Eleven
Devon
“I thought you cleared all that shit up at work?” Ryan says. “Isn’t everything cool now?”
I glance up from my phone, feeling a little disorientated to be dragged away from the email exchange with Waho. “Yeah, everything’s good now,” I confirm.
“Then why are you still glued to your phone?” His tone is one of annoyance as he casts a pointed glance toward the phone in my hand. “We’re supposed to be hanging out, remember? Kid-free day?”
“Yeah, sorry, I was just replying to an email. I was actually talking about you, funnily enough.” I rise from the couch and slip my phone into my pocket, then head into the kitchen to retrieve a couple of beers from the fridge.
Ryan follows after me, continuing the conversation. “Who are you emailing about me?” he asks, a curious furrow in his brow. Then a grin spreads over his face as he considers something. “Wait—you’re not planning a surprise party or something, are you? It’s sweet of you to get started so early.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, because Holly would ever let anyone else even help plan a party, let alone take over the reins entirely.”
He nods. “Fair point.”
I snap the caps off our beers and hand Ryan his before returning to the living room. “Don’t go getting too excited. We just happened to be talking about The Kinks and I mentioned Lola. He thought it was epic that she was named after that song.”
Ryan stares at me in utter bafflement. “Who’s ‘he’?”
I blink at him a few times, confused. “I haven’t told you about the guy I’ve been emailing?”
He throws his hands out in frustration. “Obviously not!”
I shrug. “Okay, well there’s this guy I’ve been emailing. I don’t actually know his name, but I’ve worked out that he’s around our age and I’m pretty sure he lives in the UK, or he’s at least from here based off some of the words he uses.”
“Wait a minute—you’re emailing some random guy and talking about me? And my daughter?”
I wince under the force of Ryan’s glare and hold up a hand to ward off further anger. “Okay, yeah, that came off…bad. But I promise it’s not as weird as it sounds.”
“Well, I hope not, because it sounds completely fucking mental, mate!”
“Okay, can I see the emails?” Ryan asks.
“Fuck no!”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Why not? What’s in there that you don’t want me to see?”
“Nothing,” I’m way too quick to say. Nothing except me confessing to fantasising about Wes Holt, which I’ll go to my grave denying if I have to. I don’t mention Wes by name, of course, but I only have one ex future brother-in-law and Ryan’s not an idiot.
Ryan just arches a sceptical brow at me, and I know I’m going to have to give him something .
Otherwise he’ll never let it go. With a loud sigh, I retrieve my phone from my back pocket.
“Okay, you can look at the ones we send today. That’ll prove the thing I said about you and Lola was completely innocent. ”
I bring up the recent email exchange and hand the phone over. Then I wait anxiously as Ryan reads through everything.
Once he’s done, he glances up at me, brows raised.
“Okay, first of all, don’t think you’re off the hook just because you called me ‘epic,’” he says, holding up his fingers to count off.
“Secondly, I can’t believe you still have Little Mix on your workout playlist. And thirdly, I don’t care how you spin it, this shit is weird, mate.
You guys are emailing each other every day and you’ve never even met?
You don’t even know each other’s names? That’s crazy. ”
“It’s not crazy,” I argue. “What’s crazy is all the hate you have for Little Mix.”
Ryan just rolls his eyes. “Whatever, mate. Look, it’s your life, so do what you want. Just leave Lola out of it from now on.”
I nod. “Deal.”
It’s best to just let the issue drop; I know Ryan won’t be able to understand why I keep emailing with Waho.
Truthfully, I don’t entirely understand it myself; the guy’s a complete arsehole most of the time, but he’s also laid-back, and funny, and—with the exception of that first response to my less-than-impressive tirade—completely non-judgemental.
I’ve needed that lately, with thoughts of Wes Holt and that fucking belly ring invading my mind at the most inopportune times.
I definitely lay part of the blame for this new influx of inappropriate thoughts at Waho’s feet, but he was right to point out that the foundation was already there.
I’ve definitely noticed how attractive Wes is before—multiple times—but I’ve always kept a very tight lid on that line of thinking because of Emma; now, however, the lid is definitely off, and it’s a relief to have someone to vent to about it.
And that’s precisely the kind of thing that I could never explain to Ryan.
“So, tell me the truth—how are you holding up?” my sister asks me as we sit down at her kitchen table, mugs of tea in hand.
I shrug. “I’m fine.” Which is true; once the shock of everything wore off, I’ve come to realise that Emma was a hundred per cent right to call off the wedding.
