Chapter 18
Eighteen
Nina
“ I t’s silly, but I really do need girl time,” Cassidy says, flopping onto her back. Abbott tickles her sides, making her scream as she tries to get away.
Giggling, I press my fingers to my lips as I watch them. I love these nightly chats with the packs. It makes me feel less alone when I’m in this huge house, walking on eggshells around my mother.
I have to make sure not to show too much of my room on the video calls, since I don’t have a door anymore. I also no longer have curtains or fucking doors on my closet or bathroom as of earlier today. I got home from ice skating, and my mother was very busy taking apart my room.
Then there’s the fact that I can’t get into anything comfortable until after the call, and I have to wear my wig which is starting to itch uncontrollably. All I want to do is rip it off and throw it across the room!
Holding back a sigh, I force my attention back to Cassidy and Abbott. I had the best day, but then it all went to shit. And that kiss… God, ca n Ellis kiss.
I’m very confused when it comes to him, and why everyone is so comfortable with us hanging out. It feels as if they make an effort to include him in everything.
I also am aware of how precarious my life is. I’m not allowed to relax, have anything that belongs to only me, or enjoy life too much.
Bad things happen when I do.
“Nina,” Abbott says, getting comfortable on his bed with Cassidy. She said they sleep in a giant puppy pile, which sounds nice.
I just don’t think this whole love thing is for me. Maybe I could just be mildly happy, and that’ll have to be enough. More and more often, I feel as if there’s something wrong with me or that I lost something important when I was at Weeping Willow Institute.
…I just don’t know what it could be.
“Yes,” I say with a small smile.
“You look sleepy, or just kind of out of it,” he observes.
“Kind of, yes. Running every morning didn’t prepare me for the different muscles needed for skating,” I tease.
Cassidy grins, shrugging. “The guys said you did awesome, though. You only fell once, I hear.”
“Yes, and ugh. It wasn’t even when we were first starting,” I laugh, remembering. “I hit a patch of ice that wasn’t as smooth and I went flying. I was totally fine, but I’ve never seen Lyle so upset before.”
“Precious cargo,” she murmurs, smirking. “It’s supposed to be nice this weekend. I think we should go check out the festival they’re having downtown.”
“You suck,” Abbott groans. “I have to go see my family this weekend. Not that I don’t love them, but I hate missing out.”
“Ooops,” Cassidy says, winking at me. “We’ll send you photos and show you everything you’re missing.”
“She’s so mean to me,” he grumbles. “My mom is going to interrogate me about you, Nina. Please keep me entertained with texts.”
I like how easy the conversation is with them. My mother says ultimately, I don’t have a choice about who I pack up with. My job is to make sure I’m interesting enough to them to keep their attention.
Whoever puts in their formal request to make me theirs first, will be who she sends me off with. Except no one has yet, and I haven’t the faintest idea as to why.
“I will,” I promise Abbott. I can see the shadow of a body outside of my room, and wonder what my mother has to say to me now. “I’ll let you go to enjoy the rest of your night, though. I look forward to this weekend, Cassidy.”
They get a pinched look on their faces, but nod. This isn’t the first time my voice has gotten stilted because my mother is listening to my conversation. I just can’t keep up my concentration under pressure like this.
I’m constantly worried about saying the wrong thing, or responding improperly. It just really stresses me out.
“Talk later,” Cassidy says, waving before I say goodbye and end the call.
“Why are you so awkward?” my mother asks, stepping into the room. “Honestly, Nina. All of the conversation cards in the world won’t fix you, I fear. Nothing important came out of your call. You should be pushing for some kind of commitment from the packs.”
“You told me not to?” I remind her, my tone questioning her.
She’s wearing a pretty pantsuit as if the last thing she’s thinking about is heading to bed. My mother always looks perfectly dressed, not a hair out of place. Wrapped around her hand is a belt, and my gaze stutters on it before returning to her face.
She still seems really angry, and she’s pacing as she complains at me. The air has an unnatural charge in its energy, making me feel on edge as I drop my phone onto the bedspread and sit up.
“I don’t understand what you want me to do,” I say, my voice struggling not to tremble.
Maybe if I stay calm, I can deescalate whatever is going on with her. But, as I watch her talk about timelines, the need for action, and how the seconds are slipping away, I feel that may not be possible.
Shit.
“Martin misses his wife,” my mother says finally. “He wants me to go on a trip around the world with him, but knows I won’t be able to until I get your situation taken care of.”
