Berry Pies
After I finish my breakfast, I wander around the camp exploring and getting my bearings.
I'm just passing the chicken coop when Pasha and Anya come sprinting past me with Oliver following close behind. Oliver stops suddenly when he realises that he's passed me and turns around with a grin.
"Juliette! Quick follow me." He grabs my hand before I can reply and tugs me along.
I laugh as we sprint after Pasha and Anya, jumping over obstacles on the ground and not slowing down until we reach another clearing on the western side of the camp.
The shelters here are nice and bright flags decorate the doors.
It takes me a second to realise this must be the kids quarters.
Oliver and I stand next to Pasha and Anya who have already joined the rest of the children. The kids make a lofty circle surrounding Caspian all talking so fast that I can't make out what's happening at all.
Caspian meets my eyes, his own filled with mirth. He brings his hands together and claps a short catchy beat and I giggle when all of the kids echo the claps back to him before falling silent.
"Okay my wild children... and the lovely Juliette, we all know what day it is." The kids cut him off with cheers and I laugh as he half heartedly scolds them.
"Shhhh. That's right! It's Treasure Hunt day!
You all know the rules but since I'm assuming none of you rascals have bothered to tell Juliette what exactly you dragged her into I'll explain them again.
" Caspian turns in a circle looking every bit a circus ringmaster in front of a mesmerised crowd.
He meets my eyes again and sends me a soft and excited smile.
"I'll split you guys up into two teams. You have 30 minutes to find everything on this list," Caspian dramatically holds up a large poster covered in pretty colourful drawings of various fruits and leaves before continuing, "first team back wins one of Bjorn's famous berry pies while the losers get to spend the rest of the afternoon helping Flanders and River clean out the chicken coops. Everyone comprehend?"
The kids all chime "yes!" excitedly and I join them.
"Okay lovelies, I'll split you guys up. Ready? Juliette you can team up with Oliver, Anya and Wren. Leo you're with Bobbin and Pasha." Caspian points at us and the children move in a practiced way separating themselves into the teams Caspian dictated.
I notice the worried look that Pasha shoots Anya who nods in reassurance before she comes and stands close to me.
Pasha looks a bit relieved but the tension doesn't fall from his shoulders.
Caspian must notice as well because he sidles up to Pasha and whispers something in his ear.
Pasha nods slowly and the tension slowly leaks from his form.
Caspian catches my eye and gestures me over to him and out of the earshot of the children. The kids are too excited to care, talking animatedly between themselves.
"What's wrong?" I ask before he says anything.
The smile he shoots me is devastating as he replies. "Nothing, Love. Just wanted to talk to you before you go running through the forest at full speed."
I grimace jokingly, "don't remind me."
"How is your knee feeling?
Has it healed up from the other night?"
"Um, yes it's feeling much better.
I think I just needed to sleep it off." The lie feels heavy in my stomach.
A part of me wants to share with Caspian what happened to me and what happened in my past, but the other part of me can't stand the idea of another person knowing my shame.
Realistically I know it's only a matter of time before my knee flares again bad enough to need medicating but for now I can live in ignorance.
"Good. I was a bit worried when I noticed that Oliver had grabbed you for this. The kids can get a bit crazy. Well if your knee is feeling better I have a favour to ask you."
I nod, "of course, what do you need?"
"Would you mind keeping an eye on Anya? I put the twins on seperate teams because I'm a bit worried they're too dependent on each other but I don't want to end up putting Anya in a tough position. If she seems like she's panicking will you be able to help her?"
"Yes, I'm somewhat an expert on panicking and I already know a few exercises to calm down."
Caspian eyes me like he's wants to ask more questions about my last statement and I'm grateful when Bobbin comes up and tugs on my sleeve, interrupting the moment.
"You coming, Miss? The others are gettin' a bit twitchy.
" His cute button face stares up at me and I giggle a little at the faux puppy eyes.
"Keep your begging eyes for a more special occasion, I'm coming.
"
Caspian laughs and Bobbin shifts his attention to him and pouts, "you can't have all Julie's attention, Cassie. "
"My apologies, Bobbin. I won't steal her attention any longer." Caspian winks at me and then walks back over to the kids handing out several posters.
I've kept my promise to Caspian and have kept checking in on Anya but she seems fine, sticking close to me most of the time and then swapping and sticking close to Wren.
She seems to have a soft bond with Wren and I've noticed him keeping a careful eye on her as well.
It warms my heart to see Anya bonding with people other than her brother.
I know from personal experience how isolating it can be in the months after a traumatic event.
After the Incident I didn't speak to anyone for weeks.
Not until I got my revenge. Now I feel basically free from the memories minus that fact that I still can't speak to anyone about what happened. The shame is too great.
