Chapter 18
The garden party is lovely. Everyone dresses in summer colors, and a never-ending parade of food and drinks continues well into the evening. I avoid Nicky except when he first entered the house. His fiancée, Katherine, is a real piece of work. Nothing is good enough for her, and she spends most of the day in the air conditioning of the house. I almost feel sorry for Nicky.
In the early evening, I head inside to use the bathroom, and she approaches me.
“I see someone finally got their hooks into Jordan.”
“Excuse me?”
“You’re just his type, petite, blonde, innocent.”
I don’t know what to say, and I narrow my eyes at her as she twists a strand of her long golden hair around her finger.
“You don’t know me. Jordan isn’t that superficial to only see looks.”
“You might think that, but he is. He’ll bang you out of his system, and within a few weeks, he’ll be done with you.”
Nicky cheating on her is at the tip of my tongue, but I promised not to say anything.
“And what type of woman should he be with? You? ”
“I already had him. Other than his money, which I don’t need, he doesn’t offer much to a relationship. I’m glad I got out when I did.”
“Thanks for the tip, but I’m doing fine on my own.”
Katherine scowls and fixes her dark eyes on me, “Mark my words, by fall, you’ll be old news. He’ll find another pussy to pass the time with.”
I’m about to scratch her eyes out when Gwen comes in to distract me.
“There you are. Jordan wants to take a walk on the beach.”
“I have to use the bathroom,” I say, my voice strained.
“Well, come on then,” she grabs me by the arm and pulls me towards the downstairs bath. I’m close to tears, but I won’t let Katherine see them until I’m away from her. As soon as we are safely inside the confines of the marble bathroom, Gwen asks me what happened. I tell her, and her eyes grow wide.
“She’s such a jealous bitch. She couldn’t get Jordan, so she got the next best thing only Nicky is nowhere near Jordan.”
“I’m not sure if I’m cut out for this. I feel like I need to always explain why he’s with me. He needs someone strong.”
“You are strong. Don’t listen to idiots like Katherine. They’re haters.”
I use the bathroom and wash my hands while Gwen waits outside. This is just another reason why I need to know Jordan better before I commit to marrying him. I didn’t even know he dated Katherine.
I shoot daggers at the back of Katherine’s head as we head outside to go for a walk on the beach. Jordan holds my hand tightly as we stroll along.
“Doll, is something wrong? You haven’t said anything since we got out here.”
“Nothing.”
“Now I know something is up. What happened? You were fine until you came out of the house. ”
“Katherine. She told me that you would dump me after you fucked me out of your system.”
“And you listened to her? You know it’s not true. She’s just jealous.”
“But I can’t help thinking that this might be what I have to deal with. Jealous exes, reporters sniffing around wondering why the millionaire is with the nobody.”
“I told you to stop saying that. It’s not true. I don’t care what they say. It’s our life together.”
“But I do care. I’m not like you, Jordan. You’ve been dealing with this for years already. It’s all new to me. I’m not sure I can stomach it.”
“So what do you want to do? Break up?”
“Maybe we should just end it. We’ve only been together for a month.”
“I don’t want that, and I know you don’t either. We can weather this together. Don’t let some jealous bitch ruin our weekend. I broke up with her because she was too much of a handful. Always wanting things. It was a few years ago, which is why I never mentioned it to you.”
He pulls me against his chest and hugs me. I bury my face in his shirt, breathing in the scents of Jordan. I don’t want to leave him. After only a month, my emotions are tied to him. A break up would shred my heart that would take months if not years to recover from.
For the rest of the weekend, I avoid Katherine, not wanting to get into another catfight. I know it’s a bitchy thing to think, but she deserves Nicky cheating on her. I spend a lot of time with Gwen, and I know that I’ve made a friend for life, too bad that she lives in San Francisco.
On the limo ride back on Sunday night, Jordan holds me in his arms while we doze. I’m a bit sunburned, and it knocks me out, that and we had several hours of sex with no sleep replacement. Tonight I’m going to sleep like a baby. Jordan has to leave for California on Monday, which means that I’ll be spending the July Fourth holiday with my family. He’s taking Sam and Gwen back on his plane then heading to LA for a few meetings.
“Doll, are you sleeping over tonight?”
“Jordan, I need to get home. I called Nathaniel a dozen times, and he never answered my texts or voicemails. I think he’s upset because I was gone the entire weekend.”
