Awakened by Love
I look up, staring at the ceiling trying to figure out where the droplet of water is leaking from. I would have to climb up on the roof of the old cabin to repair it before it got worse. I came here ten months ago. I couldn’t take the pity that I saw in my family and friend’s faces each time they looked at me. It made me want to scream.
I could tell what was going on behind their eyes as they searched mine for any signs of emotion. They wanted to know if I was going to be alright, if I was going to be the same guy when it was all over. But it would never be over for me. I’d lost my wife. She’d been dead now longer than we had been married, shit, longer than we’d been together.
The last fourteen months had been hell on me since Cassandra died. My sweet, gentle Cassie. The last thing I remember was the contorted look on her face as she held the button of the Morphine pump to take away her pain. As she passed out, I planted a kiss on her face and went to relieve myself in the guest bathroom across the hall from her hospital room.
I needed a breather for a moment even though I knew she couldn’t escape the torture. I sat staring in the mirror after I took a piss, watching the tears roll down my cheeks. I was haunted by the fact that there was nothing I could do to save Cassie. The cancer had been so aggressive that we opted for no treatment. It would have only extended her life an extra few weeks anyway.
Now, I spent most of my days and nights holding her hand, waiting for her to leave me. I didn’t want to admit it but as much as I loved her, I wanted death to come swiftly. With each passing day, to watch her suffer was making me want to join her in that hospital bed. I was dying along with her.
I washed my face and when I came out, a flurry of activity in her room was taking place. I heard the long beep of the machines attached to her and knew she was gone. I didn’t have to go inside to know she had left this world without me being there. I missed her departure .
I sank to my knees and buried my face in my hands outside her door. The nurse ran to me but I waved her away.
“Mr. Wilton, you can spend some time with her alone. We just need to shut down the machines.”
“Thank you,” I managed to croak out.
I sat with Cassie’s cooling lifeless body for three hours. The nurses kept asking me if I wanted to call someone. I had to stifle a laugh, there was no one who I wanted to share this private moment with. My parents were away on a trip to Brazil, my brother, Noah was away on a security detail. My niece, Rory and her fiancé, Hunter lived in New York and my sister in law, Vivian, had gone to visit them. I was alone.
The memory shreds my heart and I shake it away but you can never escape yourself. I had to get away and the small cabin on the shores of Buzzard’s Bay in Massachusetts was perfect. It was cheap and in need of repair but I had all the time in the world. I took a leave of absence from my father’s company, Wilton Building Development and left.
The leak continues but as long as it’s raining, I can’t risk going on the roof, it would be too dangerous. This is the off season being March and the homes around the cabin are vacant. If I slip, I’ll probably end up dying from exposure before anyone finds me.
Under the sink, I find a bucket and place it under the drip. The rain is letting up so it should stop soon. Tomorrow I’ll go and get some shingles to fix it. I look around the two-room cabin which consists of a main room with a small kitchen and living area and a bedroom. I’ve done nothing to the place since I moved here. The walls are devoid of any color, just the round rough logs that make up the structure.
The bedroom is tiny and barely fits the full-sized bed I sleep on. But I didn’t move in here for comfort, I moved in here to be alone and wallow in my misery. Losing Cassie sucked the life out of me.
I head to the bathroom and look at the over a year’s growth of black beard on my face, the hair that I keep in a ponytail and my sunken sapphire blue eyes. Anyone that knew me from the past wouldn’t recognize me and that’s the way I want it. I wanted to be anonymous.
The only creature comforts I allow myself are a cell phone, a laptop for checking emails and books. I’ve spent months reading, trying to figure out where I can fit back into society. I hear my cell ring and I yank the drawer out where I stashed it. The number is recognizable, Zane Butler, a friend from my days at Boston University.
“Yeah?”
“Luc, how are you doing?”
“Fucked up as usual.”
“Any chance of you coming back to society anytime soon?”
“I doubt it. What’s the point?”
“Look, I know losing her was hard, but you can’t hide forever.”
I can feel my throat constrict. “It was more than hard. It destroyed me.”
