Chapter 16 #3
“Right, I mean, we can talk about that,” he says, grabbing my hand as we walk past a group of men. “Lean into me, just trust me.”
They’re staring at me, and my natural reaction is to do exactly that. Ellis wraps his arm around me as we walk and the group of alphas turn away. No wonder Cassidy and Abbott didn’t want me to walk alone.
Shivering from the interaction, I don’t move away from Ellis right away, letting the warmth of his body melt away the ice in my veins. Alphas really do remind me of predators, waiting for the exact moment to pounce.
“You’re good,” Ellis murmurs into my hair. “A lot of people run here. I may only be one person, but I’ll keep you safe.”
“You already did,” I say, though my voice feels as if it’s coming from a long distance away.
I can’t get the shaking to stop and my breaths are coming faster.
“Maybe, but your body is taking a little longer to believe it,” he says. His voice is still soft, strong, and calm, though he’s walking toward a bench. “Let’s take a break and slow your breathing down.”
“I can’t be having a panic attack,” I groan, though I can feel the signs of it. My vision is blurry, and I manage to trip, only not eating shit because Ellis steadied me.
“Eh, those alphas were looking at you like you were a piece of steak,” he says, pushing me to sit once we arrive at the bench. Squatting in front of me as I force myself to breathe in and out, he adds, “Some alphas are pigs. You just saw a bunch of them show their asses. ”
Huffing out a laugh, I nod. My body is on the edge of an attack, but not quite there, which means I can pull back from it. My fingers are twitching painfully, and Ellis takes my hands and begins to rub them.
“You asked about my boyfriend,” he says conversationally as he continues. “We’re both alphas, and we met in college. It started out as light and fun, messing around here and there. Then, it was a way to expel stress when we were having a rough time.”
I recognize that he’s talking to me to distract me from the way my body is reacting, and I appreciate that. I also want to know more about him and his boyfriend.
“That’s not a relationship, that’s called using each other,” I say without thought. “Sorry, my filter is malfunctioning.”
“Meh, I deserve to be called out,” he says. “It was my fault that we were sneaking around anyway. I didn’t want a relationship, convinced my moods were too rocky. So I used one of my friends, who routinely tried to pull me out of funks and reminded me that civilization has its positive moments.”
“I smell bullshit,” I state, wincing. “Ugh, this is helping, but I don’t think I’m fit for conversation.”
“If anyone knows how that is, it’s me,” Ellis says, amused. “I’m enjoying myself. Please, Little Queen, call me out on my shit.”
“Nicknames,” I remind him, unable to frown because I’m fighting to hold my shit together.
“Eh, I thought ‘Little Queen’ was cute,” he says, winking. Ugh, he’s incorrigible.
“Please tell me you treat your boyfriend this well,” I say. “I think he deserves some of this.”
“I’m doing my best,” he admits. “I realized something while I was being a cocktease, using him to satisfy our baser needs.”
“What’s that?” I ask, beginning to feel some of the chill leave my body .
“I was worried about what people would think,” he says seriously, moving from my fingers to rub the palms of my hands.
Do you have any idea how much tension I hold there? It feels so good, I moan slightly. He ignores it like a gentleman, and just continues to talk to me.
“People think that if you’re an introvert, you don’t care what anyone thinks, but that’s a lie too,” I admit, sighing.
“So wise,” he murmurs. “That’s exactly right. I was very worried about what my father, of all people, would think. He’s one of my rocks in life. Always very encouraging, and never judges. Unfortunately, it stunted my ability to see what could happen between…my boyfriend and I.”
It almost felt as if he was going to say his name, and then chose not to. I don’t know why I mind, but I did. However, I have to remind myself that I’m not owed any more information from someone I just met than he wants to give me.
“So what happened?” I ask, feeling myself hunch forward as I relax. It’s as if someone cut my strings, and everything just collapsed in on itself.
If my mother could see me now, she’d have a fit. Fortunately, she’s not.
“My father and I had a conversation, and it was a very honest one. I was crashing out about something else, and I mentioned his name. In the midst of what I was going through, he was the person I wanted to go see,” Ellis explains.
“My father put things together pretty easily, and called me out on my shit.”
“Did he care that you cared about another guy?” I ask lazily. I swear, he has magic hands. I feel amazing, and I no longer feel as if there’s an elephant sitting on my lungs.
“Not a damn bit,” he chuckles. “I felt really dumb. My father told me that no matter what, he was going to love me.”
“Even when you’re being a shithead,” I confirm.
“Yep,” he says. “As for flirting with you, my boyfriend and I are both bisexual. We very much enjoy women. It’s not insincere, you’re intriguing to be around. Ready to walk again? ”
My eyes widen at the change of subject, and I blankly nod. I think I have whip lash.
Thankfully, I’m able to rebound as we both stand.
“Ah, can we try a jog?” I ask.
I need to set a pace that’ll make it more difficult for me to speak to him. He makes it entirely too easy to talk to him, and I’m very aware of how much of a danger I am to myself without a filter.
“Yeah, I think we’re both ready for that,” he says with an easy smile.
Neither of us talk very much as we jog the rest of the time, eventually catching up to the group when they take a break.
“There you are,” Abbott says, drinking water and red faced. “What do you think about your first run with us? Want to join us a couple of times a week?”
“Or three,” Cassidy teases, since that’s how often they run.
“I think I can build up to three,” I say, smiling as I find it easier to regulate my breathing from the exertion.
I know I have to look like a mess after running for two hours, but I feel incredible.
“Good deal,” Cassidy says as we slowly begin to return to my house. “How was it? Any issues?”
“Nina definitely shouldn’t be here alone,” Ellis sighs. “We walked by a group of alphas who were entirely too excited to see her.”
“You pretended she was yours, right?” a guy next to us asks. I really need to get an introduction next time we do this. I feel terrible that I don’t know anyone’s names.
“Yes. It’s the only way to get guys like that to back off,” Ellis agrees.
As they continue to talk, their voices kind of fade to the background as I think about that. I really liked the feel of his arm around me, and I could almost pretend that I was his.
I’m a mess .
“Nina?” Cassidy asks, bringing me back into the conversation.
“Yes?” I ask.
“We told you Ellis would keep you safe, right?” she asks, her eyes searching for something.
“You did,” I agree. “He did a great job.”
Maybe too good.