Chapter 26
A First Time for Everything
Mia
Erik flew back Monday morning with Arne—too late for his bus to school. He came by the house while I was cleaning the kitchen, ears pricked for the sound of his car. When I finally heard it, I rushed to the door, relief making me dizzy.
“Mommy, I got to fly on an airplane!” Arne almost knocked me over in his eagerness for a hug.
I had things to say to Erik, but I wasn’t putting my son in the middle. “Was it fun?”
He nodded vigorously. “Except landing made my ears hurt. Am I still going to school?”
“I’ll take you after lunch.”
Erik grabbed Arne’s bag from the car and brought it over. He dropped it and turned to go.
“Hold on, Erik. Arne, go in and see Grandma. She’ll want to hear about your trip. I need to talk to your dad.”
Arne leaned up to kiss my cheek. Was he taller than on Friday? “I missed you, Mom, but I have lots and lots to tell you.”
“I can’t wait.”
Once he was inside the house, Erik held up his hands. “I know, I should have told you.”
Someone was looking out the window, probably Cora, so I pointed to the sidewalk. “Walk.”
We turned right, the direction not important.
“What the hell, Erik? You can’t just take Arne without telling me.”
He shrugged. “I was pissed that you were spending time with your hockey player and Arne was so impressed. And Mom and Dad were thrilled to see him.”
I rubbed my forehead. “I don’t have any problems with your parents seeing Arne. I don’t have the time or money to take him myself, but kidnapping my son for three days because you’re butt hurt is not okay.”
He huffed. “I told you what was happening. I didn’t kidnap him.”
“You didn’t ask me, and you didn’t tell me till you were already gone.”
His lips pinched. “I don’t get much time with him.”
I whipped around and poked his chest with a finger. “And whose fault is that? You chose to leave us, not the other way around. And since you don’t know him, if he’d gotten sick or hurt himself, what would you have done? You don’t have his health insurance card, you don’t know his medical history.”
“I’d have called you!”
“And if I couldn’t be reached? Or couldn’t answer right away?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Why couldn’t you? Your job with the hockey guy isn’t exactly demanding.”
“Phone networks go down. Batteries die. Phones get dropped and break. Taking him like that, without me preparing? Was irresponsible.”
He huffed a breath. “Fine. Next time I’ll make sure I get all the information.”
“If there’s a next time, you ask first and make sure I agree. He missed a soccer game. And a test at school this morning. Right now, yeah, that’s not a big thing. As he gets older though, it’s a problem. You can’t take him whenever you want.”
Erik firmed his jaw. “He’s my kid! I have a right to see him!”
I drew in a long breath. “We need a proper custody agreement. One that sets down rules.”
He flinched back. “What? One weekend and you want to lawyer up?”
I’d been too easy on Erik, and now it was risking Arne’s future. “You sent me a text message and then ghosted me for three days. That is not acceptable. I didn’t know if you’d even bring him back, and what my rights were if you didn’t.”
He crossed his arms. “Yeah, but mostly you want to get your hands on child support.”
I glared at him. “I haven’t pushed you about money.
I’ve let you pay whatever is convenient and didn’t say a thing.
Mostly because I didn’t want Arne to know you couldn’t be bothered.
But now, if you want to take him for trips and be his dad, you need to step up in all the ways. Time, money, and cooperating with me.”
He looked over my shoulder. “Okay, I was wrong. I admit it. But we’ve been doing fine till now. I swear I won’t take him without telling you again.”
I wasn’t budging, not this time. “I appreciate that. But I still want a custody agreement.”
He glared at me. “Vindictive much?”
“This isn’t about you, or us. It’s about Arne. I’ll do anything for my son. You should as well.”
Erik stared at me for a long minute. Maybe he was waiting for me to cave, like I usually did. But something had to change, and that started with me.
He finally blinked. “Fine. I’ll send you my lawyer’s name.”
He stalked off. My hands were shaking but I’d done the right thing. I needed to protect Arne, and myself. And Erik needed to figure out if he was in or out when it came to his son. He couldn’t fly in for a few weeks, play at being super dad, and then disappear again.
I’d sacrifice myself, but not my son.
Justin
Mia sent a message that Arne was safely home. She didn’t mention what her plans were, so I spent most of the day working out, on the ice and off, and tried not to think of her. The weekend had been magical, but it wasn’t real life. I needed to get used to that.
The next day she knocked on the door and we went straight to my bed.
Neither of us tried to define what we were doing, but we both knew there was only a small window of time before I went back to Toronto and she started her next job.
As far as her family knew, she was still working.
She went to my on-ice workouts, helped with my exercises at home, and we made meals together.
“When did you learn to cook?” she asked when she came down from a post-sex shower and I’d started coq au vin.
“I had time to kill in New York, so I took classes. I’m not bad, but I can’t bake.”
She stood behind me and wrapped her arms around my waist. “Not bad, he says. Do you even use a recipe?”
I shrugged. I wasn’t the most creative guy, but I liked trying new things in the kitchen. It drove Jess nuts since she couldn’t replicate it. She followed recipes precisely when she baked, and after trying my freewheeling style on baked goods and failing miserably, I stuck with cooking.
“What other surprises have you been hiding?”
I lowered the heat on the burner and turned in her arms. “Nothing you haven’t discovered by now. But if you need a reminder…”
I’d never gone down on a woman in the kitchen before, but there was a first time for everything. And Mia seemed to appreciate it.
