Chapter Twenty-One
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
MAR K
I’m sitting on the couch watching a basketball game on TV when Claire gets home from class. Over the past few weeks, she’s retreated a bit emotionally again—undoubtedly my own fault—but right now she’s wearing an expression that’s charged with emotion. Frustration, maybe even anger. She makes no effort to hide it when she pins me with a stare before walking down the hall to her room.
To my surprise, she returns a few minutes later after having taken off her shoes and jacket, and she passes me on her way to the kitchen.
"I’m cooking dinner. Do you want some?" she asks. We still eat meals together most nights, but sometimes I end up eating on my own before she gets home from class, especially lately now that things have been more awkward between us.
"Sure, I’d love some," I tell her.
"Is it okay if I drink some of your wine as well? "
Now that’s a new development. I don’t think she’s drank at all aside from the couple times we’ve drank together on holidays. Something must really be bothering her.
"Of course. Is, uh, everything alright?"
She huffs a sigh, pops the cork on a bottle, and fills a glass. After a moment, she appears around the corner.
"Actually, no, everything is not okay." She takes a sip and stares me down.
Shit, I didn’t think she’d admit to anything. And as much as I want to know what’s wrong with her, talking about feelings is sort of uncharted territory for me.
"What’s wrong?"
"What’s wrong is that you kissed me then ran away all pissed off, and I have no clue what I did to make that such a terrible thing for you! And, as if that wasn’t enough, I ran into one of your hookups in the hallway and felt even more like an idiot, because of course that kiss didn’t mean anything to you and—"
"I didn’t hook up with her," I interrupt, because she’s starting to ramble and I’m a little worried about what might come out of her mouth if she continues. She’s already so wrong, though I can’t blame her for assuming any of those things.
"You’re telling me you didn’t have sex with the woman who was still fixing her clothes as she came out of your room?"
I blow out a slow breath. "Yes, that’s what I’m telling you. I did have intentions of sleeping with her because I desperately needed to blow off some steam and thought that would help, but I couldn’t go through with it. I asked her to leave before anything actually happened."
"Why did you need to blow off steam?"
Fuck, here we go. "Because I kissed you. "
Her eyes narrow in confusion.
I continue, "I didn’t realize you had never kissed a man before, let alone anything else, so you telling me that after we had kissed was a bit of a shock."
"Oh." Her gaze drops and her cheeks redden in embarrassment.
"It’s nothing to be embarrassed about," I assure her.
"Then why are you making it out to be such a big deal then?" She’s feisty now, challenging me in a way she hasn’t before, and as inappropriate as it might be in this situation, I’m fighting to keep my blood from rushing to my cock. Does she really have no idea how tempting she is?
"Because the idea of my lips being the first to touch yours has me wanting to do so much more than kiss you."
She blushes again, and I want nothing more than to thread my fingers through her hair and show her just how good I could make her feel.
"But, I already told you—I don’t do relationships. So, as much as I would love to show you all the filthy ways I’d love to touch you, I won’t, for your sake. You deserve someone who can give you the kind of relationship you want, Claire. I’m not that guy."
"Why? Why can’t you be that guy? Why are you so against relationships?"
As much as I’m sure she’d love for me to spill my secrets about my past, I’m not about to turn this into a fucking therapy session. The last thing I want to do is to tell her that I learned a long time ago, much earlier in my life than anyone should, that the more significant a relationship is, the worse it hurts when you’re fucked over. If I couldn’t rely on the woman who gave birth to me to love me enough to stay, why should I expect it from anyone else ?
So instead I say, "They don’t really work out for me. I like keeping things solely physical. It’s a lot less complicated."
She shakes her head. "I’m not sure what you’ve been through, because it’s clearly something , but relationships don’t have to be complicated or filled with drama."
"And you would know, right? Tell me, what healthy representation of relationships have you seen in your own life? Because from what you’ve told me, it’s not anything better where you come from. The only difference is that I’m open about what I want."
She steps back as if she’s just been slapped. "So what? You’re going to compare one unhealthy relationship dynamic to another? The ones I’ve seen may be on the complete opposite end of the spectrum from what you do, but that doesn’t make one better than the other."
I take a step toward her, my voice dangerously calm despite my racing heart. Why the hell does this girl get under my skin so much? "What I do is not unhealthy. You want to know why? Because everything is consensual, and everyone participating is clear and open about what they hope to get from it, myself included. Women want me to make them come until they can’t think straight, and I happily oblige. Everyone walks away fulfilled and well-fucked." I’ve gotten closer to her as I’ve been speaking, and now we’re only inches apart. "Does that clear things up for you?"
Her eyes are wide as she stares up at me, and she swallows hard but maintains eye contact. "Partly."
"Partly?"
She nods and absentmindedly bites her lower lip.
