Chapter Four
SHAY
Rayne is nothing like Arin. He’s calm, observant, and extra careful around me.
During dinner yesterday, he made sure I ate, asked me what I liked to eat, if I had any allergies, and if I liked to cook.
Arin never asked me anything like that. He would make me eat whatever he ate, and everything was always cooked for me by his personal chef.
The only time I ever went into the kitchen was to grab a piece of fruit during the day if I got hungry while he was gone. Rayne has given me one rule so far: I have to eat three meals a day. I’m still not very hungry, but it’s breakfast, and I should at least have some fruit or cereal.
That counts as a meal, right? It’ll have to because I can’t sit and eat a whole ass meal right now; not after eating dinner last night.
I woke up when the light started to peek through the curtains in my room.
There was no movement or noise in the room next to mine.
I assume Rayne stayed there last night, but I’m unsure.
I was quiet as I got up and did my normal morning routine: do some light stretching, brush and floss, and take a shower. The water pressure isn’t as good as it was at Arin’s, but it’ll have to do for now.
Maybe sometime soon I can go to the store and grab my usual toiletries.
When I arrived here, I didn’t have anything other than clothes.
I miss the smell of my shampoo, and the way my body wash would make my skin feel.
I feel off. As much as I don’t want to be here, I'm not sure I’m ready to be on my own yet.
Should I knock on his door and see if he wants to have breakfast with me?
No Shay. Don’t seem overly attached already. I tell myself. I’ve spent so many years trying to please one man; now that another has been ‘assigned’ to me, I can’t help but behave in the same way. I really hope he can help fix me. I hope he can teach me to be on my own.
I put on a plain black maxi dress and a pair of sandals. I felt like I needed something comfy this morning. Plus it’s bright and sunny outside; maybe Rayne will let me out for a bit after breakfast.
As soon as I open my door to walk into the main hallway, the chatter from the dining area overwhelms me. I walk slowly and see most of the small tables filled with what looks like patients and their therapists. They’re all eating, laughing, and chatting away.
I feel a rock sitting in my stomach, and I turn around quickly, bumping into a hard chest. Soft warm hands grab my shoulders to keep me from falling.
I look up and am met with gentle green eyes.
I want to apologize, but words won’t come out of my mouth.
Instead, my eyes fill with tears, and I cover my face with my hands.
Rayne picks me up in his arms and takes me away. I don’t realize where we are until all the noise in my head finally subsides. When I open my eyes again, we are in our therapy room, but unlike last night, the room is no longer empty.
It has a beautiful leather couch in the corner I imagined it should go. A tall bookshelf is in the other corner, filled with books, a dark red area rug covers most of the room, and a TV stand is against the wall. The only thing missing is a coffee table.
I forget why I was upset for a moment and immediately lay down on the couch.
I curl up into myself and close my eyes again.
Before long, warm hands run up and down my back, soothing me to sleep.
It reminds me of when Arin used to rub my back when I was upset.
It hurts and feels good at the same time.
RAYNE
I gently stroke her dark curls as her breathing deepens. Her dress is pretty; it hugs all of her curves, but isn’t revealing. She doesn't need anything revealing to look beautiful. There is a natural beauty in her; inside and out. I wonder if she sees it like I do.
I’m not surprised at her breaking down seeing all the patients with their trainers in the dining hall. She must feel alone and abandoned, like she doesn’t fit in here without her late partner.
Partner. Is that the correct word for him?
They weren’t married, and I can’t quite figure out what their relationship was like aside from him being her Daddy Dom.
There must have been a sexual aspect to their relationship, but I wonder how much of it was out of love rather than demand.
Did she love him in the way we think love should be given and received?
That is what I’m here to find out. I’ll let her rest a little longer, but we have work to do today. I need to figure out how they met, and what their arrangement began as. It might take me a while to get all the answers I need, but it needs to be done in order for her to heal properly.
It’s late morning by the time she finally wakes up.
Her eyes are still puffy from crying earlier, but she seems calm at the moment.
After she fell asleep, I moved to the other side of the couch and worked on her care plan.
I didn’t want to crowd her space or make her feel uncomfortable when she woke up.
“You didn’t have breakfast this morning.
So you broke my only rule already.” She furrowed her brow and bit her lip; she was thinking about what to say.
I can tell she always had to be careful about what she said when she was with him.
What I am curious about is if she wasn’t careful about what kind of punishments she was given.
“I’m sorry, I—just couldn’t bring myself to be in there. With all of them.” She keeps eye contact. Good. I want to build that trust. Yesterday she wouldn’t even look at me.
“As hard as some of this will be, you need to be strong and learn to deal with hard things. I’m here to push your boundaries; make sure you can stand on your own two feet once you leave the facility.
” I stand and walk to the bookshelf. I went out early this morning and bought her a diary.
She can write whatever she feels, thinks, and wants but doesn’t want to say it out loud.
“I want you to use this to get everything you can’t say to me out of your head. I will read it, but I’ll never be upset or judge you. Since you have trouble speaking to me directly, I think this will help with our communication.” I hand her the brown leather diary, and she reluctantly takes it.
“Write down questions, concerns, things you want to do or try, dreams, goals. Anything, Shay. I have a feeling you weren’t able to do that for a very long time. You deserve to have a voice, and you will have me to listen.”
“Okay. I can do that.”
“Good. It’s almost lunchtime, but let’s talk a little first. Get some more rules in. Is there anything specific you want to talk about or need?”
Her brown eyes widened. “I want to go outside. Get some sun and fresh air. Please?” I smile at her almost childlike plea.
“We can go outside after you eat something. There’s a nice little trail on the property we can take a walk on.”
She smiles, nods, and sits up on the couch. The leather diary is held against her chest like she’s cherishing it.
“May I sit down beside you?” Consent is key with anyone. I want her to open up and trust me, not break down and close up. We have so little time as it is; I need to use it wisely.
“Of course,” she scoots over to the end nearest to me, and I sit on the other end of the couch.
“Do you like your room?”
“Yes. It’s perfect; just like I asked. Thank you,” she whispers. I can only see the side of her face.
“Do you feel comfortable here?” She nods.
“Is there anything else I should add? What do you think would complete this room?” I purposefully left out a coffee table and desk in hopes she would tell me what else she wants here.
“I think something in front of the couch would be good. A small table.”
“That can be arranged. If there’s anything else, feel free to let me know. I saw one in storage that will fit the room nicely. Now—ready for some lunch?” She turns her head in my direction and nods. “Use your words, Shay.”
“Yes. I’m hungry.” She whispers.