Chapter 29
Starting a Cult
Justin
The cottage Cooper had scored in July, when demand for cottages was highest, belonged to an athlete, name withheld, who’d obviously been successful.
The place was huge, including five bedrooms and a complete workout center in an outbuilding.
There was a great room large enough for the fifteen of us he’d convinced to come, plus a huge outdoor seating area overlooking the lake.
There were tents on the lawn—not little two-man Cub Scout ones, but big ones on raised platforms. They were large enough for two queen-sized beds, along with easy chairs and dressers. These were for the overflow players who didn’t fit in the house.
Luke Walker and I were sharing one.
Coop explained to me before camp started. “Some of the guys weren’t sure about this, so I didn’t want to tell them they were staying in tents because they might not come. And Petey—I want him sleeping in the house so he doesn’t wander around the property naked.”
Our Russian goalie was more often naked than not in the locker room. “No problem.” Being in the tent was kind of nice—these were luxe enough for comfort, but they also had that relaxing feeling that came from being outside.
Cooper slapped my shoulder. “I knew I could count on you—and Walker is eager enough that he’d sleep on the floor. I’ve put you with him so you can make sure he’s doing okay and doesn’t get overlooked.”
I nodded. “Of course.”
Cooper turned his megawatt smile on me. “I want this team to be tight. As tight as possible. Hanny is coming. Do you remember Larry Han, played in Austin last season? He just signed with the team. There are a few guys who couldn’t make it, and the team might still bring in someone new, but this should be the core.
We have the talent. We just need to take it to the next level. ”
I nodded again. Coop was a little obsessive—like, “almost starting a cult” level—but I understood his hunger to win it all. He was so fixed on his plan that he didn’t notice I was quieter than usual.
Camp started, not long after free agency opened up.
There was a good turnout and the mood was optimistic.
My roomie in the tent, Walker, was a nice kid—about twenty-three, from Newfoundland.
He’d been playing with the AHL team in Hamilton and was called up last season to replace me when I broke my hand.
I hadn’t played with him but I’d watched him, and he had what it took.
He needed experience and confidence, which the team recognized since they intended to keep him on the Blaze this season.
He was eager. Anything that Cooper had going, he wanted to be part of it. My biggest problem would be making sure he didn’t overdo it.
I wasn’t that much older than he was in years, but in experience I definitely was. He’d grown up with his parents, played in the Q, the Quebec major junior hockey league, been drafted by the Blaze and moved to Hamilton to play with the farm team. This would be his first year in the big league.
He knew a few of the guys on the team, players who’d come up through the Inferno, especially the team’s backup goalie, Braydon Mitchell, who’d been his roommate before Mitch was called up. They were good friends, so he had someone to help him adjust to playing on the Blaze.
He was so excited to be here that I was surprised to find him frowning over his phone in our tent.
“Everything okay?” I immediately worried that he’d had bad news about his mom. His dad had died last year.
He looked up at me and blinked. “Oh, no, everything is fine. It’s just, you know, I’ve been looking for a place in Toronto. Maybe near the arenas.”
Traffic in Toronto was a nightmare, so not having to drive in it was a plus. The location was one of the reasons I’d bought my condo.
“You need help?” Maybe Fitch would be interested in a roommate again.
He’d bought his place last season in the same building as Jess and me, and Alek had stayed with him after he was traded.
Which was part of the reason he and Jess— But Jess was happy, and if she felt for Alek what I felt for Mia, I’d support her all the way.
I was alone now, but I wasn’t looking for a roommate. I wasn’t good company for anyone.
“I should be okay. I’ve got a few leads already. It’s just my girlfriend. She’s sending a bunch of listings to me every day. She wants to look at them with me.” He frowned harder at his phone. “I think she’s hoping to live with me.”
I wished I had my girlfriend looking for places in Toronto. “Have you been together long?”
“Just since March. And I was actually looking forward to being on my own, you know? Juniors, the Inferno—I’ve always had guys with me, and it might be nice to have space.”
There was no point talking to Fitch then, and I didn’t need to worry if I should offer. “Then try living on your own if you want.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “She’d be upset if I told her that.”
“How serious are you?”
He huffed. “I think she sees it more serious than I do.”
Some women met a professional athlete and saw financial security. They’d push to get it. “Be honest with her.”
He bit his lip. “I don’t want to be an asshole. You know, she was with me when I was with the Inferno, and then for me to drop her when I get up to the Blaze?”
The guy who would worry about the idea wasn’t an asshole. “That sounds like something she’s said, not you.”
He stilled. “I don’t…think so?”
The situation reminded me of Sharleen. What would be the best thing to tell this kid?
“If you break up with her because you don’t love her, or you don’t enjoy her company, that’s not being an asshole. If you break up with her because you think you can find other and more attractive women now that you’re on the Blaze, then you are.”
He still looked conflicted. “I don’t know. Sometimes I see other women and they’re hot and I notice, but…”
Was he looking for an upgrade, or just noticing? “The listings she’s sending you—how expensive are they?”
He shook his head. “Out of my price range. She doesn’t get how much agents and taxes are gonna take out of my paycheck. And I’ve got other things to pay off.”
Sounded like she was taking advantage of him.
Just then Mitchell stuck his head in the doorway. “Hey, Luke. Jayna just messaged me. There’s a furnished place in our building coming up for rent. Interested?”
Luke’s expression cleared. “That would be sweet.”
I stepped out of the tent. Mitchell could help him—they were friends, after all. Having a teammate that close was helpful. It might be lonelier than I thought without Jess this season, so having Fitch nearby was good. Otherwise I would go back to hermit mode.
