Fallon #2
He sits on the end of my bed with me in his lap and arms. “You’ve got to snap out of this.
Harper is freaking out. I know you’re hurting, but you’ve got to move on.
She needs her mom. You know I love having her around all the time, but it’s not good for her to be away from her mother so much. It’s not good for you either.”
I look up at him. “What is it about me?” I quietly ask. “What is it about me that neither of you loved me the way I loved you? What’s wrong with me?”
His face softens. “Nothing is wrong with you. I was the one who fucked up our marriage. I was the shitty husband. You were a great wife.”
I shake my head. “I was the one who cheated with David.”
His jaw tightens as it does every time his former best friend is mentioned. “You know I don’t blame you for that.”
“You should. Jett knows I’m a dirty adultering whore. He blames me.”
“Is that why you broke up?” he asks with incredulity. I haven’t given him any details of our breakup.
I shrug. “One of the handful of reasons.”
He sighs. “That’s ridiculous. Does he know all the details?”
“No. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter anymore.” Tears fill my eyes. “I’m going to die alone.”
He rolls his eyes. “You will not, drama queen.” He stands with me still in his arms. “Come on, stinky. You need a bath. You’re getting cleaned up and then starting fresh. You’re back at work next week. I think it will be good for you to have some structure.”
After the parade, the team offices were closed for a few weeks, but they’re back open after this coming weekend.
I won’t have a ton to do, but I'll go in to start strategizing for next season, setting up a few off-season plans for injured players, and creating several injury-prevention workouts for the team.
He walks me into the bathroom where Bailey is standing next to a big, inviting bubble bath. Tears fill my eyes. The last time I took a bath, I was with Jett.
I loved our sexy bath time. No phones. No outside world. Just my love and me talking and touching. Oh, how I miss his touch. I went from him not being able to keep his hands off me to no hands on me ever. It’s so cold and lonely. I’m always cold.
Tanner gently places me on my feet and looks at Bailey. “You got her?”
Bailey nods. “Yep. Check on Harper and the girls in the kitchen. They’ll probably need bottles when they wake up.”
He leaves and closes the bathroom door behind him. Bailey begins to undress my lifeless body, removing the sweatpants and sweatshirt I think I’ve been wearing for a week straight. Maybe two.
“You don’t have to take care of me. This is weird. I’m your husband’s ex-wife, and you’re undressing and bathing me like I’m a child.”
She twists her lips. “Weirder than you moving into the house for months to take care of me during my time of need? We’re family, Fallon. Family takes care of each other in their times of need.” She looks at my now exposed body. “Besides, Kam is going to be so fudging jealous that I saw you naked.”
I let out a laugh and realize it’s the first time I’ve laughed in several weeks. It feels…nice.
She grins widely. “There it is. It’s been a while since I’ve seen that beautiful smile of yours.”
I sigh. “I’m sorry. I’ll get it together. You really don’t have to do this. I can bathe myself.”
She ignores me as she helps me into the jacuzzi. “I could use the break. You’re easier to bathe than the girls. Please don’t shit in the tub. I hate it when they do that.”
I smile as I let the warm, soapy water soothe my body. It does feel nice.
She drops down to her knees, positioning herself behind me, and taps my head. “Dunk.”
I do as I’m told until my hair is soaked through.
Once it is, I return to the surface and let her massage my scalp with shampoo.
It feels good to be taken care of for once.
I’ve always been the caretaker…except when I showered with Jett.
Then he took care of me. That was always his favorite time.
Meticulously cleaning me in the shower. He made me feel so special, like I was the only woman in the world. What a load of crap.
“Can I ask you a question?” she says.
I brace for the onslaught I’ve managed to avoid so far. “Shoot.”
“Why are there so many bake sales and class parties?”
I giggle. “Is Stephanie bothering you again?”
She exhales a long breath. “She’s so annoying. It’s every week. I feel bad saying no, but it’s extreme.”
I smile. “You’ll learn to say no. Trust me. She smells blood in the water with you. I told you not to say yes. If you do it once, it’s all over for you.”
“Ugh. I can’t say no. She guilts me into it every time. I agreed to man the concession tables at the school play tomorrow night.”
I let out a laugh. “Sucker. Here’s a mom hack for you. Bring a coffee cup full of vodka to get through. No one will ever need to know.”
I see her nod in the mirror. “Will do. I have so much to learn.”
“You’re doing great.”
She continues caring for me in silence for a bit. “Do you want to talk about it, or do you want to continue to avoid things?” she eventually asks.
I shrug. “We can talk. It’s very simple.
He flipped out on me and cast me aside like I was nothing.
Like we hadn’t fallen in love. He found out about David, and then that I knew about Kennedy’s pregnancy months ago.
He went crazy and said some horrible things to me.
What’s worse is that he did it in front of Harper.
She was terrified. That was the nail in the coffin for me. ”
I can see her cringe in my mirror. “I’m sorry.
I won’t say it’s okay because it’s not, but sometimes people say stupid things when they’re hurting.
The guys on the team said he’s been an absolute bear to work with since the breakup.
He’s gone from a players’ coach to a drill sergeant coach, practically living at the stadium and yelling at them all day, every day. Have you spoken to him at all?”
I shake my head. “He briefly stopped by to apologize for it all going down in front of Harper, but nothing else. Nothing was said of how he spoke to me. He never even gave me the chance to explain anything.” My tear-filled eyes meet hers in the mirror.
“I thought he was the one. I’m never going to have more kids. It kills me.”
“Fallon, you’re forty, not eighty. You still have time.”
“No I don’t. It’s not like I’ll be ready to meet someone else in the near future. I don’t think I believe in love anymore. There’s no one for me. And even if I did get there, my uterus will be dried up and shriveled by then.”
She briefly tucks her lips under her teeth as she continues to massage the shampoo into my dirty hair. “You have the frozen eggs, right?”
I nod. “I do.”
“Well, if and when the time comes, I’ll carry a baby for you.”
I sit up and turn around to face her. “You would do that for me?”
She nods. “I would. In a heartbeat. For you. For Harper. For our family.”
And then I start sobbing…for an hour. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s her kindness, my heartbreak, or maybe all of it.
It’s therapeutic though. It’s like purging myself of all my demons. I exit the bath feeling ready to re-enter the land of the living. Ready to stand on my own.