CHAPTER 1 #2
And that’s when the universe decided to really pile it on.
Mom’s condition was breaking my heart while my dad and brothers were nearly giving me a heart attack with their frivolous lifestyles.
Like I said, it’s complicated. And while all that was happening, somehow, beyond all reason, Jake got it in his head that I abandoned him.
What? No matter how many times I tried to reason with him, to explain that I wasn’t turning my back on him and that I still loved him as much as I ever did, somehow it didn’t matter.
And the drama didn’t end there. Besides feeling like I betrayed him, he hasn’t taken my absence well.
He especially hates his bed being empty at night.
I get that, but how can he not see that it hasn’t been easy for me either?
For some reason, he can’t. It’s like he’s resented me for choosing my dying mother over him.
I’m not going to lie; it’s been beyond hard.
When I desperately needed him to be supportive, when I needed him to be a strong shoulder I could lean on, he was anything but.
To say things have been rocky is a bit of an understatement.
But I’m used to it now. It’s my new normal, how the smallest spark sets him off and the next thing I know, we’re fighting.
Maybe “fighting” isn’t the right word. That implies two people are equally engaged in a heated argument.
It’s like the other day when he wanted to take me out for a nice evening and he asked what I felt like for dinner.
I didn’t have an opinion. I wasn’t even hungry, so I didn’t care.
But when I told him as much, the ugly monster inside him clawed its way out.
He doesn’t yell. And he’s never laid a hand on me.
It’s not like that. But it’s painful, nonetheless.
Maybe more exhausting than painful. Jake’s weapon is his tone.
He’s a master at making me feel like I’m not measuring up, like I’m not good enough for him.
It’s death by a thousand cuts, and the blade is his words with that slicing tone. I hate it.
It happens more than I like, but on the bright side, lately I’ve learned how to handle him when he gets like that.
I apologize and tell him it’s my fault, even when I don’t feel like it is.
Regardless, accepting the blame tends to calm him down.
Then I just have to be patient while he rages on about this and that.
If I don’t say a word, eventually he runs out of steam.
It’s my new strategy, and it’s been working wonders.
Sometimes, by the end of the night, he even realizes he was being an ass, and I think he feels some measure of guilt about it because sometimes, he apologizes and will even spend the next day sending me texts saying how sorry he is.
Anyway, love it or hate it, that’s it, our weekly routine.
How does the saying go? You have to take the good with the bad?
I guess that describes us perfectly. And it’s not like there isn’t plenty of good.
At times he can be so sweet, like how he’s been today.
That’s the Jake I fell in love with. When he acts like that, it fills my heart with hope.
But today was different from his usual good days. Today I saw a kinder side of him that I was sure I’d never see again. God, how I’ve missed that. But where did it come from? And why now? It’s so unlike him. Regardless, I’ll take it!
And come to think of it, last night he did something else unusual.
Jake went to the casino with my dad. I was so surprised.
Jake never gambles. Dad goes most nights.
He plays poker, Texas Hold’em, and he’s not very good at it, hence the reason my meager paychecks go to paying the bills and buying groceries, but that’s a sob story for another time.
So why did Jake go? Was it to ask Dad for my hand? Goosebumps wash over me like tiny little kisses at the mere thought of it. What else could it be? I pull in a deep breath as my heart flutters with the excitement of the possibility.
Exhaling, I take in the night air, crisp and full of anticipation.
Most of us are gathered around the ginormous bonfire that’s typical for any Sweetbriar party.
Firelight flickers against the dark sky as sparks rise to dance with the stars.
In the background, Mark’s majestic wood barn—red with white trim—is silhouetted in the moonlight while a soft breeze entices boughs of the surrounding evergreens to sway in hypnotic waves.
The whole place is immaculate and romantic to its very core.
Silver Creek even runs under an arched stone bridge in the wooded front yard.
It’s no wonder Sarah wants to have her wedding here.
It’s mid-February, and the place looks like something you’d envision in a fairy tale, but in June, it’s downright gorgeous.
How I would love to have a June wedding here.
I think Mark might agree to it, but the truth is, I don’t think I’d want to wait that long.
