Chapter 21
Colton
Shannon was getting worse every single day.
Gone was any trace of the woman I had known for years. The chemo withered her away piece by piece until the frail woman I had once loved with my entire heart was no more.
First, she lost her appetite, refusing to eat anything at dinner and then breakfast. The weight fell off her quickly, and every time I looked at her, my heart throbbed in my chest. All that was left of the once strong woman was bones.
When her hair started to fall out in small clumps, she cried. Her tears soaked through my shirt the first night and the next until eventually, she shaved her entire head, a pink beanie permanently covering her baldness.
Holding her at night became difficult as the weight lost ensued, and then she started to bruise at the softest touch. Most nights, I was too afraid to pull her into my arms because I didn’t want to hurt her anymore, but I knew she needed me like her mother had needed her husband.
But worst of all, the treatments weren’t working, and the cancer was slowly spreading further through her frail body. With each new diagnosis, my guilt only grew.
She didn’t have but a few years left, and that was only if we were lucky.
Her mom died within three years of her diagnosis. We thought that by catching Shannon’s early, she would easily slip into remission, but the cancer – the fucking cancer – just had to be stronger than her.
And the least I could do was honor my word: marry her and give her a piece of happiness, love her like I was supposed to. I owed her that much to her after all the time we had both put into the relationship. What I was doing wasn’t fair, and as much as I wanted Summer with every fiber of my being…
Now wasn’t the right time.
She would have to wait for me longer than I ever intended, and I knew making her watch me marry Shannon would break her already battered heart, so I had to let her go, make her believe that I wasn’t interested anymore.
Letting her go would be near impossible, but as I left Shannon this morning, her small, frail body whimpering in bed at the pain radiating through her from yesterday’s treatment, I had made up my mind.
I would end this little game with Summer and marry Shannon as soon as possible because her time left was dwindling each day, and I promised her mother when she was on her damn death bed in that godforsaken hospital that I would take care of her little girl.
And it was time to be a man and deal with my problems because no one else would.
I avoided Summer the entire morning. I knew from her crestfallen expression when I brushed past her in the hallway earlier instead of pulling her into the closet for our usual make-out session that she was going to confront me sooner rather than later.
She might be shy when it comes to anything sensual, but boy, did that girl have a mouth when she was angry. I had witnessed it firsthand when a customer started to get mouthy with her my first week here.
I had stepped away from the car I was detailing to intervene and get the guy away from her, but she only stood her ground, anger spewing from her enraged five foot three body as she glared up at the man.
She sure as hell didn’t need defending. Her father had raised a fighter, and yet, she let her asshole of an ex hit her.
Shaking the thought from my head, I reminded myself of Shannon, my dying fiancée, waiting for me at home, and that Summer and her pathetic ex weren’t my concern.
Summer wasn’t mine, and she wouldn’t be for a long time.
I waited for everyone from the front to go on lunch before making the short walk to her office where she was busy typing away on her keyboard, her beautiful face hidden by the big screen.
I watched her for a moment, not wanting to be the bad guy for just once. She looked away from the screen, and her eyes brightened as they swept over me.
God, I loved how she looked at me.
Like I was her whole world.
And I was about to rip that world away from her.
“Hey, you.” Her sweet voice was soft, just like everything about her.
“Hey.” Her brows drew together, and worry filled those gorgeous, blue eyes.
“What’s wrong? You look like you’re going to be sick, Colt.” I was going to be sick. Nothing about this felt right. She made me happy.
She made me want to get out of bed in the morning and come to work.
I longed to feel her body wrapped around mine in our stolen moments.
Remember, Shannon,I reminded myself yet again. Remember your cancer-riddled fiancée.
Sighing, I leaned against the wall, not daring to step foot into the office because if I did, the hint of her perfume would wrap around me, and I would be lost in everything that was Summer Danvers.
“We can’t keep doing this anymore. This flirting isn’t right. We both have partners, and I work for your dad.” I spoke the truth mostly. The thought of lying to her was worse than the time I was shot in the Navy, but the look on her face almost made me fall to my knees and beg for her forgiveness.
“You don’t mean that. You’re the one who told me to wait for you.” Her bottom lip wobbled, and she bit down on it, her pretty eyes blinking away tears.
I didn’t mean a fucking thing coming out of my mouth.
“I can’t keep playing this game anymore. It’s not right to my fiancée.” I wanted to tell her the truth, to tell her that Shannon was dying.
But she wouldn’t understand. She’d blame me for playing with her feelings, and I didn’t want her to feel any more guilt. She shook her head, a big, fat tear rolling down her cheek, crushing my soul.
I hated myself for hurting her like this.
“I want more than flirting Colton, and my dad knows – my whole family does.”
How does one break the heart of the woman you love without destroying her?
I ran a dirty hand down my face, closing my eyes before opening them slowly, trying to come up with the right words to save her from pain.
“I want more, too, but we can’t have that. I’ve been engaged for the last two years. Her mother died. She was expecting forever, and I have to give it to her. I’m going to have to resign.” I swallowed thickly. “I can’t have this temptation in my life. I can’t keep doing this, Summer. I need you to understand that because hurting you is the last thing I want to do.”
I would have to resign. Being around her and not being able to touch her or look at her and wonder what she would be like as more than the woman I was sneaking around with, would slowly kill me.
“No, please don’t. I’ll stay away. You can marry her, and I’ll move on. I have Dylan.” I hated that guy, too. He didn’t deserve her, didn’t cherish her.
I couldn’t watch her with him. She was supposed to be mine.
“No; I think it’s best if I hand in my notice today. I shouldn’t have started this,” I pointed between the two of us, and her face fell even more, pain filling her features, “but I don’t regret it. I just wish the timing had been right.”
“Don’t resign,” she pleaded again. “I’ll keep my distance. I know how to be professional, Colton.”
I nodded and exited her office. Just as I was about to turn back and apologize, I heard her soft whimper followed by a staggering breath. I knew anything I said to her would only cause more pain, and I’d rather be shot a dozen times than be the reason for those tears.
Realization quickly dawned on me as I stepped into the hall, listening to her cries and gasps of pain.
I loved her.
I loved my boss’s daughter.
And I couldn’t make her mine.
The game between us was officially over, no matter how staggering the pain in my heart was. She deserved better than me.
She deserved the whole damn world and more.
And if I couldn’t give it to her, someone else deserved to.