CHAPTER 38
Maddie
It’s been two weeks of pure hell without the man who owns my heart.
We both knew this would be hard, but it’s different from what I expected.
I thought I would just miss him—talking to him, the best sex of my life, and all the ways he took care of me when I wasn’t expecting it, but it’s more than that.
I miss all the little things, like riding around in his truck, eating with him, the way he smells, and that hard, ripped body pressed against me in the middle of the night like he wants to be closer to me.
I long for all that, but that’s not the hardest part, not even close. I wasn’t expecting to be so lonely.
Some things are still the same. I have Rhonda. I have my job. I still make dresses on the side. And I’m back to being beyond tired all the time. That doesn’t make this any easier.
But other things are different. My brothers are able to support themselves, thanks to my boyfriend, and I moved into my own apartment.
I’m always busy, so things shouldn’t be that bad, but they are.
I have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning.
Simple things, like taking a shower before work, feels like such a chore.
If someone were to set a strawberry-rhubarb muffin in front of me, I think I’d completely lose it, although the thought of how much Riggs loved them still makes me laugh.
They’re huge, and Riggs ate six in one sitting while he sat with me as I worked on a wedding dress in the hotel room at four in the morning.
That was one of the best mornings, just the two of us talking and laughing and enjoying each other’s company.
Now, when I smell a strawberry-rhubarb muffin, all those feelings come flooding back, and I miss him more than ever.
The other day, Ms. Southerby mentioned she was going to stop by The Fool’s Grill to get a Duck Duck Goose sandwich on her way home. Dumb things like that hit me with a tidal wave of emotions that make me miss him so badly it hurts.
Unfortunately, those situations keep popping up, and by the time I’m finally off work, all I want to do is go home, crawl into bed, hug my pillow, and scream.
Sure, I miss him—that was to be expected—but this empty void eating away at me wasn’t expected, and no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get over the fact that he’s not here.
I feel like I’m dying inside without him.
I know Rhonda isn’t doing any better. We hardly talk anymore.
We work together. We eat lunch together.
Having her close is comforting, but it’s not like it used to be, and I know why.
It’s the depression, the melancholy, the constant yearning for what’s missing.
And there’s not a damn thing either of us can do about it.
Maybe.
I’m starting to question that premise. I’m starting to question a lot of things.
My only relief comes when he calls. When we talk, I feel like I can breathe again, like that empty feeling in my chest goes away so I can laugh and smile and be happy again.
But the calls never last. Too many people want something from him.
It’s always, “I hate to do this, but they need me right now.”
They need him. They take priority. They decide when our calls end. I hate whoever “they” are.
Lately I’ve been asking myself, is this how it’s always going to be?
Am I going to be this miserable every time he’s gone?
And when he’s back, am I going to be a different kind of miserable as I count down the days until his next big adventure?
Am I always going to be miserable one way or another? Is that what my future looks like?
Deep down, part of me knows the answer, and that terrifies me, because it means the right thing to do would be to break up with him and move on with my life. Would it hurt like hell? Of course it would. Losing him permanently would be unbearably painful. But is this any better?
The difference is, eventually I’d heal and move on.
I did with Jake, and while this would be a thousand times harder, in time I’d probably be okay.
It may take years, even—Riggs isn’t the kind of guy you just forget and move on from, but what are the alternatives?
Stay with him and live in a constant state of depression and stress? No thank you.
This is so laughable, and I don’t know why I’m even considering the idea because I don’t think I could break up with him if I wanted to. I just couldn’t. I want him too much.
If anything, I need to give it more time, at least a little more. In a few weeks, if I’m still feeling this way, if I’m just as miserable, maybe I’ll change my mind and actually consider it. But not now.
It’s Saturday afternoon, and I have everything set up to start on a new dress.
Apparently, I’ve lost my mind because this one is for me.
I’ve been designing my dream wedding gown for years and when the idea to start making it popped into my head, well, it was the first time since Riggs left that I felt like I could breathe.
It has everything, including the most beautiful satin and lace I’ve ever seen.
When it’s finished, it will be a classic ball-gown design with all the right embellishments.
If I finish it. If I start it. I’ve been sitting here staring at the fabric for two hours. Just staring at it.
