Chapter 42
ANNIE – LATE NOVEMBER
A Year Gone By
“I don’t know how a year has gone by,” Sas says, handing me a glass of champagne that she’s insisting I deserve today of all days.
Nelson is napping with Colton since the Bears didn’t land back home from their Black Friday game until the early hours of the morning.
We didn’t really get to do Thanksgiving properly because the team had to travel on Thursday, so today is a do-over of sorts as well as Nelson’s first birthday celebration.
It’s a reminder of what I was most thankful for a few hours after my turkey last year, becoming a mama, with my own mama holding my hand and by my side the whole time.
Sas and I are preparing a huge bird with all the trimmings for our family, Betty and her sister, the Sunshine Ranch staff, Tanner and Darcy, and Auston, if he turns up.
At this point, I’m sure Sas is regretting agreeing to this, whereas I’m used to making food en masse for the Sunshine Ranchers.
She must be tired, too, since she spent Thanksgiving with her family in New York, then went to the Bears’ game last night and flew into Texas on a commercial flight this morning.
Still, she’s here, cooking and handing me fizz.
“Thanks for today, Sas. You’re one in a million. So much has happened in a year and Colton, Daddy, Nelson and I would have found it all much harder without you.”
She leans her temple against mine, where we’re resting back against the kitchen counter in matching Bears aprons. “I’m not sure I’ve added much, Annie. You guys have pulled through this past year as a family and a team.”
“You are our family now, too, Sas. You’ve made Colton the happiest he’s ever been in his life, which Mama got to see, and which benefits me because it keeps him off my back.
You’ve helped so much with Nelson and here on the ranch when you’ve been in town.
And without you, I’m not sure Tanner would be anything more than another guy on the team to me. ”
I don’t know why I suddenly come over all teary eyed but I swallow it down with bubbles.
“You like him, don’t you?” Sas asks.
I swear I almost choke on my fancy-pants drink.
“I…” Am about to lie my pants off but the look she gives me tells me she already knows.
“Yeah. I do. Which is bad. I’m a hot mess.
My life is chaos, at least it was before he stepped in and fixed a few things for me.
Now it’s a milder version of chaos but it’s still not an attractive proposition.
I mean, the father of my child is maybe, maybe not, coming to his son’s first birthday party.
My brother might well put him in the ER again if he shows.
The whole world knows our dirty laundry, and I’m a twenty-two-year-old single mama, who’s still in education, helping out on the ranch, trying to raise a baby. ”
“Annie—”
“It’s okay, Sas. There’s no need to sugar coat it.
The fact I’ve fallen for Tanner adds another road to spaghetti junction.
He could have any woman he wanted and even if he feels enough to support me now, I’m certain it’s more because he’s a great guy, and even if some of these hurdles didn’t exist, he’d eventually get bored, right?
He means so much to Nelson and me both that I couldn’t risk doing anything about it. ”
“Do you think he does feel something more for you?”
He says so, which is something I can’t fathom. I drain my drink and turn to face her. “Can we bury this for now?”
She nods. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is. It’s the way it needs to be. So, do you want to shove stuffing up that turkey’s ass, or should I?”
“I can honestly say, I have never had my hand up the ass of a bird.”
“Whoa, what did we walk in on?” Colton says, coming into the kitchen with Nelson sitting on his waist, both looking a little sleep-dopey and gooey eyed for their girlfriend and mama.
“Hey, cowboy,” Sas says, sidling up to my brother and kissing him before stroking Nelson’s hair.
I use the turkey’s ass as my excuse to look away because I’m as green-eyed as the broccoli I’m roasting later. That’s what I want.
Colton brings Nelson to me and I kiss his head, then tell them, “Daddy’s outside tidying round the pool and blowing up inflatables.
Tanner’s had the most ridiculous bouncy castle delivered – a giant bear.
Nelson will love it.” I roll my eyes. Nelson absolutely does not need a ginormous bouncy castle for his mostly adult party but I know he’ll be delighted later when Tanner takes him on there.
When the boys leave Sas and me to it, again, I tell her, “Sas, what I said about Tanner…”
“Don’t worry. There’s nothing to tell.”
“Thanks.” The last thing we need is my brother blowing up. Or Tanner finding out how badly I’m falling for him. “In a complete change of topic, I’ve booked my road test.”
“Oh my goodness, when is it?”
“A few weeks. I got a cancellation.”
“Are you nervous?”
I don’t answer because the unmistakable roar of a Tanner Pace car grows closer to the house. I give the food a quick safety glance – we’re all set and on time – then run out to the porch to see Tanner wrestling a giant cuddly bear out the driver’s side of one of his sports cars.
Soft toy aside, he looks every bit a professional athlete. Hair styled, beard trimmed, dark shades in place, a shirt that hugs every perfect inch of his muscly torso and wraps around bulging biceps, tucked into dark pants that look like an emotional support garment for his thick thighs.
Praise the Lord for the distraction of Darcy, who I’m thankfully becoming less star struck around since Dallas (and multiple video calls where she and I have ended up chatting at Pace’s place).
She gives me a hug before looping my arm through hers. “I’m so excited to be here. Tanner’s told me so much about the ranch and it’s as magical as he made it sound.”
“Where’s the big man?” Tanner asks, pressing a kiss to my cheek that makes my skeleton wobbly.
“Colton or Nelson?” I ask, swooning.
“Come on. Nelson, my man.”
“By the pool.”
He nods and leads us that way, Sas intercepting us midway and stealing Darcy from me.
I fall into step alongside Tanner, a big bear under one arm, as he brings his other around my shoulders.
Touchy in a way that’s too much in front of my family but also aspirational.
“Hey, Mama. Congratulations on surviving your first year.”
He winks at me over his shades in that way that’s equivalent to him tearing off my panties. “It’s been made a lot easier in recent months, thanks to you.”
He kisses me again – temple this time – and I’m left a little… dumfounded. There’s been an awkwardness between us whenever we touch, since the night on his sofa, or maybe since the hotel sort-of-date-but-not. Today, though, he’s easy breezy.
Which is in complete contrast to me, nervous Herbert, wondering how today will go if Auston turns up like he’s said he will.
Nelson beams when he spots Tanner – or the ridiculous bear in his arms – and comes tottering toward us, leaving his granddaddy, who’s been acting lifeguard.
My one-year-old’s arms are outstretched, for the bear, I think, until he says, “Da-da.”
I finally understand the meaning behind the saying “it felt like the earth moved beneath me”. My hands come to cover my gaping mouth as I hear an intake of breath from someone, and I hold my own, wondering how Tanner is going to react to my son calling him Daddy.
But Tanner doesn’t miss a beat. He bends to Nelson, ruffles his hair and sets the big bear on the ground next to him. “I wish, buddy. I wish.”
I know I should probably wade in, set Nelson straight, say something. But a lump forms in my throat and I’m left digging my teeth into my lip as realization hits me. I wish it were true, too.
“Happy birthday, big man,” Tanner says, not looking anywhere other than my son as he gets acquainted with his new gift.
A hand meets my back, tenderly. If I turn to see who’s trying to comfort me, I’ll cry.
So I watch my son play with the man I am absolutely head over boots for, thinking there’s a very significant part of me that hopes Auston won’t turn up today, while simultaneously hating myself for even having that thought.