Fallon
“How do hardshell tacos survive factories, delivery trucks, and store shelves, but crumble the second you put something inside them?” Kam asks in frustration as her taco breaks into pieces while she fills it with all the toppings on the kitchen counter.
Amanda, Bailey, and I giggle as we drain our second glasses of champagne. It’s New Year’s Eve. Tanner is having a gathering at his house. He won’t call it a party, even though it is.
Bailey is now walking with a cane. She happily torched her wheelchair and walker recently.
Her work ethic is unmatched. I’ve never had a patient progress like her.
Obviously, her being in great shape before the accident contributed, but she pushes her body to the max every single day for hours, with Kam right by her side, encouraging her to do just a little bit more.
One more rep. One more step. Kam is always helping Bailey get to that next level.
We’re over two months into this and have settled into a groove. Tanner and Kamryn still fight like cats and dogs, but everyone else gets along shockingly well. It’s like a sorority house in here sometimes.
Bailey let Tanner back into her bed. It’s not something we discuss, but they’re not doing a good job of hiding it from anyone except Harper. At some point, we’ll have to sit Harper down and tell her about their relationship. I think she’ll be over the moon about it.
The front door opens. Reggie, Sam, and Piper walk in. “Fuck, it’s cold,” Reggie declares in her loud voice as she shivers exaggeratedly. “I should have had a few drinks to warm me up before we left. Thank god menopause will take care of that in a minute or two.”
“I thought you said you were pregaming?” I inquire.
She raises an eyebrow. “When I say I’m pregaming before I go out, what I really mean is that I’m napping and then hoping someone cancels before I bother to get dressed.”
Amanda shakes her head. “I’m not sure how you get naps in when you have so many kids at your house. I have no chance at ever napping with the boys running around like lunatics.”
Reggie smiles. “If you want quiet, just tell your kids to wake you up in fifteen minutes so you can all clean the house together. Nothing—I mean nothing—keeps your kids quieter than the threat of Mommy waking up and making them clean. Follow me for more parenting advice.”
I smile as she kisses my cheek and says, “Happy New Year, beautiful.”
I squeeze my friend. “Same to you. You look great. Have you lost weight? Your jeans are practically falling off you.”
She shrugs. “If you wear the same jeans for five days, they become more and more baggy. Follow me for more weight-loss tips.”
I let out a laugh. “Oh stop it. Seriously, you’ve lost weight. Did you go back to Weight Watchers?” She’s been on and off with them for years.
She shakes her head. “No, I got banned from Weight Watchers for dropping a bag of M&M’s on the floor. Totally worth it. It was the best game of Hungry Hungry Hippos I ever saw.”
Amanda snorts, causing champagne to fly everywhere. “Oh my god, Reggie, you’re terrible.”
She winks as Sam places a big box on the kitchen island. “What’s this?” I ask.
Reggie opens the box so I can see the contents. It’s an entire case of wine. My chin drops. “Just how much do you think we’re drinking tonight?”
She shrugs. “Some tonight, and then you’ll have leftovers for the rest of the month with your bizarre pussy posse.”
I cross my arms. “I thought we discussed doing Dry January.” We’ve all mentioned it because this group of women living together has brought nightly drinking to excess.
She deadpans, “It’s Chardonnay. It’s dry.”
Kam high-fives her. “I like the way you think, Reggie.”
Reggie winks at me while Harper and Andie approach us. “Mommy, when is Dylan getting here?” Harper asks me.
I love their friendship. Andie and Harper are tomboys, while Dylan is a girly girl who hates all sports.
They’re all very smart and beautiful in totally different ways.
Dylan looks like her mom, with ice blue eyes and dark hair.
Harper mostly resembles me, and Andie has wild curly hair, with much darker features.
“Any minute, sweetie. They were dropping Brandon at a friend’s house,” I inform her.
Her face falls. I know she has a crush on Dylan’s twin brother. I’m sure she was hoping he’d be here tonight.
Kam sighs. “Harper, I told you to play hard to get. Who’s the cutest boy in the grade above yours?”
Harper immediately answers, “Luke O’Connell. He’s soooo cute. All the girls like him.”
“He’s Dylan and Brandon’s cousin,” Andie adds. “He and his best friend, Scotty Cooper, are super cute. Scotty’s sister is in our class. He talked to me at recess the other day,” she says as she blushes.
