Chapter 10
He Wants me to Hurt
Mia
“Damn it.” I was due at work and the car wouldn’t start.
One more check of my watch showed I had to find another way to get there.
I called a rideshare but flinched when I saw the price.
I couldn’t afford to pay that all the time.
If I couldn’t get the car running soon, I’d have to get up earlier to take the bus. And how would I get Arne to soccer?
I took long breaths in the back seat as the ride headed to my current assignment. This was a day job, but it was only for the week. The client was impatient about getting back on his feet, but his wife was kind so I could put up with a bit of cranky.
It had been a few days, and I hadn’t run into Justin at the grocery store or anywhere else.
A couple of people had asked me about him but I’d brushed them off.
No one mentioned knowing that I’d gone to talk to him, which was a relief.
After I’d slept and reconsidered what I’d done, I was shocked. I should never have gone over there.
I checked bus schedules when it was time to return home, but there was soccer again tonight so I didn’t have time. I winced at the peak pricing of the rideshare and crossed my fingers that the car would start when I got home.
I’d barely gotten out of the car when Cora stomped out of the house, followed by Dorian. “What’s wrong with the car?”
“I don’t know. I’m not a mechanic.”
She pouted. “It wouldn’t start.”
The car was mine. I bought it, insured it, and paid for gas. Cora and Dorian were supposed to ask before using the spare keys to take it anywhere. But they must have tried it while I was away.
“It wouldn’t turn over this morning, which is why I didn’t take it to work.” I opened the car door, slid in, and pulled out my keys to try again. The only difference from this morning was that I had two people hanging over the open door to huff in disappointment when nothing happened.
I dropped my head back against the headrest. I’d have to get it towed, and hope it wasn’t too expensive to repair.
“It’s not out of gas, is it?” Dorian asked.
“I filled it up on the weekend. Unless someone’s been driving it when I’m sleeping?” I could see when I turned the key that the tank was half full, but it was a chance to remind them they should pay for what they used.
He shrugged. “Maybe it’s the carburetor. Or the starter.”
He had as much mechanical ability as I did. “I have no idea. I’ll get it towed.”
Cora sighed dramatically. “So no one can go anywhere?”
“I’m taking the bus tomorrow. It works for almost everyone.”
Cora glared at me and stomped back into the house. I followed Dorian in. Arne was sitting at the kitchen table, finishing up his homework.
“Mommy!” He at least was happy to see me. “I’ve got almost all my homework done, so I’ll be ready for soccer.”
Right. That meant another rideshare, unless I could work out transit. “I’m going to change, sweetie, and then I’ll be right down.” Change and look up the bus schedule. Arne at least wouldn’t complain about using the bus.
If we really rushed, we should be able to get pretty close to the field by game time. When we’d get home was another matter—the buses only ran every hour after rush hour. Maybe we’d have to leave early, just to be sure Arne got anything like a proper sleep.
I called Arne’s coach to let her know he might be late.
There was no answer, so I left a quick message.
Would she get it? She never had her phone with her on the field—too dangerous with the erratic way the kids kicked the ball around.
I huffed a breath and planned for a backup.
I scrolled through my contacts, stopping at Tonya. I hit the call button.
“Mia?”
“Hi, Tonya. I just wanted to let you know Arne and I might be a little late. I left a message with Coach, but in case she doesn’t get it, could you let her know?”
“Of course I will—anything wrong?”
“We have to take the bus because my car died, and I’m not sure we’ll be there as soon as we should.”
“We’ll pick you up.”
“I can’t ask—” I would never do that.
“You didn’t. You weren’t even hinting. It’s not a problem, and it’s gotta be better than taking transit.”
“It’s out of your way, and the bus is perfectly fine.”
I heard a sigh. “Mia, you’ve always got a million things to do. Admit it, a ride would be easier.”
“I’m perfectly okay—”
“Admit it…”
I looked at the time. “All right, I admit it.”
“See? Didn’t even hurt. I’ll let Barney know we’re leaving a little early to get you, and I’ll message you before we arrive.”
“I can pay you for gas.”
“It’s an electric car. And no, I’m not going to charge you for whatever that might cost. Just be ready for us to pick you up.”
“Thanks.” I ended the call, torn between relief at the easy solution, and guilt at needing help.
