Outlawed Hearts

Sweet Friends Are Hard To Find - PAST

Juliette - Age 16

Goosebumps trail my arms as the cold breeze sweeps over me.

The palace in Murdoch is always freezing, the thick stone walls doing nothing against the bitter snowfall outside.

I trail my gloved fingers along the rough surface of the wall as I slowly make my way to my Father's study.

I want nothing more than to turn back around and miss meeting with him altogether but my presence in the Eastern Wing was likely already reported.

He would be waiting for me and he hated waiting.

Golden spirals of delicate metal press sharply into my forehead, close but not quite drawing blood.

My Father, King Frederick, had the crown made this way because he wanted to remind me constantly of my responsibilities as Princess of Murdoch.

To continually feel the pain of my duties and to know what that means.

Now it only reminds me of my hatred for him.

I finally make it to his imposing study door covered in hand carved wolves and bears. It was exquisitely designed and built before my Father's time, back when the kingdom of Murdoch wasn't on the edge of collapse.

The guard stationed outside the study nod solemnly to me before opening the door in a sweeping gesture and ushering me inside.

Father sits at his desk calmly writing something on a scroll in short harsh handwriting.

I wait patiently for him to acknowledge me, knowing this is a game he likes to play.

See how long I'd wait before I broke the silence and demanded his attention.

I'd broken once before when I was 9 and had yelled at him to look at me. He had, sick satisfaction flicking over his face for a split second before incandescent rage overtook him. He'd beaten me until I couldn't walk. I never interrupted again.

Ten minutes pass before he finally deigns to look up and I notice the slight disappointment on his face that I'd waited silently.

"Juliette. Come, sit." His voice grates my skin and I push down how uncomfortable I am before he notices and exploits my weakness.

"I have something to speak with you about."

I nod dutifully, keeping quiet.

"I've been in contact with King Richard of Gilgunronh and I've signed your betrothal pact. When you turn eighteen you will be married. Maybe you will finally bring something of worth to your family and your kingdom."

My eyes sting with the harsh words but I kept my face downturned so he can't see me.

A sudden realisation has me looking up, though I immediately regret it. His face alights with a sharp delight at my break in conduct and I hold my breath and look down again quickly.

"What is it Juliette? Is there something you want to say?" His voice is dangerously soft and I shudder.

I don't want to answer him but I know from past experience that keeping silent now would only enrage him.

"I-I thought King Richard was already married?" I hate my stutter and force my face to remain blank.

A grin carves the King's face. "He is."

"Then what does he want a wife for?" My voice is more confident now and I dare to look up and meet the King's eyes.

"King Richard is a very prepared man. He wants a spare ready for if his current wife fails him. I should have done the same with your mother but alas, it's much too late to be bothered with another child now."

The horrifying words chill me and it occurs to me suddenly that this was the only reason the King entertained my impertinence. He wanted to scare me. And he had succeeded.

"You may leave."

I nod hurriedly and stand up quickly, trying to stop the bile in my throat from decorating the floor of the King's study. I'm almost out the door when his voice stops me.

"Oh, and Juliette? King Richard prefers his wives pure."

He doesn't elaborate but I can hear the threat in his words. Do anything to risk the much needed alliance between Murdoch and Gilgunronh and he would have me executed.

My heart sinks and it's all I can do not to cry.

It's hours before I leave my chambers again.

I had a cry, read a book, and lounged dramatically sideways across my bed before I forced myself to get it together.

The King may have the power to control what I do and how I act but it will be a cold day in hell before I let him control how I feel.

My emotions are mine and mine alone and I refuse to spend all day sulking about something I can't change.

Instead it's time to go for a walk and get some fresh air.

Thankfully, it's not snowing outside so I grab my white fur coat and stroll down to the garden.

The "garden" is more like a cemetery because the groundskeeper long ago gave up trying to grow anything in this frigid weather.

Instead he's placed hundreds of statues around the castle.

Some are of my parents so I avoid those and swiftly march to my favorites.

"Hello my old friends! How is the weather treating you?

" I stroke my hand fondly over the shoulder of an artist bowed over her painting.

A permanent look of concentration decorates her beautiful stone face and frozen flowing robes gather around her waist. Next to her a stone couple hold each otherdesperately gazing at each other like their love is the only thing in the world.

As usual a small seed of jealousy takes root in my stomach.

What would I give to experience their passion?

To love something or someone as much as these three people love their work and their soulmate?

"Dorian and Eloise you guys seem more in love than every time I see you!

And Cordelia, that painting is coming along beautifully, you're so talented.

" I settle comfortably on the small bench set up between the two statues and continue to chatter away to my friends.

I tell Cordelia all about my new dresses because I know she loves to hear about the different fabrics and styles and I tell Dorian about how my practice sword fighting is going in the barracks.

Some of the guards offered to train me in sword fighting a couple years ago. I think they know about the King's cruelty and while I don't like their pity I appreciate the gesture.

I attempt to tell Eloise all about the rose that the cook brought back from her travels to Camden but she gives me a hard look.

"What?" I ask, shifting a little on the seat.

She doesn't reply and my cheeks pinken. "No. Nothing's wrong. I'm fine."

Her attitude has gotten Dorian and Cordelia's attention as well and I give them all an exasperated look. "I swear I'm fine. Eloise is just being dramatic." When they all remain silent I swallow and look away.

"Fine... Something did happen. It's the King.

.. you know how he gets." I tell them everything and it feels good to discuss what happened in the study with people who listen to me.

I don't realise I'm crying until the end of my story and I subtly swipe at my tears.

I swore I wasn't going to let him influence my emotions but here I am being a big baby.

This is what princesses are born to do. Get married and have a 5 little babies to keep the family line going.

Cordelia gets my attention and I turn to her. "I know, Delly. But I promise I'll be fine. There's a chance it might not even happen. Maybe King Richard's wife will give him a baby and I won't have to marry anyone. Then maybe I'll fall in love and marry someone nice and finally help Murdoch."

Dorian looks unsure and I suddenly can't take anymore. "Okay well I have to go! It was nice seeing you guys again, I'll come back later and we can chat some more. Goodbye!"

I don't hear them call back to me and I'm grateful for the chance to get away. I don't want to think about King Richard anymore.

I'm almost back inside when I slam into two hard bodies.

The bitter cold of the metal armor hurts against my face and I take several quick steps backwards. "Oh, sorry. I didn't see you guys there."

The two men both wear the same black guard uniform although both of them are missing the pointy helmet that they are all required to wear.

One of them has a short black beard and even darker eyes and the other has long blond hair pulled up into a bun.

They both look at me and I recognise the same sharp glint the King gets sometimes when he talks to me. I take several more steps back.

"Our apologies, Little Princess. We did not see you there." The blond one bows slowly and dark beard follows suit. "I am Matthew and this is Warren."

"My title is Your Highness. Now if you don't mind I'm freezing so I'm going to go back inside." I nod my head at them and push past quickly.

"Of course, Little Princess." Warren calls out from behind me and I shoot back a dirty glare. I would have to speak to the Captain of the Guard about their behavior. They creep me out and I want them gone.