36. Asher
36
ASHER
“If we get the house, then we need to get new furniture!” Holly argued.
“I agree, but we need to wait until we move in and live there for a little bit. We want to find something we really like.”
She sighed heavily, groaning as she threw herself onto the couch. “But that means moving our furniture out and then moving it into the new house. It’s just so much work!”
I chuckled at how dramatic she was being. “It’s not like I’m asking you to move the furniture yourself. In fact, we could do something crazy like hire a moving company.”
She popped up and gasped. “And let them rip us off?”
“Well, either we let them move everything or I have to listen to you complain. Which one is it going to be?”
When she narrowed her eyes at me, she thought I would back down at her challenge. I wasn’t falling for it. “Asher?”
“Yes.”
“Do you think that was the right thing to say?”
“Yes, I do because you know that’s exactly what would happen.”
My answer instantly deflated her anger. “Fine. We’ll get the moving company.”
The doorbell rang and I headed that way with a smile on my face. “I knew you’d see things my way.”
Swinging the door open, I wasn’t at all shocked to see Chase standing at the door. Thankfully, he was alone. “I haven’t changed my mind.”
“I wasn’t going to ask you to,” he said, his eyes flicking past me to Holly. “Do you mind if I come in for a minute?”
I wasn’t interested in him ruining our good mood, but as long as he wasn’t here to dampen things, it was fine. “Sure.”
Holly smiled at him, always a kind person no matter who it was. “Chase, it’s nice to see you again.”
“It’s nice to see you, too. I’m sorry about all the chaos we’ve brought into your life.”
Her eyes flicked to mine and she shrugged. “It happens. Maybe not this situation exactly,” she said, her eyes dancing with amusement.
“No, I suppose not. That’s actually what I came to talk about. Patrick and Jade are headed home.”
That caught me off guard. “They already left?”
“Yeah, yesterday,” he nodded. “He convinced her to leave.”
“But…she didn’t even say anything to me. I—” Shit. The things I said to her…I turned away from Chase, horrified at the way I left things between us. I was trying to get through to her, but I hadn’t wanted to make her feel like shit. It just came flying out of my mouth when she wouldn’t listen to me. And after she went to Holly’s place of work and tried to intimidate her…I just lost it. But now…
“She didn’t deserve this,” I said quietly.
“No, she didn’t,” Chase agreed. “But neither did you. It was a shit situation all around. I never should have pushed her on you, man. After all I saw you go through after her death…I should have known better.”
Yeah, he should have, but that still didn’t excuse the way I talked to her.
“She left this for you,” he said, handing me an envelope. “I’m heading out. I have to get back to work. I hope you consider my offer.”
I nodded absently as I stared at the envelope in my hands.
“Asher.”
I finally looked up at him. “Yeah?”
“I’m happy for you. Really fucking happy for you.”
“Thanks.”
“You deserve this after the hell you went through.” Then he turned to Holly. “And if he doesn’t treat you right, you call me. I’ll kick his ass.” He slipped her his number and held out his hand in a truce.
“Thanks,” she smiled, shaking his hand. “But I’m positive that will never happen.”
“So am I. Take care of yourself.”
I walked him to the door and nodded to him as he walked out. I felt like there should be some big goodbye, but as he smirked at me, I had a feeling I’d be seeing him again, and it wouldn’t be long before he came back into my life. Rolling my eyes at him, I let the door snick shut and turned to Holly.
“Well, should we read it?”
“We? Isn’t that private?”
“Not from you.”
“How about you read it first, and if you really want me to read it, I will.”
That was my Holly Bear, always thinking of others. I sat down on the couch, sliding my finger under the seal. As I pulled out the paper, for a moment, I hesitated. Did I really want to hear Jade’s final words to me? What if she hated me? Maybe I deserved that after everything that happened.
Asher,
I still remember the first time I saw you, how you walked into that club with your grumpy, no-nonsense face. You barely looked at me as you walked past. I hated you even then. I thought you were just like everyone else my father worked with. And then he handed me over to you, and I knew my life would be hell. But I had no choice. I wanted to keep my mother safe, and that was the only reason I didn’t run from you.
It turned out to be the best decision of my life. I had never in all my life known a man to be so kind and generous as you. When others used me or tore me down, you showed me love and respect. When my father took from me, you held me and gave me anything I needed.
