Chapter 9 Eden #3
“I’m just being honest. It was Liam. Feelings were high, and my dick was like thunder in a storm, right?”
“Sure.” She laughed again. “Makes you kiss guys, huh?”
“You might be surprised.”
Eden turned toward him, taking his hand and offering a loving touch between the fingers. “Do you still love him?”
He didn’t look at her, but his thumb wrapped around hers, nearly crushing it. “You want me to still love him, don’t you?”
“That wasn’t the question.”
“Because I don’t know the answer to your question.”
“Is there something I don’t know about him? From your perspective. Why did his telling you that you guys needed to keep your relationship open make you break up with him?”
Benson was holding his breath while staring into the distance, as if reliving everything that broke him apart inside.
“Having a girlfriend between us was different when we weren’t getting married.
That didn’t happen until Libby left. He and I…
we got through it together. Realized how meant to be we were, and I… I proposed to him.”
“Sounds romantic.”
He snorted. “No. He’ll tell you I was just being practical.”
“Were you?”
He finally beheld her again. “No. I really did love him like that. The only man ever.”
“But…”
“But there’s a difference between having two separate lives despite that and being married with a woman living with us, doing everything with us…”
“Your image.”
She said it so plainly, like he had so plainly called her a slutty slut-slut.
“I can be queer, or I can be in a menage,” Benson explained. “To the public. Not both.”
“Do you still think that?”
“I don’t know. It’s been five years since I made a man cry.” He squeezed her hand. “Me. That’s who I mean. But he probably cried, too. Sensitive nilly…”
“Is that why you’re pushing him away from this?”
“Am I?”
The man was a thousand miles away, staring into his kitchen as if reliving a memory there.
Eden followed his gaze, but only saw a bowl of fruit, a stainless steel sink, and a box of tissues that had traveled there from the living room end table.
Benson had hay fever that killed him until he took a daily pill.
Eden had seen him do it enough times by now.
Seen him take his other meds, too. Not all of them were lifestyle-related.
He was old enough to be on a couple of other prescriptions that kept him functioning as required.
“I guess I should tell you something, too, angel.”
She didn’t know what she expected him to confess, but getting blown by Liam on the island counter a few nights ago…
wasn’t it. Especially with the image rolling through her head as if it played on the biggest projector screen her brain could conjure.
And the way Benson told it? It wasn’t erotic.
It wasn’t a replay to get her excited. It was a true confession.
Because not only had Liam just done it, but Benson had let him.
“I was angry he left right away,” Benson said. “I was going to treat him to the old days.”
Eden could only imagine what that meant. “He didn’t tell me about that.”
“Finally, something I can be on the cutting edge of.”
She couldn’t bring herself to laugh. “I think you might still love him, Ben.”
“Yeah, well, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. I’ve been trying this whole time not to fall back in with him. You know Liam. He’s one of the most lovable men around.”
“I don’t know how he’s not married five times over yet.”
“I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before he asks the same about you.”
“Ben.” She wrapped her arm around him, teeth on her bottom lip. “This is stupid. I think we all three love each other. What are we doing?”
He looked right into her eyes. “You tell me, angel. You’re the one talking about being a Butterfly again.
While we, what? Sit here and wait for your glorious return?
Worrying about you being treated right? Drinking away any jealousy we feel?
Come on. Don’t believe Liam when he says he doesn’t get jealous.
He just has a different kind of jealousy.
He won’t break up with you over it, but it’ll eat away at him over the years. ”
“Over the years?”
“Yeah. He’s like that.”
She didn’t ask for details. “I wish it were just about the money.” Something was warm in her eye.
Why was she teary? Because it was difficult to admit this about herself?
“My whole life, I haven’t felt truly desirable, you know?
Like, I’ve had boyfriends. I could pull sugar daddies to get by, but like…
I know it’s only because of my body. Because I’m young.