“Emma, what is he going to do when we get married? He can’t live with you forever.”
“I know, but it’s so close to the shit in London, and he had a few nightmares last week.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but I want to spend time with you, too.”
“I promise when you get back from LA, we will. I need to have a talk with him and let him know how serious this is with us.”
“Emma, you need to make him understand that you have a boyfriend now. I understand he’s your best friend, and I never want to get in the middle of your relationship, but there has to be a balance.”
“I know. You’re my priority. I love you, Jordan.”
“I love you, too. Remember that when you talk to Nate.”
“I will, I do.”
“That’s what I eventually hope to hear from you up at the altar.”
“Oh God, this again? Jordan, you need to give me time. Pressuring me is will not make me say yes any quicker.”
“I’m not pressuring you. I just want you to know it’s our future.”
“And I hope I can give that to you, but give me space about it.”
“I’ll try, but I want you to be mine.”
“Whether we have that piece of paper or not, I’m committed. I wish I could offer you more right now, but I can’t. ”
“I can accept that. For now.”
His hold on me gets tighter, and I put my head against his shoulder. I fall asleep, and when he wakes me, it’s dark.
“Wake up, doll. We’re at your apartment.”
“I was tired.”
Jordan grins at me, “I wonder why?”
“Jerk!”
“Do you want me to take your bag upstairs?”
“No, I got it.”
Albert holds the door of the limo open but not before Jordan gives me a passionate toe-curling kiss.
“I wish you would reconsider and stay with me tonight. I’m not going to see you until Thursday.”
“I can’t. I need to be with Nathaniel. Something is eating at him, and I want to know what. He’s important to me. I hope you understand.”
“I do, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”
I give him a hard look, and his tone softens, “I love you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
He pecks me on the cheek, and I’m out the door. Upstairs, I find Nathaniel lounging on the couch with Liz. I’m amazed she’s dressed, but the apartment has the odor of marijuana. As far as I know, Nate stopped smoking it two years ago. I wonder if his demons have driven him back. He jumps up when I come through the door.
“Hey baby girl, I thought you were spending the holiday with lover boy.”
“He has to go to LA, so I’m going to my parents for July Fourth. Want to come?”
“I got a gig. Barry came through, and I’m heading to the Hamptons early. It should take me through Labor Day. You should come to hang out with me.”
“I’ll try.”
“Don’t try. Do. You can take some time. ”
“Nathaniel, can we discuss this another time? I’m exhausted.”
“When? I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon.”
“Just in private.”
“Liz, time to go.”
“I thought we were going to fuck?”
“We already fucked. I’m not in the mood.”
“You’re an asshole.”
“So, what else is new?”
Liz gathers her purse and flips her bobbed auburn hair before she heads out the door, slamming it so that the pictures on the wall shake.
“I don’t think you’ll be seeing her again, Nate.”
“She’ll get over it. The sex is too good for her to walk away.”
“Let’s talk.”
“We will, but don’t I get a hug first?”
I walk into his arms and mold my body against his. Nathaniel always feels so comfortable. Like a warm blanket or a well-loved stuffed animal.
“I missed you. I know you’re still angry with me for leaving. You never answered my texts or phone calls.”
“I’ll admit that I was upset. I needed you, baby girl, and you just left me.”
“I’m sorry, Nate. I’m torn between you and Jordan. I love you both.”
“How can you love him? You barely know each other.”
“But that doesn’t mean I can’t love him. I really do.”
“So now I’m going to be second fiddle?”
“No. Don’t say that. I love you too, just in a different way.”
“Does that mean you won’t visit me? Just a weekend. The club owner is putting me up in a great place near the water. I’ll be sharing it with a few people, but I have my own room.”
“If Jordan’s away, I can do it.”
“You’re chaining yourself to this guy. You did the same thing with Leo and look what happened. He fucked you and took off. ”
“Nate, how could you bring that up? You know he hurt me.”
“Because I warned you about him, and you didn’t listen. Now you’re doing the same thing with Jordan.”
“It’s different with him. He’s nothing like Leo. He respects me.”
“I’m not going to be here when it happens. Then what?”
“I don’t want to argue about this. You’re going away tomorrow, and I want us to be okay.”
“Will you promise to visit me?”
“Yes. I’ll work something out. I’ll come for a whole weekend.”
