CHAPTER 39
Riggs
Since the moment I left Maddie at the Portland airport, life has been absolute hell.
For the past two weeks I haven’t been able to sleep, and not because of jet lag.
I’ve woken up every night reaching for her, wanting to feel the warmth of her body next to mine.
When we were together, I don’t think she was aware of how many times I would wake in the middle of the night and just marvel that this woman was in my bed.
But as fortunate as I felt, it also made me nervous.
A woman like her, so smart and fun, would be on other guys’ radars, lots of other guys.
I kept thinking, while I’m gone, what would keep one of them from trying to step in and take my place?
They could do something I couldn’t. They could be with her.
How could I compete with that? I can’t—hence the reason my relationships never work out.
Losing Veronica was… not that bad, actually.
I didn’t have feelings for her. I thought I did, but now I realize they were nothing compared to how I feel about Maddie.
Now I’m living in a constant state of fear.
Fear of getting a text like the one I got from Veronica.
I’ve lost my appetite over it which is something that’s never happened to me.
Even the producer noticed how I’ve been skipping meals and asked if I was feeling all right.
What could I tell him? Not wanting to explain, I just told him I’d be fine.
But I won’t be fine. There’s this constant ache in my chest with no relief in sight. I’ve never been this miserable.
When she told me she couldn’t come to New Zealand, I knew what I had to do.
I called Elsie and had her buy the fabric shop.
But, being the businesswoman she is, she tried to talk me out of it solely on the grounds that it was a poor investment.
The conversation got a little heated, which never happens between us, but in the end, she agreed, if for no other reason than she realized how important it was to me.
Ash, on the other hand, was pretty excited. “Damn, bro, smart move. Wish I’d thought of it.”
I’m all bundled up standing on the beach of Lake Wakatipu with my phone resting in my gloved hands.
It’s Monday, and it’s freezing. While it’s the middle of summer for Maddie, in New Zealand it’s the middle of winter.
Despite the stinging cold, I love the sound of the small waves rippling over the sandy beach and how the water is so clear it looks like glass.
Ash is in his room waiting, and I just got word that Ms. Southerby is telling girls now.
She texted Elise a few minutes ago. I bring up the group text that includes all four of us.
Riggs: Any chance you girls will change your minds about meeting us here? You’d love the scenery. The hotel is on the beach, and the food is good. I think you’d like it.
Rhonda: That depends.
That depends? Definitely not the response I was anticipating. Did something happen?
Ash: On what?
Rhonda: Would we be flying first class or peasant class?
Ash: Lol! Pack your winter clothes, baby. I’ll see you tomorrow!
No response from Maddie. Why? Has she moved on already? Perhaps she decided this is too much. If she’s felt anything like I have these past two weeks, I can see how she’d start to question if this is really doable.
But, before I throw up from the sick feeling forming in my gut, I probably shouldn’t jump to conclusions. Maybe she’s in the bathroom or something. Fingers crossed, that’s all it is.
Riggs: ?
Maddie: Looks like we’re coworkers now that we have the same boss. How does the saying go? Don’t dip your pen in the company ink?
Thank the stars and everything else good in the universe. She had me worried there for a minute.
Riggs: What are you talking about? Everyone has office romances.
Maddie: Everyone? Do you even have an office? Come to think of it, I’ve never seen where Elsie works. It sounds like a big company. Do you and Ash work there between trips? Is that why you think everyone has office flings? Wait, do you have a secretary? What does she look like? I want a photo!
I laugh out loud. God, I’ve missed her.
Riggs: Yes, we have our own offices, but neither of us has a secretary. Everything I know about office romances comes from the internet.
Maddie: Hmm. Please tell me you don’t mean Pornhub.
Riggs: I’ll have you know Pornhub is very educational. Technically, I’m your boss now and Pornhub clearly demonstrates how a boss’s desk can be multifunctional. Who knew?
Ash: He has a point. I just decided Rhonda is my new secretary. Congratulations on your new job, sweetheart.
Rhonda: Hope your office has soft carpet and plenty of room under your desk.
Ash: Hope you get plenty of rest on the plane because I have a whole lot of dicktation for you to take.
Riggs: Dick-tation? Really? I need to get off this before my brother makes me gag.
If there’s any problem with the flight itineraries, let us know and we’ll take care of it.
Also, we put $10K on the cards we gave you in Vegas.
Maddie, I know how you feel about that, but try to pretend that your boyfriend was only being nice.
Ash: See you soon!
Rhonda answers with a series of emojis that show how excited she is.
Maddie, on the other hand, doesn’t answer at all and I know why.
She hates it when I treat her like a charity, but there’s no way I’m letting her travel halfway around the world without the means to deal with mishaps.
What if a connecting flight gets delayed or cancelled?
What if they get stuck in Honolulu? At least this way they’ll be able to get a nice hotel and enjoy themselves.
Besides, why shouldn’t I be able to spoil my girlfriend?
