton said. “One minute we were blissfully waiting to have our daughter, and the next she was
gone. There’s no way to prepare for that.”
He was right, she thought sadly. Oh, she’d always known that in any adoption there was a possibility the birth mother would
change her mind, but she and Cindy had been so close. It hadn’t occurred to her that there was any risk. Not for them.
She remembered collapsing after getting the phone call.
She and Milton had clung to each other, struggling to understand the lawyer’s words.
The loss had been instant and irrevocable, and in some ways worse than if there’d been an accident and Cindy had lost the baby.
Because while they’d been forced to process that they wouldn’t be getting the precious baby they’d dreamed about for years, the child herself grew and thrived just a few short miles away.
Every moment of every day, Ava had been able to imagine what she was like, what she was doing.
She’d wondered if the infant—the one she’d then thought of as little Victoria—was eating well, was sleeping.
Was she able to focus on her mother’s face, gazing up at her as she nursed?
How many nights had she left her bed only to sit in the baby’s room, rocking in the chair, her arms and heart empty and cold?
Milton reached for her hand. “I nearly lost you. I regret what we had to go through, but the thought that you could have been
gone, too, terrifies me.”
She squeezed his fingers. “I never would have killed myself.”
“You sound sure. At the time, I wasn’t.”
“I’m sorry for that, my love. I never meant to make you suffer more than you already were.”
“I know.”
She wanted to say that he’d been concerned for no reason, only she knew that wasn’t true. She had sunk into a deep depression,
unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. For the most part her life had been relatively easy, so she hadn’t had the
skills to handle the pain of the loss. Oh, there had been a few discomforts before that. She’d never known parental love—not
the way other people experienced. She’d never known her mother, and her father had been cold and distant, going through the
motions of fatherhood without actually wanting to be around her. She’d bonded with her nannies, but they’d all had other families