“I know buddy. I just thought I would give you first crack at an opportunity I have available. If you don’t want in, that’s fine.”
Zane owned Eltech, a gaming company based in Manhattan. The first two games that he developed while we were still in college gave him enough visibility in the market to make his fledgling company relevant. But recently, his twelve-year-old company was stretched thin financially and I could almost guess he was looking for funds.
I had them to give. Unbeknownst to me, Cassie had investments that she never told me about. Her attorney approached me after she passed away. I wasn’t poor by any means, being a Wilton, but when the money was combined with my own, I would never have to work again if I didn’t want to. I wasn’t sure if I did.
“What’s the opportunity?”
“I’m looking for an investor. I have a new project in development; it’s a virtual gaming system. It will be the top of the market, but I stretched the financials too thin and we have a limited advertising budget. I need some capital. Before I go begging to the VC’s, I wanted to offer you a slice of the pie.”
I absentmindedly stroked my beard, “How much?”
“Money or percentage?”
“Both.”
“I need at least a seven-figure investment. ”
“And my piece?”
“Twenty percent.”
“I might be interested,” I couldn’t believe the words were coming out of my mouth. But I was a trained financier. My father pushed me into working for his building development company where my financial skills were used sparingly but still used. I knew a good investment when I saw it, but I needed to see figures.
“Did you say you’d be interested?” Zane sounded shocked.
“You might be right. It’s time I came out of hiding.”
“Would your involvement be active or silent?”
“Butler, it’s my money so it would have to be active. That’s a stipulation of my acceptance. So, if you’re interested, I need to see the financials and your projected budget for marketing.”
“Do you want them sent messenger?”
I bristled at the thought of revealing where I was living. This was my sanctuary and I didn’t want to share its location with anyone.
“No. Can you send them securely to my email?”
“Yes. I’ll send the email with instructions on secure access. I need your answer soon. We’re about three months out from release and we need to get moving with our marketing campaign. We’re going to hype the market so much that the system will leave the retailers with empty shelves and long lines.”
“I’ll look it over as soon as I receive it. I can give you my answer in a couple of days. I got nothing else to do.”
“Lucian, for what it’s worth, I hope you do come back. I loved Cassie too but it’s time to move on, at least keep your days busy.”
“Yep, thanks Zane.”
I hung up the phone before he could give me any more words of wisdom. He might have loved Cassie but not like I did. He never held her soft body in bed at night or planted kisses on her creamy skin. Our love was one for the ages and I doubted I would ever marry again let alone get involved.
After she died, I tried to function after taking off for a month. But I found myself sitting at my desk unaware that I was crying until thick spatters of tears bounced onto the paperwork I was working on. I lost ten pounds in the first few weeks after her death.
Food rarely touched my lips and each time I saw a family member, they looked at me with horror as I shrunk. I no longer shaved and my beard grew thick. My clothing usually was wrinkled and sometimes I put the same outfit on from the day before.
Either Vivian or my mother would come while I was at work to clean my home or fill my refrigerator with food. It usually rotted by the next time they came by. Four months after Cassie died, I left. I had purchased the cabin sight unseen, transferring the funds to the seller’s bank account. As a financial guy, it was stupid move but I didn’t care.
I packed a large duffel bag and sent emails in the dead of night to my family letting them know that I was leaving and wouldn’t be back. I sold my BMW and purchased a non-descript eight year old Toyota Camry, I wanted to blend in.
Now, I felt the need to come out of hiding. I could no longer live in my home that I shared with Cassie anymore than I could work for my father’s company where I met her. I was leaving Boston behind if the Eltech deal was feasible and financially sound. New York would be my new home.
My father owned several buildings and I was sure I could find an apartment to occupy in one of them. Noah would be happy because he always worried about my niece Rory being so far away. At least if I was in the city, she would have a close relative nearby.
I know I was getting ahead of myself because the deal with Zane might not happen but it was a chance for me to start fresh. Start again away from the pitying eyes of those that knew me best.