But I did just as much taking from you, and I see that now. I took all your love and protection and I threw them away. I didn’t trust in you or turn to you for help. I was drowning and could only see one way out, and that hurt the one person who loved me more than anyone else in the world. I’m so very sorry for what I put you through, and I’m very happy that you’ve found someone who can give you the joy and happiness you deserve. She truly is a very special person. I know you’ll be very happy with her, and I hope you’ll relay just how very sorry I am to have behaved so poorly toward her.
Call it my insane jealousy that deep down, I knew she already had your heart.
I’m moving on with life, and please don’t ask where. I’m more than taken care of. I still have a therapist that I see regularly, and I haven’t had any of those crazy thoughts since I woke up, so you can live a happy life without worrying about me. I’ll be just fine, and one day, I’ll meet someone who will look at me the way you look at Holly.
I want to thank you for saving my life. Maybe you don’t see it that way, but the moment you walked into my life, you gave me hope. Hope for someone who would love me, for an escape, for a life that didn’t include anything to do with my father. I got there in a roundabout way, and it was all because of you. I would have died a much worse death if you had never come along. Please remember that, and know that I’m finding a new path in life and learning to live for myself now, just as you have.
Whatever life brings, it will be because of an amazing man who gave me the chance to be free.
I will love you always.
Jade.
I gripped the paper in my hand, feeling even worse than before. While her letter was supposed to make me feel better, all it did was remind me how I had failed her once again.
“What is it?” Holly asked.
I held the letter out to her, letting her read it. Somehow, even when I moved on, I managed to screw things up. I just couldn’t get things right. I slid my fingers through my hair and stood, pacing the living room.
“Should I go after her?”
Holly continued to read, her eyes filling with tears as she sniffled. Great, she was crying now, too. Fuck, I was a disaster.
“That’s it. I’m fucking this all up.”
“Asher, this is so beautiful.”
“What? She’s fucking miserable!”
“No,” she cried out, laughing. “She’s moving on. She saw us.”
“What? How do you get that out of what she wrote?” I snapped.
“She had to have. Only a woman who truly saw the love of her life truly in love with another woman would write a note like this. Asher, she’s accepted that she’s not the one for you.”
“But she hates me!”
“No,” she laughed. “She doesn’t hate you. She’s trying to thank you and tell you how much she loves you for helping her get through this horrible time of her life. Can’t you see that?”
“No. All I see is that I fucked up her life. Again!”
Holly shook her head, still laughing at me as she wrapped her arms around my neck. “Asher, you are by far the most hard-headed man I’ve ever met. You’re so determined to think the worst of yourself no matter what. But you never give yourself credit for all the wonderful things you do.”
“Like what?” I grumbled.
“Like rescuing a poor woman who lost her cart in an icy parking lot. Or buying your girlfriend a hat just because you think it would look good on her. Or getting hot cocoa for my friend because you know she likes it.”
“Okay, I get it,” I sighed, rolling my eyes.
“Or going out in a snowstorm to find your girlfriend because you’re worried she’s stuck on the side of the road.”
“I get it, Holly,” I chuckled.
“And picking up Chinese food when your girlfriend is having a terrible day. Or kicking the ass of the man who tried to carjack her. Taking care of her when she kicked you out of the house.”
“I left,” I pointed out.
“Lining up her medication and then coming back in the middle of the night just to make sure she was okay.” She wrinkled her nose at me. “Are you starting to get the picture yet?”
I grunted in amusement. “I’m getting there.”
“Good. I couldn’t stand it if you thought you weren’t good enough, Asher.”
“As long as you think I’m good enough. That’s all I care about,” I said, sliding my hand into her hair at the nape of her neck. “I love you, Holly Bear.”
Her smile warmed me inside and out. “I love you, too, Asher Thrasher.”
I was about to kiss her, but pulled back. “Huh?”
“No good?”
I chuckled, shaking my head. “I’m not even sure what to do with that.”
She shrugged. “Oh well. One of these days, I’ll come up with a nickname for you, and it’ll be really good.”
“Just don’t make it a sissy name.”
“Asher masher.”
“No.”
“Asher crasher.”
“It doesn’t have to rhyme.”
“Asher the disaster.”
“Seriously?”
“Asher lasher.”
“You can stop now,” I mumbled, going in to kiss her.
I sealed my lips over hers, but she continued to come up with names.
“Asher Bear.”
“You can’t steal mine,” I murmured, then kissed her hard and made her forget about making up a name for me.