Chapter 8 #3
“I used to love spending time out here.”
“Trying to take advantage of my scary ass.”
“Oh wow.” I giggled.
“You know how bad you turned me out. I’m still fucked up to this day.”
“Well, I don’t know what to tell you.”
“Tell me you still love ice cream,” he said, as his car rolled to a stop.
I took a deep breath as Jordy stepped out of the car.
I tracked each of his long strides as he walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for me to step out.
I allowed my eyes to find his face as I put my hand in his and let him help me out of the car.
The quiet cadence of crickets in the background reminded me of how far in the woods we were.
I took my focus off Jordy and put it on the strings of lights strategically wrapped around the gazebo.
It was adorable. I wanted to ask JoJo if he put them up, but I didn’t want him to know how impressed I was with the simple gesture.
My throat burned as I recalled the first time he did this very same thing.
The lights, the pillows, the blankets, I had seen this before.
Our first time was out here. He set it up just like this, and his tender care made an otherwise awkward time sweet and memorable.
I took a shuddered breath, wondering if I could get through this in one piece.
Jordy wasn’t giving me much of a choice.
He had put in so much effort. It was so him.
Still, I was practically shaking. If I didn’t need the air so bad, I would have run back to the car.
I should’ve run. I should have made Jordy take me home.
The huge part of me that had been longing for him for almost eight years wouldn’t allow me to run.
Instead, it kept my hand in place inside his as I followed him to the steps of the gazebo.
“JoJo.” I gasped, pulling my hand out of his as I fell into a fit of giggles. “Butter pecan ice cream and plain potato chips?”
“That used to be your guilty pleasure. I know you’ve changed a lot, but I was banking on some things staying the same.”
He was right. I didn’t respond to what he said though.
My favorite late-night snack was not going to be enough to redeem him for breaking my heart into a million pieces.
It was enough to get me to stay though. I left JoJo behind, walking deeper into the gazebo and getting comfortable on the mounds of pillow.
“Champagne too?” I noted as I sank down onto one of the oversized pillows.
Jordy didn’t speak as he moved closer. It was sick that I already missed the warmth of his body. Watching him crawl over to me created a fire of its own. I was grateful that he cozied up right next to me as he grabbed the bottle of champagne and popped the cork.
“Consider it a welcome home gift,” he said as he picked up an empty glass and filled it with the champagne.
I accepted the glass and took a sip, letting the dry concoction coat my tongue. I had already drunk half a bottle of wine, but I could use a little more liquid courage.
“Eat your ice cream before it melts, baby,” Jordy encouraged.
“You’re supposed to remember that I like it melty.”
“I do. I just want your mouth and your hands to be busy while I’m talking,” he said, gently nudging my shoulder with his.
“We don’t need to rehash ancient history, JoJo.”
He watched me with soft eyes behind those freaking glasses that gave me butterflies in my stomach. When he took the champagne flute from my hand, I didn’t fight him on it. He turned and placed the glass on an empty spot beside him then reached for my empty hand.
“We have to clear the air, Harper. I can’t have you walking around hating me forever.”
“There’s nothing left to talk about. Time heals all wounds, right?”
“Wrong. I have never gotten over you, not for one minute, Harper. Not even for one breath.”
“OK, but what do you want me to do with that information, Jordy? It’s been eight years.”
“Tell me you’re over us, and I will let it go. I feel like you’re just as tortured by this as I am.”
“What does that matter? You made the decision to betray me, Jordy.”
“I’ve been paying for my mistake for eight years. I’m tired of paying for one night of stupidity. I have never in my existence dreamed of hurting you, Harper.”
“I’m sure that was never your intention. Back then, I thought so, but I don’t think that was your character.”
“I was going to ask you to be my wife. I had the ring and everything.
Me and bro picked it out together and had an honest conversation about how things would go going forward.
As long as you were good with it, we were going to keep things going the way they were, both of us taking care of you and making you happy for the rest of your life.
I wanted you to be my wife. I learned the value of that when my parents went through their divorce and had to do that whole asset division thing.