I booted up my laptop and logged into my email. The instructions for secure access to the files were there from Zane. I spent the next several hours poring over the documents, my love of numbers set my mind buzzing. Eltech was sound and the project was right on schedule.
I finished reviewing everything by four in the morning and without thinking, I dialed Zane.
“This better be good,” he growled .
In the background I heard a woman whispering. Zane was a confirmed bachelor so it must be one of his playmates for the evening. Probably one he picked up from the numerous clubs he frequented around the city.
“I’ll do it.”
“Dammit, Wilton! You couldn’t wait another two hours when I was at least fully awake?”
“I hear a woman there, so I doubt you were asleep anyway.”
“Not true. I finished activities an hour ago.”
“Anyway, I’m interested. What do you need from me?”
“I can have my attorneys draw up a contract. It would be better for negotiations if you came to the city.”
“I was hoping for some time to adjust to the idea but you’re right. It would be better if I come. I’d like to hire my own attorney to review the paperwork.”
“You don’t trust me?”
“No, I don’t trust your attorneys. I’ve worked with enough of them.”
“I’ll have them work on it today. Can you be in Manhattan by Wednesday?”
“Yes. That gives me two days to get an attorney.”
“Fine. If you give me their name I’ll courier over the contract for review.”
“Go back to sleep.”
“I’m up now and so is something else.”
“Goodbye Zane.”
I hang up and I finally feel the exhaustion take over my body. Fully clothed, I stretch out on my bed and fall into a deep sleep. I dream of Cassie and when I wake, my face is tight with dried tears. The sun is high in the sky and I was planning on fixing the roof today. I need to make phone calls to hire an attorney.
I scroll through the search on my phone and find one that specializes in corporate work. I dial the offices of Keene, Ashburn and Wilder asking to speak with Xander Wilder. After some consultation, I retain his services and email Zane the information to courier over the contract .
Once that’s done, I decide to get the shingles and repair the roof. The small town of Bourne has a lumberyard, Bay Lumber where I purchase the supplies I need. I stop at a McDonald’s and get a couple of burgers and some fries. This is the first time in months that I have the feeling of hunger. Most times, I just eat because I know I must and those times, it’s usually something bland and tasteless. This time I enjoy the food as I eat.
By late afternoon, I’ve repaired the leak and fixed a few other areas that I suspect are close to leaking. The entire roof needs to be replaced eventually but right now; the patch job will have to do.
I quickly shower and take a frozen pizza out of the freezer for dinner. While I’m waiting for it to bake, I pack my duffel bag. I must leave early tomorrow morning to get to Manhattan by noon. I made an appointment with Xander to go over the particulars of the contract and to see what his recommendations for changes would be.
The next morning, I wake at 4:00 AM. I quickly dress and secure my hair in a ponytail. I probably should consider getting it cut if I’m going to rejoin corporate America but I have no time now.
The drive is uneventful and I get into Manhattan just before noon. The building that Keene, Ashburn and Wilder are located is in midtown and parking was a nightmare. I found a spot several blocks away and walked the rest. Tonight, I’ll be riding Zane’s couch on the Upper East Side.
The meeting with Xander goes well and he recommends a few minor changes. He also suggests with the amount of my investment, that I request a larger percentage of Eltech. I explain that I’m satisfied with the share offered. I don’t need the money and I don’t want to appear greedy. I’m pretty sure that my investment is going to turn a large profit based on the projections.
Next, I head to Zane’s office which coincidentally is only a few blocks away. It saves me the headache of finding another parking space. It’s a bit chilly and the late March wind is biting but I wore my navy wool coat which keeps me warm as I walk the streets.
I’ve never been to this office, he’s only been here for two years and I wouldn’t leave Cassie while she was sick. It’s almost like a kid’s paradise. The walls are painted bright colors with framed posters of the games Eltech has previously produced. Cubicles are in the middle of the large open space and I can see tennis and small pink rubber balls being tossed about.