Kira eyes me critically, her brow furrowed in concern. “You’re supposed to be on your honeymoon right now. How can you be ‘fine’?”
I let out a soft breath of laughter. “Obviously I’d love to be in Portugal right now—I mean, who wouldn’t? But I’m not torn up over the wedding if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“So, it really was a mutual decision?” she asks, shaking her head in wonderment. “I thought…I don’t know. I guess I was wrong.”
I hesitate before responding. This is my sister; it doesn’t feel right to give her the same line we’ve been feeding everyone else.
“Actually, it was her decision,” I clarify.
“And to be honest, it was a massive shock, and I didn’t exactly take it well at first.” I feel my face flaming at the memory of breaking into Emma’s emails and sending that tirade to Waho’s friend.
“But now that I’ve had time to think about it, I know it was the right decision.
Both of us had been checked out of that relationship for a long time—I just couldn’t see it until I was actually forced to confront it. ”
Kira nods slowly. “Huh. Yeah, I guess that makes more sense. So, you’re okay now?”
“Yeah, I’m great.”
Kira takes a long sip of her tea. “Hmm…yeah, you do actually seem to have everything pretty much together.”
We’re interrupted then by a clattering at the front door as my sister-in-law, Millie arrives home.
She enters the kitchen and makes a beeline for Kira, linking her arms around Kira’s neck from behind and bending down to drop a kiss to my sister’s cheek.
“Hey, babe. Hey, Dev,” Millie says, offering me a soft smile.
She moves away from the table and heads for the hallway. “I’ll be in the workroom for a bit.”
“Sorry, she’s not really up for visitors today,” Kira says softly, a troubled expression crossing her face as she stares after Millie’s retreating form. She glances down into her mug of tea, blowing at the steam. “We got another negative test this morning.”
I let out a heavy sigh as heartache grips me.
“God, Kirs, I’m so sorry.” My sister and her wife have been trying to have a baby for over a year now; this was their eighth attempt at artificial insemination.
Why haven’t they just moved on to IVF? Well, you can ask the NHS that.
“Do you need me to add some more to the account?” I ask gently.
She gives a slight shake of her head and offers me a tight smile. “It’s okay. There’s enough left.”
I study her expression closely, concerned by the apprehension she’s trying incredibly hard to hide. “I’ll add more anyway,” I tell her. “I don’t want you guys scrounging.”
I can tell by the relief on her face that I’ve made the right call.
Kira puts a hand to her face, emotion suddenly getting the best of her. “Devon, I swear, one day—”
“If you say pay me back , I’ll throttle you,” I warn. “What the hell am I going to do with the money?”
I’m beyond glad when she lets out a little breath of laughter. “I don’t know…buy another watch, maybe?”
I grin. “Don’t worry, there’ll be plenty left to cover my addiction.”
She lets out a soft chuckle and lifts her mug to take a sip. “On the bright side, we only need four more failed attempts before we qualify for IVF on the NHS,” she says with a bitter smile.
“You should qualify now,” I say darkly. Why should couples like my sister and her wife be required to spend tens of thousands of pounds before being eligible for government funding?
There must be so many potential mothers out there who are unable to start a family because the financial burden is simply impossible.
Kira reaches across the table and pats my hand, flashing a bright smile. “Well, luckily, we have the bank of Devon. And I don’t care what you say—one day we will pay you back. It might not be financially, but we’ll find a way to even the score somehow.”
“Alright, if you say so,” I say with an indulgent smile. “And just so you know, if you want to go straight to IVF now, I’m happy to cover it.”
She nods. “Thanks, but we’ll give it one more go.”
I give a wry shake of my head. That’s what she says every time.
I’m not going to push her on it, though.
For one thing, it’s good for her to have hope; and for another, considering how difficult it’s been for Millie to get pregnant through artificial insemination it’s quite possible that several rounds of IVF will be needed if they do reach that stage.
I have no problem funding it, no matter how long it takes or how much it costs, but I know Kira and Millie would be more comfortable if they could keep my financial input to a minimum.
“So, I was going to wait—you know, give you some time to get through your mourning period or whatever—but seeing as how you’re doing so well, how would you like me to set you up with this really cute girl from work?
” Kira asks, eyes shining with excitement.
“She’s a pilates instructor so she’s very bendy. ”
“Okay, I think that’s my cue to leave,” I say with an eye roll as I push my chair out and get to my feet.
“So that’s a no?”
“Yeah, that’s a no.”