In ten years, ain’t no one inviting me to La Mariposa or hiring me to be one of those on-call girls at crazy parties in the sex club. ”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yeah, I do. Women know these things, Ben. And when I went to a place like the resort… it was scary, but also so exciting, you know? I kept thinking about the terrible things that could happen, yeah, but I was so fucking horny! I think that’s what got me hired!
They could tell how greedy for some dick I was! ”
“I should hope that between Liam and me, we keep your pussy plenty occupied.”
She wanted to smack his arm, but refrained. “I’m serious. While you two specifically made it a great weekend, I’m still… thinking about it. About being her.”
“Who?”
Eden brushed her hand against her chest. “Brim.”
Benson fell silent again.
“That was the most thrilling weekend of my life. It was power. For the first time, I held all the cards. Men wanted me, and had to be respectful about it. Nobody would fucking judge me for going from one man to the next. Hell, I got rewarded for it. Men like Liam were a dime a dozen there in terms of that kink. I think there must be a lot of men who pay to go last!”
“Oh, there is. That’s why I like to go first. Makes me stand out.”
That got him the arm smack.
“I know it’s potentially dangerous, but I think that’s part of the thrill.
Or, at least, a place like that lets me live out that fantasy in relative safety.
” Eden didn’t know why she was so embarrassed.
Because I’m supposed to be. Until La Mariposa, she had never even been honest with herself about it.
Strangers. Paradise. All the sexual pleasure I can handle…
So rude of monogamy to exist right now.
“I’ll be honest with you, angel. I don’t want you to go there. Not as my girlfriend.”
“I get it. I know.”
“I don’t think Liam does, either. He would live, but…
angel, there are very few men on this planet who are truly unfazed by their industry girlfriends doing what they do.
Men like Liam put up a good front and maybe won’t even let you see how much it fucks them up a little, but it does.
And I confidently say that he’s not an exception because I’ve been with that man long enough to share several girlfriends and to plan a wedding.
He’d get disheartened knowing that he was out of town for work and some guy hit on me at the club when I was out with friends. ”
“Did you guys sleep with other men together?”
Benson aged another ten years while answering another personal question. “Sometimes. Never on our own, though. That wouldn’t have been… allowed.”
“You mean it would have been cheating?”
“When you have a third, you have a standing agreement. You’re all sleeping together, or you’re both sharing someone else, and it’s just whatever.
But if he went out of town and I brought some guy from Grindr home?
All hell would break loose. Same if he blew some guy in the club while I was unaware.
Monogamy is… dubious in a lot of gay relationships, but we were very open with each other about what we wanted, and that was the agreement.
We had each other. We had a girlfriend. Other people were incidental to us agreeing to have fun together. ”
“And, sometimes, you guys just had sex with random women in between girlfriends.”
“Yes, but always together. And never when we had a girlfriend, unless she was there.”
“I get what you’re saying, Ben. It’s a lot of food for thought.” Eden wrapped her whole arm around his. “Are you angry at me? For just… all of this?”
“Why would I be mad at you?”
“Because I’m your girlfriend.”
“I’m not happy. But I’m not mad. It’s not you, angel. It’s not even me. It’s just… things.”
He touched her chin, and she tilted her head back, indulging in his touch. “You’re wonderful, angel. You remind me of some of my own latent fantasies. Like having the girl that every other man wants, but she’s with me.”
She slightly smiled. “And you make love like a truck. It works out for both of us.”
“You’re not the first person to say truck in that context.”
“You just like to love hard. Literally.”
“Not too hard, I hope.”
“Only your dick, Ben.”
“Speaking of the literal fucker.” Benson gestured toward his lap.
“I’ve been working on this ever since we got home.
Haven’t quite made it all the way, yet. I don’t think he knows if it’s happening or not.
Plus, kind of awful to have an erection while your girlfriend is talking about serious shit with you. ”
She giggled, grateful for the reprieve from the heavier shit. “So, what? We go to bed after all that?”
“Only if you want to, angel.”
Eden was game, even after all that. But first? Wrapping her arm around him and cuddling up to the man who was slowly opening his heart up to her.