Chapter Thirty-Six
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
I texted Kat later that night while I was brushing my teeth in my micro-sink. Everybody here is trying to convince me that I should make another move on Macon.
She responded immediately. Everybody there is correct.
!!! Why didn’t you say something???
You were busy opening a bookstore. But yeah, that guy is obviously in love with you.
A rush swept through me, so powerful I thought I might collapse. I typed, deleted, typed again, and hit send. I think I’m in love with him.
I KNOW , Kat said.
My legs buckled. I slid to the floor, clutching my toothbrush and phone against my chest. I pressed my forehead against the sink cabinet.
Terror and pain coursed through me as the full depth of my own truth was revealed.
I didn’t just like him. I didn’t just want to sleep with him.
I didn’t just want him to be my boyfriend.
I loved him, and I had been in love with him for a long time.
Much longer than this year.
I tried to think back, but dizziness clouded my mind. I had pushed down and buried and denied my love for him—my complete and total adoration—for so long that I couldn’t pinpoint when or where or how it had begun. It had never been there, yet it had always been there.
No. Ingrid. No.
I dropped the toothbrush and phone. My hands, all ten wriggling fingers, clawed at my chest. I wanted to rip out my own heart to stop the agony.
I was in love with Macon, and now that I knew it, I could never go back to being just his friend.
I had no choice but to try again. And if he rejected me—I didn’t think he would, but oh God, what if he did?
—I would have to finally accept it. But then our friendship would also have to end, because I couldn’t fathom being able to survive in his presence anymore.
The time had come to either move forward together or separate forever.