Chapter 28
The Bubble Popped
Mia
Sharing a room with my son meant I couldn’t cry, not without Arne asking questions. I shoved everything down and focused on dealing with life without Justin. I’d done it before. I’d do it again. But this time was so much worse.
I couldn’t channel my feelings into anger, because this was all my decision.
There wasn’t school to divert my energy into like I had then.
My job helped while I was working, but that was only forty hours of my week.
I had a new assignment, with an elderly woman, and it was days, which meant more time with Arne and fewer childcare issues. Those were plusses.
Unfortunately, the woman was cranky and critical. Nothing was good enough for her, and with my emotions already raw, it was difficult to hang on to my patience. It did mean I had to keep my attention focused while I was there.
With the end of the school year, soccer had ended too.
Arne was in a soccer camp to start the summer, and was eager to sign up for skating lessons, but we had to wait till the community center schedules came out.
We also were going to wait till the different clubs had their secondhand skate sales in September, because it was cheaper and it was all too likely that by September Arne would grow out of anything I bought him now.
He was disappointed but he didn’t sulk—much.
He was a good kid, and I wished I could give him everything he wanted.
You know, so one of us was happy.
It was a relief when another Friday was over and I had two days off to get things done around the house and spend time with Arne.
Erik was picking him up for lunch on Saturday and keeping him for the afternoon.
I could get groceries without worrying about whether Mom was up to supervising him, or if Cora was willing to keep an eye on him.
I woke up slowly, relishing the luxury of not setting an alarm clock. Not that I could sleep in much with Arne sharing the room. This morning, he was frowning over a book when I opened my eyes.
“Hey, sweetie. You’re already up? What are you reading?”
He dropped the book on his lap. “Barney gave me a book on hockey players. It doesn’t even mention Mr. Justin. Is it a dumb book?”
I felt a pang at hearing his name. “No. There are a lot of hockey players. Justin isn’t the most famous.”
His brows pulled down. “He should be.”
Arne was a loyal kid. “There are a lot of hockey players, you know. More than thirty teams, and each team has more than twenty players.”
His brow furrowed. “Three times two— Sixty?”
“Six hundred. Each year some new players come and some old ones leave. And there’s college teams, and farm teams, and teams in Europe…”
His jaw dropped. “That’s a lot.”
“So you have to be very, very good to make it into a book.”
His mouth twisted as he thought. Whether he was trying to figure out if Justin would ever be in a book, or if Arne himself wanted to be, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t dare ask.
“Ready for breakfast? Lots to do before your dad gets here.”
Arne nodded and slid out of bed. “I’ll help you, Mommy. I’m getting big now, so I can do lots.”
Where was that coming from? It was nice that someone wanted to help out, but that wasn’t Arne’s responsibility.
We got dressed and headed down to the kitchen.
Arne was making a case for pancakes, but as much as I liked to spoil him, he needed healthy food to grow.
At the bottom of the stairs was a stack of mismatched boxes, about a dozen in total, and some garbage bags stuffed full.
Mom was in the kitchen, making coffee, obviously struggling, so I gently nudged her aside and took over.
“What’s with the boxes?” I asked.
“Cora is moving out.”
I jerked and turned around. “What?”
Mom’s smile wobbled. “Yeah, she got a job with a couple of friends. They’re looking after a property or something, and get an apartment with it.”
“Seriously? Does Cora even know how?” She’d never done much around here.
“She’ll learn.” Bruce spoke behind me. He didn’t normally get up early, so when I saw a smug look on his face I braced myself. He crossed his arms. “We need to talk.”
“We do?”
“Yeah.” He looked at Arne. “Without kids.”
I didn’t like his expression. He was looking forward to this, which meant by default that it was going to piss me off.
Arne was quiet, biting his lip. Damn Bruce. “Hey bud, your dad will be here soon. After you have some cereal, we’ll get you ready for that.” I turned to Bruce. “We can talk then.”
Bruce grunted. “Don’t forget. Things are going to be changing around here, so you need to get with the program.”
He sounded like a bad motivational speaker, but I was worried.
I managed, somehow, to keep a smile on my face as Arne ate his breakfast, and we packed up a change of clothes and some books in case Arne had time to kill while he was with his dad or managed to demolish his clothes.
Erik didn’t notice anything odd in my behavior when he came by, and I waved them off with a leaden feeling in my stomach.
I stood in the doorway of the living room.
Mom smiled at me. “How are you, Mia?”
“I’ll be better when I know what Bruce wants to talk about.”
Bruce smirked. “Cora’s moving out, so she won’t be able to take care of your kid anymore.”
“Okay. When is she leaving?” I’d need to find someone to get Arne from camp during the week. Could I pay Dorian to do that?
“She’s moving tomorrow. Needs to use the car.”
The car was mine. Paid for entirely by me. “I might be able to make that work.”
“You’d better. And don’t count on Dorian for babysitting either.”
I frowned and looked at Mom. She fidgeted, uncomfortable about something. “What does that mean?”
“Well, they’ve both got jobs now. Which is good, right?”
“Yeah, it is. I would have liked a heads-up, but I’m pleased for them.” I did need to find someone to get Arne around, then. Would have been nice to get some notice, because they had to have known this was happening for a while.
“Dorian’s starting driving training. For work like I used to do.”
“But he’s too young to be a professional driver.”
