Chapter Seventeen
JAX
I sit in the armchair in the corner, watching over Lily with River nestled in beside her. It’s a small comfort knowing she’s here and safe for now. But the distant storm outside battles with the matching storm brewing inside my mind as I recollect the events of the past couple of days. If I had more willpower and hadn’t gone to her that night, she wouldn’t be lying here now, looking like a ghost of her former self. Her little sister wouldn’t be in the clutches of an abusive, narcissistic sociopath. But at the same time, I can’t regret it either. Being with her is like catching your breath after being pulled under a powerful wavewhen you finally come back up for air.
Fingers squeezing my hand has me jolting awake.I don’t know how long I must have sat here staring before sleep took me. But if the crook in my neck and the pain in my back are anythingto go by, it’s been at least a few hours.
“Jackson,” Lily whispers. I can just make out her face, having switched the lamp off shortly after River and Lily drifted off. “You’ll hurt yourself sleeping like that,” she says, her voice hoarse.
“I’m fine,” I reply, letting go of her hand to reach for the glass of water on the bedside table. “Here, drink.” I gently cup the back of her neck, holding the rim of the glass to her lips. After a few sips, she lets out a soft sigh, and I lower her head back onto the pillow. She peers to her left and finds River still asleep, lips slightly parted, his arm laying across her waist.
“Is he hurting you? If his arm is too heavy, I can wake him and make him move.”
Lily glances towards River again, her lips rising into a soft smile. “No. He’s fine. Kind of reminds me of a weighted blanket,” she replies quietly, her eyes returning to my face. “You don’t have to sit there all night, not because of me.”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t, but I want to be here.” It would be so easy to hide my truths from Lily, but after everything she’s been through, it’s the least she deserves. I glance back to River, an unease washing over me. Each of the guys is so much more worthy of her than me, yet I’ll take any part of her she’s willing to give, especially after everything.
Lily reaches for my hand.“The least you can do is lay down with me.” She tugs on my wrist delicately. Thatalone has me moving onto the bed to join her, unable to deny her.
She shuffles, not enough to lay on her side, just enough to turn her face towards me.
“I don’t blame you, not any of you. But every time you look at me, I see you at war with yourself. I see the self-blame.”
I swallow, hating how she can see through all my defences as easily as a hot knife through butter—a lump forms in my throat. “You don’t understand, Lily, when we found you… I… I thought we’d lost you. I should’ve protected you better,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. The guilt gnaws at me, relentless and unyielding. “You’re not the first person I care about that I’ve let down.”
“But it’s not your fault.”
I look away, my shame intensifying. “But your sister…”
“She has one thing on her side that I never did. She’s his daughter, and deep down, I have to believe he won’t ever hurt her the way he has me.” Lily shakes her head, her eyes glistening in the dim light. “You need to forgive yourself, Jackson, for me, please.”
It’s a splash of ice-cold water, the plea in her voice. I’m making this about me when it should be about her and her feelings, not mine or my fucking ego.
Lily’s eyes begin to droop, her exhaustion once again taking over. “Get some rest,”I murmur. Moving onto my side, I brush some of her hair from her face. “Sleep, Duchess.”
“She’s right, you know,”River says quietly. His tired eyes find mine over Lily’s shoulder. “You carry too much shit on your shoulders. You always have. We all fucked up, Jax.”
“It’s not the fucking point, Riv,”I say in a resigned whisper, conscious of the now-sleeping Lily.
“Well, you’re not the only one struggling right now, Jax. This is about her, not us.”He might be whispering, but his words still hold a hard edge.
I let out a heavy sigh. “Don’t you think I already know that?”
“I know you do, but it deserves repeating. All I’m saying is together, we’re stronger than we are apart, and if we all keep getting lost in our heads, how are we ever going to fix this?”
“And what happens afterwards? When she returns to her life, you really think she’ll be happy for this, whatever this is, to continue?”
The back of River’s knuckles brushes against my thigh as his fingers circle over her hip.
“I have no idea. But it’s not unheard of. People have multiple partners all the time.”
I raise my brows. “Yeah, but how the fuck would it work? Do we have to book out days? Use a calendar?”
His eyes darken. “I have no idea, Jax. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”
His gaze returns to Lily as he watches the rise and fall of her chest, not to stare at her breasts but an unconscious need to know she’s here, that she’s safe, and she’s alive.
“Fuck, yeah, you’re right.”
Lying here, I listen to the storm outside and the rhythmic breathing of Lily and River.
Eventually, I force myself to get up and leave them alone to sleep.
I still feel unworthy of being in the same room as her, yet I’m powerless to stop myself from being close, drawn to her, needing to know she’s here.
Grabbing my phone, not bothering with shoes, I slip out the front door, the automatic lock engaging as I head across the hallway, hold my palm over Elliot’s keypad and let myself inside.
His office door is open, and as I suspected, he’s hunched over his keyboard, eyes on his computer screen.
“Hey, man,”he says without even looking up.
“I left Lily sleeping with River,”I reply in greeting.
He nods. “Yeah, I figured he’d need to be close. How is she doing?”he asks, fingers flying over the keys. It’s almost musical the way he’s able to type.
I scrub my jaw and drop down into the chair opposite him.
“Honestly, I have no idea. Physically, of course, she isn’t. Mentally and emotionally, I’m more concerned.”
He stops typing and sits back, giving me his full attention.
“I’d feel better if she were angry with me. Blamed me as much as I blame myself.”
Elliot tilts his head in thought. “I think there’s a lot of that going around. But right now, it’s beside the point. Mia means everything to Lily, and Richard knows that and has used it to his advantage by pulling her out of school. It makes me wonder how many other times he’s used her as a weapon.”
“Likely too many. He’s such a fucking cunt. ”
Elliot nods, his jaw tense. “We’ll find him, Jax, of that I have no doubt.”
I rest my elbows on my knees. “And this place in Torquay, you’re confident with location and security?”
“I am. The system is state-of-the-art, and the location is private enough. It will let us concentrate on getting to the bottom of this. Having her here only puts her at more risk, and we can’t afford any margin for error.”
I lift my chin towards his computer. “Found anything else?”
“Yeah, so I tracked the closest location from the burner phone, which pins them to be within a twenty-mile radius each way.”
“That’s good, really fucking good,” I admit, a twinge of adrenaline shooting through my body.
Elliot nods, his eyes sharp with determination. “It’s a start, Jax. We’ll get Mia away from him.”
I lean back, a semblance of hope flickering to life. “We better. For Lily’s sake.”
There isn’t an alternative here worth thinking about.
“We will, and when we do, we’ll make him pay for hurting what’s ours.”
Ours.
And she is. Whether she chooses us or not, we’ve already chosen her as ours. Maybe unconsciously at first, individually, but then again as a whole. Lily stitches together all of our broken pieces. She helps us find inner peace, which we have all been missing until now.She’slike the eye of a storm, the inner calm, the heart of us that rests right in the centre.