I’m almost knocked over by a young bearded man on a scooter as he delivers the mail, a large messenger bag slung over his shoulder. Everyone is dressed casually in jeans and t-shirts, most of them with some type of game or comic book characters emblazoned on the front. I wait in the reception area until a very pretty brunette woman who introduces herself as Laura comes to get me.
“Mr. Butler will see you now. Follow me please.”
“Thank you.”
I follow her down the patterned carpeted hallway, looking at all the posters along the way. She deposits me in a conference room with a long rectangular table and about twenty brown cushioned leather chairs, asking if I want a beverage which I decline. A few minutes later Zane enters with three other people and I stand to greet them.
“Damn, if I didn’t know you were coming, I wouldn’t recognize you, Luc. You lost weight and I definitely think a shave and a haircut are in your future.”
I smile at him amused and stroke my beard, “I kind of like it.”
“Lucian Wilton, let me introduce you to Henry Yamata, Paul Bridge and Olivia Adams, heads of my programming division.”
Henry is a slight Asian man with a shaved head and black mustache barely standing five and a half feet tall. Paul in contrast is as tall as my height of six feet two inches with brown hair sitting just above his eyebrows. I shake their hands and then turn my attention to Olivia. She’s beautiful with long sleek black hair that’s down to her waist, perfectly flawless ivory skin, full red lips and green eyes the color of moss. She breathtaking and I immediately feel guilty as I drink in her curvaceous body.
“Please to meet you Miss Adams.”
“Call me Olivia please. ”
I smile at her as I shake her soft hand and the spell is broken when Zane tells us to sit.
“I wanted everyone to meet. Lucian is going to be joining us starting next week. He’s a shared owner as soon as the contract is signed. I want to familiarize him with the company and the projects. I hope you three will assist in welcoming and introducing him to your departments. I have some things to discuss with him so if you’ll excuse us, we’ll let you get back to work. Thank you.”
They file out and I can’t help but stare at Olivia as she leaves. I’m lost in thought when Zane addresses me.
“Lucian, you look like shit.”
“Nice that my best friend thinks that. Thanks for being honest.”
“What the fuck have you been doing in the backwoods?”
“I’m not in the backwoods. And no, I’m not telling you where I was. Just let it go. I went over the contract with my attorney today. It all looks doable except for a few small tweaks. Your legal department should have the requested changes and if they approve, I’ll sign immediately. I should let you know that my attorney suggested I ask for a larger share.”
Zane slightly narrows his crystal blue eyes, “Honestly Luc, I can’t give you anymore than twenty.”
“Lucky for you that I didn’t agree with him. I only want twenty.”
“I’m glad to hear that. Maybe in the future we can discuss a bigger share but right now, I need to maintain my share in case I need to bring in more investors.”
“Zane, if you need more funds, come to me first.”
“I didn’t realize you were so solvent.”
“Cassie had more than I ever knew about. She also signed up for life insurance when we married. I was totally unaware. It makes me wonder if I knew her as well as I thought.”
“I’m sorry about Cassie. I know these past months have been total crap for you.”
“I think I did enough wallowing which is why I accepted your offer. I need to get back to society but not in the place I shared with Cassie. I haven’t even told my father that I won’t be back. He’s waiting me out. I need to speak to him about moving into one of the properties we own here in Manhattan.”
“How do you think that will go?”
“Not well. He’s been growing anxious about my absence and has been for some time. He wants me back but I can’t go back. I can’t be where she was without it tearing me apart.”
“What were your plans before I made you the offer?”
“I had none. I don’t need to work. I would probably have stayed where I was for at least a few more months.”
“And that was?”
“Nice try Zane but I prefer to keep it my secret. It was peaceful and I enjoyed my time there.”
“So why now?”
“I believe in your project. I was always curious about the games you created.”
“I have an office for you if you want it and we can talk about salary.”
“I don’t need a salary. I prefer to share in the profits.”
“For a financial guy, I’m surprised at your attitude about money.”
“Zane, Cassie taught me that money doesn’t matter, people do. If you could have seen how I lived the past few months, you’d understand.”
