Epilogue
Until the Day I Stopped Breathing
Mia
“Mommy! Daddy!“
Arne waved at us from the ice, almost falling over in his enthusiasm. We were in the stands at a local rink in Toronto, where he was skating with Justin and other Blaze players and their kids.
“Did you see me almost score?”
“Good try!” I yelled back.
Erik waved beside me, and Arne, with incredible confidence, scraped and slid his way back to where the kids were gathered around the adults. I sat back down and took a sip of my coffee.
“I never stood a chance, did I?”
I looked sideways at Erik. “What do you mean?” He hadn’t really wanted us to get back together, had he?
Erik had been surprisingly supportive of Arne and I moving to Toronto.
It helped that he had a part in a movie shooting here.
Since he was one of the leads, it meant he’d be in the city for a couple of months before he returned to Los Angeles.
The two of us moving to Toronto gave him more time with Arne, but I wasn’t surprised that some resentment had built up, since when I’d finally left my family, I’d gone to Justin.
Erik waved at the ice. “Hockey. A six-year-old was going to be more impressed by that than the craft services table on a TV shoot.”
I let out my breath. If he’d wanted to argue that our marriage would never have survived because of my feelings for Justin…well, he was probably right. I’d honestly thought I’d gotten over Justin before I’d slept with Erik. I’d continued to believe it, until Justin came back.
But right now my life was better than I ever imagined it could be and I was happy to reassure Arne’s father. “Hockey is new, and having all these professional players around doesn’t hurt. But he might not love it. Maybe he’ll become a drama kid in high school.”
I’d be happy if that happened. I still had concerns about the danger in hockey. Arne was wearing the most expensive helmet a kid his size could get.
Erik perked up at the thought. “True. Meanwhile, as long as he’s happy, that’s the important thing, right?”
I agreed and hoped this positive mind-set would continue.
Erik was dating one of his costars and she was a hockey fan, so right now he didn’t even mind that hockey was getting so much of Arne’s attention.
Training camp for the Blaze would begin shortly and that meant more change, but Arne had started school in Toronto and so far, loved it.
Justin and I had time to make him a priority before the grind of the season began.
One of the adults blew a whistle and the kids started their scrimmage again. Erik turned sideways and gave me his attention. “So how are you liking Toronto? First time out of BC, right?”
I hoped that wasn’t a dig because I hadn’t traveled anywhere. “It’s different, but people have been very kind.”
Very. Even though Justin and I were…new at whatever you would call what we were doing—re-dating?
Starting over? We were a little past the girlfriend/boyfriend label.
The wives and girlfriends of the other players had bent over backward to help us.
With their help we’d gotten Arne into a good school, they shared the best places to shop, and organized playdates so he got to know some of the other hockey kids.
I’d been invited into their gatherings. While Justin was busy with team things, Arne and I had people to visit. It was strange, in the best way.
It had been hard for Arne to say good-bye to Barney, but they did a video call every week, and Barney wanted to know all about the hockey players. I’d promised we’d have Barney out to visit on a school break to see a hockey game, and Barney and Tonya were thrilled.
Erik nudged me. “And your family?”
I shook my head. “Justin is paying for someone to come in during the week to help with Mom, but other than that, nothing.” He’d done it to relieve my mind, so I wouldn’t worry about my mother. It was a relief to know she was taken care of, but there’d been no reconciling.
Bruce said I was ungrateful and would have nothing to do with me.
Mom sent me messages in secret to keep me updated but never apologized for taking advantage of me.
Cora rarely came back to the house, and once Dorian was done riding with the long-distance truckers for the summer, he’d been forced to help out around the house more.
He and Bruce fought a lot, and Mom was unhappy.
She said she missed me and asked when we might move back to BC.
Some of that must have shown on my face. Erik asked, “Are you okay?”
Justin insisted I talk to someone, a therapist, like he was, and it was helping. It would take a long time to get over the guilt, but every time I looked at Arne, I knew I’d had to leave.
“I’m getting there. And since it’s better for Arne? That helps me stay strong.”
“Don’t forget I’m picking him up tomorrow.”
“I won’t.”
Erik and I had worked out visitation terms, and they were set out in a legal document.
He was entitled to so many days with Arne each year, but he had to give notice and get my approval.
He still thought it wasn’t necessary, but I never wanted Arne to be taken and not have the full benefit of the law to get him back.
For tomorrow, Erik had given me ample notice, and Justin and I would have time to be together as partners without Arne. I loved my kid, but I was looking forward to that. I had plans.
A whistle blew again and we turned our attention to the ice. Arne snagged the puck and managed to get it into the net. Erik and I stood and cheered.