What else am I going to do with my money?
It’s Wednesday evening New Zealand time and the girls finally got here.
Ash grabs Rhonda’s luggage, and I can’t help noticing it’s new, while Maddie still has the raggedy 1970s luggage she brought to Vegas.
If I had to guess, Rhonda went shopping while my girl refused to spend a dime.
That needs to change, but I’ll address it later. Right now, I’m just glad to see her.
With Ash and Rhonda in the back seat, we’re all on our best behavior as we head back to the hotel. Mostly it’s small talk about their layover in Hawaii.
As soon as I pull into the parking lot, Ash and Rhonda disappear. No surprise there.
Finally, it’s just the two of us. I pull Maddie’s luggage out of the trunk with, “You must be tired.”
“Not too bad. I slept on the plane.”
She’s dressed right for the weather with a long coat and gloves. That’s good. “Our room is on the second floor. Are you hungry?”
“Yeah, I could eat. I’m not a big fan of airplane food.”
We take the stairs up, and I notice her luggage is light, like really light.
I can’t imagine there being much in it at all.
She brought more to the hotel back in Sweetbriar, a lot more.
I remember the suitcase being so heavy I worried the handle might break off.
But this time, it’s light as a feather. Should I be worried?
And it’s not just that. She’s been a little distant since she landed.
When I gave her a hug, she hugged me back, but something about it felt forced.
She just flew halfway around the world to see me, so whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.
She’s probably just tired and I’m probably just being paranoid.
“There’s a nice place I think you’ll like. They have Akaroa salmon.”
“Akaroa? I’ve never heard of it.”
“Akaroa is where they farm-raise king salmon here. I tried it the other day. It’s good.”
As soon as we step into the room, I drop her bag, shut the door, turn to face her, and decide to go for it. “Enough with the small talk.” I draw her into a hug, lifting her feet off the ground. “God, I missed you!”
She throws her arms around my neck. “I missed you too.” She’s smiling as her lips meet mine and she kisses me eagerly. Thank God.
I kiss her back, and just as I’m really getting into it, her hands press against my shoulders as she pulls away to put some distance between our mouths. Then her eyes drift off to the side as if deliberately avoiding eye contact. “What do you say we get something to eat first?
That was abrupt. I set her down and try to meet her gaze. Something isn’t right and sick feeling begins to churn in my gut. Then again, it was a long flight. Perhaps she’s just not feeling well. I’ll give it some time and see how things go before I start to panic.
“Sure, do you want to change first? I think you look fine, but whatever you want to do.”
“I’m good. We can go now, unless you have something you need to do first.”
She’s still avoiding eye contact and I don’t like it. “I don’t have anything going on, and you know me, I can always eat.”
On the way to the restaurant, I tell her about New Zealand and some of the places we can visit. She doesn’t engage in the conversation like I’m used to. Instead, she’s distant, and I’m beginning to think something is definitely wrong.
Sitting at the table, waiting for our food, she’s not fully here. She’s somewhere else and I’m beyond confused, not to mention frustrated. There’s no question that something is off, and I don’t like any of this.
“What’s going on? And don’t tell me nothing.”
She hesitates, idly playing with the corner of her napkin. She doesn’t appear to be willing to even look at me. “Doesn’t it bother you?” she finally says.
“Doesn’t what bother me?”
“That I just got here but I’ll be leaving soon. When the film crew is ready, I’ll get on a plane, and we won’t see each other for three more months.”
“Of course it bothers me.” I reach over and take her hand.
“This is important, so I need you to listen to me. It’s never bothered me before.
When I was dating someone, leaving for three months was easy.
I can honestly say I didn’t care if I wouldn’t see the girl until I got back because the adventure was always more important to me.
But this is different. I can’t stand it, and you being here only confirms what I’ve been thinking for a while now. ”
I want her to look at me, but she’s still playing with that fucking napkin. “Thinking?” she asks, so softly I barely hear the words.
I squeeze her hand tighter. “I’ve been thinking I need to get out of this contract. I need to be done with all this. It never mattered before because I hadn’t met someone I cared about, not like this. But I care about you.” I reach over and grab her other hand. “Maddie, look at me.”
Her gaze flicks to her glass of water.
“Maddie,” I repeat, more sternly this time. “Look at me.”
I give her hand another squeeze, and reluctantly she looks up.
I draw in a breath trying to get a read on her before deciding it doesn’t matter.
This has to be said. “Maybe it’s too soon, and maybe you’re not ready, but I’m going to say it anyway.
I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I can’t live without you.
I promise I’ll do whatever I can to get out of this so that when you leave, I’ll be right there with you.
Give me a few days to see what I can do. ”
For the first time, I see hope in her eyes. “You’d really do that? You’d just quit?”
“I would. You mean so much more to me than any of this.”
“I can’t tell you how bad I needed to hear that.” She squeezes both of my hands with everything she’s got. “I love you too.”