"Miss Juliette! Miss Juliette!" Oliver runs at me excitedly grabbing at my sleeves and holding out something red. On closer inspection it seems to be a small crimson flower with yellow crimping the edges of the petals in a way that almost resembles flames.
"Oh, excellent work Oliver. Put it in the basket, and then we will only have a one more item to go."
Oliver grins widely, showing off the gaps of his two front teeth. "No Miss, it's not on the list. I picked it for you."
The unexpected gesture sends a spear of warmth to my heart. The kids here are so refreshing to be around, just genuinely happy and kind. Which now that I think about it is a bit weird considering their only role models are thieves.
I reach out and tuck the small flower behind my ear and Oliver smiles. "Thank you so much, Ollie. It's beautiful."
Oliver blushes and then runs off to join Wren and Anya who are both carefully picking through a pile of mossy logs searching for an orange fungus.
After another 5 minutes of searching Wren holds up the orange fungus victoriously and then the sprint back to camp begins.
Oliver leads the way with Wren close behind him and Anya and I trailing behind.
Anya holds my hand tightly as if I'm going to let go of her and leave her in the forest alone.
I hold her hand equally as tight so she knows I'm never going to do that.
"Juliette... Sharwva milka e noviksa. .. I want to see Pasha."
I look down at Anya in surprise but nod quickly in response.
My Shaewaden is rusty but I understand a little of it and I reply softly, "Pasha will be at the camp when we get there.
Um, gvafas myt... campkiva Pasha."
Anya shakes her head up and down but still tightens her hand a little on mine anyway.
It takes us another 5 minutes of traipsing through the woods when we finally make it back to Merrywood. Wren and Oliver are already there standing with Caspian but the other team isn't back yet.
Anya lets out a small whimper of distress and it takes me a second to realise what's wrong.
I promised Pasha would be at camp and he isn't back yet.
Caspian's smiling face turns serious the moment he recognises the panic on Anya's face and he strides over to us in a heartbeat.
Wren and Oliver seem to understand that they aren't needed because they quietly leave us alone.
Anya's tear rimmed eyes are red and her panicked breathing has made her face tint pink. I crouch down to her level and run a soothing hand down her arm.
"Anya. Stop. Deep breaths. Pasha is coming back.
He will be here soon. Come on, vetka mizo swevtla e.
Deep breaths sweetheart." I make my voice as soothing as I can, mimicking the honeyed tone Daria adopted when she coached me through my panic.
Caspian crouches on Anya's other side holding her hand quietly, a steady support for her to lean on.
I make eye contact with Caspian and he gives me an encouraging nod telling me to continue.
"How about we play a fun little game Anya?
"
Anya's panicked breathing stutters as she eyes me warily, unsure of what's happening.
"I want you to look around Merrywood and tell me how many flags you can see hanging on the doors. "
Anya's soft sobbing breaths quieten as she concentrates her efforts on counting the numerous flags around her. It takes a minute but she whispers a soft, "25."
"Such a good girl, Anya, you did so well sweetheart. Take a few more big breaths for me." I watch as she sucks in a big gulp of air before finally settling down. Her cheeks are still flushed but she's nowhere near as panicked as she was.
"Do you want a hug, Anya?" I ask gently, remembering how exhausted I used to feel after an attack like this. She stares at me for a second and then nods tiredly. I scoop her up in my arms and allow her to rest her head in the crook of my neck.
Caspian watches us silently, his face a mixture of emotions I can't decipher. He nods at the little girl in my arms and I look down to see Anya sleeping against me. The poor baby must be exhausted.
As gently as I can I stand up with her still in my arms and gesture to Caspian to lead me to her shelter.
He sets off in front of me and leads us to one of the forest green huts.
Inside a bunk bed is set up and I place Anya on the bottom one.
She turns restlessly and then falls still.
I quietly pull up the blanket around her body and then leave the shelter with Caspian following behind me.
"I'm going to go and help Bjorn with lunch." I say before he can say anything. "I believe I was promised a berry pie for winning after all."
Caspian looks like he wants to say something before he changes his mind and plays along with me.
"Of course, Love. You must be starving after running through the forest."
I don't mention that I just had breakfast before I nod and turn around to walk off.
Caspian's hand shoots out and grabs my wrist before I can get very far and I turn around and rise my eyebrow.
"I know there's more to you than you've told us and of course I didn't expected you to have told us anything but I just wanted to let you know that when you're ready you can.
Tell us I mean. If you want." His voice is genuine and kind and I can't help but lift my hand and brush one of his beautiful blond curls out of his face.
"Thank you. I appreciate that more than you know."
He shoots me a soft smile before releasing my wrist and letting me go.
It's not until I'm walking away that I realise that for the first time since the Incident I want to share what happened,