For the last two weeks of Mia’s original contract, we spent our days in a bubble.
Evenings, I’d watch the hockey playoffs and sometimes talk to teammates.
Jess was doing well and would be in BC before too long.
No one noticed a difference in my behavior, at least not to mention.
But I was only truly alive the hours Mia was here.
I promised myself I’d let her go at the end of her last “shift” on Friday.
She had another job lined up and I couldn’t stand the idea of rattling around this house without her.
I’d booked tickets to leave next week, my hand almost back to normal.
The team was anxious to evaluate me on home ice, and I needed to assure them I could be counted on.
Cooper wanted help with his retreat. I’d have things to do to fill the hours of the day.
My heart, however, was firmly lodged in PoCo.
The last day, after we’d had sex and showered, we ate lunch in the kitchen. Mia gathered the things that had accumulated around the house while she’d been here and shoved them into a bag.
Words blurted out of me, the things I’d been dreaming and hoping. “Maybe we can make it work this time.”
Mia paused, her bag on her shoulder. “What?”
Should I push? I had to try. The wary look on her face, the stiffness in her posture—she wanted me to let it go. But fuck. I wasn’t giving up without a fight. Not again. What was the point of all this therapy if I was going to make the same mistakes?
“Things have changed. We’ve changed. We could try.”
She closed her eyes, took a long breath. “We said this was just—what, a moment out of time?”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“Justin—”
I gathered what arguments I had. “The big problem last time was money. I’m not responsible for my family, and I have money I can use to solve problems.”
She lifted and dropped her hands. “I’m still responsible for my family.”
“I could be. I can pay for someone to take care of your mom. Pay for food, a car, whatever.”
She clenched her fists. “It’s not just money, Justin.”
“Could it be?”
“What does that mean?”
“Do you have to do it all yourself? Can you not put what you want first now?”
She turned, took a couple of steps, spun back around. “I have a kid. He’s always going to take priority.”
“He should—I’m not arguing with that. And I know he comes with you. But is what you’ve got right now the best for him? Couldn’t it be good if you came with me?”
“That’s your solution? Arne and I go to Toronto, and you pay a bunch of people to take care of things here?”
I wasn’t sure her family deserved that much, but to keep Mia happy I’d pay for anything they needed. “Why not?”
“Money doesn’t solve everything!” Her voice was rising.
“No, but it can do a lot.”
“Arne has school here, friends, and family. Family that loves him. Anytime I need someone to take care of him, they do that.”
How could she say her family loved anyone?
Arne was a great kid, and they probably were happy to pick up the slack the few times Mia didn’t.
But none of that family would put anyone but themselves first. How the hell could I tell Mia her mother used her, didn’t consider what was best for her, or she wouldn’t be in the mess she was in now?
Players got traded all the time. Those with families moved, and the kids found new schools, new friends. But Mia had somehow justified the good things in Arne’s life as being enough of a reason for her to stay and give up so much of herself.
“Plan B. I move here. We could live in this house. You’d still be close, Arne would have his friends and family and school. We hire someone to help with your mom, and you could go back to school, or whatever you wanted.”
Her mouth opened, then closed. “How…how could you come here?”
I took a long breath, considered what I could do, what I was willing to offer. “I can ask for a trade. Play in Vancouver, Seattle maybe.”
Her face went white. “You’re supposed to be in Toronto, winning the Cup this year. The team is counting on you.”
I flinched. I was and they were. But this was Mia. She needed me, though she’d never admit it, and I needed her. If this was the only way I could be with Mia, take care of her, love her, give her a life she deserved, then yeah. I’d do it.
“I love playing for the Blaze. I’m close to the guys, and that’s not easy for me. But I love you, more than any of that. So for you and Arne, I’ll find a way to be here.”
Her eyes widened. “You…love me?”
“Are you really surprised?”
She looked away from me. “And if you can’t work that trade?”
I swallowed. “I retire. Then I’m free to do whatever I want.” The thought was big and loud and scary. I was only twenty-nine and playing as well as I ever had. I hadn’t made plans for after.
Mia looked back at me. I raised my chin, nodded. I’d do it.
“You’d hate that.”
“Not as much as being without you.” I’d choose her before anything else. There was nothing I’d earned or won or done in the last eleven years that made up for what I’d lost when I left her.
Her eyes moved over my face, like she was testing my resolve by what she could see. I didn’t know any way to convince her, beyond what I’d said.
“I need to think. This is— You’ve just thrown this at me and it’s big, Justin.”
It wasn’t a no. It wasn’t a yes, but she was considering it, so I still had a chance. “Yeah, it is. Big. If you need time, I’ll wait.” I’d been waiting since we broke up, even if I didn’t know it.
“I won’t take too long.”
She could all the time she wanted. I wasn’t going anywhere till she answered. “Take as long as you need to make the right decision. I’ll be here.”
She tried to smile, but she was blinking her eyes and finally sniffed while shaking her head. “I’m going to go. Um, get back to real life, and decide what’s best. For everyone.”
She headed for the door and I followed. Before she could push the screen door open, I reached for her arm. When she turned back, I pressed my lips to hers. Just for a moment, not asking for anything, reminding her that I loved her.
“Make the decision that’s best for you, Mia.”
But as I watched her walk away, I was afraid she’d decide for everyone else, like she always did.