Mia
I drove aimlessly for a few minutes. What was I supposed to do? We’d need a place to stay. Erik was shooting tomorrow and the production had put him up in a hotel, so that was a last-chance possibility. I didn’t want to tell anyone at work. What would they do if they knew I was homeless?
Temporarily, anyway. Should we move to a hotel for now?
Could I afford it? Paying to fix the car had decimated my bank balance.
I really needed to find an apartment, but that would take time to arrange.
We were barely into July, so maybe there wouldn’t be anything till August. It was Saturday, so I could check some places out—but I’d have Arne back by dinnertime and I needed somewhere safe for him to stay while I went looking at rentals.
I pulled over and messaged Tonya, asking if we could talk. If she’d take Arne tonight, I could spend a few hours looking. It was warm enough that maybe I could sleep in the car?
Come anytime.
Bless the woman. She’d keep Arne, I was sure, so that was the first problem dealt with.
I drove to her house with shaking hands. Anger was still driving me, and I refused to let fear change my mind.
Tonya opened the door. “Come on in. You look like you could use a drink.”
I sighed. “Nothing alcoholic. I still have to drive.”
She pursed her lips. “What about some full-sugar soft drinks?”
I did my best to smile. “Sounds good.”
Tonya sat me down at the table and brought the glasses with ice and a bottle of pop. She cut up cheese and fruit, putting them in front of me. “You need to eat something as well.”
How had I lucked into a friend like her? It was a one-way relationship, with me getting all the benefits. “I appreciate you, you know that?”
She waved a hand and sat across from me. “Now tell me what the problem is.”
I did my best to recap the talk that had blown up my life, revealing more about my family and upbringing than I’d intended. “I’m livid that they’ve just assumed that I’m going to support them while Mom thinks Arne can take over as her helper. He’s only six!”
Tonya reached across and gripped my hands. “That will only happen if you allow it to, you know that, don’t you?”
My throat was thick. “You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I really needed to hear that now.”
“Was it the Arne thing that upset you the most?”
I threw out my hands. “It’s not fair to him! To take away his dreams, and the chances he should have…” I couldn’t finish, tears filling my eyes.
Tonya waited till I was calmer, then squeezed my hand again. “Then my question is why was it okay to do that to you?”
I pulled my hand free, feeling like she’d punched me in the stomach. “She’s my mom.”
She nodded. “You’re Arne’s mom.”
“It wasn’t like… It just kind of happened. I mean…” I never really chose that, did I? But the breakup with Justin, and later Erik— I guess I did. Shit. I had.
Tonya’s eyes were kind. “Was it like boiling water? It gradually got hotter and hotter and you didn’t notice?”
I covered my face with my hands. Memories I’d carefully boxed away were being pulled up by the conversation with Bruce and Mom.
“When Mom first married Bruce— He didn’t really like me.
I think…I think I was afraid Bruce would send me away and Mom would let him.
So I tried to help as much as I could so that they’d keep me. ”
I’d never stopped. I’d taken on being another parent to Cora and Dorian. I’d refused to leave my Mom to be taken care of by her new family, because if I did…maybe I wouldn’t be able to come back.
“They took advantage of that,” Tonya said flatly.
“Not Mom. Not deliberately…” It was Bruce, right? But Mom always agreed with him. Always told him what I told her. Never stood up to him for me. Never protected me. Maybe she hadn’t intended to, maybe it seemed normal to her, but yeah. She did take advantage.
When I’d broken up with Justin, she’d been relieved and even happy. And again, when I’d let Erik leave. I’d given up Justin, my marriage, my dream career…but I wouldn’t give up my son. I finally loved someone more than myself, someone I couldn’t rationalize into sacrificing.
I lifted my head. “I can’t believe I did that. Just gave up everything, for someone, for a family that was only going to use me.”
She smiled crookedly. “Oh hon, no one can fuck you up like your family.”
“I can’t fuck up Arne. I just can’t.”
“Then don’t. Make him your priority. And after him, yourself. Show him how to stand up for himself so he doesn’t let anyone take advantage of him.”
Fuck. I was modeling toxic behavior for my son.
Tonya’s phone dinged. She glanced at it. “My guys will be home soon. Do you want some time? I mean, you’re obviously staying here until you get something worked out. But if you need space to settle this in your head before you’re on mom duty again…”
I let out a breath. “Thank you. That’s a good idea. I feel ready to burst into tears any minute, and I don’t want to upset Arne. Or your family.”
She cocked her head, checking me out. “Do you want company, or time alone?”
I wasn’t used to someone in my corner. It was great, but I needed to work out some things for myself. “If you don’t mind, I’ll take some alone time. I’m going to look up rental listings.”
“Tell your ex to drop Arne off here and come back whenever you want. Barney loves Arne, and with Arne here I don’t have to keep Barney entertained. We’ll be here when you’re ready.”
“I cannot express how much I appreciate what you’re doing.”
“It’s about time someone did something for you. Believe me, I’ve been biting my tongue for months. Now, if you don’t want to deal with my gang, you’d better go.”
I was grateful to Tonya, so grateful for some time to myself to think, but I had no idea where to go. Still, I was too raw to face Arne. I got into the car and started driving.
What did I do now? I needed a place to start looking for rentals. Maybe the library? I’d better change my address on everything, fast, to be sure Bruce didn’t do something to my mail once he realized I wasn’t coming back. I was getting a headache just thinking about it.
Without conscious decision, I found myself going by the Johnson house. I knew Justin was in Ontario, busy with hockey, but what I wouldn’t have given to have him here right now.
I took a second look. There was a car in the driveway. A rental. And was that Justin I could see in the living room? I wrenched the car over to the curb and turned it off. The car was parked crookedly and I didn’t care. I threw the driver’s door open and raced across the lawn.