She talks about my unpacked state as if it’s a malady that needs to be cured. I’m not sick, I can’t take two ibuprofen and call it a day. I hate when she acts as if getting me matched to a pack is as easy as snapping her fingers.
I hate it.
I gaze blankly at her, because I don’t know what she wants me to do or say. I must look stupid to her, which is a fate worse than death to my mother, because she grabs my ankle and pulls me to her angrily.
“Mom, what are you doing?” I gasp.
“I think you need some time to yourself,” she says, unraveling the belt only to double the strap. My chest begins to heave, because I can recognize a weapon easily enough.
When what appears to be a simple pen can be used against you by a doctor, you get very good at recognizing when you’re about to be hurt.
I just have yet to be hit by my own mother. She likes to hire out her dirty work.
“Mom,” I say, panic entering my voice. “What do you mean?”
“It means you’re not trying hard enough!” Her arm raises and falls hard, striking my leg. Flinching, I hiss in pain, kicking at her to get her to release me. I also pull myself back in the bed, but can’t because she just yanks me back.
It’s as if she has a new found strength, and I can’t get away. My chest starts to heave as she strikes me again, and tears rise up as she hits my stomach instead.
Fuck, that hurts.
“Then what do you want me to do?” I wail as she hits me over and over.
I’ve lost my window of reason, and I can only twist away as she seems to strike a different part of my body each time. My legs, stomach, back, it all gets the brunt as she hits me. It just works her up even more as she tells me how useless I am.
All I can do is try to protect the more vulnerable parts of my body by curling up as tightly as possible.
“I want a pack to choose you so you won’t be my problem anymore!” she yells. “I have to feed you, clothe you, buy you expensive wigs because you insist on sweating in them. Why can’t you do things that’ll get you to commit to them. Are you fucking any of them yet?”
“What? Me? No!” I gasp in shock as she hits me again.
“I don’t think these are the kind of men who are going to be impressed by the virginal omega,” she says snidely. “We tried that way, and you aren’t even a virgin.”
I don’t remember. I don’t. Does it count if it’s a big, black hole?
“I don’t care if you fuck them all,” she scowls. “I bet Cassidy is even expecting you to put out.”
“Mom,” I plead. “Let go!”
“No!” she screams, slamming down the belt. She catches me across my chest, and it feels as if I’m on fire. Gasping, I burst into tears, unable to bear it.
“If you keep this up, I won’t be able to see anyone,” I say. I’m wearing pants, which is probably pissing her off even more, but I’m sure welts are rising everywhere that she hit me.
“I’ll tell them you’re in heat,” she says primly .
“I’m taking pills for that,” I say. “They’ve all asked me about it, and they know I’m on them.”
“They’re not foolproof,” she reminds me. “It can fail, especially if you’re around more alpha pheromones."
Not if I can’t smell them. I don’t think my mother knows how badly my nasal passages have been affected by the institute’s “therapy sessions.” I hope they’ll bounce back, in fact, I know that my body heals better as an omega because of how well I’ve healed after all the abuse. However, I just don’t know.
“I guess I should put this away,” my mother sniffs, wrapping the belt around her fist again and letting me go. I scramble to get away from her, my back hitting the headboard. The welt there complains, but I don’t care. “You’re so dramatic. I barely touched you.”
I can tell that’s the narrative she convinces herself of, because she doesn’t appear repentant.
“You bring these things upon yourself,” she says. “You have three months to find a pack that will commit to you. I should get the other applicants to meet you, but I don’t want to upset the four packs currently courting you.”
“I can do it,” I rasp. “Three months. Silas said something about inviting me on an overnight trip out of town soon.”
It was a casual mention while we were skating, but I know that was his way of introducing the idea to me. At this point, my happiness be damned. I don’t need it. I just want to survive my mother.
“Did he?!” my mother says excitedly. “Oh that’s nice. Pack Mayor would be good for you. They’ll keep you in line as older men.”
Mmhmm. That’s exactly what I need. Tears trail down my face as my chest heaves, and I struggle to get a handle on my body’s insistence that I need to run. There’s nowhere for me to go, no doors to close, no place to hide.
“I’ll let the packs know that all of your plans have to be cancelled due to your heat. It just started, you’ll muddle through on your own,” my mother says with a shrug.
For someone who believes I should whore around with the packs courting me, this feels counterintuitive. Except, it’s all a lie meant to cover up her abuse.