Chapter 15
Hours Earlier . . .
I had no idea where I was going. The only thing I knew was that if I stayed, I would do or say something I couldn’t take back.
The air seemed to burn my lungs as I drove aimlessly.
My fists were clenched so tight around the wheel that my knuckles ached.
Every mile that I put behind me seemed to open the ground more.
Leaving Harper felt wrong. Walking away after my brother’s confession felt wrong. Feeling the ground shift under my feet when I wasn’t even moving felt worse. Jase’s voice still echoed in my head no matter how much distance I put between us.
He’s mine.
Jase’s words hit me in the chest like a wrecking ball, not because I resented him for being Cameron’s father.
They hurt because of the silence. Jase and I told each other everything.
How long had he known? How long was he going to keep it from me?
I trusted my brother more than anyone in the world. Now I didn’t know what to think.
We talked about everything from women to lunch choices. We shared everything, even the woman we loved. Now the one time when what he knew really mattered, he chose to keep it from me. The worst part was the fact that I knew he was keeping it from me because he felt like I couldn’t handle it.
There was a time when I didn’t know how to cope with my feelings.
There was a time when I kept things in and played nice no matter what.
That led to me feeling lost and trying to end my life when I was seventeen and my parents were going through their divorce.
It had been fifteen years, but apparently, my best friend still saw me as the fragile young boy with a broken heart and big feelings that he didn’t know how to process.
Years of therapy and medication had taught me how to say what I meant and feel things without regret. I was furious that Jase thought I couldn’t handle knowing that he was Cameron’s father. When I made it to my mom’s, I parked out front and swiped my hand down over my face.
The throbbing in my left hand made me hyper aware that something was wrong.
I knew my mom would be livid, but I had to see her.
She already hated Harper. She blamed her for breaking my heart all those years ago.
It was part of the reason I hadn’t told her that we were seeing each other again.
Now that I had probably broken my hand fighting her ex-husband, I could only imagine what she would say.
I wasn’t angry at Harper. That realization surprised me.
As much as I was hurt by her decision to leave without telling us that she was pregnant, part of me understood.
As soon as her husband started berating her for being with both of us, the instinct to protect her reputation kicked in.
Harper left because she felt like she had to.
She left because she felt betrayed. She left because the men she loved broke something in her, her trust. She stayed away because she felt like that was the only way she could survive.
She chose dignity and safety for her and her son when she thought love from us wouldn’t be enough to shield them from the world. For some reason, I understood.
Therapy was a motherfucker.
I climbed out of my car, knowing two things: My hand was definitely broken, and I still loved Harper. God help me, I still loved her. Nothing that happened had changed that even a little. I just needed time.
My phone buzzed in my pocket before I could make it to the door. Of course, it was Jase not honoring my request for space. I looked at his name for a long time before answering the call. I put my phone to my ear but didn’t say anything at first.
“She’s safe, Bro. I made sure he was gone.”
“Did you leave her alone?”
The line was quiet for a second before he responded. “I’m still here.”
I took a shuddered breath, grateful that she wasn’t alone. Harper had dealt with this alone long enough. After another brief pause, he spoke again.
“I didn’t mean for it to come out like this, Bro. I asked her if he was yours, and she got defensive. I did the test just for my own sanity. I didn’t expect for him to be mine.”
“I love her,” I said. The truth felt heavy leaving my mouth but made me lighter. “I’m not walking away from them because of this, not from her and definitely not from Cameron.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“Good. Now can you respect the fact that I need space? I don’t want to bleed my hurt onto everybody. I made this bed just as much as the two of you.”
“I hear you. I’ll be here when you’re ready, Bro. Can you respect that, in the meantime, I’m not going to stop being in my son’s life? I don’t know how we will deal with it, but I’m not going anywhere either.”
“I get it.”
“Good. I just hope you didn’t run over there to snitch to Mom.”
“Wow, I really need to turn off my fucking location,” I said, ending the call.
As I entered the code to let myself into my mom’s house, the truth started to set in in bits and pieces. Harper didn’t betray me by leaving or even by keeping Cameron from us. She’d thought she was doing what was best to protect her child.