“Since Jase and I were only seventeen when they split, we had to decide who we wanted to live with and all that shit. Jase said he would never get married. I wasn’t sure about it until I met you.
You saw me, Harper. You knew I wasn’t just a weird, smart dude who liked reading books just as much as he liked playing basketball.
You understood my layers better than I ever could.
You shared something with me that I could never overlook.
When we made the decision to lose our virginity together, I was so fucking nervous, it was crazy.
You were the one who helped me to understand that it was something special.
I didn’t want to fumble you. I could have fucked a hundred girls by then, but I didn’t want that.
I wanted what my parents described as a special experience.
“When I met you, I understood why I waited instead of following in my brothers’ footsteps. I wanted to share that with you. We learned about boundaries and unconditional love together. We learned about ourselves together. Nothing will ever make me stop loving you.”
“And we vowed to only be with each other forever before we included Jase.”
“I kept that promise for a long time, Harper.”
“Jordy, let’s not forget what I walked in on that night.”
“You’re right. I was close. I let the alcohol and whatever we had smoked that night make me go against my better judgement.
The whole party was like a bachelor party for me.
I wanted to elope the night before graduation.
When Jase couldn’t talk me out of it, he decided that I needed to at least sew my oats a little bit.
He had this crazy idea that if you were the only woman I ever had sex with, then eventually, I would get curious and stray.
After a while, I started to believe it too. ”
“That’s no excuse, Jordy.”
“I know. I’m not trying to make excuses. I’m just explaining what happened. I want a chance to be back in your life, Harper. Tell me what I gotta do to make up for the most colossal mistake I’ve ever made. How can I regain your trust?”
“Move on.”
“I have. Let’s move on together.”
“You betrayed me, JoJo.”
“Not that it matters, but nothing happened. I came close. I could barely hold myself up let alone fuck someone.”
“I’m pretty sure y’all were about to do that when I walked in.”
“I know what you saw. It’s almost the only thing I remember.”
“Then you didn’t even come after me. You sent Jase!”
“I didn’t send him. I told you I could barely move. He saw what was going on and came to try to stop you for me. The party should have never happened.”
“Do you know how it felt to feel like the only person I thought I could fully trust betrayed me? A naked girl came to the door and asked me which of y’all I was there for, JoJo! What kind of shit is that?”
“I never knew that, Harper. I don’t know what you thought or how you felt, because you disappeared off the face of the earth and refused to talk to me. How could you do that, Harper? How could you not give me a chance to explain?”
“What was there to explain, JoJo? The girl was about to put your dick in her mouth. There was no telling what all happened before I got there.”
“There’s no excuse for any of it. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to give you one.
I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. I looked for you.
I needed to tell you how stupid I felt for betraying you.
I went to your school every day for a week, looking for you.
I don’t even know why I went there since school was out.
I just didn’t know what to do. I went to your mom.
She told me to give you time. I wanted to respect your space, but at the same time, I didn’t want you spiraling alone and thinking the worst of me. No one had any answers for me.”
“I didn’t want you trying to get in my head and tell me I didn’t see what I saw.”
“You saw what you saw, Harper. I was about to do it. I’m not going to lie about that.
As much as it hurt me, I’m grateful that you walked in because I was about to make a huge mistake.
I mourned the aftermath as if I had went through with it.
All that shit happened because I was spiraling and nervous about you agreeing to run away and get married.
I had already got you to do so much for me. ”
“Jase was a mutual agreement.”
“But you know it was mostly for my own sick gratification.”
For some reason, that declaration bit at something deep inside. “That’s not true. I wanted it that way just as much as you did. We all did.”
“Either way, I started second-guessing myself about being good to you in the long run. I didn’t want to be like my dad.
I didn’t want to get to a point where I didn’t love and appreciate you.
The nerves had me drinking and smoking, and the next thing I knew, I was stumbling behind you, trying to stop you from leaving my room.
Jase kicked everybody out after you left to try to catch you for me because I was fucked up. ”