Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Belle
My call with Mia goes more easily than expected. Luckily, I have her phone number memorized from the years when we went out more often and joked about learning each other’s phone numbers in case things got too crazy and we wound up getting arrested.
Of course, nothing even remotely that crazy ever happened. We usually just got tipsy and took a taxi back to one of our apartments for a Survivor marathon. There’s nothing like watching people brave the elements from the comfort of your couch with a pint of ice cream in hand.
Mia picks up the phone after the first ring as if she’s been waiting by the phone for my call. She barely lets me get a few words in before she starts rambling about every single thought she had during her short visit to the cabin in her misguided attempt to rescue me initially.
Once she finally gets all the commentary about Knox’s attitude–and abs–out of her system, I rush to get a word in edgewise. I’m desperate to keep my own words short and sweet since I’m making my call from outside in the cold and I’m certain that Rhys is going to storm out and carry my butt back inside any minute.
I manage to spit out the favor I’m asking for, and she readily agrees to drive out here to give me a ride. Based on what I remember about the state of my car after doing the tango with a medium-sized tree, I’m going to need to find a tow truck and a reasonably priced mechanic to try to salvage the thing.
“And you’re sure you don’t need me to bring any police officers?” Mia asks, only half joking.
“Yes,” I reassure her, swallowing my exasperation. It’s not her fault that she doesn’t know the details yet of how I spent the last couple of days with the alphas at my beck and call throughout my heat.
The last thing I want to do is pretend I’ve been held here against my will. I’ve been a very enthusiastic, willing partner for all of the most important parts of this adventure of ours. And aside from the initial lies the guys told me, everything they’ve done and said has seemed sincere.
There’s never been a moment since Rhys rescued me that I’ve been in danger.
“Well, I started driving the moment I answered your call, so I’m already almost halfway there. Hope you have your bag packed!” Mia chirps before hanging up on me, the line going silent.
I drop my head and groan, knocking the phone against my temple a few times for good measure. As well as I know Mia, I should have guessed she would rush here the moment she caught wind of anything she could imagine was a call for help.
Maybe I should have talked to the pack before making the call...
Too late to go back now.
Dread seeps into my pores and makes its home under my skin as I trudge back inside. The second I step through the front door, the guys all whip their heads toward me with worried eyes. They’ve gathered around the kitchen island in my absence.
“What’s going on?” Percy asks.
Knox grabs the edge of the counter so hard his knuckles turn white. He drops his gaze as if he can’t bear to look at me while he waits to hear what I have to say.
Crap, this is even harder than I thought.
“I... I asked Mia to pick me up and take me back to my apartment.” And it might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Watching their faces fall is nearly unbearable.
I want to rush over to them, drop to my knees, and beg them to let me stay instead. They would let me. They’ve made it clear there’s a place for me here.
But then what?
We can’t move forward together until I’ve taken stock of my life at home and figured out what I want beyond wanting them. A bond can be the most meaningful part of an omega’s life, but the bond can’t be everything.
“This is bullshit!” Rhys roars, his voice so thick with anger that he sounds more like Knox than himself.
I wince.
Percy takes a step forward as if to rush to comfort me, then catches himself. Freezing in place, instead. The sight of him second-guessing the urge to come to me is hard to swallow.
I might be tearing us apart for no reason, but this is the only decision I know how to make.
“This doesn’t mean I’m leaving forever,” I clarify. “Consider this a temporary thing so that I can get my bearings again and assess things with the three of you more logically.”
Knox grunts a sound of disgust.
Percy shakes his head. “You’re a romance writer, Belle. You know as well as anyone that successful relationships are as much about feelings as they are about logic. Is leaving what you really want?”
There’s a pregnant pause. I can practically feel them holding their breath, waiting for my answer.
“For now, yes,” I answer honestly, even though the words feel like a gut punch, and I’ve delivered the blow to myself.
“You want to leave us?” Knox grinds out, raising his head to level me with a hurt expression. “After we shared some of the most special days of our lives together, you want to leave us? ”
“This isn’t like that,” I protest.