“Friend of mine is going to take him on trips so he learns the ropes. He’ll be gone most of the summer.”
That meant no one would be around to help Mom. “I’ll arrange something for Arne.”
“You need to spend more time here too, helping your mother, with the kids busy.”
What the actual hell? I was rarely anywhere else—except for that one weekend with Justin. I swallowed, pushing the memories aside so that I didn’t show what I was feeling. “I’m here whenever I’m not working or doing something with Arne.”
“Is that the best thing for a kid?”
Something cold trickled down my spine. “What are you suggesting?”
“It would be good for a kid to have two parents.” As I opened my mouth to break in, he rushed on. “Living together. Married. That’s the best for him, wouldn’t you say?”
“I was married. Living here kind of killed that, so what are you thinking? I should give up Arne so I can spend more time helping Mom?” It was insane.
He shrugged. “Just thinking about Arne.”
“Are you listening to this, Mom? Bruce wants me to give up Arne to make his life easier.”
Mom glanced nervously at Bruce. “That’s not what he really thinks. And Arne is such a good little helper, he won’t be a problem. He can stay with me when you’re working.”
I blinked at my mom as her meaning sunk in. Someone had to sacrifice to take care of her—like I had. It wasn’t going to be Cora or Dorian. It was me. And next, Arne.
My whole body was frozen now, my hands shaking. I wanted to scream or hit something. Bruce was still talking, Mom picking at the arm of the chair she was in, but it was like they were outside of a bubble. Inside, I couldn’t hear or see, could only feel horror creeping through my veins.
No. No way. I’d given up my dreams and so much of my life, but I wasn’t doing that to Arne, who was sweet enough and kind enough to be convinced he should. I was his mother, and I would protect him, the way Mom never did me.
I had a line, and Bruce and Mom had just crossed it. The bubble popped, and I was able to speak, fury making my voice tremble.
“I’ve given more than anyone else in this house, and if it’s not enough, I’m done. Arne is not taking on the burdens I had as a kid. Not happening.”
I turned around and walked out. Bruce and Mom spoke, but I didn’t listen. I climbed the stairs to the room that had been mine for most of my life and started to pack. I didn’t know where we were going, but it wasn’t here.
Justin
It was strange being back in Toronto. It had been my home for years, but without Mia, being here didn’t feel right.
Leaving without her, knowing what her life was like, was killing me.
But I couldn’t make her choose me. I couldn’t make her see what her family was doing to her, and what it would do to Arne.
If I wasn’t going to punch someone again, I had to focus on what I had control over.
At least in Toronto there were distractions and no place memories.
Not that she wasn’t always on my mind, but I could focus on other things when I wasn’t hoping to see her around any corner.
I missed her, like a fucking hole in my chest, but this wasn’t the end.
She might think that, but I’d show her she was wrong. Somehow.
Cooper had gone all out for his camp/retreat, and he had a lot of things he wanted me to do when I wasn’t working out or tied up with the team.
I’d scarcely seen him since I got back. I heard from him though, a flurry of messages asking me to follow up on some of the supplies, check on everyone’s travel arrangements, and print out maps to this place he’d arranged for our mini camp since people might not have data the whole way.
He’d be better off not sharing that or he’d scare some of the guys off.
It helped to keep busy. The team wanted to assess me, my agent wanted to chat, and I met up with some of the guys who stayed in town for the summer.
July first came and went, with no major trades happening with the Blaze, which should have been a relief but wasn’t as much as I’d expected.
Fitch arrived, still part of the team, and I caught him up on what had happened in PoCo.
I’d invited him to my place, since I didn’t want to discuss it in public.
He listened to my brief recap while sipping on a beer.
He shook his head. “So you didn’t really exorcise that ghost.”
I shrugged. “No. Still, I figured things out. I know what I want.”
He leaned back. “Which is?”
“Mia.”
Fitch cocked his head. “Even though she turned you down?”
“So many things have gone wrong for her that she’s always waiting for another shoe to drop. If I can’t figure out how to change her mind any other way, I’ll get a trade to the West Coast or retire. But I hope like hell I can come up with something before that. I’m open to suggestions.”
His brows shot up, “You’re really willing to take a trade to somewhere closer to her?”
I nodded. “Not much I wouldn’t do for her.”
“Even give up hockey?”
There was no hesitation. “Even give up hockey.”
He shook his head. “I admire your dedication. I was in a similar place with my ex, where I had to choose between her and hockey, but hockey won.”
He hadn’t felt about his wife the way I did about Mia, then. “Don’t say anything to Cooper. He’s already wound up tight. He doesn’t need more things to worry about.”
Fitch chuckled. “Yeah, I can tell. I’ll keep it between us. Are you okay to wait till next offseason?”
I sighed. “Maybe having a year is good. Her situation is complicated, so it gives me time to figure out how to handle it.” Because so far, I had no ideas beyond being on hand for her when she needed something.
Could I do that without expressing my opinion about her family and how they were using her?
“I hope it works out for you. But I also hope we stay on the same team.”
“It would be nice.”
Fitch set down his empty beer bottle. “Have you told your agent?”
I shook my head. “Nah. Don’t want to give him a heart attack.”
“So this could really be your last season? With the Blaze, or playing hockey at all?”
I nodded.
“Then we damned well better make the best of it.”