Chapter 24 #2
to go home to. In truth, growing up had been lonely. When she’d finally found the courage to confront her father, to ask why
he couldn’t love her, she’d had to deal with his blunt and painful answer. He’d confirmed what she’d long suspected. Not that
he blamed her for her mother’s death—that had been a shock—but that he refused to love her.
But she’d handled the rejection as stoically as she could.
That fall when she’d gone away to college, she’d found a therapist she could trust and had begun the process of healing.
She’d developed skills, but none of them had helped her when Cindy had changed her mind, and Ava had spiraled to a very dark place.
It had taken months for her to resurface, close to a year. And in that time, Victoria had come into their life. She had been
a precious, wonderful baby, and for so long, Ava hadn’t been able to love her. Like her father, she’d gone through the motions
without allowing her heart to engage.
“After my father told me why he didn’t love me, I vowed I would never be like that,” she said, knowing that with Milton it
was always safe to say the quiet part out loud. “I would never hold back my heart from my children. But I did. I couldn’t
love her.” She looked at him. “I didn’t want to love her. I resented her not being our other baby.”
He nodded slowly. “You weren’t ready. The timing was good for me but unfortunate for you.”
“And Victoria. Somehow she figured it out. Once I was able to open my heart, I did all the things, but they didn’t work. I
failed her.” She blinked away tears. “I hurt her without meaning to.”
“She often chooses the worse interpretation of events.”
“Yes, but sometimes I genuinely do the wrong thing. Like showing Shannon the memory box. That’s unforgivable. I was so thoughtless.
You were right to be angry with me. Shannon doesn’t need to know we loved her. How does that information have any meaning?”
His gaze was warm and forgiving. “I’ve always admired your ability and willingness to take responsibly for your actions. You’re
the best person I know, Ava.”
“Don’t say that. I don’t deserve the words or any admiration. I love her, Milton. Victoria is my child, and I love her. But
somehow we’re always at cross-purposes. I don’t know how to fix that.”
“Wait right here.”
He left the family room only to return a few minutes later with a thick stack of papers in his hand. He set them on the coffee
table. She saw it was a copy of Victoria’s screenplay.
“She doesn’t want me to read this,” she said, trying to keep the pain out of her voice. “She hasn’t even told me she’s been
working on this.”
“She told me, and she knows there aren’t any secrets between us. She knows you know. Not talking about it is just a game she
plays.” He picked up his drink. “Remember when we were first dating and I was overwhelmed with all the screenplays I’d collected?
I didn’t know which ones to produce and which ones to reject? You took a stack of them and started reading, making notes as
you went. You had a great eye for talent, and you offered insightful suggestions to improve the work. I suspect you still
have those skills.”
She drew back. “Bad enough that I read what she wrote. There’s no way she wants my suggestions.”
“I happen to know she’s struggling with a few things. You could help.”
“Or piss her off to the point that she never speaks to me again.”
“Trust her,” he said. “Trust the bond between you.” He tapped the screenplay. “It’s another way to get to know your daughter.
What you learn might surprise you.”
“It was so bad,” Shannon said as she huddled in Aaron’s arms. “The way she looked at me. The things she said.”
“I’m sorry, baby.” He stroked her hair. “I wish I could make this better.”
“You can’t. No one can. I did this. It’s my responsibility.
You told me I needed to tell her, and I said I would, but I didn’t.
I took the coward’s way out, and now she’s devastated.
” She wiped her face and looked at him. “I damaged our relationship. I know she’ll eventually forgive me because she’s a good person and she loves me, but for the rest of our lives, I will have always done this to her. ”
Aaron looked stricken. “Don’t say that. She’ll get over it.”
“That’s not the same as forgetting. She’ll never forget this. I know I have to start by apologizing, but I can’t even do that.
She sent out an all-employee email saying she and Luis were going away for a few days and they’d be back on Monday.” She looked
at him. “She just left without saying anything. She’s never done that before. I don’t know where they went or anything. I
chased her away.”
“You didn’t. I’m sure Luis suggested going somewhere as a distraction. This is hard on both of you.”
“But I caused it.”