I’m not leaving, leaving. Just taking a breather.
“You can’t leave us, Snow Bunny.” The anger dissipates, and Rhys’s voice cracks. “We’re crazy sorry about lying to you.”
“Crazy sorry,” Percy echoes while Knox agrees, “So fucking sorry.”
My resolve is weakening. Denying them feels so painful when deep down I do ultimately want to stay. But if I stay right now instead of taking space to forgive them and be sure of my choice, will I live to regret being swayed?
I don’t want to take that risk. Ultimately, that makes the decision for me.
“I have to, just for now.” I hold my arms out in a silent plea, desperate to draw them in for long hugs before Mia shows up. She drives like a practiced long-haul trucker, so she’s likely to make her way here from town in record time.
Begrudgingly, each man makes his way over to indulge my desire for hugs.
Percy goes first. He remains silent as he gives me a gentle, lingering squeeze. I’m grateful his hug doesn’t feel like a goodbye because it reassures me they’re going to allow me to return.
Because I am coming back here. Just by choice and with the truth, the next time.
Rhys goes second, practically squeezing the life out of me.
“Come back to us, Snow Bunny,” Rhys murmurs next to my ear before pulling away. He pauses to hold me by the arms and take a long look deep into my eyes, memorizing every fleck of color in mine. He stays like that until Knox nudges him out of the way.
Knox steps in front of me without immediately embracing me. For a second, I think he’s going to refuse to hug me, but then his arms snake around my waist and he yanks me in against his chest. He cups the back of my head with one hand, cradling me to him like he wants to curl around me and keep me there forever.
“I’m coming back, Knox,” I whisper into his bicep. “I promise .”
He grunts an acknowledgement and continues to cling to me. Several minutes must pass before he finally speaks, “Your nest will be here waiting for you.”
I know he’s trying to offer me a reassurance, but his words don’t make it easier to leave. They make it harder.
And I guess that makes sense because leaving home isn’t meant to be easy.
* * *
“So...” Mia clears her throat.
I knew riding in silent contemplation for the first half of the car ride was too good to be true.
“Can we talk about the situation at the bar now?” Mia drums her hands anxiously on the steering wheel. “Because there’s something I think you need to know.”
I hold my hand up, then remember her eyes are on the road. “I don’t have the emotional bandwidth for that right now, Mia. I just found my scent-matches, went through heat with them, and walked out on them all in one fell swoop. And to be honest, I don’t care about the thing with you and Jason. The only alphas I care about now are the ones I just walked away from.”
I’m already unsure how long I’ll be able to stay away, if I’m being honest with myself. I have the urge to beg Mia to turn around and drive me back up the mountain to them. Back where I feel like I belong. Aside from needing to pick up my laptop, I’m not sure what’s waiting for me back at my apartment.
The only thing keeping me in the passenger’s seat is knowing that I won’t be able to think with a clear head if I don’t take some space for myself now.
I want Knox, Rhys, and Percy. I want to keep them desperately. There’s no denying the attraction, and the joy I felt just spending time with them in their home. I think winding up back at the cabin is inevitable.
I just want to make sure I’m going into things with my eyes wide open now that my memories are fully intact again. Once I’ve processed everything that happened, then I’ll be able to forgive them for the lies that admittedly did help give us plenty of time to get closer.
My mantra is clear: I’m coming back.
My return is only a matter of grounding myself and figuring out logistics. I’ll stay in my apartment for a few weeks or maybe months, tops. Before I know it, I’ll be driving my repaired car–or a new one–back up the mountain to return to my men.
“Are you daydreaming over there?” Mia asks curiously, no hint of teasing in her voice.
“A little bit,” I admit.
“Well, I’ll stop trying to corner you into talking about the bar. A lot has happened for you since then. Do you want to talk about it? About them ?”
“Yes.” I let out a sigh of relief. I do want to talk about them. About every little detail I’ve learned about them and about how wonderful they all are. “But I’m not sure where to start.”
Mia tosses her hair with a laugh. “How about you start at the beginning?”