"What part of that is still unclear to you?" I can’t resist the urge to touch her—I lift my hand and run a strand of her soft blonde hair between my fingers, loving the way her breath catches on a sharp inhale.
I can tell she’s intimidated, but she still holds her ground, her eyes connected with mine while she wears a look of frustration. It’s a stark contrast to the quiet, scared woman I took in a couple months ago.
"It’s unclear why you’d still ignore feelings you have for good sex. I can’t claim to know what good sex is like, but I know you’re not immune to emotion even though you might act otherwise, and I’d be willing to bet that letting go emotionally would be more of a release for you than an orgasm is."
To my surprise, she takes a step backward, putting a few more inches of distance between us. And even though she’s dead-on in a way that’s kind of freaky, I can’t bring myself to fight back. She sees right fucking through me, and I have no rebuttal.
Gone is the meek, shy girl who was afraid to step a toe out of line, and in her place is a woman who is making herself heard despite how much it scares her. If her hands weren’t shaking right now, I’d have no clue she was nervous about this conversation, but I see through her act just as much as she apparently sees through mine.
I don’t even realize I’m smiling until she cocks an eyebrow at me. "What’s so funny?"
Despite the tension still thick in the air from our argument and our close proximity, I can’t help but fire her up just a little more. "I’m just proud of you. You said the word ‘orgasm’ without so much as blushing."
She rolls her eyes but ducks her head in an attempt to hide her flustered expression. "I’m going to make dinner. Are you going to stop being weird around me now that we got this out in the open? "
"Yes. I apologize for kissing you and making things weird."
She opens her mouth to say something else but snaps it shut again. "Okay," she says in a weirdly formal tone before spinning on her heel.
I chuckle and shamelessly watch her ass as she walks back toward the kitchen, though I immediately miss the heat of her small body so close to mine. I’ll at least admit to myself that I want this girl and would be more than happy to show her all the ways her body could feel pleasure. I’d fucking love to see her come apart over and over again under my touch.
However, I’m not willing to push her for any of that; It needs to be a decision she makes on her own. She knows my stipulations and my feelings about relationships, so unless she makes it clear that’s what she wants, I’ll be here acting like a respectable gentleman while spending my nights fucking my fist and imagining it’s her wrapped around my cock.
A minute later, while Claire’s in the kitchen cooking, a text comes in from Shane.
" Still on to go to Hawaii with us in a couple weeks ?"
Shit, I had forgotten all about that. I’ve been so caught up in everything with Claire that the vacation had somehow entirely slipped my mind. But considering Shane’s one of my higher-ups at work, taking off for a week won’t be a problem. And hell, I could sure use a break from real life right about now.
" Absolutely. Do I need to get plane tickets or anything ?" I’m sure he’s already handled it, but I still feel the need to ask.
" Nope. Renting our own jet for the trip. Are you planning on bringing Claire ?"
Fuck. I can hear his laughter in my mind and the words "I told you so." I had assured him before that there was no way I’d be bringing her, but now …
"Hey, Claire?" I call out from the living room.
She peeks her head around the corner, her blonde hair now fashioned up into a messy ponytail. "Yeah?"
"Shane and Dani invited us to go on a trip with them to Hawaii in a couple weeks. They need to go to figure out some wedding details and wanted some company. Would you like to go?"
Her eyes light up. "Really?"
I nod, unable to keep my smile at bay.
"I’d love to go. What dates are we leaving and coming back?"
I tell her, and she beams. "Yay, that’s perfect! I’ll be on spring break, so I won’t even have to take absences from my classes."
"That’s great," I agree before she pops back into the kitchen.
I unlock my phone again to text Shane back. " She said she’ll come. Convenient how the dates just so happen to align with her spring break perfectly… " It’s not like I’m sure he planned it that way—after all, he had asked me about going before he even met Claire at the New Year’s party—but I also wouldn’t put it past him to meddle in shit he shouldn’t be. Especially now that he has Dani, who is annoyingly perfect for him and no doubt encourages his shenanigans.
" Wow, that IS convenient… " He adds a smiley face to the end of the text, which only solidifies my suspicions. Asshole. Another text comes through a second later that says, " We’ll swing by and get you guys that Saturday morning. I’ll give you a specific time when it’s closer. "
I send back a thumbs up and fall back into the plush seat of the couch, knowing that I’m royally fucked.
I’m going on vacation with the girl I’m desperately trying to ignore my attraction to, and my mischievous best friend and his soon-to-be-wife will be plotting and conniving to make me fall in love or some bullshit. If they hope that I’m going to suddenly change my entire life outlook and be the next to get married, they’re out of their minds, but I wouldn’t put it past them to try to make it happen anyway.
Regardless of what happens, though, I know I’m going to need to steel myself for whatever they’re about to throw my way.