It pained me that when she felt like she was drowning, I wasn’t there to save her. I promised to always be there for her, and I wasn’t. Harper deserved love, not punishment. I was confident in the fact that this was far from over. I would never be done. I just needed time to breathe.
My big brother was a whiz. He reset my hand perfectly and guaranteed me that I would be back to normal in no time.
I knew that it would be hard to go months without doing surgeries, but it would give me time to rest and focus on important things like family.
I wasn’t surprised to see Jase’s big head when I woke up.
I swear I didn’t see how people couldn’t tell us apart.
His head was humungous. Silence lingered between us as he eyed me for a long time.
My eyes shifted to the chair where Harper had been.
I didn’t know how much time had passed, but she wasn’t there.
“Is this enough space?” Jase asked, leaning on the wall at the foot of the bed.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I guess.”
“Bro, you can’t be mad with me forever.”
“I can’t, and I’m not. We knew what kind of risk we were taking from the beginning. That was part of the thrill. I’m not mad that you are his father. I’m hurt that you thought you couldn’t tell me.”
“I know how you feel about her. I see how you are with him. I knew that it would be a hard conversation, and you were finally so happy. I didn’t want to ruin that.
It’s not that I didn’t think you could handle it; I didn’t want to take away your happily ever after.
It should have been you.” “But it’s not, and he’s just as lucky for it to be you.
No more secrets, Bro. This can’t work with secrets. ”
“You’re right.”
“Where is she?”
“She went home to shower and change and check on her son, our son. You’ve been out for a while.”
“How does it feel to be a dad?” I asked, finally cracking a smile.
That seemed to lighten the mood. My brother shook his head as he pushed off the wall. “I don’t even know yet. I’m still processing.”
“I’m asking them to move in again when I get out of the hospital. I already brought it up, but I want her to know that it’s still on the table. I think it’s even more important now.”
“I’m with you when you’re right. I want them closer.”
“She felt like she couldn’t trust us to protect her anymore, Jase.
That’s why she ran. That’s why she kept him from us.
We accepted that duty when we chose her.
We gotta protect them. We made that promise back then, and we have to honor it.
We can’t let anyone tear them down. Whatever we come up with has to protect them. ”
“They will live with you, and I’ll be around. People don’t have to know what’s what, but Cameron has to know that I’m his dad. I would never use him against you or her, but I want him to know who I am.”
“Agreed.”
“She’s risked everything to come back. Now she’s taking an even bigger risk to be with us, Bro. We can’t fail her now.”
“We won’t,” I vowed.
As if she heard her cue, Harper breezed into the room with two cups clutched in her fists. “I brought coffee,” she announced, then froze when her eyes landed on me.
“Only two cups?” I asked, surprised that I didn’t have to force my smile.
“I didn’t know you would be awake. JoJo, I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head at her statement. “Can you give us a minute?” I asked, looking at Jase. He didn’t respond before taking one of the cups from Harper and leaving the room.
“Jordy, I didn’t leave because I didn’t love you or solely because I was so heartbroken.
I didn’t know which of you was Cameron’s father.
Once you broke my heart, I didn’t trust either of you to protect me from the fallout of finding out who his dad was.
He knows that Kenny isn’t his father. I’ve never kept that from him.
You two belonged to a powerful and respected family.
I was just a girl trying to find my way in the world.
Suddenly I was carrying something that could ruin us all.
At the same time, I knew that if the truth came out the wrong way, I would be the one who took the brunt of the blame.
I would always be seen as a whore who came between brothers.
I didn’t know how to live with that, so I ran from it.
I didn’t trust that you two would choose me when it came down to it.
I couldn’t compete with brotherly love. I couldn’t gamble my son’s future on hope and words whispered in a moment of passion.
I had to grow up and be real with myself. ”
“You were right to protect him, Harper, yourself too.”
“I didn’t want to leave you, JoJo. I never planned to leave you. I just came to a point where I didn’t know how to stay with you. I swear I didn’t know Jase was his father. I had no idea how to tell without getting a test.”
“I believe you,” I assured her.
“I still love you, Jordy. I still want to be with you if you’ll have me,” she said, lowering her eyes from my gaze. I waited until her eyes were on me again before I spoke.
“I’ll always love you, Harper. I wouldn’t have it any other way.”