“Then we’re okay? Hug me.”
“I need to go to bed. Work tomorrow, and then I have off for the Fourth.”
“Can you sleep with me tonight?”
“Are you still having nightmares?”
“Not as much, but I scared the shit out of Liz last night.”
“You can sleep in my bed. I’m afraid of what I’ll find on your sheets.”
“I’ll be right in. I just need to change into a pair of shorts.”
I head to my bedroom while Nate goes to his. I’m in just my panties when he opens the door, and I put my arm over my breasts.
“Baby girl, I’ve seen them before. Stop hiding.”
“Can you at least knock next time?”
He plays my nakedness off, but I see something in his eyes that scares me, desire. Nate has never looked at me that way before. Maybe I’m reading into it, and it’s nothing. I slip on a t-shirt as Nate slips into my bed, and I follow. He pulls me against the hard planes of his body and tucks his head against my shoulder. I fade off into a dreamless sleep.
The next morning, Nate is still curled around my body with his hand tucked under my breast. When did that happen? I don’t remember going to sleep in that position. I’m a little creeped out that my best friend is touching me there, and I slide out of his grasp.
“Where are you going?” Nate murmurs.
“I have to get ready for work. It’s almost 6:30.”
“I’m leaving at noon. Barry is driving me out there.”
“Let me shower, and we’ll talk when I get out.”
He yawns and snuggles against my pillow as I exit the bedroom to shower. When I come back, he’s no longer in my bed. After I dress, I find him making coffee in the kitchen.
“You didn’t have a nightmare last night?”
“Nope. I slept like a baby, thanks to you. It’s nice to sleep with you in my arms.”
“I kind of like it myself.”
Nate smiles and pours me a cup of coffee and adds some milk before he hands it to me.
“You do?”
“It’s been a long time since we slept in bed together. You were fine until last week.”
“Too long. We should have a slumber party when I get back.”
“That won’t be for two months.”
“Then come visit me, and we can have one in the Hamptons.”
“I said I would,” I glance at my watch, “I have to get moving.”
Nate grabs me by the arm and pulls me into a tight hug. He plants his lips against mine, holding them there for a little too long, then moves his mouth to my ear.
“I love you, baby girl,” he whispers.
“I love you too, Nate. I’m going to miss you so much.”
I walk back to my bedroom and swipe away the tears that are threatening to leak down my face. I’ll just have to get used to being without Nate for the rest of the summer. It won’t be forever, and I have Jordan.
The subway isn’t that crowded even though it’s rush hour. More than likely, it’s because of the coming holiday. A lot of people have taken off and left the city already for a long weekend this past Friday. The office is quiet, and we’re only working half a day. Most of that time is spent dawdling. I barely get any work done talking with Angie and my office mates about our plans for the Fourth.
Just before we’re ready to leave at one, Nicky calls me into his office. Why does he always wait until the end of the day? When I get there, he’s sitting at his desk with his glasses perched on the end of his nose. He looks up and scowls.
“Close the door and sit down.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Don’t take that tone with me. I’m still your boss, whether your fucking my brother or not.”
“Nicky, just get to the point.”
“What did you say to Katherine? She was very upset with you on Saturday.”
“And you decided to wait two days later to approach me?”
“I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of the family.”
“No, you didn’t want to approach me in front of Jordan.”
“I’m not afraid of Jordan. We’re getting off subject. Why did you have to upset her?”
“First off, Nicky, get your facts straight. Katherine was the one that was being a bitch. She was the one that started shit, not me. I just defended myself.”
“That wasn’t how I heard it.”
“Why are you with her? She’s very disagreeable.”
“Katherine keeps me on my toes. I appreciate her honesty.”
“You mean you appreciate her father’s millions and her trust fund.”
“How do you know about that?”
“I can read. She’s a socialite; her father owns one of that largest production companies on the east coast. It’s not hard to figure out her charms because it’s certainly not her personality.”
“I would like you to apologize to her. ”
“Fuck no. That isn’t happening.”
“Even if it jeopardizes your position?”
“Nicky, you’re treading very close to blackmail. I don’t think Jordan would be thrilled if I told him.”
“Jordan doesn’t control the day to day at Scarborough. If it’s a financial decision, then he will be involved. Otherwise, it’s my call.”
“And you think that threatening me with my job is going to make me apologize? Fire me and see what happens.”