Arne, of course, was thrilled. I had to remind him to take his bag with him before he rushed out of the door to greet his friend—the one he hadn’t seen since he got out of school a couple of hours ago.
Once he was buckled in, I slid into the front passenger seat.
“Don’t even,” said Tonya before I could thank her again. “I consider us friends, okay?”
I took a long breath as I clicked my seat belt on. “Okay.”
“Friends help each other, right?”
I nodded. How I was going to help Tonya I had no idea, but I owed her. She’d gotten to know me better than I realized through a couple of seasons of soccer.
“Please don’t make this a thing where you keep some kind of ledger of what you owe me or I owe you. I like you, I like hanging out with you while we watch our soccer superstars play, and I know if I was in a bind, you’d do the same for me if you could.”
“Just let me say thanks again. I’d have had to leave early or risk getting home late, so I appreciate the lift.”
“Is your car going to be out of commission for long?”
I shrugged. “I’ll have to get it towed tomorrow. I have no idea what’s wrong with it.” I hoped it was something simple, because I didn’t have money saved up for car repairs and I was still paying off the credit card for our last emergency repair of the roof.
“I’m happy to pick you up for soccer games.” She glanced in the rearview mirror at the boys in the back seat. “Barney raced through getting ready when I told him we were giving you guys a ride. Saved at least ten minutes of me nagging him to get his shoes on and grab his water bottle.”
It was nice of her to say that, but I couldn’t abuse her generosity. I’d have to think of something, if the car was going to be out of commission for a while.
When I tried to carry her chair after we’d gotten to the field, she frowned at me.
“Mia, just let it go. This really isn’t a big deal unless you make it one.” Since I was obviously making her uncomfortable, I did my best to be normal. As if I’d driven myself, or we carpooled all the time.
I was able to thank her again when she dropped us off, but I was determined to find a way to get around without putting her out. I hoped the car wouldn’t be a problem to fix. Hoped it so much.
Justin
I made it through the first couple of days with my babysitter, relieved each time she left for the day.
I didn’t do anything she couldn’t have reported back on, but I still felt more comfortable on my own.
I wasn’t sure if it was me being a hermit, or if there was something to all the little things that rubbed me the wrong way.
The team had been worried about me after I hit Alek, but after I cut my wrist they decided I needed someone physically on hand.
Did they really think it had been a suicide attempt?
I’d slipped with the bread knife while trying to slice a bagel.
The cut wasn’t deep, and my other wrist was in a cast, but they’d reacted strongly.
Maybe they were just looking for an excuse, so they could tell Cooper his idea wasn’t going to fly and they could start dismantling the team for a rebuild.
I really didn’t want to start over with another team.
I braced myself when Marge knocked on the door the next day. I forced a smile as I let her in.
“So what are we doing today?”
We weren’t doing shit, but I bit back the words. “I’m going to work out. Talk to my therapist. Same thing I do every day.”
“I’ll just check your hand.” I stretched it toward her.
And it might just have been my paranoia, but she lingered over my fingers, making unpleasant chills slide up my arms. I wanted to jerk my hand away from her.
She finally released me. “Everything’s good. I’ll send that information to the team.”
I nodded and headed to the basement, ready to lose myself in a workout.
I shoved headphones in, not because I needed the music but to avoid conversation.
I was mostly able to forget she was there, but as soon as I pulled out the headphones she hit me with questions.
How did I feel, was there any pain, did I want to shower?
“It’s good. I’ll shower and do my session upstairs.” And I escaped.
My therapist wanted to talk about my meeting with Dad, of course.
He thought the boxes in my head where I locked things up were a way I avoided pain.
And that to heal, in his words, I had to let myself feel the negative emotions.
I understood the concept of no pain, no gain, but this was a lot different than pushing through drills.
He talked about counting to ten and deep breaths when the anger surfaced.
I hadn’t had an anger problem till the Denny thing, but he cautioned that it could be a long-term issue if I didn’t deal with all the shit that had happened.
I could honestly say I hadn’t been angry with Dad, just…
disappointed, but I’d try whatever he told me to.
The team was going to get the best damned report possible about my mental stability.
I was glad when our session was over. And in the spirit of not hiding or burying things, I messaged Jess that I’d talked to Dad. She called right away.