Chapter 54
CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR
I whip my spear through the air in front of me.
Imagining Zolkan is there.
Then feeling like shit about it.
My hoxud watches from his bed in the corner of my training tent, his black eyes knowing. I’ve never quite figured out how he can tell when I’m at my lowest, but the beast greeted me at my portal just after suns-set and has not left my side since.
I suppose it’s possible hoxuds can sense impending mental breakdowns.
The air whizzes as I swing again, harder. This will be one of my final lessons for Sofi, I think. Now that I know she can evade or escape an alpha to get to safety, there’s little else for me to teach her.
I can’t keep having her come here each day. Before I knew she was Zolkan’s, I had an ulterior motive for letting this go on. Some stupid, hopeful piece of me thought she might trigger a mate bond for me instead of the Zortaire.
Sure, it was a long shot, imagining we might belatedly recognize one another—which is something that has never occurred. Ever…
But it would have explained the sensations that are still sloshing through me. The desire, the need. The pain that stings and slices every time I think of watching Sofi make a life with another alpha.
Or really, watching her make it without me.
I’ll have to, though.
Soon.
Just not now.
Turns out my dishonorable bargain is doomed. Because when the tent flap finally parts, the little omega isn’t standing there, with her blunt teeth beaming in a playful smile. Instead, my sister appears, solemn and silent.
My stomachs sink. I understand immediately.
“You won’t bring her here.”
“No.” Norabi sighs. “I won’t. Or, rather, I can’t, brother.
Now that she is officially Zolkan’s mate…
your scent cannot be on her intimately. Others are already in a stir about the fact that it ever has been.
The Zortaire must be the only one to touch her.
I’m not even permitted to help her dress until she’s been Presented and claimed. ”
She’s reciting rules I already know. Rules I agree with, damn it. Because they are right. They honor matehood and Stelaris, the two things I’ve always believed in above all else.
Until there was Sofi.
Then she was the thing I believed in most.
Her courage and her strength, hiding a heart too tender and the warmest wit. Opal eyes and golden threads in her hair. A blessing. My treasure.
Our treasure.
She is still that. Just by existing, she has saved us. Given Khanos the chance to rebuild what we have lost.
Even me, eventually.
Soon.
Just not now.
Norabi’s expression turns wistful as she steps toward the ring. Her eyes drop to the dirt, her clawed foot drawing a circle. “I understand better than most,” she murmurs.
I don’t want to talk to my sister. Especially not about the omega. I need to figure out some other way to see Sofi, maybe or—
“Rask?”
I blink, refocusing. “What?”
“I said, I understand,” Norabi repeats. “What it’s like to lose someone precious to you.”
I arch backward and send the spear flying. It hits the target hanging across the tent with deadly accuracy. “I haven’t lost anyone,” I argue.
Not really. Not yet.
When she’s Presented, maybe. Or bonded…
“I know what your mind is doing right now,” my sister claims. “It is racing, trying to come up with ways to see her. Be with her. Regain what you lost for just a second. That’s called bargaining, little brother. It is part of grief.”
The words rattle through my head. Too gods-damned accurate.
“You cannot accept the pain you feel, so you try to wish it away or make deals with yourself to fix it,” she goes on. “But nothing will. You must let her go.”
I want to rage. To roar. To ruff and tell this meddling female to leave me alone.
But then she frowns. “I know you love her. And I am sorry for your loss.”
I know you love her.
And, gods help me, I do.
I think I’ve loved Sofi since the moment she flashed her fangless teeth at me and told me to “fuck off.”
Of course, I thought it was an invitation, at the time, but…
No. It wasn’t her words. It was her fire. Combined with all her softness.
A special blend I’ll surely never find again.
Norabi levels me with a solemn stare. “She is the last hope for our people, Rask. If you cannot find a way to keep yourself apart… then leave. Go as far away as you can get.”
Her meaning sinks through my helpless, hopeless fury. Her eyes, so similar to mine, soften with a sadness I haven’t seen her wear since the day we laid her mate to rest.
“Just do it soon,” she murmurs. “Before I lose you, too.”