Chapter 19
19
Rowan
A tlas’s gaze was mesmerizing and it didn’t help that I was sitting in his lap yet again, his body beneath mine, the strength of him so incredibly apparent. After initially being weirded out at sitting on him, he’d been so calmly insistent and yet reassuring at the same time, that all I wanted was to relax against him, enjoy teasing him while he handed me little bites of food, and to forget about the rest of the world pressing in.
Except now he was talking about me moving in with him and handling Mom and Charlotte, letting him take care of me, and the part of me that was used to doing everything myself stiffened in instinctive denial.
Yet even as that part of me wanted to protest, the rest of me was…tired. I’d been handling myself and Mom for years and I was weary of it. I wanted someone else to take the burden of responsibility from my shoulders. I wanted to rest, let myself be taken care of without the constant pressure having to do it all on my own. I wanted someone to lean on, to depend on, who would be there for me whenever I needed them.
But it was dangerous to think that way, because people weren’t reliable. They walked away right when you needed them, and I knew that because I’d watched them walk away from Mom time and time again, and then had to clear up the mess those people left behind them.
It was also a worry that no matter what Atlas said about not being like my mother, I could feel in myself the same need, the same desperation, the same hunger to be loved and wanted and seen. And I knew where that would leave me if I gave into it, and I wanted no part of it.
Then again, he wasn’t wrong about the possibility of me already being pregnant, and if I was….
Fear flickered through me and I wasn’t sure whether it was fear of actually being a mother or fear that I wouldn’t even get a chance to be one because Charlotte would take the child away as soon as it was born.
“I won’t let her,” Atlas said, somehow knowing exactly what I was thinking, his deep voice heavy with conviction. “If she wants to take the child away from you, she’ll have to go through me first.” Ferocity gleamed bright in his eyes, and all my stupid, primitive female hormones could think about was what an excellent protector and father he’d be.
But I wasn’t only hormones. I had self-respect and pride, and what he was talking about, me moving in with him and letting him handle everything, went against both of those things. I wasn’t his property or his ‘fuck toy’. Yes, I’d knelt before him, but that didn’t change anything, no matter what he said. I wasn’t anyone’s property and he couldn’t treat me as such.
I stared up at him, forcing my brain to start thinking again. “Stop her?” I echoed. “Why? You actually want kids?”
“I didn’t.” His gaze was unblinking “But things have changed. You might be pregnant already in which case, that baby is mine too.”
That was not what he’d said before.
“Since when did you care?” I asked. “You seemed fine with giving Charlotte your ‘donation’ before, so why is it suddenly your baby?”
“Since I took your virginity without a condom.” A growl had entered his voice. “I didn’t think it would matter, but it does. So no, I’m not giving Charlotte fucking Hamilton any kid of mine.”
I hadn’t thought about what I’d do if Atlas didn’t want to give the child up. I’d actually tried not to think about it at all, but even when I had, I’d expected to be the person who had issues with it, not him.
So…what if I really was pregnant already? I’d have to tell Charlotte and then?—
I forced my thoughts away from that particular subject, not liking where it was heading. “I signed a contract.” I tried to sound level and measured, and failed. “I can’t back out of it now.”
Atlas’s grip on my chin firmed, tilting my head back even further so all I could see what his fierce gaze boring into mine. “So you’d give up your child just because you signed a fucking contract?” he demanded. “You’d give up my child?”
“You didn’t seem to care about that two seconds ago,” I shot back, nettled at his sudden display of possessive temper.
He didn’t even blink. “You’re afraid,” he said and it wasn’t a question. “Why?”
God, what was the point hiding anything from this man? He always seemed to know when I was bluffing. “Okay, yes, I’m afraid,” I admitted tightly. “I signed that contract for the money, not because I was desperate for a baby, and now you’re saying you want to keep the child? Do you know what that’s going to mean for me? I’ll be a mother and I’m….” I faltered.
Atlas’s gaze didn’t soften one iota, but his voice when he spoke gentled a little. “You’re what?”
“I’m…not ready.” I tried to breathe through the anxiety that all at once felt as if it was strangling me. “I wasn’t expecting to raise the baby myself, and I…I…” I trailed off helplessly.
“You think I’d leave you to raise the kid on your own?”
“I don’t know, Atlas. You haven’t told me a damn thing about anything.”
He let go of my chin and then that possessive hand was back around my throat, gripping me firmly enough that I caught my breath. “Listen to me,” he murmured. “There’s a small part of you that doesn’t trust me and while I get it, that lack of trust is starting to become a problem. If you think I’d insist on keeping our child and then leave you to raise it on your own, you need a lesson in the kind of man I am.” He eased my head back against his shoulder, golden eyes boring into mine. “I’m not walking away this time, Rowan. You’re my property and I take care of what’s mine, understand? I don’t break it, I don’t use it indiscriminately, and I don’t put it on a shelf for years and forget about it. I use it with care and respect, and I keep it in good working order. I’m careful with my things.” His thumb began that gentle stroke up and down the side of my neck, sending chills racing all over my skin. “And if one of those things happens to be a woman pregnant with my child, then regardless of what I told you before, I am never abandoning that child or that woman.” His mouth curved in a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Call it a road to Damascus moment.”
I sucked in a breath, the pressure of his fingers around my neck, firm, possessive, yet not hurting or stopping me from getting air, unbelievably erotic.
He was right, though. A part of me didn’t trust him, not after he left Mom and me, and even though it had been years, his abandonment had hurt. It had left scars on me that I hadn’t realized were there. And now…
I wanted to believe him. I wanted to believe him so very badly.