I’m startled by the sound of my phone. It’s Riggs!
“Oh my God, you finally called.” My heart is racing. It’s been two days since I last heard from him.
“I know. I’m so sorry. Things have been a real shitshow here, you have no idea.”
“What’s going on?”
“We’re still in Queenstown. The film crew doesn’t have all their equipment yet. They also don’t have the permits they need, and three of their top people quit two days ago. It’s an absolute disaster. But Ash and I think we can make some lemonade out of these lemons.”
“Are you thinking about coming back?” God, I hope so, like I’ve never hoped for anything before. Please let him say yes.
“No, there’s no way we could do that, but it’s going to be at least two weeks, maybe three before the National Discovery team will be ready to go.”
Three more weeks? All the air leaves my lungs. “Does that mean our ninety-four-day countdown won’t even start for another three weeks?” That’s more than a month added on. How can this be happening?
“Hold on,” he says calmly. “We’re wondering if we could fly you and Rhonda down here. You could stay with us until the network pulls their heads out of their asses and they have things ready for us to head up into the Southern Alps. Can I talk you into coming to see me?”
I’m speechless. I’m literally so excited, I can’t get the words out.
“Maddie? Did I lose you?”
“Yes!” I shout. “Yes, yes, yes!”
“Perfect. Ash is talking to Rhonda now. How soon could you leave?”
How soon? Wait. What about the store? What about Ms. Southerby?
Rhonda and I run the place. Ms. Southerby has never lasted more than half a day.
Her rheumatoid arthritis aside, she just gets so tired.
On the rare occasions when Rhonda and I couldn’t be there, and she’s had to step in, we’ve posted a sign on the door letting everyone know that the hours would be from nine to noon.
Could we really be gone for weeks? There’s no time to get someone to fill in.
We’d have to train them for one thing and there’s no way the store could be closed for that long.
Reality crashes over me. I can’t just walk away from my job for that long. It isn’t possible.
This is such a letdown, like I could fall apart right here, right now. With my phone to my ear, I start to fold the fabric to put it away for safekeeping. There’s no way I’m making the dress now.
“I want this more than anything, I really do, but…”
“You and Rhonda couldn’t leave work that long. I thought that might be a problem. Now, please don’t get mad at what I’m about to suggest. What if I covered your expenses? I’ll double what you make. Hell, I’ll triple it.”
“It’s not about me. Ms. Southerby needs us. If we took that much time off, she could lose everything. We barely keep the store open as it is and I couldn’t do that to her.”
He lets out a long sigh. “I get it. And for the record, I think it’s admirable. You don’t see that in my world.”
“Your world?” I don’t know what he means. This isn’t something we’ve ever talked about.
“Yeah, my world before I met you. When you have money, you’re surrounded by people who also have money.
Most of them are decent people, but their kids, the ones my age, well, typically they’re self-serving.
The girls I’ve dated have all been like that.
They’ve only cared about themselves and their own needs.
That’s why I love how you’re putting Ms. Southerby’s needs above your own.
You have no idea how refreshing that is, but at the same time, I miss you. ”
Of course I miss him too, and I’d do just about anything to be able to come see him, but not at the expense of the store. “I’m really sorry.”
“You know what? Forget I brought it up. Let’s talk about something else. What’s the latest with the Jam Opera?”
I try to sound cheerful as I tell him about how two more of Zane’s ranch hands have gonorrhea now. “Apparently, there was a lot of sneaking around going on between Zane’s ranch and the Jam Squad’s barndominium.”
“Wow. Now that everyone knows, what happens next?”
I love following the gossip as much as the next girl in Sweetbriar, but how much he’s into the whole crazy thing cracks me up.
“The girls swear they’ll never have anything to do with the boys again.
The funny thing is, people keep sending the guys lotion and sex lube with little notes, like, ‘It might be a while before you get any, so I figured you could use this.’ Chelsea says there’s practically a whole pallet of lube stacked up in her barn and more packages keep coming, all from anonymous people. ”
“That’s hilarious,” he says with a hearty laugh. “You think the girls will really stay away?”
“Who knows? When it comes to the Jam Squad, anything is possible. The nice thing for them is their sales are way up. People can’t get enough of their jams now that all four are single, and before you ask, Sophia is killing it. She’s won the top spot three weeks in a row now.”
