Chapter 15
Esther
I met Otto’s eyes in confusion while Noel sobbed against me. “What’s going on? What are you doing here?”
“I thought you were dead,” she gasped, her arms tightening around my back. “Why aren’t you dead?”
“Why would I be dead?”
“Come on, let’s take this inside,” Otto ordered gruffly, ushering the two of us inside. “Titus, call Dad.”
“But—”
“Now,” Otto snapped, leaving him on the porch while I led a clinging Noel inside.
“I can’t believe you’re okay,” Noel breathed, wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her sweater. All of a sudden her arms dropped down to her sides, and she stared at me wide-eyed. “You’re pregnant?”
Right. She hadn’t known. She’d left with Ephraim the morning after I’d told my parents about the baby and I hadn’t seen her again before they’d brought me to the cabin.
“Mom and Dad didn’t tell you?” I asked dubiously.
“They said that you’d gone to stay with some friends from another chapter,” she replied slowly. “To hopefully find a husband.”
Otto scoffed.
“And you believed that?”
“No,” Noel muttered defensively. “But it’s not like I could argue.”
“Yeah, I know.”
The weight of my parents’ influence on their children was suffocating. If it hadn’t been for Becka, I would’ve never had the courage to question the status quo. Noel didn’t have that.
“I thought you must’ve gotten in trouble or something,” Noel said quietly. “But no one talked about it.”
“Well, you weren’t wrong,” I replied dryly. “I told them I was pregnant.”
“How did you get pregnant?”
“Please tell me you know how babies are made,” I blurted, staring at her in disbelief.
“Of course I know that,” she snapped, her cheeks turning pink as she glanced at Otto. “With him?”
“Hi, I’m Otto,” he said as he held out a hand for her to shake. “I’m Esther’s husband.”
“Your what?” she yelled, dropping his hand like it burned her.
“My husband.”
Noel’s expression shifted from disbelief to confusion to horror in the space of a heartbeat.
I wasn’t sure if it was the relief of finally seeing my sister again or the shock of having her standing in Otto’s house, but I found myself fighting laughter.
If someone would’ve told me a year before that I’d be married to Otto Hawthorne and pregnant with his baby, I was pretty sure I would’ve worn the same expressions.
“They didn’t send you away?” she said slowly, taking a step backward as she glanced around the house. “You took off with him without telling me? You’re disgusting!”
“Hey,” Otto barked. “Watch it.”
“That’s not how it happened—”
“I thought you were dead.” She huffed. “And all this time you were just living down the road with this—this atheist?”
“Mom and Dad did send me away.” I took a step forward, hating the look of betrayal in her eyes.
“Never been called an atheist as an insult before,” Otto mused behind me. “Has a nice ring to it.”
“Oh, and they sent you to him,” Noel replied sarcastically. “Yeah, right.”
“Otto found me.”
“Esther,” Otto said, his voice full of warning.
“They took me out to a cabin and left me,” I continued, my voice wobbling. “In the middle of nowhere, Noel. It didn’t even have electricity.”
“Esther,” Otto said even louder, his hand coming down on my shoulder.
“Well you probably deserved it,” Noel retorted, gesturing at my belly. “Obviously.”
I staggered back against Otto. Noel was angry, and she was confused, and I knew that she was trying to make sense of everything she was learning, but her words still punctured a small part of me that I’d been protecting.
“Shut your fuckin’ mouth,” Otto growled, making Noel’s eyes widen in fear.
“What’s goin’ on?” Titus asked, bursting through the front door.
“Better get a handle on your girl,” Otto replied, his arm wrapping around my chest. “Or I’m gonna toss her out on her ass.”
“What did Noel do?” Titus asked, letting out a grunt as she threw herself into his arms.
“Talkin’ shit to Esther.”
“It’s fine,” I whispered, watching as Titus rubbed my sister’s back comfortingly. “She’s just upset.”
“Doesn’t mean she can be a bitch, sugar.”
“Don’t call her that,” I ordered.
“I won’t—if she stops actin’ like one.”
“Why don’t we all sit down?” Titus led Noel to the couch.
“Dad headed here?”
Titus nodded.
“Why is your dad coming here?” I asked dumbly, still watching my baby sister.
It had been so long since I’d seen her. Just like everything else I’d compartmentalized, I’d put away the ache of missing her into a small box in the back of my mind.
Now that she was sitting just feet from me, that box was wide open.
I couldn’t get enough of the sight of her.
The long blonde hair, the slim shoulders, the wide brown eyes that tilted up a little in the corners, just like our mom’s. I could’ve stared at her all night.
“Why are you fighting with her?” Titus asked Noel quietly. “You missed her so much.”
“She lied,” Noel whispered back stiffly.
“I didn’t lie,” I interrupted, not bothering to pretend that I couldn’t hear them. “I never lied to you.”
“You left me!”