After, Erik bumped me with his shoulder. “Maybe he’ll become a professional hockey player and support me in my old age.”
I sighed. Not my dream for Arne, but what was important was what his dream was. “Maybe you’ll keep busy acting and put him through med school.”
Erik laughed. “Isn’t that what you’re doing?”
“I’m just taking a couple of classes.” Justin insisted I needed some time to recharge, so I hadn’t looked for work in Toronto.
But I’d done research, and learned what I needed to do to get my nursing certification.
This holiday was nice, but I’d had too many years of supporting others to be totally comfortable letting Justin carry the whole burden.
“I’m sorry things had to go to shit, but I’m glad you’re happy now.” He stepped down to the glass where Arne was waiting, making sure his dad saw his goal.
Yeah, there’d been some shitty times, but this light feeling inside—it was happiness. I liked it. I might even get used to it.
Justin
I answered this phone call happily, the concierge calling to say Erik had arrived.
Arne hugged us both before he left with his dad for an overnight visit.
This was the second time since everyone was in Toronto, though the last visit had only been for a few hours.
Mia was more relaxed about it, but she still kept her phone close in case Erik called.
For the last month, since he’d started lessons, the kid was talking nonstop about hockey, so hopefully it wouldn’t piss Erik off too much.
I gripped Mia’s hand in mine as we waved him off in the Uber with his dad. I felt a thrill every time I was able to touch her when I wanted. It had been a couple of months since she and Arne moved in with me, and I still thought I was dreaming when I woke up and she was in my bed.
The move had been tougher for Mia. Arne was young enough that he made friends easily, so he’d settled into school.
He missed his friends in BC, but fortunately hockey was exciting enough that he wasn’t homesick for the West Coast. He had Jess’s old room in the condo, and I’d gone a little overboard making it his before they arrived.
There were hockey and soccer posters, bedding and ornaments, and a poster of his dad’s TV series, though Arne wouldn’t be able to watch it for years.
Mia had signed up for classes, which kept her busy while I was doing my fitness routines. Despite my exit from Cooper’s retreat, the team was a close-knit group, most of the guys in the city working out together. Physically I was in as good a condition as ever. And mentally, I was so much better.
We took the elevator up. Back in the condo, Mia grabbed my face and kissed me. I settled my hands on her waist and returned the embrace.
“So,” she said, pulling away far enough that I could see her expression. “What are we going to do now that we’re child-free for twenty-four hours?”
I leaned my forehead on hers. “I made plans. We have dinner reservations at a restaurant that doesn’t have a kids’ menu. We can eat, drink wine, and talk as long as we want to.”
“Mmmm.” She smiled. I knew that smile. It was the one that got my cock hard. “That sounds wonderful, but I had something in mind before we go out.”
“Oh yeah?”
She bit her lip. “How many rooms do you think we can christen before Arne comes back tomorrow?”
When you shared your home with a curious six-year-old, sex was limited to evenings and the bedroom. This was the last free weekend before training camp. Perfect time to make memories everywhere in this place. Memories of us. I hoped we kept making memories until the day I stopped breathing.
She grabbed my hands and backed us down the hallway. “We can start with the kitchen.”
I picked her up and set her on the counter. “Wait here.” I walked to the bedroom.
She called after me. “Then the bathroom while we get cleaned up from the kitchen. Maybe the living room after dinner?”
It wasn’t more than a couple of moments before I was back in front of her. “So you made some plans too?”
She pulled her T-shirt up and over her head. I caught my breath at the sight of her breasts, held in place by a bra I needed to remove ASAP. I leaned in to kiss her as my hands slid up her back. She grabbed my face again, expression turning serious.
I stilled. “What is it?”
“Just that I’m happy. For so long, I only had brief moments like this. And now it’s all the time. I can’t believe this is my life. I’m grateful, and I love you so much.”
I rested my forehead on hers. “You have no idea how much you’ve done for me.
There was this empty place inside wherever I went, whatever I did.
I was surviving, not living. You and Arne—you’ve brought light into my life that I needed badly, and I love both of you.
” For a moment, I just breathed her in. Her scent, her warmth, her comfort. “I want to show you every day.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a box. It was small, square, and from the way she gasped, she knew what it was.
“I’m not asking yet,” I said as I flipped it open, showing her the ring inside. “You need time and I’m not going to push you. But when you feel like this is your place too, and you’re not putting my cleaning service out of work, then I’ll ask.”
“Then why…”
“So you know. If you ever have doubts, this will tell you where I want us to go.”
She pulled me into a kiss and I went, happily. After years of being lonely, now I was in the best place of my life. Because of this woman. I had my family. I was home.