Epilogue
Logan
“Heeeey, Valleeeey!” Corky reeled across the lawn and clutched my arm in a tight grip. Someone needed to take the beer away from this kid. We were in Coach Nery’s backyard, and getting totally plastered around your coach as an eighteen-year-old rookie was a bad idea. In fact…
I plucked the open can from Corky’s hand and chugged the last third.
He stared at me in goggle-eyed outrage. “I was drinking that.”
“I saw.” I shoved him off me. “Go eat some food. Soak up the beer.”
“Fuck. Okay.” Corky turned away, then whirled back, a little unsteady. “I came to say, did you see who’s here?” His grin slipped. “Yeah, maybe I need food.”
“Who’s where?”
Corky waved across the yard. I followed his gesture and fuck, there, talking to Coach Nery, were Rusty Dolan and Scott fucking Edison.
I had a momentary impulse to run away, because I didn’t think that was a coincidence.
Miles and I had kept my coming out low-key, but having the Rafters’ two active gay players show up at the Gryphons’ end-of-season barbecue suggested a deliberate nod to my sexuality.
Miles picked that moment to stroll over to me. “Hey, is that who I think it is?”
“Yep.” I’d messaged with Rusty some through the spring, as the Rafters chased a playoff spot and we slowly climbed out of the cellar. But even though he’d offered to introduce me to Edzie a few times, I hadn’t wanted to presume like that. Now here they were.
As I watched, Rusty said something to the coach and then he and Edzie crossed the grass my way.
Two other men flanked Edzie, and I recognized his partners from the stories I’d read, back when Edzie’s coming out gave me my first hope.
My teammates intercepted them over and over, shaking Edzie’s hand, fanboying a bit.
Justified. The Rafters were headed for the playoffs again, and Edzie had been a close third in the NHL scoring race, a big reason the Rafters clinched a playoff spot.
He was the real deal. He’d even had an old knee injury he’d rehabbed successfully. I tried not to be too jealous.
Miles bumped my shoulder gently from behind, standing so close I could feel his heat. A reminder that what I had was pretty fucking awesome too.
The guys finally reached us, and Rusty held out his hand to Miles. “Hey, we meet in person.”
Miles reached past me to shake hands, a smile in his voice. “Yeah. I have to say thank you. For everything that got me and Logan to this point. You too, Mr. Edison.” He reached a hand to Edzie.
“Scott, Jesus. Or Edzie around the hockey crowd.” Edzie returned the handshake. “And I mostly did it for me, although I do like the fallout.”
Edzie introduced us to his guys— slim older Will, whose calm aura and clear eyes made me see why he was a good balance for Edzie’s energy, and Casey, a shorter, muscular guy with power in his stance and a watchful gaze. I had a feeling no one would ever sneak up on Edzie with Casey at his back.
Rusty said, “Cross would’ve come too, but one of our cats was sick this morning and he wanted to stay home and watch him, to make sure it wasn’t anything serious.” A fond smile crossed Rusty’s face. “He loves those cats.”
Edzie elbowed him. “Like you don’t have six thousand pictures of them on your phone.”
Rusty snorted and said to me, “Hey, congrats on the way your season wrapped up. You were on fire.”
“Thanks. My line was. Not so much me personally.” I’d been third in points at the end of the year, close to Bubs but way behind Stacker. I shrugged. “Stacker and Bubs are both going to development camp with the Tornados in July. Fingers crossed.”
“But not you?” Edzie frowned. “You don’t think there’s something wrong with that picture?”
“Nah.” I played it cool. The Tornados’ decision was reasonable, and I wanted to look like it didn’t sting.
“Bubs is twenty-five, Stacker’s twenty. They both have good wheels and lots of time.
I’ll be thirty-four in a month, and my knee never got back to a hundred percent.
Bringing me up again isn’t a good investment for the team. ”
“Well, that sucks.” Edzie sighed. “Especially the knee. God, I remember after my surgery when I was rehabbing, I was so scared that was the end for me.” He threw a grin over his shoulder at Will. “I was horrible to be around.”
Will smiled back, soft and warm, as if they were the only people in the universe. “You were never horrible.”
Casey barked a laugh. “Yeah, he was, but we stuck with him anyway.”
Edzie elbowed him, then returned his attention to me. “I got lucky. Had the best surgeon, too. You know, I have contacts, if you needed a second opinion or couldn’t afford—”
“Way too far down the road now,” I told him.
Miles put in, “I have the cash and the contacts too, if that would’ve helped.” He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close in what felt like a possessive move. I didn’t hate it.