She stood up and started pacing in his small living room. “This is what’s wrong with me. I won’t do the hard thing. I put
off dealing with whatever the problem is until it becomes a crisis. I ignore the issue while I still have some kind of control
over the situation and then have to deal with something bigger and uglier because of that. I make it worse, not just for myself
but for everyone around me.”
She stopped in front of him. “When we’re married, you’re going to have to call me on my shit. Don’t let me get away with putting
off the hard stuff. If we have a problem, we have to deal with it right then. No festering. No letting me walk away.” She
sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Only, that’s not your responsibility, is it? You shouldn’t have to do any of that. I should
be enough of a grown-up to recognize what’s happening and deal.”
“I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
“I know, and I appreciate that so much. But it’s not your job.
” She angrily brushed away tears. “Last year you took me away for my birthday because you knew I was so tired of celebrating every year with my mom. It’s always a twofer.
We had the best time, and I love that you want to take care of me, but wouldn’t it be better if I grew a pair and told her the truth?
That every couple of years I want to celebrate our birthdays separately? ”
“That would hurt her feelings.”
“I know, and that’s what makes it so hard. I don’t know how to be independent and strong without breaking her heart. Which
I did by being a coward, so hey, it sucks to be me.”
He rose and put his hands on her shoulders. “Stop. You messed up with your mom, and you regret that. But you don’t have to
keep beating up yourself over this. You’re not a bad person.”
“No, just a weak one.” She looked into his eyes. “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this by association.” She faked a smile. “Change
of subject. Did you tell your folks?” The plan had been for them to talk to his parents together, but she’d been too upset
about her mom.
His smile was genuine. “Yes, and they’re thrilled. Mom is going to text you a few dates for us all to get together and celebrate.”
“I’d like that, although if she wants my mom to be there, it can’t be anytime soon. I have no idea when I’m going to achieve
forgiveness.”
“It’ll be faster than you think. Cindy loves you.”
She did, but Aaron hadn’t seen the hurt in her eyes. Getting over this one was going to take a while.
“She has some thoughts about the wedding,” he said, not meeting her gaze. “Which I know is going to be a problem.”
“Your mother?” Shannon hung her head. “Right, because she didn’t have daughters and you getting married is her best shot at
being involved in the planning.”
She thought about trying on the wedding dress and helping her mom plan her wedding.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said quietly. “It’s something.”
Her first instinct was to tell him it was all good and that of course she would talk to his mom about her ideas, and hey, his mom and her mom could get together and make the whole thing happen. Only hadn’t she just been talking about being strong and honest with the people she loved?
“I want to marry you,” she said, meeting his gaze. “I want to spend my life with you.” She was working on a whole plan about
his business and her going back to school, but that was for later.
“But I don’t know how I feel about the wedding.”
He frowned. “You mean the whole venue-ceremony-walking-down-the-aisle thing?”
She nodded. “The more I help my mom with hers, the less I want to do it all for us. When I close my eyes and picture us getting
married, it’s at a park somewhere with trees and flowers. Maybe you and me and our family. And that’s kind of it. I don’t
want it to be a big deal. I want to get on with things. Knowing I want to spend the rest of my life with you is the only thing
I’m sure of, and that’s the part I want to get going on.”
She drew in a breath. “But this is a joint decision, so if you want to go traditional, then I’ll do that.”
He pulled her hard against him and swung her around.
“If you mean it, I’m in.” He set her down and grinned. “I don’t care about a wedding. You’re the one that I want. I’ll marry
you tomorrow if you say the word. Shannon, it’s always been you.”
She didn’t know how she’d gotten so lucky when it came to love, but she had.
“I’m going to give you a couple of days to live with the idea,” she said. “Just to be sure. Then we can work on the details
together. I have some ideas for parks we could use.” She laughed. “I think I already know the dress I want, so that part’s
done. Everything will be simple. No fancy clothes, no reception.”
He shook his head. “Sorry, but you know the folks are going to want us to do something after the ceremony.”
She sighed. “You’re right. Okay, we’ll let them figure out which backyard. But only close family and a couple of friends.
No second cousins twice removed. We can get those big platters of food from that deli we like and order cupcakes from our
favorite bakery.” She smiled. “And I’m going to make my own bouquet.”
He kissed her. “Sounds perfect.”