I could see the conversation was making Zane uncomfortable. He was chewing on his thumbnail which I knew from college was because he was anxious. He had a huge apartment overlooking Central Park and Audi R8 Spyder. Wealth mattered to him because he had little of it growing up. I had the opposite. Cassie taught me that it was how you treated people in life.
I remember when I first met her. She was coming out of my father’s office and I almost knocked her down. Cassie Pike wasn’t gorgeous in the usual sense. She had a mass of unruly brown curls on her head and dark chocolate colored eyes. I thought she was cute but it was her larger than life personality that attracted me the most.
After our almost collision, I started to seek her out, asking if she would like to have lunch. At first she was resistant but finally agreed. She had an issue with dating the boss’ son. I fell in love with her by the third date. Cassie was gregarious, intelligent and caring.
The first evening date we had was during the winter and when we exited a small bistro, we came upon a homeless woman. It was freezing out and Cassie pulled of her gloves and hat, offering them. She reached into her purse and gave every cent she had, telling the woman to find a hotel room for the night. Her generosity was infectious and I handed over several dollars of my own.
On the way home, I noticed her hands were like ice. I gave her my hat and gloves, pulling up my collar and shoving my hands deep into my leather jacket. That was the type of woman Cassandra Pike was, always caring about others.
When she became ill, she worried about my feelings and would often ask how I was doing even while she suffered in pain. I would lie and say I was fine but my heart was shredding away, a little piece at a time as I watched her. It was the reason why I made the lopsided deal I did with Zane. Money didn’t matter as much as people did. He needed my help and he was a friend, one of the few that didn’t give up on me when I sunk into my depression.
“Luc?”
I look up and Zane is staring at me, “Sorry.”
“You were a million miles away from me for a minute there.”
“Just thinking about something.”
“Cassie?”
He knew me so well, “Yeah. She would have thought moving to New York was crazy.”
“What would she have done if you were the one that died?”
“Probably used my money to start a memorial fund for a charity. It’s something I’ve considered these past months.”
“You should consider it. She’s with you all the time you know.”
“I do.” I smile at him but I can feel the tears pricking my eyes and I need to change the subject. “You mentioned an office for me? ”
“Oh, yeah, sure. Come on I’ll show you. It’s not big but it’s near the programmers. You can look in on their progress.”
“What exactly will be my title?”
“What do you want it to be?”
“I have no idea. I’m a percentage owner but you’re majority so what do you say?”
“Let me think about it.”
I follow him down the hall and he shows me to a small office with a glass door. Inside is a large wooden desk, an ergonomic chair and a small loveseat.
“This is cozy.”
“One of my senior staff is leaving in a few weeks. I could offer you his office.”
Warning flags go up in my head. “For a competitor?”
“No. His wife’s mother is ill, and they decided to move to Texas to be with her. I’m sad to see him go but told him the door is always open.”
“Just curious.”
“Lucian, you’re back in corporate mode. Take it easy.”
“I just worry that a leak could cause a problem. I’m just protecting my investment. Our investment.”
His cell rings and he slides it out of the pocket of his shirt.
“Yeah, fine. Make the changes. He’s here with me now. I’ll send him down.”
He shuts down the call, “Legal approved the changes. Do you want to go and sign so we can get this deal moving?”
“Can I have my attorney look it over?”
He exhales loudly, “Yeah, sure. I’ll have legal courier it over.”
“Excuse me. Just let me give him a heads up.”
I dial my phone and ask to speak to Xander Wilder. After a brief conversation, I hang up.
“He’ll check the changes and give me the green light as soon as he’s done. ”
“Good. Funds transfer?”
“I can do it tomorrow with my bank.”
“Works for me. Interested in going out tonight to celebrate?”
“Not really. I’m just easing back into life. A club is not on the menu.”
“I wasn’t suggesting a club. A bar and grill maybe. I could use a nice thick steak.”
“I’d agree to that then. I haven’t had a steak in a year.”
Zane looks at me dumbfounded, “You’re serious? I believe it because you’re too thin. Promise me you’ll at least trim that mess on your face.”
“I plan on cutting everything. It’s time.”