We get to talk for almost an hour before they show up. Saying goodbye feels like someone’s driving a stake through my heart.
“I have to go take care of this,” he tells me. “I’ll call again on Monday.”
He hangs up before I can respond, which is probably for the best because I almost told him I loved him. I do, but thank goodness I didn’t say the words out loud, because the idea of an extra three weeks has me revisiting our relationship and whether I have what it takes to stay in it.
The truth is, I do. I love him, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. At least that’s how I feel now after talking to him. Tomorrow morning might be different. Tomorrow afternoon will probably be different and by tomorrow night, who knows? I may hate him for not being here.
* * *
It’s Monday morning and Ms. Southerby isn’t at the shop. She texted yesterday saying she needed to meet with us first thing before the shop opens, but there’s no sign of her.
“I hope nothing’s happened to her,” Rhonda says as she turns the ‘Open’ sign over.
I share her concern. Her text sounded kind of ominous. “You don’t think she—”
“Died?” She’s says with a frown. “She is pretty old. What if she did? What happens to the store? Does that mean we lose our jobs?”
“I was going to say maybe she’s sick, but now I don’t know.”
I turn the lights on while Rhonda calls Ms. Southerby’s number. For the heck of it, I check the break room in the back. It’s empty, which is good. If I found her body in there, I’d need therapy for years.
“She’s on her way,” Rhonda announces as I return.
“That’s a relief.”
“Yeah,” she says turning to look out the front window. “She sounded really excited.”
“About what?”
“I have no idea. I guess we’ll find out. I’ll set up the register.”
While Rhonda does that, I check the bathroom to make sure it’s clean and has toilet paper. It’s good and I’m just coming out when the bell above the door rings.
“Girls, gather around.”
I’m shocked to see her wearing baggy pants with a light-yellow blouse instead of her usual prim-and-proper dress. And even stranger, she’s turning the ‘Open’ sign back to ‘Closed.’
“Is everything okay?” Rhonda asks.
The old woman is practically beaming. I can’t remember ever seeing her smiling like this.
“Everything is wonderful. I got a call Saturday afternoon. It was a bit of an unusual conversation to start with, then the caller asked if I would be interested in selling the shop. Can you believe it? Who would want to buy this old place? I didn’t have any intention to sell, so I threw out a number that was way more than it’s worth.
I thought for sure the answer would be no, but she doubled my offer on one condition—that I turn the store over to her as soon as the money is in my account. ”
I don’t know what to think about this, but I have a growing suspicion.
Rhonda eyes her warily. “What did you say?”
“Well, I didn’t want to give her my bank information.
It sounded like a scam. So, she asked if I had a lawyer.
I didn’t, but I gave her Maria Gallagher’s number.
I didn’t even get a chance to call Maria to tell her what was happening.
I didn’t think the woman would contact her so soon, especially on a Saturday, so I finished feeding my cat and about twenty minutes later, Maria called to ask if I wanted her to be my lawyer.
I said yes and when I checked this morning, the money was in my account. Can you believe it?”
She sold the store? I can’t wrap my head around it. What the hell?
“That’s really nice for you,” Rhonda says. I can tell she’s holding back, but a little sarcasm still comes through. “But what happens to us?”
Ms. Southerby gives her a chastising look.
“Dear, I wouldn’t have accepted the deal without assurances.
I made sure that you and Maddie will keep your jobs.
Maria put it in the contract, even. But the store will be shut down for a month.
The new owner wants to do a complete remodel.
The good news is, you’ll still get paid while the shop is closed, and not just your regular wages.
The new owner is giving both of you a big raise. ”
A big raise from a new owner and a paid month off? “By any chance, is this new owner’s name Riggs Dwyer?”
Ms. Southerby raises a brow. “Right last name, but it’s a woman.”
“Elsie?” I ask.
“Why yes, how on earth did you know that?"
“We know her brothers. You met Riggs, the man I’m dating. Rhonda is dating Elsie’s other brother, Ash.”
“Really? Then I guess I have you two to thank for this good fortune. I already purchased a plane ticket to Florida. I’m going to Disney World!”
Both our phones ping at the same time with a text from Riggs.