Maybe a week at the most. I love the idea of a quick wedding, besides, why wait when I’ve waited long enough?
Oregon weather is a little chilly this time of year, and yes, there’s plenty of rain.
As the old saying goes, Oregonians don’t tan, they rust. But the rain makes everything so beautiful, and with each passing week bringing us closer to summer, this ranch with all its evergreens, ground ferns, and my favorite, the blue bachelor’s button flowers that grow wild in abundance, all of it combined makes this place even more romantic.
In fact, now that I think about it, this is the perfect place to propose.
Is that why Jake begged Mark to let us come tonight?
Is that why Sarah agreed? It has to be, right?
While my nerves prickle with anticipation, like my red Solo cup, suddenly I’m all too aware of how alone I am standing here.
I glance over to where I last saw Jake, and he’s not there.
I scan the crowd, hoping he’s making his way to me, but I don’t see him.
There must be over three hundred people here.
Everyone is bundled up in sweaters, hoodies and jackets.
It’s the kind of night that was made for cuddling by a fire, so where is my boyfriend?
The fact that most of us went to high school together is both good and bad.
Some things never change, like the guys standing not far to my left.
They haven’t taken their eyes off me. One guy, Dan, has been staring at my ass for the past five minutes.
He’s always been a creep. And Mike, standing next to him, has been gaping at my chest. It wouldn’t surprise me if those two are still virgins.
Honestly, I don’t know a single girl who would date either of them.
Regardless, I’m used to guys perving. It’s what men do.
And it’s not just me. They do it to all the girls.
They think we don’t notice, but we do. We all do.
“Hey, baby, I’ve been looking for you,” Jake’s voice comes from behind me. He steps to my side and drapes his arm around my shoulders. The closeness and warmth of his body feels good. I smile up at him as he pulls me close and plants a kiss on my cheek with, “You look gorgeous tonight.”
Sure, he’s drunk, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t sincere.
This is what I mean—all lovey-dovey. It’s been a while since he’s been this affectionate, especially in public, and I absolutely love it!
As I snuggle into him, I picture this being the rest of our lives, two people in love and Jake being the man I know he can be.
I glance down to see he’s holding a bottle of Jack Daniel’s in his other hand, and it’s nearly full. That’s good. It means he’s not that drunk. Not yet.
He looks around, then takes his arm from my shoulders and steps forward. What is he doing? Is this it? My hand darts to my mouth in surprise. Could he really be doing this?
He turns to face Dan, Mike, and the other guys standing around, then calls out, “Hey, I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world, right?”
The air leaves my lungs as my heart pounds against my chest! Oh my God, it’s really happening?
“Am I right?” Jake continues. “I mean, look at her, so fucking hot, right?”
Okay, that’s just the alcohol talking. Obviously, he’s nervous, but I think it’s cute.
Jake staggers a little, then catches his balance before he stumbles.
“Tell you what, boys, for a hundred dollars, she’ll give you the best blowjob of your life.
Trust me, it’ll be the best BJ you’ve ever had.
Her mouth is legendary!” He pauses, looking around while I…
what did he just say? After another long swig from the bottle, his gaze darts to Dan and Mike. “Who wants to be first?”
I blink. What? I… I don’t know what’s happening.
What did he just say? My cheeks are burning as tears well up in my eyes blurring the scene around me.
I’ve never felt so… embarrassed? Mortified?
Humiliated? All of the above, and I literally can’t move as an icy chill cascades down my spine.
Why would he joke about something like this? Is he that drunk?
With my head spinning in a haze of fog, I try to gather my thoughts. This is so much worse than pissing on Sarah’s plants, like a million times worse. And I thought… I don’t know what I was thinking. I’m such an idiot!
Tears stream down my flaming cheeks. So fucking stupid!
Jake doesn’t even notice. He’s too focused on the guys.
“C’mon, boys, don’t be shy.” He staggers forward, swinging the Jack Daniel’s bottle around before taking another swig, then wiping his mouth with his sleeve in true drunk-asshole fashion.
“I’m telling you, you’ll thank me later.
Her mouth is worth double that. You’ll see. ”