“Sure,” Edzie said easily. “I guess knee injuries are a football thing too.”
“Probably even more than hockey,” Miles agreed.
A group of our rookies had assembled ten feet away, their eyes on Edzie.
I suggested, “Hey, would you guys mind chatting with the kids? They’d be thrilled to spend some time with real NHLers.
” Rusty had been called up to the big league when injuries threatened the Rafters’ playoff run, and was doing well enough there was no doubt where he’d be playing next season.
“Sure, but I want to get to know you and your guy.” Edzie grinned. “Maybe we could go out to eat in the offseason. Or check out a club? I haven’t gone dancing in eons.”
Will made a gagging sound, then acted innocent when Edzie glanced over his shoulder. Casey laughed.
“Come to my place for dinner sometime,” Miles said. “Logan can text Rusty the address, and you let us know when you’re available. We can bitch about whatever, without worrying about being overheard.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Edzie nodded and then headed for the gaggle of rookies, who looked nervous and thrilled.
Rusty hovered, and Casey made a shooing motion at him. “Go on. You’re an NHL player too.”
“Not like Edzie.”
Casey’s slow smile warmed his severe face. “No one’s like Scott, but you’re in the big show now. Go thrill some rookies, make their day.” When Rusty hesitated, Casey gestured more firmly. “Go.”
As Rusty headed off, Miles murmured to Casey, “Rusty seems like a good kid.”
“He is,” Casey agreed. “Could use a little confidence. Family rejection does that to a guy. But he’s barely twenty. He’ll figure it out.”
“His man Cross will help,” Will noted, eyes on Rusty’s back.
I knew from chatting with Rusty that Scott’s partners had also been Rusty’s mentors, the summer his life imploded. Will in particular seemed to be Rusty’s safe person. I was glad to meet him, and also had to say something.
“Hey, Will, Casey?”
They turned back to me. Casey said, “Yeah?”
I cleared my throat, lowered my voice. “I know you guys had Rusty’s back last season when he came out.”
“As much as we could all the way from Kansas,” Casey agreed.
“I’ve been wanting to say I’m so sorry, for not doing the same for him here on the Gryphons.”
Will looked uncomfortable. “That’s something you should talk to Rusty about.”
“I have, but Rusty being Rusty, he blows it off like he had no right to expect better.” I leaned harder against Miles.
“So I wanted to tell you guys, I know I fucked up. Even at the time, I knew how much of a chickenshit I was, letting Rusty take all the heat as the out gay player while I was right there in the same locker room, deep in the closet. I should’ve said something, at least to him, to let him know he wasn’t alone.
I didn’t have the nerve. That sucked and I regret it. ”
Casey nodded slowly. “You know, Will and I got outed quite a while before Scott came out. He was just being called up to the NHL. He had his shot at the big leagues, and none of us wanted to fuck it up for him. He pretended to be our supportive straight friend for months, until he was ready. I dare you to call him chickenshit.” He folded his arms, his biceps straining the sleeves of his T-shirt.
“Oh.” I could’ve pointed out that there were no out gay players then, that coming out first and as poly was a big step beyond what I’d failed to do. But Casey’s powerful stare made my words dry up.
Will said, “We’ve all learned over the last couple years that you have to give yourself grace.
Give it to each other too. We’re doin’ the best we can in a world that wants to shit on us.
Sometimes we get it wrong, but mostly we’re gettin’ it right.
” He glanced back over his shoulder to where Edzie was holding court, gesturing with his hands as the rookies hung on his every word.
Rusty stood beside him, quiet, but not aloof.
Will smiled. “Makin’ progress, every day. ”
Miles said, “I like that. Yeah. I have a ton of regrets too. Not coming out till five years into retirement didn’t do a lot for the kids in my league. Of course, if I’d done it sooner, I might not have met Logan.”
“That right there,” Casey said. “We secure each other first, and then take on the rest of the world. Have you two heard about the queer players collective Edzie wants to organize?”
“Rusty said something,” I told him. “I wasn’t sure there was a concrete plan.”
“Not sure there is, yet, but I think his goal is to have something out there you all belong to, openly. A safe place where some kid who thinks he’s the only gay or bi or pan or even trans guy on his team can touch base and find people with experience who’ll back him up.
Or at least make him feel less like a freak. ”
“Hard to arrange without opening ourselves up to the haters and creeps,” I mused. “Or being overwhelmed by all the boys playing hockey who’d love a piece of Edzie.” I gestured at our starstuck rookies.
“Sure,” Will agreed. “It’ll take some figuring out. Might need to have screening of some kind. But it’s a good idea.”