Amanda and I share a glance. I don’t think Harper is the only one with a crush.
Kam nods. “Perfect.” She snaps her fingers.
“Fallon, set up a playdate with Luke. Harper and I are going to work a little magic. Here’s your first lesson, Harper.
Men are morons. They’re so damn easy to toy with.
It’s like taking candy from a baby. Brandon will be begging for you by the end of Dry Chardonnay January.
” She looks at Andie. “Don’t worry. The wing-woman always wins too.
Scotty will be eating out of the palm of your hand by Valentine’s Day. Stick with me, ladies.”
I narrow my eyes at Kam. “They’re eight. I’m not doing this. Manipulation tactics shouldn’t kick in quite yet.”
“I’ll be nine next week,” Harper reminds me with a little bit of a whine. “Kam, are you coming to my party again this year?” she asks hopefully. She’s gotten so close to Kam over the past few months. Kam doesn’t talk to her like a kid, and I think Harper loves that about her.
Kam scoffs. “Obviously. I won laser tag last year. I need to defend my title.” She looks at me. “Will there be booze at this party?”
I shake my head at her ridiculousness. “It’s a nine-year-old’s birthday party, and it’s at eleven in the morning.”
She exhales an annoyed breath. “Whatever. I’ll bring a flask.”
Bailey smiles sweetly at Harper. “We’re going to make your cake together, right?” Bailey made an amazing softball cake for her last year.
Harper fidgets nervously. “Are you sure you’re up for it? You don’t have to.”
Bailey pulls Harper in for a hug. “Nothing would make me happier, sweet girl. This year we can do it together. I’ve been looking forward to it.”
Harper nods. “Okay. I can’t wait. Thanks, Bails. I love you so much.” She squeezes Bailey tight.
Bailey kisses the top of her head. “I love you too.”
Reggie and Amanda look at me, obviously assessing my reaction to this interaction.
I offer a genuine smile. Whether Bailey realizes it right now or not, she’s going to be Harper’s stepmom one day.
I love how much she loves Harper. Why would it bother me for my daughter to be showered with love?
Bailey doesn’t try to replace me. She’s never once undermined me.
If anything, she sides with me against Tanner for any small issues that arise.
We’re going to be a team. In reality, we already are and have been for the year and a half she’s been in our lives.
I’ve seen how happy Harper’s been for the past few months, having everyone living together. Hell, it’s the only reason I’m still here. I don’t need to be. I could go back home, but I’m giving her this time.
The door opens, and Cassandra, Trevor, and Dylan walk in. Dylan raises her hands in the air in triumph while shaking her hips a bit. “We’re here. The party can start now,” she announces with confidence that exceeds her years and very closely matches her mother’s.
Andie and Harper run to Dylan and hug her before they all disappear into the house somewhere in a fit of giggles, with Piper trailing behind. I tell Trevor that Tanner, Beckett, Sam, and Cheetah are in Tanner’s mancave, drinking whiskey. He makes his way down there to join them.
Cassandra fills and then lifts her champagne glass. “Cheers to the end of pumpkin spiced Xanax season, and welcome to the beginning of it’s so cold out I had to wear two pairs of panties to keep my lips from getting chapped season.”
“You’re not kidding,” Reggie answers. “This weather sucks. It was so windy yesterday that, on the way to the gym, I got blown into the ice cream shop next door.”
“Ice cream?” I blurt as I physically shiver. “Too cold for that.”
She shakes her head. “I blame menopause. Despite the temperature, I was on fire. I needed something cold.”
Amanda nods. “I think I’m in the brain fog phase of menopause.
I lose my phone fifteen times a day because I can’t remember where I put it.
And I refuse to take it off silent because it wakes the boys from their naps.
Beckett gets annoyed when I can’t find it.
I’m like, just shut the fuck up and help me look for it. ”
Cassandra and Reggie nod in understanding, while Bailey, Kam, and I have no clue what they’re talking about.
Kam studies Cassandra. “Hey, cougar.”
Cassandra immediately responds, “Hey, fuckgirl.”
Kam’s face lights up. “I like that name. No offense, but your husband is fucking hot. Do you worry about women half your age hitting on him?”
Cassandra shrugs in an unaffected manner. “A fish can only be hooked if its mouth is open.”