“You must be terrific in bed because you’re a major bitch.”
“You’ll never know.”
“I’m not deaf. Having the bedroom next to yours had its advantages. You fucked like rabbits. I heard you moaning through the wall.”
My face reddens and heats. “What we do in the privacy of our bedroom is none of your business.”
“Jordan will tire of you. He’s not so simple that a tight pussy and a hot body will keep him interested, he needs mental stimulation. Just don’t let the break up affect your work. You can go.”
“You’re so jealous that you can’t be happy for him.”
“Because he has you? Hardly.”
“Enjoy your holiday asshole.”
I hurry from his office before he can make a retort. Everyone around me seems to be negative about my relationship with Jordan. I need him, but I know he’s on his way to LA. I text him anyway, not expecting a reply.
I miss you. I wish you were here.
I’m surprised when he answers .
Doll, if I didn’t have meetings set up, I would have them turn this plane around. I wanted you in my bed last night. It was empty without you. I felt empty without you. Please say you’ll stay with me when I get back.
I can stay with you. Nate is leaving for the Hamptons today. I’ll be alone in my apartment for the next two months.
I’m glad that you have better security at your building. We’re landing in a few minutes. I have to go. I love you, Emma.
I love you too, Jordan.
I walk out of the building into the early July heat, and Albert is waiting at the curb with the Mercedes. I smile at him, thankful that I can get a ride home in the cool interior of the car. He tips his hat and doesn’t say much on the trip to my apartment. I thank him when I get out and go upstairs.
Nathaniel has left for the Hamptons already, and his room looks like a tornado hit it. I set to work cleaning, but first, I call my sister Lexi to let her know I’d like to join her for the ride to my parent’s home in Glen Ridge, New Jersey. She tells me that they're heading out this evening when JC gets home, so if I want to join them, I need to get to her apartment soon.
I grab a duffel bag and start shoving clothing in it. Nate’s room will have to wait because I don’t want to take the train. JC has an SUV that can fit us all. I make it to her place on Central Park West a few minutes before JC comes home.
“Nice to see you. You’ve been avoiding us.”
“Not at all. I’ve just been busy with work and other stuff.”
“Jordan? ”
“Yes, he and Nate are home. He had a hard time; his nightmares came back.”
“Emma, when are you going to tell mom and dad that he isn’t gay?”
“Never. They’ll have a fit.”
“They’re a little more progressive now that Megan broke them in with having CJ out of wedlock and living with her fiancée, Chase.”
“But they expect me to be perfect.”
“No one is perfect. Have you told them about Jordan?”
“No. Mom would nag me about bringing him around. I’m not sure if Jordan wants to do that just yet.”
“How long have you two been together?”
“Just over a month. Things are moving fast.”
“He wants you to move in with him?”
“He asked me to marry him?”
Lexi’s mouth drops open, “When?”
“This past weekend.”
“And you said what?”
“No, of course. I barely know him. He loves me.”
“Do you love him?”
“Yes, but it’s more complicated than that. He’s rich and has some fame. He dated Natalie Salas and a few other Hollywood notables. How do I stack up against that?”
“You don’t. You’re you, and they’re them. Jordan obviously doesn’t expect you to be famous. He seems like a straight shooter to me. I like him.”
I valued Lexi’s opinion. My entire life she had been protecting me, making sure I made the right decisions and learning from her mistakes.
“I like him too. But I’m not sure he’s the right person for me. He left me for hours last weekend to work on a problem in his office. I don’t want to do that, and I know his life is busy. Jordan is building an empire, and I’ll just get in the way. ”
“Emma, why do you think so little of yourself. You’re gorgeous, intelligent, and caring. Any man, no matter how much money he has, would be thrilled to have you on his arm.”
“That’s another thing that worries me. Am I just arm candy?”
“You’re impossible. Have you discussed this with him?”
“Yes, and it almost turned into a major argument. He got angry that I would think of myself that way.”
“And I agree. Have confidence and know that you’re more than worth it.”
Our conversation is ended when my niece, Arabella, starts to cry.
“This one didn’t nap today, so she’s cranky. I hope she sleeps in the car, or she’s going to be impossible.”
JC calls from the lobby, telling us that he’s parked out front and will be up to help with the kids. I take my nephew Johnny by the hand and grab my duffel bag to head downstairs.
