Chapter 14 #3
I should’ve apologized, but in the moment, I was just glad that she wasn’t still harping on it because I wasn’t even mad.
I was irritated that I was soaking wet and still had to drive all the way home, and I was tired after a full day of work and hours of getting the shit that we needed.
I didn’t want to argue about whether I was angry or not when I’d already said that I wasn’t.
I sat in that space. Relieved for the quiet. Annoyed that my clothes were starting to heat and now they were warm and damp against my skin. Happy that we’d gotten the things we needed and were finally headed home so I could take my shoes off.
When we drove up the driveway, though, I realized that the ride home had been the longest Esther and I had gone without talking while we were together.
Neither of us had made any small comments or jokes.
We weren’t touching. She was absolutely silent.
As I hit the button to open the garage door, I suddenly wondered if marriage was just going to be a cycle of feeling good, fucking up, and feeling guilty over and over again. If so, I wasn’t a fan.
Esther was still silent as I went around and opened her door. She didn’t look pissed or anything, just…quiet. Pleasantly quiet. Unassumingly quiet. Fuck.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she replied quickly. Too quickly, especially when I knew that I’d been an ass for snapping at her.
“I wasn’t mad.” I felt like a broken record. “I’m sorry I was bein’ pissy.”
“I should’ve helped you unload the cart.”
“No.” I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. “Sugar, I told you to get in the car because I didn’t want you to get soakin’ wet. I wasn’t real stoked to get wet either, obviously, since I pitched a bitch fit about it, but I would’ve been even more pissed if you had to ride home that way, too.”
“But you wouldn’t have been out in it so long if I’d helped you.”
“Still woulda been soaked.” I shrugged. “I’m glad you’re not.”
“If I’m doing something that bothers you, you have to tell me,” she said quietly, not meeting my eyes.
Leaning down, I got close enough so that she couldn’t look anywhere else. “Baby, I’ll tell you if you’re botherin’ me, alright? I was in a shit mood ’cause I don’t like gettin’ soaked from the rain. Wasn’t your fault and didn’t have a damn thing to do with you.”
“Okay.” She didn’t seem convinced.
“Kiss me.”
“What?”
I didn’t bother repeating myself. If she wasn’t convinced that she hadn’t done anything wrong, then I’d just have to do some convincing.
My hands were warm from the heater, but she jolted in surprise when my cold lips made contact.
I was tired and grumpy and I wanted to take a long, hot shower so fucking bad, but I forgot all of that the minute her tongue slid into my mouth.
There wasn’t anything on the planet that could’ve pulled me away from her then.
I could barely see her in the dim light of the garage, but I found the zipper to her jacket easily.
Hell, I found every piece of her clothing easily, but I didn’t take off anything but her panties before lifting her onto the trunk.
It was cold as fuck in the garage and I didn’t want her to get cold, but as her hands burrowed under the front of my hoodie and I pinched her nipple through the fabric of her dress, I knew there was no way we’d make it into the house.
My jeans stuck to my thighs and scraped at my skin as I shoved them down, but it was fucking worth it when her legs wrapped around my back and I slid inside.
Heaven, but the angle wasn’t right. I noticed pretty quickly that she was struggling to keep her balance.
Pausing for only a moment, I pulled her hood up and carefully laid her back along the trunk.
I hated losing her mouth, but it was worth the distance when her legs bent further and she braced her heels on the edge.
“Holy crap,” she muttered, her hands scrambling along the slick surface.
Thankfully, she came just a few minutes later, her hands fisted in the front of her coat, because I was right behind her.
“What is it about this car?” she asked dazedly as I helped her climb down.
“Muscle cars,” I joked. “Enhancing libidos for the last eighty years.”
“Have you seen my underwear?”
“Leave ’em,” I ordered, zipping her coat back up. I couldn’t resist kissing her again. Fuck, what was it about her that made me so crazy? I pulled away before we ended up on the floor of the garage. “Let’s get the groceries inside. I’m ready for a shower and a beer.”
We made quick work carrying everything in even though she looked at me sideways when I insisted on leaving her inside to grab the bags from me at the door.
By the time I carried in the last few bags, the groceries were mostly unloaded onto the kitchen table.