“Not by choice,” I shot back. “I didn’t have a choice!”
“You could’ve kept your clothes on.”
“You’re ridin’ the line, kid,” Otto growled.
“I’m not a kid,” Noel scoffed. “You’re like three years older than me. Shut up.”
“Knock it off, Noel,” I snapped, raising my voice a little. “Don’t talk to him like that.”
“Pretty sure I’m not hurting his feelings,” she mumbled.
“If I could’ve stayed, I would’ve.” I glanced at Otto. “No, that’s not true.”
Noel scoffed.
“If I could’ve told you that I was leaving, I would’ve,” I clarified, softening my voice. “I didn’t get a chance. You weren’t there when Mom made me pack a bag and they forced me to leave.”
“You could’ve left a note,” Noel argued. “Anything.”
Memories of that morning flashed through my mind.
My dad standing in the doorway, telling us to hurry up.
My mom pulling dresses out of the closet, neatly packing them into my suitcase.
The dress I’d worn for Thanksgiving hanging over the back of my desk chair.
Noel’s bed, neatly made across the room from mine.
“I didn’t have a chance,” I said, my voice nearly a whisper. “It happened really fast.”
“So, you just came here,” she replied, shaking her head. “You could’ve come and seen me. You could’ve—”
“No, she couldn’t,” Otto said flatly, cutting her off.
“They sent me away,” I continued, keeping my voice as level as I could. “Dad drove me out to a cabin in the woods with no electricity or running water. He left me there.”
“He wouldn’t do that,” she argued stubbornly.
“It’s true,” Titus cut in. “She’s telling the truth.”
“You knew?” Noel spun to face him, glaring.
“Not until later.” He looked up at Otto. “Not until Otto brought her back.”
“When was that?” Noel looked at each of us. “When did you go get her?”
“Almost two weeks ago,” Otto replied.
“No.” Noel shook her head. She got to her feet, her hands fisted at her sides. “No. You’ve been gone since Thanksgiving. That doesn’t make any sense.”
I watched, my chest aching as my baby sister came to the same conclusions about my parents that had taken me weeks to come to terms with. Dad wasn’t worth the title, and Mom, well, she would blindly follow his lead if he jumped off a cliff and told her to follow.
“Why would they do that?” she asked through clenched teeth.
“Because I didn’t live up to the picture they wanted the church to see,” I guessed. “Because I embarrassed them.”
“Because they’re fuckin’ nut jobs,” Otto muttered under his breath.
“Where were you?” Noel asked accusingly. “You only went to get her two weeks ago. So, where were you that whole time?”
“Lookin’ for your sister,” Otto replied.
“How did you find her?”
“Coincidence,” Otto said flatly, shooting me a warning glance not to explain further.
“Mom and Dad still think I’m at the cabin,” I told Noel quietly. “We haven’t told them yet.”
“Mom and Dad think you’re dead,” Noel argued, glaring.
“No, they don’t.”
“They do.”
“Why would they think that?” I shook my head. That didn’t make any sense. Aunt Lacey and Uncle Hank had seen me the day before Otto found me. I glanced up at Otto in confusion and the breath caught in my throat at the guilt in his eyes.
“I’ll explain later.”
“You’ll explain now,” I replied hoarsely.
“Give us a minute,” Otto snapped at his brother. “Stay there.”
“We’re not goin’ anywhere,” Titus replied, raising his hands in surrender.
“Yeah, sorry if I don’t take you at your word.” He ushered me into the kitchen and stood there silently, using both hands to smooth his hair back from his forehead.
“Why do my parents think I’m dead?” I asked softly, watching his face. I knew the minute that he decided to tell the truth.
“We blew up the cabin.”
“You what?”
“Quiet,” he hissed, glancing toward the living room.
“Why would you do that?”
“Better if they thought that you used the phone and the guns were destroyed,” he explained, reaching for me. “Than them realizing that we’d found them and took you with us.”
“Better for who? My family thinks I’m dead. They—they must’ve been frantic.” My mind raced.
“Your parents are the ones that rigged that shit to blow,” Otto snapped. “Who gives a fuck if they think they got what they wanted?”
I jerked backward as if he’d slapped me.
“We needed the time, sugar,” Otto said, softening his tone. “We needed to make sure you were protected.”
“You needed to make sure we were married,” I replied, realization dawning.
“Protected, yes.”
I stared blankly at the dish rag I’d left hanging over the kitchen faucet. The instant wedding, not being able to call my parents, staying in the house all week, it all made sense. I’d been hidden away. Again.
“Did you get the guns out of the floorboard, at least?” I asked emotionlessly.
“Yes.”
“Good. That’s good.”
“Otto,” his dad called from the living room. “Where you at?”
“Go,” I ordered, waving my hand at him. “Good luck getting Noel to keep her mouth shut.”
“Esther,” Otto murmured, reaching for me.