It takes fifteen minutes to get the children strapped into their car seats and the car packed. Lexi sits between Johnny and Arabella while I sit in the front passenger seat next to JC. I’m nervous about seeing my parents. I have so much to tell them. My promise of calling them each week has fallen to the wayside, and it’s been a while since we connected.
I don’t realize I’m picking at my nails until JC tells me. It’s only us two awake in the SUV since the children and my sister have fallen asleep.
“Emma, why are you so nervous?”
“You know my parents. They’re going to grill me about stuff.”
“Then be upfront and honest. Don’t hold back.”
“JC, they’re going to want to know about Jordan, and I don’t know a lot.”
“You know plenty. Just tell them what you know.”
I glance back at my sister. She’s still fast asleep, “JC, can I ask you a question?”
“Sure, anything. ”
“How did you know it was right with Lexi?”
“From the moment I saw her in high school. I made her mine in college, and I fucked it up. We had to wait until I realized what a fool I had been. It was almost too late. Noah did me a huge favor.”
“Jordan loves me, but I just don’t know. We’re so different. He’s got it all, and I’m just finding myself.”
“No one has it all. There is always something missing. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to find it. Why are you afraid to be with him?”
“Ricky. I gave him everything, and he dumped me. It hurt, and sometimes, it still hurts. He made me doubt myself. What did I do that he didn’t want me?”
“Ricky was a dumb kid that had no clue what he wanted. I bet if you see him now, he’ll kick himself for breaking up with you.”
That was what I was afraid of. We were heading towards the hometown that I grew up in. Ricky still lived there, and I wouldn’t know what to say to him if we met. I didn’t need him stepping into my life and telling me how much he missed me when I was conflicted about Jordan.
“I don’t want to see him. He had his chance.”
“Emma, it’s only a couple of days. We’re leaving tomorrow night right after fireworks. I doubt you’ll see him.”
I look out the window until we pull into my parent’s driveway. The large colonial still looks the same except for a few transplanted purple Hydrangeas in the front. My mother bursts from the front door to meet us with my father close behind.
“Oh, Emma, I’m so glad you could make it. We haven’t seen you for months.”
“I know, mom. I’m sorry I haven’t visited sooner.”
We unpack everything from the SUV and head into the house. I’m sleeping in my old bedroom. It hasn’t changed since I left a couple of years ago. The walls are still peach, and the cream carpet and bedspread are still the same. The bulletin board that I pinned up numerous pictures of friends on outings remains. It’s like I’ve stepped into the past, except a lot has changed in my life, especially in the last month.
I join my family on the patio, and my parents grill me about my life. I tell them about Nathaniel and London. We chat about that for a while; then, they focus on my love life. It seems Megan has mentioned Jordan.
“Who is this new man in your life? Is it serious?”
“His name is Jordan Grayson. He’s a businessman.”
JC, who is sitting next to me, snorts and gives me a wide smirk.
“Something you’d like to add, JC,” my father says.
“She’s modest about Jordan. The man owns quite a few companies. He’s pretty wealthy.”
I shoot daggers at him, “Jordan is quite well off, but that isn’t a factor for me. He treats me well, and we get along great.”
I take a sip of iced tea, “Are you sleeping with him?” my mother asks, which causes me to spit out the liquid in my mouth all over my shirt. I grab a napkin and try to blot up the mess, but it’s no use.
“Mother! How can you ask that? I have to change,” I escape to the comfort of my bedroom, wanting to kill JC. My mother has never been this straightforward about sex. Maybe she has progressed, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to admit I slept with Jordan. I’m an adult, and it’s not something I want to discuss.
When I come back outside, they’ve moved on to something else. I breathe a sigh of relief as my embarrassment fades. The night passes with a dinner of steak, burgers, and hot dogs on the grill along with my mother’s famous potato and pasta salad. Our neighbor lights off fireworks, and the children play with sparklers.
I make sure to get to my bedroom before my parents corner me for another round of questioning. It’s just after ten, and I thought I would receive a text from Jordan, but there is none, so I text him.
I hope you had a good flight and things are going well. I wish you were here.
I don’t get a reply and change for bed, hoping Jordan will send me something for my dreams, but I don’t get anything back. I settle under the sheets telling myself that he’s probably busy preparing for things. He mentioned he had a meeting on the morning of July Fourth, which is weird, but maybe high powered business works differently.