I was pretty sure there hadn’t been that much food in my house since I’d started living there.
“You go take a shower,” Esther said, smiling as she brushed little flyaway hairs out of her face. “I’ll put this stuff away.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I argued, moving toward her. “I’ll help.”
“You unpacked the cart and the car.” She put both hands against my belly like she could physically stop me from getting any closer to the table. “I’ll do this part.”
I let her have her way, leaving her talking to herself as she decided where everything would go as I climbed the stairs.
I couldn’t deny that I fucking loved having her there, not only because she seemed to want as much access to my body as I had to hers but also because it was just nice having someone at home when I got there.
But a small part of me let out a huge breath of relief once I was alone in the bathroom with no one speaking to me.
Days at the garage were so fucking loud.
Between the boys yelling to each other, laughing and joking and getting shit done, the tools that were so noisy you couldn’t hear yourself think, the phone ringing in the office, people dropping shit and engines running and just general chaos—by the time I got home I needed the quiet.
I’d always had it before and hadn’t even realized it until I didn’t have it anymore.
Of course, that realization made me feel like shit, so I rushed through my shower. Esther didn’t need the quiet because she’d been at the house all day with no one to talk to and nothing to do except clean a mess that wasn’t even hers.
The guilt was compounded when I got back downstairs and the kitchen was empty except for the ingredients for dinner on the counter beside her.
“Hey.” She turned her head to meet my eyes. “Feel better?”
“Much.” I moved in behind her and looked over her shoulder.
“I thought we could make pizzas tonight since they’re so simple and fast.”
“Sounds good.” I wrapped my hand around her and rested it on her belly as I rolled my head around, trying to stretch out the tension in my neck.
“I’m not sure what you like on yours,” she continued. “I got pepperoni and cheese, but there’s a ton of vegetables in the fridge, so just let me know if you like other toppings and I can slice them up really quick. It’s no big deal. Super easy.”
“Esther,” I murmured, reaching out to put my hand on hers. “Pepperoni sounds good. I don’t need fancy shit on my pizza.”
“Are you sure?” She turned to look at me, and I immediately knew something was off.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Something is.” I looked around the kitchen trying to figure out what had her so balled up, but nothing was out of place.
“I just wanted our first dinner to be really nice,” she said, so fast her words were running together.
“But I’m so tired and everything I planned will take so long and then we’ll be eating at bedtime, so I thought we could just do homemade pizza but now it seems really stupid because we’ve been eating out every day and I should have made something home cooked like pot roast and I just really wanted to make our first dinner nice and—”
“Yeah, you mentioned that,” I said, cutting off the flow of words as her eyes started watering. “Sugar, this is nice.”
“No it’s not.”
“Homemade pizza is my favorite.”
“No, it’s not,” she argued, sniffling, but her lips tipped up at the corners.
“Sure as fuck is,” I insisted.
“Well, then I guess I picked the perfect first dinner.” She rolled her eyes.
I was just leaning down to kiss her when someone started knocking on the front door.
“Someone’s here.” Esther looked toward the front door.
“What the hell?” I murmured, leaning back up.
Quickly pulling my phone out of my pocket, I checked to make sure no one had called. I could only guess that there was some kind of emergency if someone was showing up unannounced at my house. On my way past the couch, I reached into the left side cushion and pulled out the pistol hidden there.
“What in the world?” Esther blurted out behind me. I probably should’ve told her it was there.
Holding the pistol in my right hand, I opened the door with my left.
“Titus?” My little brother had never looked so guilty.
“I’m sorry, Otto.”
I didn’t even notice the little blonde girl until she started calling for my wife.
“Esther?”
“I’m so sorry,” Titus repeated, grimacing.
“Noel?” Esther called from behind me.
“She’s been so fuckin’ upset,” Titus said beseechingly, his jaw clenched. “I couldn’t keep lying.”
“Esther?” the little blonde girl called again as Esther pushed her way past me.
“I had to tell her Esther was okay,” Titus finished dumbly as Esther and her sister collided in a tangle of clinging arms and sobs. “Dad’s gonna murder me.”
“He’s not the only one,” I replied grimly. Shit.