“You couldn’t find anyone your own age?” Kam unashamedly asks. The woman has no filter.
Cassandra narrows her eyes at Kam. “Let me tell you something, mouthy Ms. Hart. Dating after forty is like thrift shopping. Everything is damaged, smells funny, and thinks it’s still worth full price. That’s why I found myself a young stallion who fucks like a god all night long.”
I can’t help but let out a little moan. “Hmm, that sounds nice. I think I forgot how sex feels. It’s been so long. I’m the only adult in this house not getting laid.” I immediately wince at my word diarrhea. “Sorry, Bailey. I didn’t mean—”
“Are you kidding me?” Cassandra interrupts before pointing to Bailey. “She’s fucking your ex-husband down the hall from you, and you’re apologizing to her?”
Bailey and I can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it all. It’s definitely a strange situation, but it’s our normal.
Kam looks me up and down before licking her lips. “I’ll fuck you, Fallon.”
I sigh as I roll my eyes at yet another in her bevy of constant advances. “Thanks, Kam. It’s good to know I’ve still got it.”
Diane: Happy New Year, mystery man. I was today years old when I learned that an alligator’s penis is permanently erect but only pops out when needed.
Lloyd: You’re adorable when you drink. And now I have deep compassion for alligators because that sounds painful.
I giggle in my bed. Is it weird that I couldn’t wait for everyone to leave tonight so I could “talk” to Lloyd?
Diane: What are you doing right now?
Lloyd: Honestly? I’m lying in bed, feeling particularly lonely on a night like tonight.
Diane: You should find someone to share that bed with you.
Lloyd: I’m laughing at the notion. It’s been a while since I’ve shared my bed with anyone. Plus, the only woman I’m interested in is on the other side of this phone.
It’s not the first time he’s mentioned not having had sex in a long time. Curiosity gets the best of me.
Diane: Can I ask you a personal question?
Lloyd: Isn’t that what we do every night?
Diane: How long has it been for you?
Lloyd: How long has what been?
Diane: Sex. How long since you’ve had sex?
Lloyd: Years.
Diane: Why?
Lloyd: Mostly because no one has piqued my interest, and I don’t trust anyone. I’ve been burned badly. It’s hard to come back from that.
Diane: Your ex-wife cheated on you?
Lloyd: Yes.
I’m not sure I realized that.
Diane: I wish I was with you right now.
Lloyd: Me too.
I’m trying to picture it, but it’s so hard when you have no clue what someone looks like.
Diane: What do you look like, Lloyd?
Lloyd: I thought we agreed not to go there.
He’s right. We did. In my crazy mind, he looks like Jett because that’s the man I’m most attracted to.
In reality, I know Lloyd couldn’t possibly be that attractive because no one in the world is.
My biggest fear in meeting him is being disappointed in that regard.
Of not having any physical attraction to him.
Diane: I’m sorry. I had too much to drink and spent the night surrounded by couples who are all madly in love, including my ex-husband and his girlfriend.
Lloyd: I’ve been thinking. Let’s make our first official date. I know you mentioned your daughter’s birthday is coming up. After that?
Diane: Okay. Where should we go?
Lloyd: Line dancing, of course. You said in your profile that it’s one of your favorite things to do.
I forgot about that little lie. I’ve never been line dancing a day in my life.
Diane: I’m not very good at it.
Lloyd: I know. You told me. Lucky for you, I am. It’s big where I grew up. I want to teach you.
Diane: You didn’t grow up in Philly?
Lloyd: No. I told you I came here for work about twenty years ago. I’m originally from North Carolina.
Right, he did tell me that once. I forgot. Damn alcohol.
Lloyd: Line dancing is big down there. I know the best spot in Philly for it. I don’t go often, mostly because I have no one to go with, but I do know where to go. It will be fun. I promise.
Diane: I have an admission. I’m scared to meet you.
Lloyd: I’m not a bad guy. I promise.
Diane: That’s not what I meant. I enjoy our nightly conversations. It’s kept me sane for the past few months of craziness in my life. I’m afraid of losing it.
Lloyd: Maybe we’ll both gain something.
Diane: Maybe. How old are you?
Lloyd: So old when I was on the toilet as a kid, I had to read the back of a shampoo bottle.