“So…you just want the baby? I mean, if there is a baby?” My voice was husky and I couldn’t hide the doubt in it. “Just like that?”
“Yeah, just like that.” His gaze was hypnotic, golden, shimmering. “When I decide what I want, I go out and get it, and I don’t play games.”
My mouth had dried, every thought turning syrupy and difficult to hold onto. His touch made me feel hot everywhere, and tight and restless, but what he was saying was important. I had to pay attention.
“But you walked away from Mom,” I said, swallowing.
“I didn’t want Cait. Not the way I want you.” He seemed to have forgotten about the food, his gaze focused and intent on mine as he slid his other hand beneath the hem of my borrowed T-shirt, moving caressingly over the bare skin of my stomach. “Honestly? I didn’t think I would want any of this, you, a baby, the whole domestic situation, but when I thought about Charlotte taking my kid…” He shook his head. “It’s not going to happen.” His hand slid higher, cupping one of my breasts in his big, hot palm and squeezing gently, making me shudder as sensation rushed like wildfire through me. “Which means you need to make some choices here.” His thumb brushed over my rapidly hardening nipple and I gasped, shivering helplessly. His hand around my throat and the agonizingly light brush of his thumb across the aching tip of my breast was turning me inside out.
“W-What choices?” I managed.
“I’ve laid a claim on you.” He pinched my nipple, making me jerk in his grip. “But if you want to accept that claim, you need to decide. With all the facts.” His hand slipped from my breast and slid down, long, blunt fingers pushing beneath the waistband of my panties, sliding over my sex, finding my clit with unerring accuracy.
I groaned, my hips lifting, but he shook his head as his fingers tightened around my throat. “Uh huh,” he murmured. “Don’t you move.”
Obeying, I trembled as he stroked me, agonizing pleasure beginning to build. It was difficult to think, difficult to understand what he was saying, especially with his burning gaze on mine, but I gritted my teeth, trying to focus. “The f-facts?”
“Facts such as you belonging to me for however long I want.” He shifted, releasing my throat, his hands moving to the waistband of my panties and sliding them down my thighs. “You live with me, sleep with me, and if you’re pregnant, I’ll provide for you, give you anything you need to help with the baby. Regardless of what happens with us, I will be the child’s father and I’m not abandoning it.”
It was becoming even harder to concentrate, because as my panties slipped away, he began to pull up my T-shirt, coaxing me to lift my arms, drawing it up and over my head. A second later I was sitting in his lap entirely naked.
He was hard, I could feel him beneath me, hot and ready, and I was shaking. I wanted him so badly I could hardly breathe, let alone process what he was saying.
“When it’s over between us,” he went on, “I’ll make sure you’re provided for. You’ll want for nothing.” His hands settled on my hips and he pushed me from his lap. I turned to find him pushing back his chair with a certain amount of force and getting to his feet. Then he took a step so he was right up against me, and without looking away, he leaned forward, sweeping away the plates and other things aside with a forceful motion.
My heart rate went through the roof, my breathing fast as he picked me up and sat me on the table in front of him. “And here’s something else,” he went on. “If you choose to be mine, I won’t fuck other women. It’ll be you and only you.” He reached down, flicking the top button of his pants open, drawing the zipper down. I was shivering as he shoved his boxers down, releasing the long, hard length of his cock. He stepped up to the end of the table where I sat, spreading my thighs, then gripping my hips, the head of his cock pressing against my entrance. It wouldn’t take much for him to push inside…
“And one more thing.” He hadn’t taken his gaze from mine the whole time, and I was lost in all that molten gold, like the heart of the sun. “When I fuck you it’s going to be without a condom, so one way or another Charlotte is going to get her heir, which I’m then going to take away from her.”
I put my hands on the table, bracing myself against the wood, barely processing what he was saying, desperate for him.
“Those are the facts, toy.” He rubbed the head of his cock over my clit, teasing me unmercifully as I shivered, my hips moving helplessly. “Now, it’s your turn to choose. You want to be owned by me, yes or no?”
There was only one choice for me in that moment and brought to screaming point by what he was doing to me, I made it.
“Y-yes,” I whispered. “Please, Atlas…please…”
His golden eyes flared like a torch and I groaned as he pushed inside me, going slowly, oh, so slowly. I panted as I felt my sex stretching around him, the press of him painful and yet at the same time unbelievably good.
I couldn’t look away from him. His was an almost gravitational pull that I was caught in, trapped helplessly in an orbit I couldn’t break free from. But I didn’t want to break free. I wanted to stay, Venus to his sun, the surface of me turned molten by his touch.
He paused a moment, letting me feel every inch of his cock, then he began to move, thrusting slow and easy. He pushed me onto my back, the wood of the table cool against my spine as he pulled me so my butt was on the very edge of the table, then he began to fuck me with deep, hard strokes.
The pleasure was indescribable. I was aware of him in every possible way. The fabric of his trousers rubbing against my inner thighs, the firm press of his fingers on my hips, the sounds of male pleasure he was making, the blaze in his eyes as he looked down at me.
And something in me let go in that moment, something that had been tense and anxious and hurt. I could feel his strength in the way he moved inside me, the way he held me, calm and possessive and firm. And I could see the fierceness of his conviction in his eyes.
It would be okay. He’d do everything he promised and he wouldn’t leave me. Not this time. Yes, at some point this would be over but until then he had me.
Until then I was his.
I relaxed, crying out as he moved, letting him know how good he was making me feel. Letting him make a firework of me so that I caught fire and soared, exploding into the sky then floating back down again.
Nothing but ash.